Yeah, yeah, I know it's kind of weird that I'm writing part one after part two (the seduction of Trowa) but that's just how it worked out ^^ Finally! It's done! WAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!

Warnings: Bad taste, bondage, yaoi, spontaneous combustion, whips, handcuffs, falling pastry, silliness, weirdness

Watch out for the grand finale, part 3 of the Full Gundam: The seduction of Wufei, or "Hot Stuff" coming as soon as I'm in an extremely weird mood again.

*wanders off in search of dinner*

Katsu no Miko
A Wufei no Seishi
Duo's Grand Inquisitor and Head Torturer
Keeper of Duo's Stake and Mallet?? Duo's Browning .40 Hi-Power III???
(Or maybe) Keeper of Duo's angst???? (future generations will decide)
AND: Keeper of Ad's Sanity! (*snicker* What sanity?)

"Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehen/kann man uns am Himmel sehen/
wir haben Angst und sind allein.../Gott weiss ich wil kein Engel sein..."


The Seduction of Duo *or* The Full Gundam: Part 1
(Silly vidfic using "You Can Leave Your Hat On" by Tom Jones)
[Note: I couldn't find the lyrics, so I typed them up while listening to the it is very possible that I got a few words wrong. You get the gist, though. ;) ]

Extreme OOC-ness, featuring:

Heero AS a sex starved nymphomaniacal bondage queen

Duo AS the guy that has no idea what the hell is going on, and isn't quite sure he likes it, whatever it is

Note: You know, it suddenly struck me that the way I do these, it sounds like I'm doing a play by play at a hockey game. But this is more fun. ;D

Steph, Ad, this is for you. I don't know if you'll want it, but it's for you guys. :D

[*intro music*]

It's night, in the innocent suburbs of a small city. Duo is slouching along, hands stuffed in his pockets, dressed all in black as always, his hat pulled down low over his eyes. He walks up the driveway toward one house, a small two bedroom affair with dandelions growing wild in the yard and the curtains seemingly permanently closed. He opens the door and walks in, leaving it open, intending to just grab a coat and head back out.


The door slams shut. Duo whips around to see Heero...

[*more intro music*]

{cut to Heero, camera starts at his feet, and slowly pans up to gain the full effect...} Heero is wearing...leather. A lot of it. He has thigh-high lace up bitch boots on, a leather teddy comprised of a myriad of straps running all over his body, which leave all the right bits nearly exposed, full arm black leather gloves, a spike-studded dog collar, and a hat similar to Chocolate Miss' (from Bakuretsu Hunters) perched on top of his wild hair. The effect is quite...uh...yeah.

[Baby, take off your coat
Real slow]

Duo is shocked. Very shocked. His mouth falls open and he just stands there, his coat dropping from his now limp fingers and hitting the carpet with a soft plop. All the color drains from his face, and there's a rather suspicious red tinge under his nose.

[Baby, take off your shoes
I'll help you take off your shoes]

Heero doesn't smirk...he kind of tries to smile seductively, and the effect is rather...scary. 0.0 Finally, he gives up and just smirks. He puts one hand behind his back for a moment and comes out with a coil of's a whip! He beckons to Duo with his other hand as he lets the whip go and it uncoils onto the floor.

[Baby, take off your dress
Yes, yes, yes]

Duo shakes his head frantically, as if trying to clear a bad dream from his vision. He rubs his eyes and looks at Heero. No, Heero's still there, and he's still smirking. Duo rubs his eyes again. Still no change. He slowly takes a step back. Then another, and another. Every time he takes a step back, Heero takes a step forward.

[You can leave your hat on]

Duo runs into the back of the couch. His eyes are as big as saucers as Heero continues to slowly advance...Duo's pressed back against the couch so hard that it's a wonder his back is still in on piece.

[You can leave your hat on]

Heero stops when he's only inches away from a very frantic, trapped-like-a-rat Duo. For a long moment, they stare at each other. Heero is still smirking, Duo is hyperventilating and looking like he's going to pass out.

[You can leave your hat on]

Heero leans forward until he's nearly nose to nose with Duo. He uses the handle of the whip to push Duo's chin up before he goes in for the kill and kisses him.

[You can leave you hat on
(ad infinitum...)]

Duo fall over the back of the couch in a tangle of arms, legs, and one long braid. He rolls off the couch, hits the coffee table, bounces off, hits the couch again, and ends up wedged firmly between the two pieces of furniture. He wiggles desperately out under the amused gaze of Bondage Heero™ and looks frantically around for an escape route. Heero's blocking the way to the door...turn around...WINDOW! He runs to the window, slams it open, and dives out toward freedom!

[Go over there
Turn on the light
Now, all the lights]

Heero takes a step forward, accompanied by the creak of leather, and flicks his wrist. The whip surges forward, going out the window...there's a loud, frantic yelp from the outside.

[Come back here
Stand on that chair
Oooh, baby, that's right]

Heero smirks even more and starts reeling the whip in. Duo is struggling as he is pulled back in through the window, the end of the whip wrapped firmly around his ankle. He claws frantically at the window frame, then the carpet as Heero continues to reel him in, leaving cute scrabbling Duo finger-mark trails behind him.

