Disclaimers: I own nothing

Warning: My wall came down a little bit and this leaked out. It's got Trowa
in it probably ooc but right now it doesn't matter much to me. I'll probably
regret posting this when I get my wall back together. The song is by Melissa
Etheridge from her red album it's one of the most beautiful songs I've heard
she has a way of expressing emotion with her music that almost hurts. Anyway
this is a literaly a 4:15 fic that's about how long it took me to write it I
haven't read over it or anything so mistakes abound

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Trowa leaned heavily against the door to his room clutching the sides of his
head he slid down the door he could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes.
It was just a song...just a stupid american song that Duo liked. Yet he
couldn't shake it, the words the other pilot had translated in his drunken
stupor haunted him. The nearly mournful sound of the woman's voice overlaid
the words. Beating at his defenses mercilessly tearing at his walls. The
lyrics wandered through his minds endlessly. He'd thought getting away from
them getting away from that song would make it end...but there was no escape.
Closing his eyes he felt the pulse of the music reach him even through the
solid wooden door. And the words mournful and low came to him even then...

 

Everybody's got a hunger no matter where they are
Everybody clings to their own fear, everybody hides some scar...

By the Gods did he have scars. Some so deep even he couldn't bear to look at
them and not only the physical ones...it was the others that he'd covered
that he'd covered so carefully so very throughly that he thought he was safe
from them...but that song...that song...

Precious pain, empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains... precious pain...

He grit his teeth squeezing his hands tighter over his ears clenching his
teeth he willed it to go away...he willed the memories to leave him alone to
go back to the black corner he'd banished them too. Back where they couldn't
hurt him.

'Aren't you a pretty little thing...'

 

Everybody's got a reason to abandon their pain
How can I think of tomorrow with my sorrow in hand...

Sucking in deep breaths he tried to force the memories away. Damn Duo damn
them all! Why did he have to-

'Oh shutup boy I haven't even started yet!'

 

Precious pain, empty and cold ...but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains, precious pain...

Opening his eyes slowly Trowa closed them again as if the mere act of
blinking could make the unwanted emotions vanish...but they didn't.

'What are you doing? Hiding? You can't hide from me! You can never hide from
me boy! Where ever you go remember that I'll always be able to find you!
Always!'

 

Each road that I walk down reminds me of you
This whole town is haunted, there'll never be anything new....

" Trowa? Trowa? Open the door!"

Dragging breath into his body he leaned his head back against the door
pulling his knees closer to his chest he tightened his hands around his ears
ignoring the soft insistant voice coming from the other side.

NO he couldn't face him like this...he couldn't let him see him weak...he-

As if from far away he felt the door being pushed open and himself being
moved to the side...he didn't care...He didn't care when a hand landed on his
shoulder. He didn't care when that voice began whispering in his ear. He
didn't care when the hands tried to move him from his position.

He watched it all from faraway inside him...safe in a place where the
memories couldn't touch him...

' I can always find you boy no matter where you are or how well you hide.'

" Trowa..."

Precious pain, empty and cold but it keeps me alive
I gave it my soul so that I could survive
Keeping me safe in these chains, precious pain....

A mental slap snapped him back to himself as the song winded to an end inside
his mind. The woman's painful grasp on his mind loosened it's grip gradually,
as it loosened he could feel his control filling him again surrounding him
like an old friend. The anguish drained from his face slowly as the rubbing
hand on his shoulder began to register in his clouded mind.

Drawing his hands away slowly he turned dead eyes to the boy touching him.
Studying the drawn face before him behind his clear plastic wall he nodded
when the lips moved and unfolded slowly from his position on the floor.

The boy followed his actions a worried expression in his eyes.

Trowa didn't need it...he was fine now the song had stopped his wall was
back...stepping around the door calmly he walked back into the room straight
to the cd player. Popping it he took the cd out of the player and broke it
in half. Watching impassively as blood spilled from where a shard of the disk
had imbedded itself in his hand just for spite.

Precious pain indeed.