Title: System Crash
Part: 2/ 4 (I hope)
Pair: probably 1+2
Notes: more things from my deranged mind….sorry that I am dumping all this on the ML, what can I say…I suk….BTW, this is the PREQUEL…kina….

BTW, please comment and criticize, if you can!!!
Write to: sun_sunday@yahoo.com
all_in_leather@yahoo.com

OooOOOh, visit my page too!!!!

www.geocities.com/all_in_leather/gundamwing/

 

* * *

I hope you understand why I am forced to take your life in my hands,
I want you to know its nothing personal
Though we never met, I've seen your image in a million waking dreams
Your eyes they call to me, set me free.
~Voltaire (the Chosen)

* * *

System crash, part2
Sunday

 

I hold his memory now, like I did then….

 

So strange…still.

Ridiculous really… the normal energy that pools off of his slim figure is gone…draining into the depths of his soul, where it is being weaned away, destroyed. He shivers again…I once more lift my hand to his face…waiting for that last ragged exhale that will hark his end…call him back to himself.

Shinigami.

I frown.

His skin is cold…clammy…dead…and yet, and yet beneath it, there is a pulse…that faint mockery that is keeping me from simply burying him, as I tend to do with my past…never the less…it is there…his last joke. His body's last grasp at the mask upon which he always carries…even like this, his face is molded into a small smile…even though he must be pained. I wonder how he manages to guard himself even now…even in this pain…even when asleep.

I don't think that even I am that strong. After ALL, he is stronger…he manages to laugh when he really wants to cry, he manages to sacrifice his happiness so others can laugh. He has a mask that no one tries to disassemble because they do not realize that it is a mask.

With me it is obvious. A human being cannot be emotionless, after all, it is our emotions that allow us to make rational decisions, that allow us to learn, and to file our experiences. I wonder how he thinks…how he sees.

He twitches, his lips surrendering the smile…frowning. Funny, his mask is his emotions…his fake emotions, the ones that he decides to display to us…the ones he wants us to see.

He laughs when others laugh.

Or he laughs all the time for no apparent reason…then everyone else joins him, how could they not…and they forget… they forget that he had no reason to start…he just did it randomly. Spewing out prejudices as quickly as others can make them. I wonder if he is like me…my opposite…and deep inside his soul there is nothing. He is a machine beneath all those smiles…like I am all smiles beneath my machine.

I run a finger over the dark bruises…the cuts that refuse to heal…I idly wonder what they did to him…he wanted to die.

`I always knew I was destined to be killed by you.'

Tears in his already scarred skin…burns from torture over his sun burns…present marks layering over the past… both equally painful now…I wonder if these ones will fade away as less agonizing in time…compared to the injuries he has no doubt experienced.

"Q-quatre?" I cease stroking his cheek…his violet eyes wide open, seeing nothing…the pupils wide…almost obscuring the violet, which shines around the blackness like the sun during a solar eclipse.

"No. Heero."

"Aa…so we made it out alive."

"Hai...how much pain?"

I had asked him on our way out if he had been in pain…

"Aa." He sniffles, as if all of his injuries were only a cold…something insubstantial. "Heero…a wise man once told me…the worst injury is the one you don't feel."

He had told me that he did not feel the pain.

I nod…before realizing that he cannot see me. "Aa…so it is…can you feel any of your injuries?"

He smiles his crooked grin. "Sharp boy."

I nod…so he does not lie…probably not. I glance at the huge gash in his stomach…and various other puncture marks…what the hell did they do to him anyway? I smooth out the sweat soaked hair from his face. His face, white as the sheets upon which he lays.

"Yo, Heero? Y'know, I'll be alright."

"Aa…" I nod.

"Damn it is cold in here…how the hell can you stand sitting around here in that outfit…I'm surprised that I can't see my breath." I feel my mouth go dry.

"What outfit?"

`That damn tank top of yours." I nod…looking at the dying boy.

"Aa…well, the thermostat is broken…and I brought little else to wear." He nods, happy…I ignore the fact that I am still wearing the Oz uniform, and that the small cell of a hotel room was heated enough to cause me to sweat….the moist heat causing condensation on the various metal surfaces of the damned room…where the metal furniture frames offered a cold oasis.

"You are lying…it is alright…I was just trying to piss you off." I halt the urge to tell him that he had lied when he had said that he would be alright….I gaze upon his bluish lips. He grins as I lightly place my arms around him…trying to get more heat into his cold body. How is it possible for him to be so cold?

"H-heero…eh man…could you give me a hug or something…I'm freezing here." I bite my lip…fuck…he can't feel.

"Aa…."

I move a bit…so that the cloth rustles a bit.

"Thanks man."

"Duo…do you lie?" He looks at me…no, looks is the wrong word, his glassy eyes turn to the direction of the sound…

"pardon?"

"Do you lie?"

