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They always said I was sick. But they never knew HOW sick.

Self-Destructo Boy
(A filk, sung to the tune of "American Pie" by Don Mclean)
[I just realized that my version is actually a verse longer than the original "American Pie." Whoops.]

A long, long time ago
In 195 AC
The earth government was smoking crack
And I thought me and my Gundam
Could maybe talk Romfeller into
Giving my home colony some slack
But their reception didn't thrill me
>From the countless times they tried to kill me
I had no choice but to fight
Besides, my side was the right.
I took my Gundam to the sea
And I sunk a battleship or three
Saw a giant robot below me
That's where I found this boy...

Oh my, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

Did you know this teenage boy
Has skin of Gundanium alloy
He can't be destroyed, they say
Did you see Relena hit on him
While he played b-ball by the gym
Yeah, he's probably gonna cap her ass some day
At first to keep the girl from harm
I shot him in the leg and arm
Then he sunk my Gundam
And I just wanted to KILL him
But I saved him from the hospital
And we jumped through a blown out wall
Guess who decided to try free fall
Oh yes, it was that boy

I started singing
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

He came with me to hide away
So we could fix our Gundams for another day
And I saw him set his own leg
Dear god, that was frigging sick
Then he disabled my Gundam, that little prick
Before he left, laughing all the way
To say the least, I was unimpressed
I'm as smart as him and better dressed
I tracked him down no sweat
It wasn't over yet
Because we were on the same righteous side
Together we could fight and hide
And so began my wild ride
With Self-Destructo boy...

I was singin'
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

We went to school and worked some more
When Oz came knocking at our door
Heero's got some issues, man
And then we met up with some friends
Quatre and Trowa in their Gundams
And Wufei with his Nataku
We fought the good fight but in the end
We had to run to space again
Then got captured anyway
It just was not my day
'Cause I got beaten up on TV
My Gundam got blown up by "Three"
Then guess who showed up to kill me
The Self-Destructo boy...

I was singin'
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

Heero saved me from that place
While Quatre was playing "Lost in Space"
Then Heero got his ass in jail
He tried to kill our scientists
And I figured it was for the best
So I followed to finish up his job
Oh, and so I got captured again
'Cause the docs said that they'd fix my friend
Got tossed in Heero's cell
Wufei was there as well
That's when the latest bad news came
Quatre had built Wing and gone insane
I knew that Oz was to be blamed
Then they sent out our boy...

We were singin'
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

Wufei and I were in a mess
No air around, lungs in distress
What a boring way to die
Then Oz went and changed its mind
Their attack saved all of our behinds
And the Gundams flew once again
The other pilots had survived
Even though we thought Trowa had died
Another mess by Heero
'Cause Oz captured Wing Zero
We all got guinea pigged again
On the system that fries a pilot's brain
And it made Trowa go sane
Thanks Self-Destructo boy

We were singin'
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

Then the final battle came
And guess who saved the day again
Mr. Hotshot in his Gundam
We all fought and he got the girl
Though I don't think that he wanted her
But hey, that's the price of fame
Wufei's nemesis, Treize died
A couple of colonies got fried
But in the last, I'm still smilin'
UC had more pilots dyin'
Our spandex boy, he didn't stay
I guess Relena scared him away
But I know I'll find him some day
My Self-Destructo boy

We were singin'
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."
"Now I'll have to see that you die."

I was singin'
My, my here's this Japanese guy
Spandex wearing, in it carrying more guns than trashcans have flies
Heero Yuy, always with his laptop nearby
Sayin "Now I'll have to see that you die."