Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing or any of its characters. Please do not sue me, I'm just a starving student!
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at writing Trowa in character.
So, any and all comments about that subject are doubly appreciated! (C&C
is ALWAYS welcome ^_^) As for Heero, you may think that he's a little OOC,
but I'm trying for the softer side of him that is evidenced in things like
his constant nightmares about the little girl and her dog, and the line
he says to Trowa about following your feelings. I think he's a lot more
in touch with himself than people realize, especially after he self-destructs
the first time.
Heero cursed inwardly as he fought to control Wing's erratic
flight. Near gale-force winds buffeted him from every direction, battering
the giant mech from side to side and threatening to send him off course.
Assuming, that was, he was still even ON course. The whiteout conditions rendered not only his visual screens but also his radar useless, leaving him flying by the seat of his spandex and the reading on his compass.
The radio crackled to life, and he strained to make out his fellow pilot's words through the static. ".landing.shelter." There was a brief flare to one side as the other Gundam fired its landing thrusters. Heero grimly followed suit.
"Ryoukai," he intoned over the comm, though he knew he wouldn't be heard. He set Wing down as close to the looming bulk of the other Gundam as he dared, not wanting to become separated in the blizzard.
Icy wind swept in to chill him as the cockpit opened, and he briefly reflected that spandex and a tank top was probably not the best clothing choice for the weather conditions. He stepped out, suppressing his shivers, and leapt to the ground.
He immediately found himself buried to the waist in freezing snow. Cursing, he fought his way through the drifts to the other Gundam.
"Trowa!" He called, raising his voice to be heard over the howling wind. A brief flash of movement led him to where the silent boy huddled in the scant shelter provided by HeavyArms' leg.
"The air intakes are being clogged by the snow," Trowa shouted, leaning close to Heero to make himself heard. "We'll suffocate if we stay in the Gundams."
"Aa." Heero had already noted the first signs of oxygen deprivation in himself some time earlier. "But we'll freeze to death if we don't."
"There should be a hunting cabin not far from here," Trowa said, pointing off to their left.
Heero nodded and started trudging through the snow, Trowa hard on his heels. The Japanese boy tried hard not to think about what would happen to them if Trowa was mistaken about the cabin's existence, or had misjudged their present location.
By the time two hours had passed, Heero estimated they had traveled roughly half a mile. Both pilots were frozen and exhausted, stumbling about in the snow and barely able to keep a straight course. Impossibly, it seemed as if the storm had gotten worse.
:We're not going to make it,: Heero realized numbly. Behind him, he heard Trowa trip and fall - and this time, he didn't get up again. Too frozen even to curse, Heero turned back.
Trowa measured his length in the snow, unmoving. His emerald eyes were open but blank, unseeing. Heero crouched over him, using his own lanky frame to shelter the other boy from the worst of the wind.
He shook Trowa, and the tall pilot blinked at him. "He.Heero? I'm cold." A wracking cough shook his slender body.
"You have to get up, Trowa," Heero urged, propping him into a sitting position. Trowa's lips were a dusky blue and he was no longer shivering - a bad sign, Heero knew.
"Can't feel my legs," Trowa gasped. "You have to leave me. Save yourself!"
Briefly, Heero considered it. Leaving him, Heero would have a better chance at making it to the shelter. The other boy was a hindrance at this point - detrimental to the mission.
"Follow your feelings." His own words came back to haunt him, and he knew his decision was already made.
Slinging Trowa's arm around his shoulder, he placed his other hand around the tall boy's waist and hauled him to his feet. Ignoring Trowa's faint protestations, he began trudging on through the snow.
Heero could feel the last of his body heat being leached steadily away, and he knew he was reaching the end of his reserves. Trowa's body occasionally shuddered against him with painful sounding coughs, and Heero knew they wouldn't last much longer.
Just when he thought his trembling legs couldn't possibly hold their double weight any longer a dark, bulky shape appeared out of the swirling snow before him. With the last of his rapidly fading strength, he surged across the last few feet to the shelter and burst through the door.
Dropping Trowa unceremoniously, he wrestled the door shut against the wind. Succeeding, he slumped to the floor next to the nearly unconscious boy.