He thinks about this for a minute.. "No, I do not…I will be alright Heero…I just need to lay here for a long while longer…and then I will be alright. You will be too…" suddenly his voice loses the humanity which I had always associated with its timbre. "…and those Oz bastards that shot at you are going to die…Shinigami is a force to reckon with, when he gets pissed off." Suddenly he smiles…the previous cold dissipating, dissolving like ice in heat. He closes his eyes "…but first I'm gonna get some sleep…oh and Heero…you are a lot nicer then anyone gives you credit for." Before I have a chance to ask about it, his breathing becomes soft, and steady…and for the first time I realize that he had warmed in my arms, and his once faint pulse was beating strongly against my skin. I close my eyes suddenly aware of how uncharacteristically tiered I am…I shrug…before drifting into the familiar darkness.

 

I open my eyes…light is streaming through the frosted glass windows, outlining and accentuating every cold curve and pristine corner of the manipulated metal, forming furniture in the room. He is standing by the window, gazing out above where the frosting stops...I feel my breath catch. His previously grayish skin is once more creamy and holding a faint familiar blush…he turns, his chest still filled with gauges and cuts, most of them now covered by new wrappings…he holds his broken arm to his chest and smiles.

"It is good to see you awake…not that it is not good to see you asleep." He laughs, full and throaty.

"Wanna hear something funny Heero…? " He does not wait for me to answer….he probably believes that all of his questions are rhetorical, and I would be an idiot to answer anything that did not parallel with that which he thought. "…I thought we would be coming back to the safe house we were on before...y'know…the one where all of my stuff was. " He shrugs "…or at least get to Deathscythe…then at least I would be safer…you…you would be safer." He frowns, walking toward me and sitting on the edge of the bed…his eyes drilling into mine. Strange, I have only seen him so focused when he was on a mission...and even then, he did not act as if everything had been hanging in the balance. "…I have two weeks between treatments….Heero it has been twelve days since my last…and…"

"treatments?"

"You don't want to know…all I can say is…" he grins at me, the maniac grin that I am familiar with "….you should have killed me when you had the chance." * Had * the chance? What does he think he is? That I cannot take him out right now….what….I had said `what'…not `who'….I frown. It does not matter.

"How do you know how long?"

"Heero it does not matter…please…do one of two things…shoot me in the head now…preferably between the eyes…then burn my body…or help me either retrieve my stuff from Deathscythe or the damned apartment."

I nod lightly…looking at him…yesterday…wait….yesterday? I look at him again, he said six days…Deathscythe had been captured, a week later I found him…three days later I had brought him here…and now?… "How long were we asleep?"

"two days"

I nod…watching him…he can see…his skin has returned to normal, and any of the smaller cuts were gone…or at very least healing. But that is too fast…isn't it?

"See, I really need to get my medication before all of me heals up…and that is going to take …"

"What happens if you don't?"

"Then drop me in the nearest Oz base, and blow it up using the thermocannon…hopefully a few tons of concrete will keep me at bay." He starts laughing maniacally…and for the first time I see that he has tears running down his cheeks. "Trust me…please, I cannot do this by myself…and you seem to have a grounding force to you…one that keeps my from going totally insane."

I nod.

Which is why I now find myself in front of the remains of our old safe house….it had been burned to the ground, no doubt Quatre, Wufei or Trowa trying to remove any evidence of our existence. Duo looks upon the ruins with almost hopelessness in his eyes, the same one that he had as he watched Deathscythe blown up. He suddenly looks up at me…throwing me his gun.

"Just point and shoot Heero, I don't trust myself."

"What is the worst that can happen?"

"I can hurt people." He looks down at his feet

"lots of people…I don't know…maybe not…maybe there is nothing to this except my own fear…I've lived without the drugs before…but….it was different back then…I had nothing to protect except myself, and the rages had a regular output…I don't know."

"What are we treating?" I approach him, placing my hand on his shoulder…he looks up startled, before looking back down at his feet, smiling the whole time. A single smile…one that does not change fluctuate, rather becomes almost like one of the painted china dolls, that stare blankly at people through toy store windows. He shakes his head.

"Me, just me." With that he turns his back to me, walking towards the bike that we had `borrowed'… I shrug before climbing on the behind him.

 

I look at my physics problem, this one puzzling even me. I work on it a bit more.

…it has been a month, a month since Duo asked me to kill him…he is sitting on the bed reading a physics book, I almost had to threaten him with a gun to convince him.

"but Heeeeechan. I already know all this."

"No you do not." H looks at me exasperated.

"I do too…"

"Then why are you failing entrance level physics…I have seen monkeys get better marks by guessing."

He looks truly wounded "Yah…but that doesn't draw attention to me…have you thought about that Hee-chan…after all, no one cares about the loud mouth idiot, that fails his exams…cause, after all…that is VERY stereotypical. He pays no attention in class, so he gets low marks…YOU on the other hand, with your perfect physic, and amazing knowledge draw the attention of all the higher ups…they see a bright mind…a genius…they see a boy that has aged beyond his years. A cold, calculating boy…and suddenly…presto chango…he must be a soldier… but WAIT all OZ soldiers are out there fighting those despicable Gundam soldiers…oh oh…." Duo makes an over dramatized swoon, and proceeds to talk into an invisible telephone.

