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Gundam Wing Merchandise
We Would *Really* Like to See

Gundam Wing Sillyness
by Cresent Star and Kaoru

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to blah, blah, blah and all that legal crap.

Kaoru: You wanna get our butts sued off?! Put in a decent disclaimer, will you?

Cresent: Hmph. Jerk.

*Standard* Disclaimer: The characters appearing in the following text belong to Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Bandai. Please don't sue, we don't got no money!

Cresent: There, happy now?

Kaoru: (makes relieved sounding noises)

A little note: This was originally posted on the YSML Fanfic Mirror sometime in July 1999. We (the authors, though Cresent gets the bulk of the credit) thought it might be a nice way to get everyone started on their Christmas wish lists. Hey, we can dream, can't we?

Have any of you ever wandered into a department store, gone to the toy section to look for Gundam W toys but all you found were plastic models instead of what you really wanted? What you really wanted, meaning toys of the Gundam *boys*. The plastic put-it-together-yourself models are awesome looking, but let's face it -- the Gundams themselves don't do the talking. The pilots do! That's why we like them, ne?

Here we have compiled a small list of toys we'd like to see on the shelves of the toy department the next time we drop by...

1. A Jerk Me Off Heero Doll

(Comes in three different sizes! 1/5, 1/2 and full size! Play with him to your heart's content! And while you're at it, why not get....)

2. A Make Me Scream Duo Doll!

(It comes to you paired with the Jerk Me Off Heero Doll! In three sizes! 1/5, 1/2 and full size! Touch him in the right places and.... It's different for every doll! Get yours today as a companion to your Jerk Me Off Heero!)

3. A Make Me Laugh Trowa Doll

(Endless hours of frustrating fun! Try all the possible ways you can think of to make him laugh. His face stays the same all the time, just like the real thing! If you finally get fed up and want to see him laugh, we suggest you purchase a...)

4. My First Tea Party Quatre Doll

(o/~... My First Tea Party Quatre...o/~) Yes, it *is* possible to make your Trowa doll laugh! Get him the companion Tea Party Quatre and he'll be laughing away.... sort of. Every Tea Party Quatre comes with 40 bags of Darjeeling Himalaya tea!)

5. A Beat Me Up Wufei Doll

(Make his scars and bruises appear and disappear with hot and cold water! All woundsreturn to normal at room temperature. In the mean time, you can smack him with the hot water whip or the cold water boxing gloves!)

6. A Skewer Me Treize Doll

(Yes, who doesn't want to re-enact the final fight between Wufei and Treize Kushrenada? This patented doll has all you need if you buy the Beat Me Up Wufei Doll. Turn Treize into shishkebab as many times as you like!)

7. A Kill Me Please Relena Doll

(This is a very special doll, boys and girls! She comes unpainted, so you can do her up in all the garish colours you love! After you're done, you can even slice her to bits and watch the gore drip out of her carefully designed body! Gore refills are available at every department store!)

8. The Sun Goddess Quatre Doll

(A collectors' item for sure! Each Sun Goddess Quatre has a shimmering gold gown sewn to perfection. One helluva conversation piece too! Yours at only $299!)

9. Moon Goddess Trowa Doll

(Did you buy the Sun Goddess Quatre? Well you musn't miss out on this next doll! Yes, now, as a special companion to your Sun Goddess Quatre, you can own the Moon Goddess Trowa Doll as well! Another beauty clothed in an exquisite midnight blue velvet gown!)

10. Stylin' Fun Duo

(Look! Have you ever wanted to style a Gundam pilot's hair? Now you can with the Stylin' Fun Duo Doll! Cut, primp, curl, braid, your imagination is the limit! Hair refills are available at every department store!)

11. Ballroom Dancing Heero and Duo

(At the press of a button, Heero and Duo will dance a slow waltz around the room to the gentle notes of Just Communication and Rhythm Emotion.)

12. Heero Lunch Box

(It's plain, simple, and efficient! Has just enough space to keep seven days worth of rations and a handy dandy compartment that stores a self destruct device and three grenades!)

13. Duo Lunch Box

(It's black and imposing... yes! It's the Duo Maxwell Lunch Box! It comes complete with a scythe shaped can opener for special occasions!)

14. Trowa Lunch Box

(Er... just a box.)

15. Quatre Lunch Box

(It's sweet and pink with enough space to store a tea set that serves four and a heat thermos. Comes with twenty bags of Darjeeling Himalaya tea!)

16. Wufei Lunch Box

(Lacquered red, this lunch box is unlike any of the others! With a distinctly Oriental feel, it amazes you with three different compartments, chopsticks and tea cup!)

17. Happenin' Hair Zechs

(Aww... it's Zechs Merquise! Isn't it cool? Well, now you can even change its colour to suit the mood your in with hot and cold water! Style, restyle, re-dye! The fun never ends!)

Well, that's all I can think of for now. Of course, Bandai isn't going to be awfully happy about this...

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The source code of this page is copyright Cresent Star and Namikata Kaoru 1999. No unauthorized reproductions please!

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