He took in his surroundings with a weary eye. The cabin was fairly airtight, with one main room, a loft, a kitchen and what looked to be a bathroom. :Plenty of worse places we could have been stuck in.:
Another racking cough from Trowa sent him to his feet again. The cabin wasn't much warmer than the outside - though the wind was mercifully shut out - and he needed to get the other boy warmed up.
A thorough reconnaissance provided enough canned food to last them a week, three somewhat lumpy mattresses, an oil lamp with no oil, wood for a fire but nothing to start it with, and a single, moth-eaten blanket.
Heero dragged two of the mattresses down from the loft and piled them on the floor, then dragged Trowa over to lie on them. Brusquely, he began removing the other boy's soaked and freezing clothes.
Heero was dismayed by the blue tint to Trowa's skin. He stripped off his own tank top and began wiping the worst of the moisture from Trowa's body. That done, he briskly rubbed his limbs with the rough blanket, attempting to restore some circulation.
Trowa moaned beneath him, coughing again but not waking. When it became evident that the rub down would not be enough, Heero wrapped him in the blanket and began removing his own clothes. When he was reasonably dry, he slid in beneath the blanket and cradled the taller boy to his chest.
Trowa instinctively moved closer to the heat source, wrapping shaking arms around Heero and pillowing his head on his collarbone. Heero rubbed his back soothingly.
:Nani?: His fingers encountered old scars, burn marks from the feel of them. He frowned faintly. :I always thought his body would be perfect. such a shame, to mar that beauty.:
His eyes widened and he blushed slightly as he realized where his thoughts were going. Trowa's silent grace had captivated him since he first met the other pilot, but he normally didn't allow himself to think about the strong attraction between them.
Now, however, with Trowa curled into his body like a trusting child, all he could seem to think about was his feelings. :We must not allow ourselves to get involved. I know that - he knows that. It would distract us, endanger the mission, and possibly get one or both of us killed.:
Trowa raised his head slightly. "Heero?" His voice was even softer than normal, and speaking caused him to cough harshly again.
"Shh." Heero continued rubbing his back. "We're safe, we made it to the shelter. I'm trying to warm you up."
Trowa's green eyes were slightly unfocused, but met Heero's steadily. "Gomen nasai." There was a hint of shame in the normally unfathomable depths.
"Nani?" Heero was surprised.
"Gomen nasai. For failing you like that. I should have been stronger." The soft words held the slightest tone of self-recrimination.
Heero blinked. :He's apologizing because he couldn't keep up in the snow?: "Trowa, I'm genetically engineered, you know that. You couldn't possibly hope to meet my limits. So why are you apologizing?"
"I've always. admired you, Heero," Trowa lowered his head so he was resting on Heero's chest once more, his warm breath wafting gently across the flesh beneath him. Heero shivered. "You're the Perfect Soldier, after all. I wanted to be you."
"Naze?" Heero could not comprehend anyone wanting to be him. "Trowa. you don't want to be me. You're a good person as you are."
"Mmm," Trowa did not reply, only nuzzled deeper into Heero's embrace. "Warm," he murmured.
Heero tightened his arms. "Aa. That was the idea."
Trowa was silent for several minutes, except for the harsh coughs. Heero had begun to think he had fallen asleep, when the other boy abruptly spoke again. "Heero. do you have regrets? Bad memories?"
Heero blinked. This was more conversation out of Trowa than he'd had in most of the month they'd been together. "Aa," He answered roughly, the image of a little girl and her dog firmly in his mind. 'Are you lost, nii-chan?' "You know I do - you've seen my nightmares."
"As you've seen mine." Trowa curled his fists a little tighter.
Heero shifted to look down at the dark brown head. "What's brought this on?" he wondered aloud.
Trowa seemed to reflect on the question for some time. "When you were carrying me." he answered slowly, as if searching for exactly the right words, "I thought we weren't going to make it. I couldn't go any farther, and you were tiring quickly. You should have left me behind."
"Baka." Heero's voice was rough, but there was no other indication of his feelings.
Trowa smiled faintly. "You should have. but you didn't. And. I should have been upset. because I didn't want you to die because of me. But." He trailed off.
"But?" Heero prompted.
"But. I was happy. that I wouldn't die alone." He raised his head and gazed at Heero through heavy-lidded emerald eyes. "If I had to die - I wanted to be with you in my last moments. Heero, I lo."
