8-25-2000

Bob: <looks sheepish> Consider this an apology, minna... I can't promise I'll never do a deathfic again, but... maybe this will make up for what I did with the last songfic.
Warning stuff: Not mine. Don't sue. "Amazed" belongs to Lonestar. And the usual stuff, yaoi, AU, OOC... yadda yadda

And enough sap to make your teeth rot.

 

 

Amazed.....Lys ap Adin

//Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take//

My training... never prepared me for anything like this. I look into your eyes, and something inside me stirs that I've never felt before. I had thought I was emotionless, that all the feeling in me had been excised long ago... I was wrong.

I'm glad I was wrong, even though sometimes it's frightening how intensely you make me feel. The intensity of your indigo eyes threatens to drown me sometimes... and I still wonder what it is you could see in me to love.

 

//Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away//

I know you'll never be much of a talker... that's okay. I talk enough for the both of us, ne? At least that's what people tell me. You just tell me to shut up a lot, but I can tell it's more of a habit than anything else... our own private running joke.

But--the way you touch me tells me more than words would ever be able to say. Maybe no one else would be able to understand how much a simple touch can convey, but I know what you're saying when you allow yourself to lean against me, or when you grip my shoulder with a firm hand.

I love you too.

You love me... a staggering thought. At first I never would have believed that you'd be capable of forming a friendship with me. When I realized that I was feeling more than comraderie for you, I was certain I was destined for a very lonely, angst-filled ride. And then... the two of us made a mistake and tossed expectations out the window... and we began fumbling our way to a new understanding of each other.

I still can't believe how lucky the street rat from L2 got on this deal.

 

//I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams//

You're the only person I've ever opened up to completely, and you know more about me than any living person does. It frightens me that I could have ever let anyone this close, to have lowered my defenses so completely. Even I know how devastating being this entwined with another person can be.

The benefits far outweigh the risks, though. Being as close to you as I am, we understand each other... maybe not always perfectly, but enough to make it count. It's exhilarating to be able to share our thoughts and dreams... I've never been able to do that before.

Your thoughts and dreams are beautiful, did you know that?

 

//I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better//

How is it that you were able to bring yourself back from the emotional wasteland you lived in when I found you? With every day that passes, I can see you coming closer and closer to normal. Whatever normal is. For us, I suppose the definition is a little skewed.

Whatever it is, however you're doing it... it amazes me to see you renewing yourself day by day. And you wonder how I could possibly be in love with you?

Baka. Even I can't put it into words... I just know that I do, more and more every day.

 

//I wanna spend the rest of my life
with you at my side
Forever and ever//

There was a time in my life when I never expected to survive until my next birthday, whether because of my affinity for self-destructing or for the fact that I just didn't see any point outside of the war a soldier could live for. You were the one to first make me realize that even though we fought in a merciless bloody war, we could live separate from the war. You were the only one to poke and prod at me, forcing me to connect, however begrudgingly, with the rest of the world.

I can't remember the exact moment when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I figured out that I wanted to survive the war... so that I could be with you.

 

//Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you//

A arm thrown careless over a shoulder.

A curious glance.

An impish grin.

A terse, but affectionate, inquiry.

A soft chuckle.

"Just wanted to say I love you."

"Aa."

A gentle caress.

"Me too."

 

//The smell of you skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark//

There's something unique about you that I can't put my finger on... it's there in the way you smell--a little of metal, a little of sweat, a little of my shampoo--and in the way you taste, sweet and strong and soft... There's just something there I can't resist, that makes me want to stay wrapped up in your arms until the end of time. Most of all, there's the way we speak sometimes after we've made love... those completely unguarded moments are the best of all, when there's nothing but the two of us lying together in the dark, speaking with more than words.

I want what we have to last forever.

 

//Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart//

Unbound, your hair falls across our bodies, screening out the world with a curtain of silk. Did you know that I use your shampoo so that I can have a little bit of you with me no matter where I am? Probably you do... that's all right. I don't mind having you know me so well. It's reassuring.

I hope you're always with me to hold me safe in your arms.

 

//Oh, it feels like the first time
Every time
I wanna spend the whole night in you eyes//

A guy could get lost in your eyes... God knows I do often enough. There are entire universes that I plan on taking the rest of my life to explore the depths of in your blue eyes. Does that surprise you? It shouldn't... You fascinate me to no end. You're always changing, always learning, always rediscovering what you thought the training had destroyed in you. It's like falling in love with you again, and again, and again.

I don't know why you would ever worry about me becoming bored with being with you. I can promise you now that it will never happen.

 

//I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better//

How did you do it? How did you save me from myself? Before we met, I considered myself among the walking dead--just another weapon in a war that would only benefit other people, not myself.

There were so many times that I pushed you away.

I thought you were a threat to the mission. I was wrong.

I knew you were a disruption to my own ordered existence. I was right.

I'm glad.

Somehow you kept me from killing you at first, and slowly pulled down the walls I had built around me. You showed me that I still had emotions... that I was still human... that I could still love...

Thank you.

 

//I wanna spend the rest of my life
with you by my side
Forever and ever//

You know, the worst times in my life were the times you self-destructed or did something equally stupid and wasteful. It nearly drove me insane to know that you had thrown your life away--or tried to throw it away--like it had no value. I valued it. I think I must have loved you even then.

I know I didn't want to see another person I was close to cursed by my luck.

When, somewhere along the line, friendship changed to love, your reckless behavior made that much more of an impact on me. I can't tell you how glad I was when you finally stopped pulling stunts like that. I don't want to ever lose you.

There at the beginning, neither of us expected to live for very long--you didn't think you'd survive the war, and I just figured that eventually the real Shinigami would come along and finish the game for me. Life has a way of handing us these funny little surprises, doesn't it? We both made it through, more or less intact.

Who would've thought it?

And there we were, with our whole lives stretching out in front of us... What I told you then is still true.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

 

//Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you//

A closeness that words can't explain.

An intimacy that defies mere physical acts.

A reverence for each other that demonstrates connection on a level barely conscious.

Eyes that follow the other through the day, just for the sake of watching. Touches that are mere brushes of fingers against faces or hand or shoulder, but convey worlds of meaning.

 

//Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better//

I don't know how to explain it, nor do I think it should be explained. Why question a miracle?

I'm content just to love you, and be amazed by the fact that you love me back.

It's good enough for me just to wake up in your arms and know that I've found peace at last.

 

//I wanna spend the rest of my life
with you by my side
Forever and ever//

I can't put into words the way I feel when I look at you and see the smile on your face--the one that is reserved expressly for me alone. I'm not a reverent man, but it makes me thank whatever higher powers exist that I could have ever been allowed such a treasure.

I look forward to spending the rest of my life doing things to make you smile like that.

 

//Every little thing that you do//

Slipping out of bed early in the morning to fix breakfast in bed.

A trek through a rainstorm to buy chicken noodle soup for an ailing lover.

A gentle hug after a rough day.

 

//Oh, every little thing that you do//

Doing the dishes out of turn, just as a surprise.

Listening when the other truly needs to talk.

Enduring unpleasant social functions with a smile for the other's sake.

 

//Baby I'm amazed by you//

I love you.

 

 

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~~Owari~~

Well, I shudder to think of how long this has been sitting on my hard drive. <shrugs> Oh well. Consider this atonement for the deathfic. ^_~

C&C, please? Please?