"I'm almost done!" whisphered Wufei. He blinked hard, sleep not-so-far-away from his thoughts. He listened to the snoring upstairs enviously. "If only... if only *he* had stayed away I wouldn't have had to get up at this god-forsaken hour to finish! If only..." He shook his head hard. "No matter. I can finish this once and for all get this whole mess over with!"

"What mess?"

"Kuso!" exclaimed Wufei and he nearly collapsed in a not-so-neat pile on the floor from surprise. He looked menacingly up at the short dark form hovering somewhere above him and gasped. "Maxwell! I thought you were still asleep!"

"Nahh," said Duo nonchalantly, pushing his bangs back from his face. The corner of his mouth began to twitch ever so slightly. "HEERO was awake four hours ago, and that stubborn l-- er... he wakes me up. Although I never know *why*..." The braided boy ever so slowly receded into his disturbed thoughts. "Why do *I* have to wake up if *he's* the one who *has* to wake up, *not* me! I mean, it's not like he'll let me near him while he's working or anythin'! *He's* the one that always tells me to 'keep it down' or 'shut up, Duo' or 'go away, you're distracting me'! So why the bloody freak do *I* have to get up! I can't go to sleep until he's asleep because of that blasted 'clack clack clack'ing sound on that stupid computer.. why can't he just *chill* at night like any other *normal* teenager? Oh yeah I *forgot*, he's the bloody Perfect Soldier... he's not *allowed* to "chill" at nighttime and take a freakin chill pill--" And he slowly walked off into the living room.

Wufei sighed heavily and picked himself up from the ground, surveying his focus dubiously, breath held easily.. everything was alright. Nothing had been damaged in this round of encountering the American pilot. He let out his breath and went for the icing, adding one last twirl to a part of the cake. "Finally, just the way he wanted it--" He slapped himself and went red. "I sound like a stupid pet! 'Just the way he wanted it'... it's not FAIR!"

"What's not fair?" said Quatre, yawning and stretching tiredly. He made his way to the refridgerator and pulled out some leftover spaghetti, just taking the whole bowl and stuffing it into the microwave.

"W-well n-nothing," stammered Wufei, attempting to use his slim form to hide his 'invention' from sight. Thankfully the blond boy was too sleepy to notice. He only punched in some random numbers, hit start, dragged himself over to the table and plopped down, head on shoulders.

"Hm. That's nice..."

"Why are you awake, anyway?" asked Wufei, feverently trying to make conversation while he lifted the object *carefully* and made his way toward the door.

Quatre shrugged a little and sighed. "Duo... and Heero I suppose." He choked for a minute. "I mean, Heero makes a lot of noise when he wakes up, y'know, moving around, opening and shutting doors..." Quatre yawned again. "...waking up Duo..." The boy was almost out of the kitchen door when the blond suddenly said loudly, "Why does Heero wake him up, anyway? All Duo does is complain and make noise trying to get back at Heero. *I* never get any sleep when Heero gets up because Duo starts making all of the noise. It's *not* *faaaaaaair*..." He drifted off again. "...Trowa doesn't wake me up *ever*. Even when I want him to wake me up. Noooo, *Duo* has to make all of the... noise..." Fast *asleep* by now, the mumbles had dwindled and stopped. Wufei breathed a sigh of relief and made it out of the kitchen.

The Chinese pilot made it to thier car and secured the secret in the back seat with all speed and safety, but when he turned around Duo was in his face.

"What are you doing, Wu-babe?"

Wufei slammed the car door quickly and blocked the window. "DON'T call me that! And *this* is *none* of your buisness!" He eyed the far-too-cheery boy warily. "Aren't you supposed to be bothering Yuy or something vengeful like that?"

The braided pilot shrugged and hopped onto the hood of the car. "Probably. But if he woke me up just for *quiet* company he's in for a surprise! *I'm* just going to *wait*!"

Wufei blinked at him. "Why don't you just go back to sleep?"

