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[ Disclaimer: All rights and privileges to Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing are trademarks and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. ]

A GW fan fic: If It Wasn't For The Nights

By Stargem

Author's Notes: This songfic just popped into my head while I was listening to the songs by Abba and demanded to be written at once ^_^ It's too bad the group broke up. Their songs were really great.

Proceed only if you can take angst… Lots of it.

This fic is dedicated to kumiko for no other reason than because she is such a wonderful person =) Hope you like!

Thanks to Reishin for proofing =)

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I got appointments, work I have to do
Keeping me so busy all the day through
They're the things that keep me from thinking of you
(ohhh) Baby, I miss you so, I know I'm never gonna make it

[ Heero's expressionless reflection on the computer screen. Meaningless lines of text scroll by in luminous green, illuminating his face. The quiet clicking of fingers on the keyboard is the only sound in the vacuum of silence. Outside, the pale, silver moon has risen, surrounded by glittering, cold stars. Slowly, almost reluctantly, Heero's eyes drift towards the small, neatly made bed in the corner. The white sheets are neat and precisely folded. The mattress is unmarked; blankets folded and pillow untouched. The orderliness is wrong, out of place. Where is the bright countenance of his chestnut-haired angel? The vivid violet eyes that held such warmth; the first real affection that had touched a place within that he had thought was long gone. What had once chased away the darkness in his soul and filled up a lack he had not been able to recognize was no more.

Duo crooking a finger with a 'come hither' look and a seductive smile, entangled in the bedsheets and the endless waterfall of his own chestnut-gold silk.

A breath of air moves the curtains, and faint laughter is heard. For a moment, a terrible, raw grief shines in Heero's cobalt blue eyes and deep regret swallows the impassive mask. ]

Somehow I'd be doing alright if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could make it)
How I fear the time when shadows start to fall

[ Heero leaning against the wall, sitting on the bed with a small picture frame gripped tightly in his hands. It is of him and Duo, the latter winking at the camera while slinging possessive arms around his neck to pull him in close. Callused fingers explore the cool surface of the protective plastic, tracing the wide grin, the smooth curve of the cheek. Heero tightens his grip until the frame bites deep into his hands, small drops of blood falling. ]

Sitting here alone and staring at the wall
Even I could see a light if it wasn't for the nights
(Even I could see a light I think that I could make it)
Somehow I'd be doing alright if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)

[ View of Heero through the window, searching the skies. Switch to Heero's point of view. The cold, distant stars are so unlike the warm radiance that used to be at his side. A guiding light that would wash away the red that stained his hands, beckoning to a glowing future of peace.

Duo, holding his hand out with a soft, genuine smile, outlined in blazing white-gold sunlight.

Why? Why did you leave me?

A lone tear splashes down. ]

 

No one to turn to, you know how it is
I was not prepared for something like this
Now I see them clearly, the things that I miss
(ohhh) Baby, I feel so bad, I know I'm never gonna make it
I got my business to help me through the day
People I must write to, bills I must pay
But everything's so different when night's on its way
It's bad, oh, so bad

[ Relena, looking as though someone had slapped her in the face. Heero walks away, immovable as she calls for him to come back.

Heero, closed off and not responding as a sympathetic Quatre tries to talk him out of his misery. Trowa and Wufei appear behind them. Finally, even the Arabian pilot has to give up, walking back to Trowa with his head bowed. Heero tries desperately to numb the internal ache as the intimate whispers of the other couple remind him painfully of his own loss.

In his mind, images and memories of Duo parade by. Duo grinning, laughing, chattering animatedly, beckoning seductively from the tangled bedsheets, yelling, cuddling up with him at night…

Heero's eyes reflected on glass, haunted by visions of violet-blue eyes and a wide grin. ]

 

Somehow I'd be doing alright if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could make it)
I'd have courage left to fight if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)
How I fear the time when shadows start to fall
Sitting here alone and staring at the wall
Even I could see a light if it wasn't for the nights
(Even I could see a light I think that I could make it)

[ Lengthening shadows slide up the walls, eventually reaching the huddled figure of Heero, arms clasped around his knees and staring blankly into thin air. Broken, limp feathers swirl downwards aimlessly to rest on the ripped remains of a pillowcase and blankets. The light of morning is far away. Heero closes his eyes. ]

 

If it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)
if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could make it)

[ Repeat of the first scene; Heero's reflection on the computer screen. ]

 

Even I could see a light if it wasn't for the nights
(Even I could see a light I think that I could make it)
Guess my future would look bright if it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)

[ Phantom Duo appears behind Heero and slides his arms around him. And for one beautiful moment, everything is all right. The cold is driven back, the yawning chasm in his heart is filled. Then he shakes off the feeling roughly. The warmth is an illusion; all there is are shadows.

He is alone. ]

 

If it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could make it)
If it wasn't for the nights
(If it wasn't for the nights I think that I could take it)

[ The ghost fades away.

Heero's eyes, cold and empty. ]

Even I could see a light if it wasn't for the nights
(Even I could see a light I think that I could make it)
Guess my future would look bright if it wasn't for the nights

[ Phantom Duo, gazing sadly through the window as Heero sleeps. Fade to black. ]

~Owari

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(©January 2000 by Stargem)

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stargem@silverink.cjb.net