This is me trying to get past writer's block on my essay. Follows up "Where Are You?" but is the other p.o.v.
Did you miss me this past week?
God knows I missed you. I thought that if I distanced myself a little, the need would lessen. They do say out of sight, out of mind.
But you never leave me, even when you're miles away.
My hand hovers over the telephone, wobbling uncertainly. Should I call you? I crave being able to hear your voice. Would it bother you that I've called? It's three a.m. You're probably asleep. I shouldn't disturb you.
I can't sleep. Why am I torturing myself like this? Why do I want to believe you'd be anything but annoyed with me for waking you up in the middle of the night?
I ought to have known better than to cut myself off from you like that. I shouldn't have tried it. You're a drug, ice that burns and freezes me, a sensation that I can't get my fill of. I know I'm not strong enough to hold myself back from you. I need you so much it hurts to be this empty without you.
My hand makes the decision for me, dials your number automatically, fingers moving certainly across the keypad. Is it sad that I don't have to tell them which buttons to press? They know your number better than I know my own.
My voice sounds breathless in my own ears as you, voice sleep-fuzzed but alert, answer the phone.
~Hey, want some cookies? I have some, freshbaked.
You must think you're dreaming, because you sound confused.
~What, don't you ever get the urge to bake at midnight?
You're so silent... You're probably getting ready to tell me off for bothering you. God, I'm an idiot sometimes.
~Come on, it'll be fun. You'll be up in a couple of hours anyway.
It *is* surreal... but I haven't been able to sleep for a week. Baking cookies at midnight was only the latest in a long string of nocturnal diversions.
~Sugoi! I'll be over in a few minutes... start brewing some coffee, and break out the milk.
You said yes, sounding hesitant and relieved, all at once. Miracles do still happen.
Maybe now at least I'll be able to sleep at night again.
Don't laugh. Rob made pies at midnight the other night, and brought me one.
Feedback is what I live for...