Duo stared for a moment, then hopped off of the car, distant look in his eyes. He put a finger to his lip in a rare motion of thoughtfulness and began to walk away. "Go.. back.. to sleep... just go back to sleep..." Suddenly he grabbed his hair and whipped towards Wufei. "Go back to sleep! What a bRiLLiAnT idea!" He got in Wufei's face and yelled. "And wake up being beaten senseless by a PSYCOPATHIC HEERO YUY [action figure sold for a limited time in stores near *YOU*] with A MINIATURE BUSTER RIFLE [sold seperately] and BLOW MY ROOM TO BITS!" Tiny tears appeared at both corners of his eyes. He looked down at his hands in painful memory. "Do you *know* how many pairs of my favorite clothes he set on fire? But never mind the clothes..." Tears completely filled his eyes. "Deathscythe dolly *never*, *ever* deserved to diiiiie!" He promptly burst into loud sobbing.

Meanwhile Wufei was already in the house, looking for his car keys. "Now where---"

"Going somewhere?"

Wufei immediately stiffened when he heard the voice, then relaxed when he realized it was the Wing pilot's. He looked at Heero, who was standing halfway down the set of stairs, a various assemblance of wrenches and bolts in his hands. Wufei nodded briskly and moved to the couch to look for his keys. A jangling sound and he turned to see Heero holding them in his face. He muttered an 'arigatou' and made his way out. But before he made it to freedom......

"Yo Wufei! What's a CAKE doing in your car with the words 'TREIZE KHUSRENADA, UNDISPUTED MASTER AND KING OF THE BEACH'?" Duo, already shaken by tears of laughter, walks in and stops dead in his tracks when he sees Wufei's head burst into flames. "Um... uh oh..." Another second and... "Um... byebye!" And he streaks out of the living room and into the yard, screaming bloody murder. Wufei, is on him in seconds, and procedes to beat him senseless. Quatre is the first one out of the house.

"Wufei, let him go! WUFEI!!!!"

"He must DIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!"

"No he musn't die, Wufei, you're just overre--- WUFEI, PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!"

