Disclaimers: I own nothing

Warning: Serious angst

The song is " Is Jesus your pal?" by GusGus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It'll be over soon, it'll all be over soon...It'll all be over soon, all the
pain, all the anger all the hatred. No more fake smiles no more teasing no
more kind words. Hell he didn't even notice me sneak out of bed this morning.

 

Is Jesus your pal?
Do you call out his name when your conscious is shivering
Do you need someone to
Just like those people who find peace in someone's promises

So many promises were made to me, just wait a little bit longer. I need more
time, just a little more time. Always just a little more time. Like a fool I
waited and waited giving all the time I didn't have and then some. I waited.
I waited for nothing. That's not his fault really, he just had nothing to
give me…now I'm waiting again. This time I will get what I want. Just a
little more time…The birds sing so pretty…I'll miss the birds.

 

You sure don't need my promises
So come and sit on my box
Enjoy the view of this water
Where my life boat is sinking

The sky is so lovely like this, the dark blue giving way to the more violent
red color of dawn…red just like the blood spilling down my hands. I can fill
it cooling on my fingers, that's going to leave a nasty stain on whoever
moves me. Oh well they'll get over it. They'll all get over it, it's not like
they'll care…if they care at all.

Lala lala lala

The sun is taking it's time this morning. I'd hoped that I'd get to see it
one last time, but I suppose I won't. It's getting hard to move my fingers
now they're so cold…just like everything else on my body will be soon.
Frozen in death. I wonder who will find me. Who'll pry the razor out of my
fingers. Maybe they'll have to break them to get it lose. Or maybe they'll
leave it there. Or maybe they won't even move me. Maybe they'll see me here
and laugh leaving my body to rot…Oh look the sun is coming...it's so
lovely…it's getting dim now. Soon.

If you open your eyes
Take a look at this mess
Could you fake your reflection child?

The pain is starting to get to me now, I can't let that happen, I want to be
smiling when I die…that'll make it easier for them. If they care at all that
is…It hurts…that's good though. It's good that it hurts, I need the pain it
makes it easier for me to wish for death. It makes it easier for me chose. If
I die the pain stops…if I live…no that's not an option now. I've come to
far, lost to much blood…soon. Still not soon enough…why does my body keep
fighting death? Why won't it give up?

 

If you reach out for more
You'll find nothing but sorrow
Because knowledge is hollow

I can't hear the birds anymore…they must have left me or I can't hear
anymore…no…I can still hear. What's that sound? Walking? No! They can't come
yet I'm not dead yet…Nobody is supposed to come…no one is supposed to see
me…they'll just try to…it's getting darker harder to breathe good. They
can't make me come back now…they can't reach me. He can't reach me anymore…

 

And pride is hard to swallow

The sun is going away…no it's not going away it just got here I'm going away
from it. Yes I'm going away…there's that pain again…those footsteps…they're
getting closer. Running? No they can't be running…why would they run? They
can't do anything for me.

So come and sit on my box
Enjoy the view of this water
Where my lifeboat is sinking

Shouting.
Shouting.
Shouting
Why is he yelling? I wish he'd stop I'm trying to die here. The sun is gone.
No it's not gone it's his head blocking it. Him! Why'd it have to be-his
eyes…his face. He looks so angry, why would he be angry? He's speaking to me,
what's he saying? I can't hear him…He's…he's crying. Well then…I've finally
gotten a reaction out of him. Amazing…and I had to do was kill myself.

Lala lala la la…
Lala la lala la…la

 

Where'd he go? I can't see him anymore! I can't see anything…everything is
so dark…Oh he's still here, I can feel him touching my arm. I can hear his
voice now…

" Don't leave me…please don't leave me…"

Why couldn't they see sooner?

Why couldn't he see?

Heero woke with a start groping across the bed beside him finding nothing but
empty sheets...

Lala la lala lala la la da la na na na na…