6-14-2001

--- In duoml <m.p.baker.fam@w...> wrote:
> OK, I just saw a dojinshi that had something to do with Heero getting Duo to take a pill.
>
> Ok, my challenge is this. write a story that involves someone trying to give Duo a pill.
>

^.^ *cough* I know this isn't quite what you were looking for, but I couldn't help myself. Yep, I need sleep.

* * * *

How to Pill a Gundam Pilot (Heero's method)

1. Back Duo into a corner, blocking him in with legs and holding in place with body weight. Position forefinger and thumb on corners of his mouth and apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in other hand. When he opens mouth, pop pill in and then hold mouth closed. Stroke throat with free hand to ensure that the pill is swallowed.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and Duo from overhead light. Repeat process.

3. Retrieve pill from behind couch and Duo from bathroom. Pick lock if possible, otherwise, break down door. Throw dirty pill away. Find ice pack for black eye.

4. Take new pill from bottle. Knock Duo over and sit on him, trapping arms under your legs. Force mouth open and push pill into back of mouth with right finger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten, threatening to smother him if he does not swallow pill.

5. Retrieve pill from book shelf and wonder how Duo managed to bend his legs far enough forward to land a kick on the back of your head. Call in Trowa.

6. Have Trowa wrap Duo in bear hug, trapping his arms to his sides. Ignore ferocious curses emitted by Duo. Force mouth open with fingers and drop pill down throat.

7. Retrieve pill from coffee table, make note to buy Trowa a new shirt. Also make note to clean up remains of now shredded magazines.

8. Cover Duo with blanket and have Trowa jump on him and hold him down. Dig around in blanket until Duo's face is visible. Put pill in end of straw, force Duo's mouth open, and attempt to blow pill in with straw.

9. After being given heimlich by Trowa, hope to god you aren't allergic to Duo's meds. Hope you are an exception to the "do not operate heavy machinary warning" found on bottle. Drink large glass of water to kill taste. Use paper towels to stop Trowa's nosebleed, find bottle of spot shot for getting blood out of carpet.

10. Retrieve Duo from under bed. Get another pill out of bottle. For change of angle, have Trowa wrestle Duo into an upside-down position. Attempt to insert pill into his mouth.

11. Get ice pack for other black eye. Hope dentist will be able to reinsert Trowa's front teeth without trouble.

12. Wedge Duo's head into space in stair railing. Attempt to pry mouth open.

13. Explain to police that the neighbors were mistaken when they called in a domestic disturbance, and no, no one has been murdered. Call repair shop and find out how much replacing stair railing will cost. Call doctor to find out when Trowa's last tetanus shot was.

14. Trap Duo under dining room table. Have Trowa hold shoulders will you attempt to tie Duo's legs in preparation for pill giving.

15. Find out what it feel like to be kicked in the crotch by someone wearing steel-toed combat boots. Curl up in fetal position and wish quietly for death.

 

How to Pill a Gundam Pilot (Wufei's method)

1. Remove pill from bottle, hide in cheeseburger.

Mission accomplished.