7-17-2001

Author: Sky {infiniti121@hotmail.com}
Title: Slow descent into Hell
Warnings:shounen-ai, death fic, Relena anst, some P.O.V.....nuff said.
Pairings: 1x2/2x1, R+1
Feedback: Yes, Yes, Yes!!
disclaimer: I don't ownGW. Never did, never will. T.T;; ::sigh:: I got no

 

~*~

Do you know what hell is?
I know.
Hell is not waking up in the morning to find that you have a pimple at the tip of your nose.
Hell is not failing yourlatest AP Chemistry Exam.
Hell is not having to hear guys snore through your pacifist speeches.
Hell is watching the one person you love walk away with another.
Hell is helplessly watching him go, knowing that you will never able to have him.
Hell is the pain and realization that washes over you after, reminding you time after time that he will never love you.
Never.

~*~

Relena's face contorted into one of pure pain as she stood, half hidden in the doorway, her gift to Heero still clutched in her hands. The war was over and they could now all live in peace. She and Heero could live in peace. Together.

The first thing she had done was to go out and buy a present for Heero. Something that could express all her love for him.Selecting the perfect gift, she had ran towards Heero's apartment, tearing wildy through the crowd.

This was it. Finally Heero could confess to her his love and they would live happily ever after. She would be the princess and he her prince. Happily ever after.Too bad she realized only too late that therewere no such things as fairytales.

Oh, her beloved was there all right, but suddenly her plan backfired in her face.

The first problem was that Heero was not alone.

The second problem was that he was with Duo Maxwell, the worst of her enemies.

If the problems had stopped there, she would have lost no time in barging in. But Just as she was about to step through the doorway, Heero leaned down and kissed Duo, ever so gently, with more emotions in his eyes than she had ever seen before.

It would have been better to see them having wild sex.

She suddenly realized that it wasn't lust. It wasn't stress relieve. It was love. They were in love. She would never forget the look in Heero's eyes. Choking on her sobs, Relena violently turned and ran down the stairs.

~*~

The only thing true about what religion says about Hell is that it hurts.
No, it's not fire on your skin, scalding hot water in your face.
It's hundreds of knives, piercing your soul.
Hundreds of spears jammed into your heart.
It's wanting to be skinned alive than being hurt like that again.

~*~

When Relena finally stumbled onto the ground, the sky was dark and the artificial moon was looming over her. Her lungs were threatening to burst and she hungrily sucked in gulps of air. Glancing down at her hands, she saw that she still clutched the smallbox with Heero's name written carefully on the top. She huddled for a few minutes, then reality and pain crashed all around her.

//Oh my god..//

She choked. Heero Yuy, the object of her desires, the most perfect and beautiful being in the whole universe, was in love with Duo Maxwell.

Heero Yuy is in love with Duo Maxwell.

The words were pounded mercilessly into her head, over and over again.

Heero Yuy is in love with Duo Maxwell.

She finally collapsed, sobbing.

~*~

I want out.
I want to run.
I want to hide.
I want to scream.
I want to pull my hair out.
Anywhere but here.
Anyone but Heero.
Please.

~*~

When Relena finally collected her self control, it was already deep into the night. The darkness washed over her, hiding her. Looking around, she found herself in a park. She recognized it. It was the one she had found Heero and Duo in, not so long ago.

They were sitting on a bench, laughing. Immediately latching onto his arm, she noticed that he was wearing a thin gold ring. Too bad she had been too busy gushing over him that she hadn't noticed that Duo was wearing one too.

She had been stupid, going after Heero like that. She should have just been satisfied with loving Heero without him loving her back. She would have wanted more, but she would have been happy. Instead she had to follow him everywhere, holding onto him whenever she could. Because of that she had found out that Heero loved Duo.

~*~

I don't think there is away to stop the hurting.
It just...stays with you.
Haunting you.
Hurting you.
Killing you inside.

~*~

Relena stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself. The walk home had been tiring, dirty, and painful. She stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection.

What WAS it about Duo that Heero liked so much? Duo was...he was nothing. An orphan from L2. Just another tramp off the street.

She looked at her blue eyes. Duo had violet eyes. For a split second she imagined herself with violet eyes. No. It wasn't it. Maybe...maybe it was his hair. She assessed her waist length golden hair before gently braiding it. It hung down to her midriff. Suddenly overtaken by anger, she released the braid and threw the hair brush into the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces.

Just like her heart.

It was unfair. What did Duo have that she didn't?! She had money, power, looks. She was capable of giving Heero the devotion, love, and life that he deserved.

Not Duo.

Her.

So why did Heero love Duo? Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe Heero just needed release. Stress relief. She sighed deeply. No. The look in Heero's eyes...it contained so much more than lust. He was gone. Forever. Duo and Relena had competed for Heero and Duo had claimed him first. Even though she was the one who saw him first. Even though she was the one he refused to kill. She picked up a broken piece of glass from the floor and positioned it over a trembling wrist.

~*~

A long time ago, I would day dream about getting into an accident of some kind. No, they were never for morbid reasons, but those times when I felt like I was losing him, I'd daydream about it. In my dreams, Heero would always come to rescue me. Then he'd hold me in his arms and whisper his love into my ear. Then I'd giggle and we'd live together. Happily ever after.

In hell, here are no happy endings.

There are no fairy tales.

Commiting suicide because of your one true love, knowing that he will not care.

That's what hell is.

~*~

~Owari

~*~