Disclaimer: This is all GW fic stuff plus Diana Ross' song "I will survive" (oh God...) . Don't bother suing me because I don't own anything in the first place! Enjoy!!

HARK, what idiocy through yonder mock-brain breaks? Warning: The following is the result of TOO MUCH TIME ON GIDEON'S HANDS, I RePeAt, TOO MUCH TIME ON GIDEON'S HANDS!

~HEERO'S REVENGE~

Gideon: ME, the DIRECTOR

::...early in the morning, in a room in Gideon's basement, which proves to be one thousand times bigger than her own house...::

Gideon: Ok you guys, let's get set up
Duo: What the heck are we doin' this time?
Heero: It doesn't matter. Let's go.
Gideon: Halt! Er... I mean, wait wait wait.. you can't leave..
Heero: ::looks at the director, then walks away. slams into invisible wall:: What the--
Gideon: Like I said...
Heero: ::stares at invisible with death glare. it doesn't move, so he gives up uneasily::
Gideon: OK, Duo, you're in the corner, incapacitated.
Duo: What the h--
Gideon: MOVE!
Duo: EEI! ::takes off::
Gideon: Trowa, Quatre, you're in the crowd
Trowa and Quatre: ::nod.. leave::
Gideon: Heero, you're singing
Heero: Ok
Gideon: ::wipes her forehead:: That was easier than I thought
Wufei: He consented? Without bloodshed? ::blinks twice:: Hell froze over, didn't it?
Heero: ::disappears::
Gideon: ::gulp:: Heero...?
Duo: Where'd he go?
Gideon: DUO, INCAPACITATED MEANS QUIET!!!
Duo: FINE! ::lays down, mumbles:: See if I ever act again...

::suddenly, a piano appears in a corner and it goes slowly up the scale then back down::

::Heero's face appears. He's dressed in a sexy tuxedo with a black tie. He's sitting with one arm on the long, high table of the bar. The flashing lights of the club dim on all, but one single light shines brightly on him. ::

Heero: ::monotone:: (This is dedicated to my girls)

::slowly takes his hand from his face::

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side

::sits up, then glares at Wufei::

Wufei: ::abruptly finds himself in the middle of the dance floor, one light shining on his head like a beam. He realizes that he's dressed in a tux of the same form, but with no jacket. and the shirt that he has on... is silky, skin tight, and neon yellow:: Oh God...

Heero: ::clenches fists:: Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong ::rips off his tux jacket::
And I learned how to get along ::pulls out a .8 mm from his hip ::

Wufei: ::sweats:: Heero... Heero, snap out of it! ::glares at the
director:: Woman, what did you do to
him?!?

Gideon: ::holds up hands and sweats:: Nothing! Nothing! I don't know what's wrong with him!

Wufei: Well STOP him!

Gideon: I'M not Mr. SLICE 'n' DICE! YOU get him! YOU'RE in the freakin' song, for goodness sakes!

::immediately disco music starts up, startling everybody. Wufei suddenly looks pale and stands rigid while Heero commences glaring::

Heero: And so you're back, from outer space,
I just walked in to find you here, ::gestures to the club around him::
with that sad look upon your face ::points to Wufei::

Wufei: ::mourns:: He's right!

Heero: ::voice strangely OOC [Gideon: ::snicker::]:: I should have changed that stupid lock ::stands::
I should have made you leave your key ::pulls out a long, black- looking thing::
If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me ::takes the black thing, angles the gun toward the ceiling, and pops the black thing, actually a bullet holder, into the gun.::

Wufei: ::the click of the gun is only audible to him because he's in the
terrible nightmare by himself.
he tries to move but finds himself rooted to the spot. he feels like
shooting out whatever freakin'
light is boring into his head, and he feels oddly exposed::

Heero: ::gun loosely in hand, walks toward Wufei as the crowd parts, deep blue eyes determinedly fixed on the object of his oppression [Gideon: =)] . He's walking to the beat, hips swaying like NEVER before. He stands in front of Wufei and begins to dance::

Gideon: .....................

Wufei: ::face vaults:: It's the Twilight Zone revisited ::slaps his face:: I KNEW I should have held out on that last bottle of tequila...

Heero: ::waves his hand dismissively:: Go on now, go walk out the door

Wufei: Gladly ::tries to move away, but gets caught by Heero::

Heero: Just turn around now
'Coz you're not welcome anymore

::again points at Wufei::

Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die? ::points the gun at him::
Oh no not I, I will survive! ::shoots at Wufei::

Wufei:: ::ducks:: HELP ME!!

Heero: ::master eye fixes on Wufei and shoots again::
For as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give
I'll survive! ::BLAM::
I will survive! ::BLAM BLAM::
Hey hey! ::BLAM BLAM BLAM::

Assistant Director Zechs: ::blinks, then begins to freak out a little:: OK, I wanted revenge on HEERO, but not on Wufei! I'd never wish such a horrible nightmare on him!

