11-1-1999

Fifty Ways To Kill Relena
(Filk of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Simon & Garfunkle)

 

The problem is inside her head, he said to me
But the answer is so simple if you pull the trigger happily
I'm here to help you in your struggle with the blonde preppy
There must be fifty ways to kill Relena.

He said "I hope your gun is completely free of rust
I understand you've warned her once with "Omae o korosu"
And if all else fails, we can hit her with a bus
There must be fifty ways to kill Relena
Fifty ways to kill Relena

A shot in the heart, Bart
Arsenic in her food, Dude
No subtlety now, Pal
Let's get you free for me

A really high fall, Paul
With no parachute, how cute
A Gundam on her head, Fred
Let's get you free for me

He said "I'm really pissed, 'cause damnit, you're MY man
I wish she weren't so clueless, she's chased you through Japan."
I said "Hn." and threw him into bed, as he continued with his plan
About the fifty ways

He muttered "Why don't we sleep together tonight?
Maybe she'll catch us in the act and her head'll explode on sight."
And then he proceeded to make me forget for the entire night
Since there must be fifty ways to kill Relena
Fifty ways to kill Relena
(and we'll try them all tomorrow...)

A freak flying cow, Wow
Falling Debris, whee
The teletubbies, Treize
Let's get you free for me

Flesh eating plants, or Ants
Repeated blue eyes blue, Cruel
Applied Wing Zero, my Heero
Let's get you free for me