"Don't say it!" Heero's voice was harsher than he'd intended, and he saw the hurt in the other's eyes. Desperately, he tried to steady himself. "Trowa, don't say it. You know why we can't say things like that."
The hurt was replaced by sadness. "Because of the war. Yes, I know. But.." He was cut off once more by the wracking cough. When its grip had eased, he was silent. Heero hugged him tightly, feeling tears well in his eyes. For once, he did not fight them, letting them slid over his cheekbones in cold, wet trails. "I know. I know. But, we can't. We musn't - or we might just speed that death."
One tear made it's way down his chin, and fell to his chest, splashing Trowa's face with its salty wetness. The taller boy looked up at him in shock.
"Heero? Heero, you're crying!"
"Aa." His throat was too closed to say any more, but he tightened his hold on his best friend.
"You. you. oh, Heero." Trowa brushed the tears from his cheeks with a gentle thumb, then leaned in and kissed the remaining wetness away. Heero arched into the caress, achingly lonely for human touch.
Trowa brought his lips down on Heero's gently, giving him time to back out. Though the rational part of his mind screamed for him to do so, to pull away before it was too late, he forcefully ignored it and allowed himself to enjoy the forbidden moment.
"Yo te amo," Trowa murmured as he pulled back slightly, eyes and face more gentle and expressive than Heero had ever seen it. Though the Wing pilot spoke not a word of the several European languages Trowa knew, he understood the phrase from his tone. Heero could not bring himself to chastise the other boy for expressing his feelings in this way, instead wishing he himself knew a language Trowa did not so he could do the same.
He leaned up and initiated another kiss, promising himself that this would be the last. Brushing against Trowa's lips with his tongue, he sought and was granted access to the warm, wet depths. Hungrily, he forced himself to memorize every detail, storing up the memories for the cold, lonely time ahead; when they were forced once more to be soldiers, instead of young men.
Trowa submitted to him readily, his tongue only shyly tangling with Heero's. When Heero finally pulled back, both boys were breathing faster. Trowa turned his head to cough again, but quickly brought his eyes back to meet Heero's.
"Trowa." Heero brushed the boy's sopping wet bangs from his face with uncharacteristic gentleness, allowing both emerald eyes to be seen. Trowa leaned into the touch like one of the great cats he loved so much, rubbing the side of his face against Heero's callused palm.
Heero tugged him down for another kiss. :The last one. this will be the last one.:
Several kisses later, each deeper and more passionate than the last, Heero found himself leaning over Trowa, who was now flat on his back beneath him. The tall boy's face was as emotionless as ever, only a hint of desire in his eyes giving away his true feelings.
"We shouldn't do this." Heero gasped out, even as he stole another kiss.
"Aa." Trowa agreed, both with his words and his actions, arching up into Heero's touch.
"We shouldn't." But Heero was lost, drowning in a sea of emerald, unable and unwilling to free himself from desire's grasp. He trailed hot kisses down Trowa's neck, causing the other to gasp and tilt his head back to allow better access. "Tomorrow," Heero said roughly, "tomorrow, it never happened."
"Aa." Trowa's voice indicated his acceptance of the terms, terms they both knew they would never be able to obey.
:Just this one night. Let us have just this one moment!:
Abandoning himself, Heero bit at Trowa's collarbone, eliciting a gasp from his partner and raising a small welt. He licked at the wound in apology, then sucked deeply at the flesh around it, until it had turned a bright red.
Heero eyed his work with satisfaction, even as Trowa squirmed beneath him. The mark was low enough that Trowa's ever-present turtleneck would hide it, but it marked the silent boy as his, and his alone.
He let his fingers pluck at Trowa's stiff nipples, making Trowa jerk and moan. Lowering his head, he sucked gently at one peak, nibbling softly. He felt Trowa's hands bury themselves in his thick hair, tugging him closer.
His free hand wandered down Trowa's torso, feeling the harsh ridges of more scar tissue. The very edges of his fingers brushed the crinkled mat of hair between Trowa's legs, and the other pilot jumped and thrust his hips up. "Heero." Trowa's voice sounded rather choked.
