The Many Ways to Kill Relena

There are a LOT more than 50. Before I proceed I will say that this is, of course, Relena bashing because the people that came up with this are all anti-Relena. I'll say it right now: If you like Relena, you might not want to read this. If you plan on taking this seriously, you better not read this. This is our own attempt at humor, and not meant to be taken seriously in any way. If you don't like this, go ahead and flame me. See if I care. AHAHAHAHA!!!!! Watch out for Cthulhu. ;)

And now...Introducing...

Six Relena haters.
Five days of marathoning Gundam Wing.
Four cases of caffeinated, sugary pop.
Three braincells between the six of them.
Two failed attempts to drag their minds back into reality.
One list.

The Relena death list.


Episode 1

Heero could have shot the shuttle Relena was in; get it over with before it even starts!

Shuttle could have malfunctined and burned up on re-entry.

Relena is blinded by the flashing cameras and falls down the escalator. She gets sucked through the grate at the bottom.

Gets caught in the blast when Heero tries to blow himself up.

Heero regains consciousness, and, still groggy, mistakes Relena for Godzilla and strangles her with his bare hands.

Hit and killed by falling Doctor.

Heero doesn't have a driver's license. He could have lost control of the ambulance and run her over.

Heero stabs Relena in the eye with his pencil while taking notes at the school.
Heero: My hand slipped. Sorry.
Relena: Erk...
Heero: Can I have my pencil back now?


Episode 2

Sweetness and lighted to death by fanclub.

Falls down steps.

Her string of pearls gets caught on the banister and she strangles herself.

She's allergic to roses!

Fed up guests throw food at her...she's canaped to death.

Birthday candles light her hair on fire. FOOM!

The crane malfunctions and the missiles drop on Relena.

Duo could have missed Heero and hit Relena.

He also could have shot Heero THROUGH Relena.

Heero could have pulled the trigger before Duo shot him.

Relena, blinded by Duo's light, falls over the side of the ship.


Episode 3

The doctors recognize Relena as the nut she is and drag her off. Sure, it's not death, but it's good enough for me.

Relena throws herself out of the building after Heero. Lacking Heero's amazing Gundanium-alloy skin, she splats rather than bounces. Or maybe not. I'm not sure if she's human.


Episode 4

When Relena shrieks "Heero! Come kill me" (PLEASE) her voice causes a rockslide and the cliff crumbles beneath her, sending her plummeting to her doom.

The announcer gets annoyed with her, and, in the tradition of the Bakuretsu Hunters OVA, intervenes. Can you say, death from above?


Episode 5

Une gets annoyed and snaps her neck like a brittle twig.

She shuts her own head firmly in the door.

Lady Une's explosive compact could have gone off early.

Flying glass from the explosion hits her, severing her head.

Relena's window could have been faulty and shattered when she leaned on it, sending her plummeting to her death.

Stray bullet in the fire fight. Or lots of stray bullets. Swiss Cheese. Yes.

Getaway car could have crashed--she wasn't wearing her seatbelt!

Miscalculation in the tranquilizer dose.

There's an air bubble in the syringe, which gets injected into her, and she has an embolism and dies.

Gun misfires when she takes it from the terrorist type person.

When she's standing in front of the building when Dr J leaves, she gets hit by a freak falling cow.

Her airplane crashes.


Episode 6

Ripped apart by rabid paparazzi.

Heero shoots her. He had two chances!

Heero stabs her in the back while they dance.

One of her fanclub clotheslines her, crushing her windpipe.

Crossfire. Yes. Lots of crossfire.

Gundam Falls on her.

Heero has her in his target sights.

Heero doesn't save her from the falling debris.

Lady Une ignores Treize's abort order.

Heero steps on her.

He takes her up on her offer and kills her. She's asking for it, literally!

Her mother is actually Cthulhu. She sacrifices her daughter to an even darker power.

There is a freak accident and the electric gate shuts on her car, trapping and killing her.


Episode 7

Relena falls over the railing like those flowers...


Episode 9

Duo's evil personality takes over and when Relena shows up and he strangles her with his braid, just because "She gave me a crusty look."

The explosions causes the window to implode, shredding Relena with glass shards.


Episode 10

When she's talking to her friends at the school, a seagull drops a large fish on her head, killing her instantly.


