A piece of irredeemable fluff, designed solely in order to cheer the many people I know whose lives are currently taking a nose dive.
Mission: Suburbia (Top Ace, have I ever told you how much I love you for giving me this title?)
Yaoi, AU, OOC, nosy neighbors, and weird, even for me.
An explanation of a rather cryptic remark made at the end of Making Heero Laugh.
Previous parts under Lys ap Adin at http://www.geocities.com/fenris_wolf0
Timeline? M: S has no timeline! <cackle>
Not my bish. But feel free to tell me how to change that.
The Pudding Incident
It had all made sense at the time.
At least, that's what Heero swore later on. Usually after he'd had about three and a half shots of tequila and was feeling loquacious enough to defend himself against Duo's relentless desire to embarrass him at parties.
Privately, Heero wondered about Duo's eagerness to push all the limits by telling these kinds of stories, trying to figure out what perverse pleasure the braided man got out of it. Eventually he just chalked it up to a combination of factors: Duo's innate desire to always walk the fine line between danger and disaster, his desire to constantly refute the Perfect Soldier's inhumanity, and the fact that justice was *always* extracted later, usually in the form of handcuffs, leather, and generous amounts of honey.
In any case, Heero steadfastly maintained that there had been a perfectly logical rationale behind what Duo called the Pudding Incident... even if he couldn't quite recall what it was anymore...
It was the first shaky days after the final war, when the gundams were nothing more than twisted piles of modern art in museums devoted to remembering mistakes of the past that the future would not see them occurring again. Duo had slyly suggested that he and Heero cohabitate, couching the request in the form of a final mission--the mission of normalcy. Heero had accepted, not quite understanding why, but fully intent on making a success out of what was the most important mission ever.
Which was why he was standing in the kitchen, furiously scowling at the back of a small package. "Two cups of cold milk... one package of pudding mix... blend well for three minutes..." he read off the box.
It didn't sound too very complicated... Hell, he'd been piloting mobile suits since he was old enough to see out of the cockpit. Making a box of instant pudding for dessert surely couldn't be *that* difficult.
Heero retrieved a mixing bowl and a spoon, and meticulously poured two cups of cold mix into the bowl. Then he emptied the package of pudding mix into the milk and began stirring.
Two minutes later, he was frowning again. *It's... lumpy.* Pudding was *not* supposed to be lumpy. Or gritty, either... and his pudding was lumpy and gritty.
Heero stirred harder, trying to whip the lumps out of the pudding.
The damned things refused to whip.
*What I need... is more power.* Heero set the pudding aside, digging around beneath the counters for one of the *many* gadgets Duo had persuaded him was absolutely vital to a successful middle class suburban lifestyle. Heero hurriedly set up the blender and scraped the pudding into it, noticing that the pudding was thickening at an alarming rate. He slammed the plug into the wall and hit the power button.
Chocolate pudding exploded out of the (unlidded) blender, covering Heero and the immediate area with a thin layer of pudding.
Naturally, Duo chose just that moment to walk in. "Hi, Heero, I'm--what the hell happened to you?"
Glowering, Heero turned and stared at him, two cobalt eyes blazing in a mask of chocolate. "Ninmu shippai," he intoned.
Duo ventured into the kitchen, inspecting Heero. "Er... what was the mission?"
"The immediate mission: dessert. The ultimate mission: normal life," Heero muttered darkly.
Duo ran a finger through the mess on the counter and licked it clean thoughtfully. "Chocolate pudding?" Heero nodded. "Tastes pretty good."
Heero shook his head, frustrated. "I can't even make a simple dessert, Duo! This is impossible--"
His lover shushed him, placing one finger against Heero's lips. "Hush. This mission has a considerably wider margin for failure than you think, Heero. I promise... Covering yourself in chocolate pudding is *not* a mission failure." He smirked. "In fact... I think I consider that a very successful mission."
Heero's eyes widened.
Duo smirked, hooking a finger in the collar of Heero's shirt, leading him out of the kitchen. "Do let me help you clean up, Heero."
"But--the pot roast?"
"It can wait."
Betty was in the kitchen when Shirley, excitement filling her voice, called her upstairs. "Oooh! Betty, come here!"
"Eh? What is it?" Betty wandered into the upstairs bedroom, drying off her hands.
"You remember the two nice young men who just moved in last week?"
"Look." Shirley pointed.
Betty looked. "Oh... my..."
Shirley nodded silently. "I think our property value just skyrocketed..."