[Raise your arms in the air
Ooh, ooh, ooh, now shake 'em]

Heero bends over and grabs Duo's arms, picking him up and holding him suspended in the air. Duo is babbling incoherently as Heero pulls him closer...closer...closer...then...kisses him! Duo frantically tries to push a way for a moment, then slowly...stops...

[You give me reason to live]

Heero abruptly lets Duo go. Duo collapses into a little heap on the floor. He seems to be having a problem concentrating right now.

[You give me reason to live]

Heero nudges him over onto his stomach wit the toe of one bitch boot. Duo rolls over obediently, his mind still obviously elsewhere.

[You give me reason to live]

His eyes suddenly get VERY wide , however, when Heero plants a foot in the middle of his back, leans over, and handcuffs him. He looks up at Heero. Heero smirks at him.

[You can leave your hat on]

Heero pulls Duo to his feet once more, picking his whip back up with his other hand. He kisses Duo again, *very* forcefully. Duo goes limp.

[You can leave your hat on]

Heero drags Duo down the hall of the house, and into their room. A pair of shoes comes flying out of the still open doorway, then pants, boxers, shirt...but no hat.

[You can leave your hat on]

The sound of a whip cracking echoes down the hall of the house, and then several bits of leather come flying out of the still open doorway. The whip cracks again, and there's a very low moan, one that definitely is not a "I'm hurt, make the bad man stop" kind of moan.

[You can leave your hat on
(ad infinitum...)]

The fic author, who is too squeamish to even consider writing about normal sex, let alone the happy hentai kind that Heero and Duo are engaged or about to engage in, creeps down the hallway, shuts the door, nails boards over it, puts wallpaper over the boards, then sticks a set of ear plugs in her ears to shut off the cracking of the whip, the moaning, and the protesting howls of everyone out there that was hoping for a bondage lemon. She sits down on the sofa, pulls out a copy "The Killing Dance" to read (Anita Blake story, extremely good, contains major creepy sex scene 0.0). Behind her, a picture fall off the wall.

[Suspicious minds are talking
They're trying to tear us apart]

*flash forward*

On the grounds of Heero and Duo's school now. There are groups of girls all over the place, whispering urgently and pointing. They all look rather white faced and shocked...

[They don't believe in this love of ours
They don't know what love is]

Let's see what it is...Heero and Duo walking along, like normal... But wait. In addition to the normal getup plus hat, Duo is wearing a metal studded leather dog collar...and...he's on a leash??? Heero is holding the other end of the leash and smirking at all the girls. Duo doesn't seem too terribly upset himself, despite the fact that he's walking kind of funny and has a black eye.

[They don't know what love is]

Heero sits down at one of the outside tables to eat his lunch. Duo sits obediently at his feet and rests his chin on Heero's thigh. Heero breaks out lunch and starts feeding little bits to Duo as he eats. There is a commotion off in the distance. Girls are starting to shriek...

[They don't know what love is]

More shrieks, and then suddenly one of the gossiping groups almost explodes, throwing shrieking schoolgirls every which way with panty shots galore, not that Duo or Heero particularly care. Standing where the group used to be is Relena. She's in a classic King-Kong pose and is breathing heavily.

[They don't know what love is]

Relena stalks over to Heero and Duo. She snarls at them, then shakes a fist at Duo and demands something in a loud, high pitched and extremely annoying voice.

[I know what love is]

Heero smirks at Relena, leans down, and exchanges a spit-swapping-tongue-tangling-get-the-kids-away-from-this-fic-cause-they-are- way-too-young-to-be-seeing-this-and-by-the-way-go-get-us-a-room-while-you're- at-it-cause-this-is-gonna-get-very-very-hot-very-fast kiss with Duo.

[You can leave your hat on]

Several of the school girls faint. Relena stumbles back a couple of steps, all the color draining from her face.

[You can leave your hat on]

Heero looks up and licks his lips, his smirk never disappearing.

[You can leave your hat on]


Relena spontaneously combusts in a huge cloud of caramelized sugar.

Duo and Heero stare, wide eyed, at the blackened spot where she was standing for a minute before Heero narrows his eyes, growls, and jumps on Duo.

[You can leave your hat on
(ad infinitum...)]

The fic author casts around frantically for those bushes that Reishin always has handy, but alas, it is not to be, they belong to another fic writer, so she'll just have to get creative this time around. There is more growling, the sound of ripping cloth, and a lot of shrieks from the schoolgirls that haven't fainted already...and a massive éclair falls from the sky and lands on top of Duo and Heero, showering the entire area, except for the fic author since she was lucky enough to have an umbrella handy, with cream filling.

The fic author sweatdrops. She knew she should have eaten breakfast this morning...

The giant éclair appears to be...bouncing.

Nuh uh. Don't wanna know.

[You can leave your hat on....]

After a long interval, Heero comes stumbling out from the éclair. he's naked, but all the naughty bits are covered with cream filling (at least the author HOPES that's what it is...). Duo's hat is perched on his head, and he has a pair of handcuffs dangling from one wrist.

There is a movement in the éclair, and the end of the whip comes whistling out. It wraps around Heero's ankle, and the boy is yanked back into the éclair with a startled yelp.

[Is it still on, baby?]

Duo's hat, which didn't get yanked back into the éclair with Heero, hovers in the air for just a moment before drifting to the ground, where it settles at the fic author's feet.