"Hello, Mr. Higher up…there is a Gundam pilot in the school…uhuh…oh sure he has a friend…the braided idiot…uhuh…no he is too damn stupid…he has the physic, but no soldier would have hair THAT impractical, that and he absolutely terrible at physics…how could ANYONE that has no grip on the most basic of kinematics POSSIBLY know all the trajectories etc that are required to pilot. " Duo raises a brow, as he flops back on the bed. His heart shaped face grinning back at me. This smile dynamic, radiating emotion I only pray is a reflection of his soul.

"Hn." I frown. He, of course, has a point…I return to my calculations, only to freeze…he just admitted that the idiot routine was a hoax. I lick my lips, which suddenly feel too dry. A hoax…but…I realize that he is standing behind me…his long fingers on my shoulders.

"Thirty five." He whispers, before picking up a jacket and walking out the door…

I watch him leave…thirty five? What is that supposed to mean?

I continue working on the problem…. 34.999 , or taken to four significant digits… 35.00 I shake my head.

Duo.

I stand to follow after him, only to have my actions interrupted by a beep from my laptop… I find a message waiting.

 

Danger. Call Q. Immediately.

 

"Quatre?"

"H-heero? Is Duo with you?" Does he sound frantic…maybe…there is something off, he seems almost panicked.

"Iie, should he be?"

"N-no, yes….I don't know….I recently got a message…I'm sending it now, make sure that Duo does not see it…" I feel my blood run cold….Duo not see a message…? he is part of this team. What could possibly be wrong enough for Duo to be unable to see such a thing. I frown. It could have something to do with his past…after all, from what I heard…bits and pieces that I put together from hacking G's computers, in search of Duo's illness (which I am still unable to figure out)…and some things that he mumbles in his sleep…it was hardly a pleasant one…who knows, maybe Quatre thought that he was protecting him.

"Hai. What is it?"

"A m-mission…mail the response as soon as you can….oh and Trowa and Wufei have already received it…I was ordered to send it to you personally. I frown. Before hanging up to check on my mail…sure enough a highly encrypted mission report comes in.

 

Pilot 02 is to be terminated. He is to be
shot once between the eyes, and once on his left
hip. His body is to be brought to the following
coordinates in two days. If something unusual
should occur to the body within the span of those
two days do not hesitate to remove a sample of
tissue and burn the rest. He is considered highly
dangerous, proceed with caution.

 

 

01,

02 is not to leave the premises under any
circumstances. Keep him stationed there using
any means necessary. We will arrive shortly.

04

 

I sat staring stupidly at the screen, until I heard the door being unlocked…slowly I reached over and unplugged the computer…the message still there, highly encrypted…in such a way that only I would truly be able to open it…

"Hey Hee- chan, don tell me you were working on homework the whole day. He is grinning at me, his braid clutched in his right hand…ample opportunity….to….to kill my best friend?

"Duo what happens if you don't get your medication" He looks at me…blinking his large eyes in confusion.

"Nani?"

"False innocence has yet to suite you."

He shrugs before grinning at me like a maniac "Nothing I guess…I mean, Doc always told me I would become Mr. Hyde, but I dunno, has yet to happen, know what I mean?"

"Hai." I don't really, but right now I am trying to understand what he had done…they never give reasons, they never tell me why. I just have to do it…right? "We should get some sleep."

"Oh is there a mission?"

"I will tell you in the morning."

He looks confused, before dropping his gun on the dressed and proceeding to get changed.

"Duo, lets talk…"He looks at me funny, before shrugging and sitting cross legged on my bed…shirtless…he is unbraiding his hair…he drops his cross on my bedside table.

"It turns into the mother of all dread locks if I don't brush it constantly." I nod…cold, unfeeling…distant…he is dead. He looks at me, worried…then he smiles that sad smile of his. "Heero have you ever heard of Scilla and Charybdus?"

"Hai…both were mythical monsters written into the Odysseus…an ancient…"

"Yah…a rock and a hard place…they were something else y'know…?"

I look at him again, sadness radiating from behind the grin, I wonder if he was like that on L2….L2….that place was a damn rat hole, and the largest congregation of diseases in this universe…Scylla and Charybdus.

"The cyberviruses." He looks up and nods, grinning….

The door to the room opens in a rush and Quatre walks in, he scouts, aims, and fires…I stare as the bullet cleanly enters Duo's forehead. He looks confused.. Blood slowly dripping from the forehead down his nose, against t he skin that always carried the blush which even in life was too pale. He is dead…isn't he?

Like hell's fury, Duo whips around, knocking Quatre to the ground…before simply slamming the door shut, to prevent Wufei and Trowa from entering…he turns to stare at me, Quatre's gun in his hands. I swallow…I wonder if Quatre is still alive. I wonder if I will be. I wonder if Duo is.

His violet eyes stare intently at me…

Suddenly, he lets out a whine that sounds like something from a scared wounded animal, before dropping the gun and jumping out of the window. Disappearing into the darkness, for five years. Until today.

 

My had tightens around the cross.