At long last, I have decided on what creeps our warrior of justice out...
This has a little Wufei torture...
Creatures of the Devil: Wufei
It was a more or less peaceful day in a more or less average safehouse. Duo would have preferred a more upscale residence, but a terrorist on the run had to take what he could get. At least this one was pretty much bug-free: Heero and Quatre had seen to that. Although the memory of Quatre going after the crickets and roaches with a can of Raid in one hand, a big shoe in the other, and a ZERO system glitter in his eyes was a rather scary one. Ultimately, though, he and Trowa had agreed that it was nice to have lovers so dedicated to maintaining a pest-free environment.
Wufei had just laughed loudly at them all, muttering briefly about weaknesses before settling into his room to do whatever it was he did in his spare time (Duo suspected he didn't really want to know too many of the details).
Considering Wufei, Duo frowned slightly. It really wasn't fair. There weren't any creepy-crawlies that made Wufei cringe. Not that he hadn't tried... Wufei had found, on several occasions, rubber snakes, rubber spiders, and assortments of other nasty things in his bed, in his gundam, waiting for him in his tea canister... The most extreme reaction Duo had ever seen was a grunt, eventually followed up by a counter-prank.
It was most disheartening.
~Doesn't he have any phobias?~ Duo thought woefully, finishing the construction of a messy sandwich and wandering out of the kitchen, leaving a crumb trail behind him.
Watching him go, a pair of beady eyes blinked, whiskers twitching in anticipation of the feast.
Entering the kitchen, Trowa frowned slightly. Had he just seen a mouse?
He shrugged to himself, noting that they'd have to do a better job of keeping food stored, and went about his business.
Duo paused, holding a handful of cookies. There, in the corner... that was a mouse. He held very still for a long moment, considering what to do next. Mice were not his most favored of roommates (that honor went to a certain laconic Japanese pilot), but...
~It looks so hungry...~
Furtively, Duo broke off part of a cookie and dropped it on the floor. "Oops," he said absently, wandering out of the kitchen again.
Behind him, he heard the skittering of tiny feet across linoleum.
Trowa shook his head, sweeping up the crumbs on the floor. ~I've got
have a talk to everyone else about their habits.~ He stared at tiny pair
of eyes watching him from a hole in the baseboard. "No buffet for you
Duo looked around secretively, before crouching and extending his hand, which was full of crumbs. "Come on," he whispered. "I won't hurt you, I promise."
The beady eyes stared back at him defiantly.
"Well, maybe not today." Duo left the crumbs and retreated, lingering in the door to watch.
Slowly, keeping a wary eye on Duo, the mouse (looking more and more well-fed every time Duo saw it) advanced to the crumbs.
Trowa stifled a groan. ~It gets fatter every time I see it.~ He considered the mouse for a moment, noting its self-satisfied appearance. ~Bolder, too.~
"Fine, you win. Just stay out of my animal crackers."
The mouse squeaked at him, and Trowa frowned. ~Is it laughing at me?~
"...and that, my friends, is why dragons have tails," Quatre finished.
Duo stared at Quatre. "Man, and you people tell me my jokes are weird." He shrugged. "Pass me a slice of the pizza."
Heero handed him the box.
"Maxwell, don't hog all the pepperoni," Wufei grumbled.
"There's plenty for everyone," Trowa said.
From the shadows, the mouse watched the proceedings. Its pet was in the kitchen, and it had food.
A set of whiskers twitched. Its pet wasn't alone... but, maybe if it was very sneaky, the mouse could get some food anyway. Besides, the stray pet wasn't too hostile, if one didn't count the way it always wasted perfectly good crumbs.
Decision made, the mouse began creeping toward its pet. Carefully... carefully... almost there... It could smell the waiting smorgasbord...
"KYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~! A mouse!" Wufei shrieked, blurring into motion as he scrambled to stand on his chair. "KILLITKILLITKILLIT!"
The mouse squeaked in terror, freezing as its pet yelped. "NO! Ack! Wufei, put the gun away! Wufei!"
Heero and Quatre, befuddled, stared at each other, Wufei, who was gesticulating wildly, and Duo, who was trying to catch a very fat, sleek mouse. "What the...?" Heero mouthed. Quatre shrugged.
"KILL IT, MAXWELL!" Wufei bellowed.
"NO! I haven't been feeding it just so you can kill it!" Duo yelled back, finally managing to scoop the rodent up.
"So you're the one who's been leaving the crumbs all over the place." Trowa crossed his arms. "Do you have any idea how many times I've swept this kitchen because of you?"
Wufei looked like he was ready to explode. "You've been feeding that monster? Maxwell, have you no honor?"
Quatre intervened. "Wufei, why didn't you say you were afraid of mice?"
Wufei howled with fury. "KISAMA~! I'm not afraid of mice!"
Heero snorted. "Then why don't you come down from that chair?"
"Not until that filthy vermin is removed from my presence. The rat needs to go too."
Duo chuckled evilly. "Wu-chan, he just wants to be your friend..." He thrust the mouse in Wufei's face. "Say hi to Uncle Wufei, Whiskers."
Wufei screeched, fell backward off the chair in his efforts to escape, and scrambled out the door with the remains of his dignity in smoking ruins.
Duo laughed wickedly.
Quatre shook his head mournfully. "Duo, I hate to tell you this, but you're going to hell."
"Yeah, but I'm going to have a good time along the way. Ne, Heero, you want a pet mouse, right?"
Heero blinked. "..."
"Great, I knew you'd agree! Now, let's just go find a cage for Whiskers..." Duo wandered away happily, muttering plans to his new pet.
His lover sighed. "Just as long as Wufei doesn't decide to get a pet snake to protect him from the rodent."
<blinks> Wow. I'm not sure where most of that came from.
I know, dear...