"MURDER!! MURDER!! HEEEEEEELP!!! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!! RAPE! RAPE!!"

~~~~~~~~~a grueling four and a half hours later~~~~~~~

Quatre, tired-- no, EXHAUSTED, disheveled, and sporting about four hundred variously inflicted wounds [which Trowa was carefully tending to, ever so sweetly, isn't that so SWEET =)], eyes Wufei warily and attempts to speak to him. "Repeat after me... 'I will not kill Duo.'"

No response.

"'I will not... harm Duo.'"

No response.

"I will not... hurt Duo much."

A twitch of the eyebrow, but otherwise no response.

"I will seek and destroy Duo?"

"DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wufei throws himself past Quatre into the kitchen where Duo lay, whimpering meekly, tending to his wounds. Impending doom descends upon the unfortunate soul and his vision goes all rainbow colory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~six hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Help me... I can't do this without.. strict.. instructions... so weak, so... weak... kill me..."

"No. Let's try this again, shall we? Repeat after me... I will leave Duo alone."

".... I.... I will...."

"That's it, you can do it. I will leave Duo alone."

".... I will leave Duo...." A heavy sigh, and a deep breath. "... alone."

"Say it again."

Grumble. "I will LEAVE. DUO. ALONE."

"It was a mistake."

"But I---"

Smack.

"It was a mistake."

"It was a mistake."

"It could have happened to anyone."

Silence.

Several threatening looks and motions through mere eye contact.

"It COULD have happened to anyone."

"Heero could have asked it."

"Heero could have asked it."

"Quatre could have asked it."

"Quatre could have asked it."

"I could have asked it."

"Trowa could have asked it."

"I would have asked it if it had been Duo."

"I would have asked it if it had been..." Struggling against his binds.

"Duo."

"...Duo."

Trowa nodded. "Good." He rose and went out of the room. "I'll untie you in the morning. Goodnight, Wufei."

Stony silence. Eventually sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the next morning~~~~~~~~~~

"Duo, you stay quiet."

"No kidding."

"I'm SERIOUS, Duo. Not a word out of you. No catcalls, no insults, no moans, whistling, OR humming."

"Ok ok. You'd think I would do something that stupid?"

Glare.

"Ok, I would, but this time I don't have the heart." He gestures dejectedly to his numerous bandages. "Or the energy."

"Wufei, are you ready?"

"I've been ready since 4am," snaps Wufei, coming down the stairs, rubbing his wrists where the binds have been removed. He sits by himself and stares at Heero. "I guess I have to tell you then."

"Not particularly."

"I'd better. It will clear up UNNECCESARY ASSUMPTIONS--" This being directed at Duo. "-- and my name as well. It goes a little like this:"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~change in format, but it's the same story~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wufei’s Secret

Wufei: ::peeks out of his room and looks down the hallway:: Hello?

::reverbrating silence::

Wufei: ::leans out more:: Trowa? Quatre? Heero? Duo?

::more reverbrating silence::

Wufei: ::looks across the hall to Trowa’s room and sees the door open. no one there. looks as well to Quatre, Duo, and Heero’s rooms and sees thier doors shut but no sounds. he rubs his hands together:: All right. Finally, no one’s here...

::he disappears a moment in his room then comes out clad in dark green swim trunks and cool black sunglasses. a triumphant smile crosses his face as he looks at himself in t e mirror::

Wufei: Ohhh yeaaaahh....

::Wufei stole out of the safehouse on his motorcycle and was at the local beach in moments. on the back of his motorcycle he had packed an umbrella, a mini tape/cd player, sunblock, and various other thing in a little bag. he hopped off carrying his stuff and stalked over to his favorite spot near the edge of the beach::

Treize: Hey there, little dragon.

Wufei: ::drops his stuff and sputters:: K-Khushrenada! What are you doing here!?

Treize: ::smiles slowly:: Enjoying my vacation. How about you, dragon?

Wufei: ::stumbles over his words:: I w-was j-just--

Treize: It’s alright, I won’t tell anyone you were simply enjoying yourself at the beach.

Wufei: Actually I c-came here to-- ::he looked around desperately and nodded when he saw the early volleyball players:: --t’ track down one of our latest targets. See? Look over there.. that volley-ball player right there. ::he turned away seeming to fix his glasses but was instead concealing that wonderful shade of crimson he was turning into::

Treize: ::smiles knowingly:: Don’t worry, I won’t trouble you much longer. But since you’re here... would you mind... playing a little game? Between us, of course.

Wufei: ::abruptly looks up at him, then away again, furious:: You ask me to play a game right when I’m in the middle of a mission? You really need to find something better to do with your time, Khushrenada!

Treize: ::holds his hands up defensively:: I was just a little bored, that’s all. You don’t have to.

Wufei: Good, because I won’t!

Treize: That’s quite alright, I assure you. ::turns to walk away:: It’s ok that you don’t have the time to play such a simple, short game of volleyball. I hope you catch your target. ::he began to walk towards the dark-haired volleyball player that Wufei had so obviously pointed to::