Gideon: ..............

A.D. Zechs: ::stares at Director:: Oh no.....

Gideon: ::irritated:: Well, he keeps calling me WOMAN!

A.D. Zechs: He does that to ALL women!!!!!!

Gideon: ::blinks:: really?

A.D. Zechs: YESSS!!!! NOW GET HIM OUT!!!!

Gideon: ::desperate:: I don't know how!!!

Trowa, Quatre, Duo from thier respective points in the room sing: I, I will survive
Heero: Hey hey!! ::BLAM::
Trowa, Quatre, Duo: I, I will survive
Heero: Every day!! ::BLAM::
Trowa, Quatre, Duo: I, I will survive
Heero: Oh yeah ::BLAM BLAM BLAM::
Duo: ::becomes incapacitated::

::Suddenly, all of the other extras close in on Heero and begin to dance with him. Heero, really into the scene, basically dances with every singel extra in the set, and meanwhile reloads his gun, then dances out of the crowd to find Wufei, who is looking like mad for his kisana and just as well a way out. Heero spots him and Wufei jumps over the bar. Heero hops ontop of the bar and as he walks down it he dances, and his torso and legs bends back while his hips are shaking like he's doing the limbo, and he aims and shoots about four times at Wufei, madly ducking behind whatever::

Heero: ::yells:: It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Just trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high ::BLAM BLAM::
And you see me ::shakes his bonbon:: somebody new
::taps on his chest:: I'm not that chained up little person still in love
with you
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free ::rips off
his tie and swings it around
his head while pumping his hips::
But now I'm savin' all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me

Wufei: WOMAN, IF YOU DON'T GET ME OUT OF HERE--------
Gideon: I'D LET YOU OUT IF I KNEW HOW! DON'T SCREAM AT mE, SCREAM AT ZECHS!!!!
Zechs: ::searching the scene earnestly:: Wufei, I believe there's a spare gun somewhere around the bar....
Wufei: ::pauses angrily:: You set me up, didn't you?? You were all plotting against me--
Zechs: ::grumbles:: Not all of us.....
Wufei: ::suspicious:: What do you mean "All of us" ?!?
Assistant Assistant Director Sally Po: Ohayo!
Assistant Assistant Assistant Director Relena: Ohayo!
Wufei: OH, so you get the WOMEN to gAAAAHH! ::ducks under the bar::
AAD Sally Po: ::giggling uncontrolably::
AAAD Relena: ::stares at Heero, head cocked slightly to the side:: Is it just me or is there something totally wrong with Heero?
Wufei: DID THE MANIACAL DEMEANOR TIP YOU OFF!?!?!? HEERO, GET. A. GRIP!!!!!!!!!
Heero: ::deathly smile spreads across is lips, and he points:: Go on now,
go walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore.....
Wufei: ::runs and screams simultaneously:: I have NEVER done ANYTHING to deserve such injustice!!!!! WHERE'S MY KISANA!?!? Better yet, WHERE'S NATAKU!?!? WHERgaAAAAHHHHHH! ::slams into a chair an slides, Heero closing on him::
Zechs: Somebody HELP HIM!! Trowa!
Trowa: ::pauses in dancing.. spots Wufei.. then Heero shooting an unlimited amount of bullets at
him:: No.
Zechs: Quatre?!?
Quatre: ::yells over the music:: I'd help him, bu--gAAAAH!!! ::struggles to remain on his feet as he's body-juggled among all of the gyrating bodies:: I can't get out of this crowd!!
Zechs: ::modestly desperate:: Is there ANYON-- Duo.. DUO.... Duo!! Where are you?
Duo: ::static::
Zechs: Duo, are you ok?!?
Trowa: ::spots Duo:: I see him.
Zechs: ::sighs with relief:: Good.. go get him to calm down Heero.
Duo: ::static::
Trowa: ::stops dancing to look more closely at Duo:: That's not possible.
Zechs: ?
Trowa: ::as-a-matter-of-factly:: To say the least, he's momentarily incapacitated...
Gideon: ::laughs nervously as everyone stares at her:: Heh heh heh, whoops...

Heero: Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no not I, I will survive
Ohhhhhhhhh as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give
I'll survive
I will survive
Hey hey!!!!!!!

::suddenly, Heero hops off of the bar table and rummages around behind the glasses and bottles. Wufei seizes the chance to jump out of the little bar area and hides on the other side. He eyes Heero's moving back warily::

::Trowa slips out of the crowd and grabs Quatre. They get to Duo who is lying momentarily incapacitated in a deserted corner... for what reason, no one knows::

Gideon: heh heh..