Episode 11

Terrorists take over the airport a la Die Hard 2 and shoot her.

Bouncer is actually an assassin, and "bounces" her really hard.

She is smothered by horny old men at the dance.

There's a freak violin bow escape. Into Relena's head.

Gets shot by an Oz soldier that can actually AIM.


Noin accidentally shoots her instead of the soldiers.


Episode 15

Spontaneous combustion is a wonderful thing.

The letter to Heero is booby trapped (that wiley old Mrs. Noventa!) and self destructs when Relena opens it.


Episode 16

Zechs and Heero fight...one of them could have kills her! Hell, both of them can!
Zechs: Oops...my hand slipped.
Heero: Unfortunate coincidence. Mine did too.
Zechs: Darn.

Even if Zechs and Heero don't kill her, she falls out of the flipping plane!

The Aires could have shot the plane down.

Upon the revelation that Zechs is her brother, her head explodes.


Episode 29

Romfeller delegates get annoyed and shoot her.

Duo uses the power of Cthulhu to drive Relena insane and Relena takes herself out with a stapler.

Dorothy has the Joker's joy buzzer of death from the first Batman movie. She shakes hands with Relena and it's all over.


Episode 30

Relena, unable to take Dorothy's attitude, explodes in a cloud of caramelized sugar.

Relena and Dorothy have a cat fight. Dorothy would, of course, win.

Dorothy is like the anit-Relena; when they touch, there is a huge explosion, killing Relena (and unfortunately Dorothy as well)

Pargan, frustrated by his lousy paycheck and lack of vacation time, pushes Relena over the railing and to her death.

Heero has a thermonuclear device stashed in his spandex space. He gets off the plane and spots Relena...catch my drift?


Episode 31

Heero, unable to take the sweetness and light of the Sank Kingdom any longer explodes, taking Relena with him.

An errant breeze causes Relena's skirt to blow up, providing the world with a lovely view of her black vinyl panties and causing her to die of embarrassment.

Dorothy's brakes malfunction and she and Relena get hit by the falling plane or go off the bridge.

The mobile dolls actually manage to get some shots off before they are destroyed, blowing up the car.

Dorothy is behind Relena in that huge car. VROOM! Ba-bump!


Episode 33

When Relena is talking to Heero, he announces in a Darth Vader voice that he's actually her father. Unable to handle this, Relena throws herself in front of a moving vehicle.

Chandelier falls on her.

The mobile dolls have good aim for once. How hard is it to his a large, pink car that's moving in a straight line, for god's sake?


Episode 35

Relena is attacked by a passing flock of seagulls that saw "The Birds" one time too many.

She gets a splinter from her desk. It gets infected and she dies.

Relena leans back in her chair and it falls over. She hits the ground just right and dies on impact.


Episode 39

Heero finally takes his balls firmly in hand and shoots her from his vantage on the balcony.


Episode 41

Ceiling falls in on her.

When she walks in and sees Treize, she's so startled by the size of the wad in his pants that she has a heart attack.


Episode 42

Annoyed soldier throws Relena out airlock, where she explosively decompresses.

The Terminator shows up for her.


Episode 43

Gets so put out at Zechs that she has an aneurysm.

Shuttle is actually in path of the Libra's beam cannon.


Episode 44

Zechs, possessed by the spirit of Cthulhu, smothers his sister while hugging her.


Episode 45

Dorothy blows the compartment that Relena is in, sending her out into space.


Episode 46

Heero finds Relena. He has a gun. Come on, man!

Relena gets between Zechs' hologram and Heero. Heero still has a gun. He could shoot at the fake Zechs...the bullets would just happen to go through Relena.


Episode 47

Relena kills Heero

Relena sits down next to Heero, reaches over, and grabs his leg. He screams a girly scream and backfists her.


Episode 49

She reads Heero's note...
"Dear Relana--hate you, hate earth, taking Duo. Best regards, Heero."
...and dies of shock.



Relena's tea has the wrong dose. Thud.

Mariemeia's voice drive's Relena insane.

Ever seen Child's Play?

Helicopter crash...

Many opportunities for her to get shot...

Une doesn't manage to save her when the shelter collapses...

Once again, Heero's watching her form a balcony. Come on, be a man!