Wufei: ::bites his lip:: He’s baiting me, he’s baiting me, I know it... he knows I can’t pass up a chance to get closer to the target... ::he pounded the sand in frustration:: But he’s not really a target! Wufei, you really screwed yourself this time... ::he casually gets up and walked over to Treize and the player, taking a deep breath:: It seems as though I may have time after all. Have you decided teams yet?

Liser: ::shakes his head:: No! In fact, Treize and I were just about to pick our teams. We’re on opposite sides, and we’re both captains. In fact, heyy... would you like to be on my team? ::eyes him:: You look like a strong boy. Whaddaya say?

Wufei: ::blinks, then shrugs:: Ok.

Treize: ::grins:: Siding with the enemy, Wufei?

Wufei: ::snaps:: Shut up!

Treize: ::whisphers:: At least you’re avoiding that heavenly shade of crimson you turned before. That would definitely tip him off.

Wufei: ::turns said shade of crimson::

Treize: ::as soon as Liser walks off to get another player, he faces

Wufei with a surreptitious look on his face:: Would you like to make a wager, dragon?

Wufei: I don’t make meaningless bets with Oz officers!

Treize: ::puts a finger to his lips:: Are you aiming to expose me, little dragon? Just one word...

Wufei: ::glares at him and hisses through his teeth:: You wouldn’t dare...

Treize: Would I? ::stares at him a moment, then shrugs and begins to walk away:: If you won, then I would never say a word again...

Wufei: ::hesitates:: I don’t believe you.

Treize: You doubt my word? You of all people should know that I would not break my word, dragon...

Wufei: ::sighs:: You wouldn’t say a word?

Treize: I would not say a word. But that would be your side of the bet.

Wufei: What?

Treize: That would be your side, your condition. You win, I never say a word. If I win... well, that’s another thing.

Wufei: ::immediately suspicious:: What’s your side?

Trieze: ::shrugs lightly:: I thought you didn’t believe me.

Wufei: Name your price!

Treize: Just a little craving I’ve had lately...

Wufei: ::oddly silent::

Treize: ::laughs:: Oh, don’t worry, dragon, it has much more to do with food.

Wufei: ::relaxes only a little:: What food?

Treize: Patisseries, to be more precise.

Wufei: ::face darkens:: Junk food.

Treize: A good sweet snack is not junk*.

Wufei: You have a craving for junk food? ::face darkens even more:: What does that have to do with me?

Treize: It would be of your own making and design.

Wufei: ::he can’t get any darker, so he turns that heavenly shade of crimson and sputters:: You want me to make you a cake?!? Are you insane?!?!?

Treize: It’s not my reputation you’re ruining. ::gestures to the billions staring at his odd outburst:: Besides, it’s not that bad, little dragon. It’s just a bet. You have the star player on your team. What makes you think that I will beat you so easily?

Wufei: ::defensively:: I don’t think that.

Treize: Then what do you think?

Wufei: ::there are, like, 400 seconds in which Wufei debates with himself.

Wufei’s sensibility: He’s doing this to bait you. You know he’s going to win.

Wufei’s rare coolness: No he’s not. It’ll be an even match, and he’s older than I am so I can move faster!

WS: ::smacks WS:: LOOK. AT. HIM. He could be you with one hand behind his back! Why do you think he made this little bet? Because he knew he was going to lose?!?!

WRC: ::rubs face:: No...

WS: Then CALL IT OFF!!!

WRC: But if I win then he won’t say a word of my being here!

WS: Why continue this charade?! It's wholly dishonorable!! You already indulged your pathetic urge to get out and 'relax' and see what it came to! He already knows you’re lying about the ‘enemy’! Just walk away!

Wufei: I--

Liser: ::flexes his arms:: C’mon! I beat this loser last time. ::grins at

Treize:: Let’s make it two!

Wufei: ::firmly:: Let’s do it. ::he begins the game, and learns just how fast good ol’ Trieze can move::

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~to Wufei's reluctance, the present~~~~~~~~~~

“So you lost?!?”

Nods dejectedly. “Treize beat us hands down, 21 to 4. I have the notion that he could have done it with one hand tied behind his back.”

Duo stares at the cake and licks his lips. “Can I come?”

Stony. “NO.”

"When are you going to give it to him?"

"NOW so I can get it over with!"

"Wufeeeeeeei..."

"NO." Wufei stands up and stalks out of the door. All of the boys sit in silence until they hear Wufei's car rev up and speed off. They stare at one another in more silence.

And even more silence.

Slow smiles.

"Was he telling the truth?"

"Beats me."

"Where do you actually think he's going now?"

"Oh, he's going to see Trieze alright..."

"So you think he was telling the truth, Heero?"

"No."

"So... oh, ok..."

"Slow."

"Excuuuuuuse me for being a good boy!"

"I don't believe any of it."

"He's probably going back to the beach."

Punctuating silence.

"Oh, no WAY is he going to have FUN without ME!!"

"We have a little time..."

"Where are my sunglasses? Y'know, the really COOL ones with thin lenses and none of those nose-set things..."

"Big hat. Shorts. Lots of sunscreen. Oh well, I know I'll be red by the time we get back anyway."

"I love the sunset there..."

Immediately everybody grins, and, wounds and all, run upstairs to get their swim suits.