4-13-2001

Title: Random babbling sap, for Niki.
Part: 2
Pairings: 1+2+1
Notes: waittaminute…what is this, says you. I don’t remember this…says you…and you would be right, because the first part of this fic was written sometime in November. This part was written two months ago….finally I have moved my lazy ass and decided to post it…power to me. Anyway, this is a fic that is specially designed for the maximum weirdness of Niki…who I did not get a chance to speak with yesterday (for shame…I’m such a dolt when it comes to ICQ). This is part two…enjoy…or don’t…it is up 2 u.
Warnings: Random babbling sap.
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All_in_leather@yahoo.com

 

Random babbling sap, for Niki
Part 2

 

Duo walked into the room, and proceeded to have a shivering fit. It appeared that the room was moist…and this wasn’t a ‘slight’ moist...not even a ‘very’ moist…the room was cold and superbly moist…like dead fish, or how one expects a snake to feel.

And speaking of snakes.

Heero yelped, and jumped onto the bed when confronted with one. This snake against all stereotypes of snakes was not moist and cold, rather it was dry and warm.

“Hey Heero, look, a snake.” Duo said, pushing the reptile into Heero’s face. Heero’s complexion whitened considerably, although to his credit, he held his ground as he pointed a magnum 357six at the reptiles head.

“Ano…Heero…is there a reason that you are trying to kill my snake?” asked the perfectly calm Duo, as he took the reptile and snuggled it to his chest much like one would snuggle a teddy bear. Heero began to hyperventilate. Duo. HIS. Duo…well not ‘his’ Duo, because he never even had a chance to touch the boy, with the exception of a couple of ‘accidental’ touches on the way through the hallways…but never the less his ‘would be his’ Duo was cuddling…a snake. The very spawn of the devil himself.

‘Of course...’ Heero mused, remembering J’s various lectures on religions, ‘the snake was the devil himself’ and here poor, christian/catholic/-some religion with a cross-ic Duo was hugging…well…Lucifer. Heero was so wound up in these thoughts that he almost missed Duo’s statement.

“…which is why I am going to sleep with it in my bed.’ Duo finished off the sentence with a victory sign and a wink.

“n-nani!!!???” Heero nearly choked.

“I’m going to sleep with it in my bed…cause unlike the room, this snake is neither cold nor moist. Yuppers, this is one dry, warm snake.”

Heero’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times but no words came out, although he did manage a muddle of various grunts and squeaks of assorted tones and pitches. He realized what he would have to do now.

He would have to kill himself.

This thought was soon trashed, and Heero cursed J and his stupid mind washing, he further cursed the fact that ‘killing himself’ had become the default program within his head, so anything from a dust bunny, to a bad SAT score, to all out war, could kill him.

Currently this snake was to be his undoing.

But of course, how could he have forgotten. He too was dry and warm…so why wouldn’t Duo sleep with him!!’ he nearly called out. Nearly, but not quite, namely because that would be the end of the fanfiction right there. And I figure, why stop the inevitable now, when one could stop the inevitable later, a couple of pages later to be precise.

Thus Heero merely gaped in horror, at the long slithery thing which had now wrapped itself around Duo’s neck.

As for the snake? The snake was in snake heaven, the boy had a body temperature of a sun baked rock, he had all this hair to hide in, and he looked to be well fed. Thus, according to ‘pet’ logic… which is readily available to all pets and would be pets, the snake inferred that it too would be well fed. Never the less it kept one wary eye on the other boy, the one that had the large gun to its face…there was something suspiciously wrong with that one. But all the negatives aside, Duo was proving to be an excellent companion, as he, like the snake was warm and dry…even the snake was bothered by the general atmosphere of the room.

Thus it came to be that Duo would walk around school with the snake draped over him like a boa…not that the snake was a boa…or rather, it WAS a boa, but not in the type of boa… that was a constrictor and would constrict the air running in and out of Duo’s mouth…nope, this snake was of a very harmless verity and hung around the boys neck much like a boa…a material boa…as in not the snake like boa but rather like one of the boas that ladies wear to parties. Not that Duo was a lady of course, rather he had a snake around his neck…we’ll leave at that.

Unfortunately, the whole snake situation had become an issue with Heero, you see…just like every story needs an obstacle, in order for there to be some sort of climax…seeing how this is a romance, you can take the climax however you want to take the climax. Never the less, the snake was an obstacle, a big…well long…f’in obstacle, in fact, Heero had named the thing obstacle, and now had to find a way to eliminate Obstacle, which currently hung around Duo’s neck…like a boa…not to be mixed up with a constri-…errr….

Thus Heero proceeded to make up a plan. Heero thought long and hard, and… decided that he was going to kill himself.

***
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