Quatre: ::shakes Duo's shoulders::
Duo: ::more static::
Trowa: ::thinks a moment, then pulls a little taperecorder out of *zero space* and rewinds, then pushes play. it's a tape with Relena's voice except modified....::
Tape: DUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Duo: aaAAAAAHHHHHH! THEPAIN,THEPAIN, AHHHhhher, eh? ::blinks:: Where am I?
Wufei: DOES THE SCREAMING, NOT TO MENTION THE MUSIC TIP YOU OFF?!?!?
AAAD Relena: ::glares at Trowa:: I resent that.
Duo: ::crestfallen:: One of Gideon's fics again?
Trowa: ::politely:: Excellent *momentarily incapacitated* act. I couldn't have done better myself.
Duo: ::grins:: Thanks!

::music continues and Heero finally sits up, stares at Wufei, glares deathly::
Wufei: ::surrenders:: OK, Heero, give me a BREAK!?
Heero: ::slides over, points gun directly in Wufei's face, something in his hand just out of sight. suddenly monotone:: Omae o korosu. ::swings gun around at points it at the director's booth in the non-see through plexi glass near the ceiling. he shoots. smiles as various screams radiate from the holes in the shattered glass. looks back at Wufei::

Heero: Go now, go walk out the door
Just turn around now
'Coz you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no not I, I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
And I've got all my love to give
I'll survive!!
I will survive!!
I will survive!!

Duo: ::finally gets up and walks over to Heero, arms out:: Ok, EVIL Knievel, that's enough! We don't want to be here either, so we're gonna get out of here, ok?
Heero: ::throws gun away::
Wufei: ::sighs audibly with relief::
Heero: ::pulls out thing that nobody can really see:: I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!
Zechs: ::picks himself up off of the ground, dusts his pants, and looks back out of the director's window cautiously. looks at the thing in Heero's hands:: What IS that?
::everybody else gets up and looks out:: what IS THAT?
Duo: ::running like mad, screams:: A FREAKIN' FLAME THROWER!!!!!!! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!!
Wufei: GIDEONTHISISALLYOURFAULTWHENIGETOUTOFHEREI'MGOINGTOKILLYOUIFHEERODOESN'TD OITFIRST!
Duo: NO! I'VE GOT FIRST DIBS!!
Gideon: ::smiles truimphantly:: He didn't call me woman!!
Relena: HEEEEEEEEEERROOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trowa: ::smiles faintly::
Heero: ::looks up... then points flame thrower at her::
Gideon: ::throws Relena to the ground and ducks too::

::flames curl through the window::

(I, I will survive)
Hey
(I, I will survive)
Every day
(I, I will survive)
Yeah yeah

::everybody, including the extras, runs around the basement trying thier hardest to get away from Heero and his personalized flame thrower with scratched in words and stickers such as: GUNDEYNYUM ROOLZ, FIRST PRIZE FOR MOST PSYCOTIC JAPANESE ANIME CHARACTER 2000, and FLAMING FOR YOU::

[Zechs: Ok, Gideon, that last one was pathetic...]

(I, I will survive)
Oh
(I, I will survive)
I will survive
(I, I will survive)

::all of the directors are forced to jump out of the box due to smoke poisoning. they catch up to Wufei, Quatre, Heero, and Duo::

Relena: This was a diSASTER!!
Duo: ::mumbles:: Sherlock Holmes strikes again...
Gideon: I kNeW I should have put in that handy dandy escape route...
Zechs: ::grumbles:: I KnEw I should have killed Heero the first chance I got...
Sally Po: I KnEw I should have gone by the doctor's office to get the pregnancy results before I got here...
Wufei: ::more or less silently runs faster, if possible::
Quatre: ::bores a hole into Wufei's back::
Wufei: Go AWAY Quatre
Quatre: But it's SwEeT...
Duo: ::bores two holes into Wufei's back::
Trowa: ::voice monotonously conversational the whole time:: Wufei? Is there... something we should know?
Wufei: Shut. Up.
Trowa: ::complies, relatively silent, then says:: Is it yours?
Wufei: NO!!!!
Trowa: We're all freinds here.
Duo: NO WE'RE NOT ::eyeballs Gideon::
Gideon: ::whimpers:: But I LOVE you Duo....!
Duo: Oh boy...
Trowa: Is it a boy?
Sally Po: I don't know! Wufei, do you think it is?
Wufei: GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! INJUSTICE! INJUSTICE! IT'S nOt MINE!
Trowa: yeah right.
Sally Po: It's not Wufei's.... he's too grumpy.
Gideon: Ain't that rriiiIIIIIIIIHELP! ::flames lick at her hair::

(I, I will survive)
I've got all my love to give
(I, I will survive)
I've got all my life to live
(I, I will survive)
My loving is not in vain, oh no

Gideon: STOP! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! YOU'RE ALL RELEASED! TAKE AWAY THE WALL! OH GOD, SOMEBODY, HELP ME!!! I'M ON FIRE!!! ::bats at her flaming hair::

Heero: ::maniacal quirk in his lips:: Mission... accomplished....

(I, I will survive)
I will survive
(I, I will survive)
I will survive
(I, I will survive)
Hey
I WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!

THE END