Heero took Trowa's stiff erection into his fist and pumped, slowly. He desperately wanted to make this last, knowing it might be the only chance they ever had to be together, but the passion he'd been harbouring for the last month was demanding release. He had only a vague idea what he was doing - soldier training under Dr. J had NOT included the best ways to get your partner off - but he figured that what worked on him would probably work on Trowa. So he kept the rhythm steady, gradually increasing the speed.
Trowa was making little gasping pants that were driving Heero crazy, thrusting his hips up into his lover's hand. His fists were tightly clenched in the blanket, and his head was thrown back, and expression of purest pleasure on his normally stoic face.
"He.Heero!" he cried. "I. I can't. take." he bit his lip and Heero could see he was trying to hold back, trying to prolong the experience as Heero had wanted to do.
"Trowa. god, I want you." Heero was panting himself, the excitement racing through his veins and setting his body on fire in a way he had never felt before.
"Take me." Trowa was nearly incoherent with pleasure, and Heero was certain he'd misheard the soft exclamation.
"Please," the other begged, wide eyes glittering with passion. "Heero, please."
"Aa." Unable to deny him anything in that moment, Heero levered himself over Trowa's body. "It will hurt."
"Please." the tiny whisper pierced Heero through the heart, and he positioned himself carefully.
"Brace yourself," he warned, then slowly began thrusting forward. Trowa bit his lip, in pain this time rather than pleasure, but gave no signal to stop. Heero pushed against the resistance from that tight ring of muscle, slowly working the head of his erection inside. Once that was done, the rest was much easier, and he slid forward until he was completely buried.
There he stopped, waiting for Trowa to adjust to the invasion. It was a battle to hold still, every instinct in him screaming for him to thrust, and thrust hard. Finally, Trowa's eyes opened and he nodded, fractionally, indicating his readiness.
Heero pulled out, then thrust in again slowly. Trowa lifted his hips to meet him, and gasped when Heero's tip hit a sweet place deep inside. Hands braced on either side of Trowa's shoulders, Heero lowered himself for a kiss, trapping Trowa's erection between their hard stomachs.
The thrusts became a little rougher, a little less controlled, as Heero began to give in to the pleasure coursing through him. With each deep thrust, he hit the place in Trowa's body which made the other cry out softly, seductively. The taller boy's erection was rubbed and caressed by both their bodies, until he writhed beneath Heero in utter abandon.
"AAHHH!!!" Trowa came with a shout, spilling his seed all over their stomachs. The clamping down of his inner muscles pulled Heero over the edge as well, and he spurted his seed deep into Trowa's welcoming body.
Heero collapsed, breathless, as the last spasm left his body. He wasn't entirely certain that he was still conscious, as the swirling lights before his eyes were highly out of place in reality.
His vision cleared, and he gazed at Trowa, who was looking back at him with a similar stunned expression. Heero nuzzled his face against the other's throat as he slowly pulled out, with a wet sucking sound that dismayed him.
He reached his fingers down to caress gently, noting Trowa's slight wince with a sinking heart. Sure enough, when he brought his fingers back up, they were coated with sticky red fluid.
"I hurt you," He murmured, berating himself.
Trowa shook his head. "Iie. It wasn't so bad. And. I wanted it."
Heero shifted so that he once more cradled Trowa in his arms, the other boy's head on his shoulder. He sighed, wishing he could say the words that burned in his heart, but knowing it was best for both of them if he didn't. "I wanted it too," was all he permitted himself.
They relaxed together for several moments, enjoying the warm afterglow of their passion. "At least your cough has finally stopped," Heero eventually commented.
"Aa." Trowa was back to his normal, silent self, lying quietly in his lover's arms.
Heero regretted the necessity, but knew that Trowa was right to distance himself, to put his masks back on. Reluctantly, Heero forced himself back into his normal efficient mindset.
"We've food enough to last out the blizzard. Then we'll dig the Gundams out, and continue the mission."
Heero allowed them to lapse back into silence, his thoughts drifting. Just as he slid into sleep, he felt warm fingers entwine themselves with his. "Je t'adore."
"Trowa." he murmured, his own fingers tangling in the soft hair. "When this war is done. we'll be together. Yaksoku yo." He rapidly slid into a sleep deeper than any he'd ever had before, comforted by the warmth of another human body curled lovingly against his.