Ok I have again been bitten by the silliness bug. This was too silly to
send to my beta reader, so it has mistakes galore in it. Extreme OOC
and it's Yaoi. Let me know what you think.

The song belongs to Shania Twain and the characters aren't mine, but I'm
having fun borrowing them.

 

That Don't Impress Me Much
By
Dena

 

/I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius, you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a know-it-all/

A knock is heard at the door to the safe house. Wufei answers the door
then returns to the living-room looking slightly green, "Duo, Trowa,
It's for you." The pair looks confused and go to the door. Dr. J
stands at the door with flowers for each boy and promptly asks them out
for a date. Duo and Trowa pinch each other to see if this is a sick
dream, but as they feel the pain, they realize they are awake. Quatre
and Heero skulk in the hallway and listen in on the conversation. Both
are angry at the boldness of the Dr., but decide since he has more nerve
than they do, they will take notes to see what works with Duo and
Trowa. Quatre and Heero vow to kill anyone the two accept a date with
and then use that method to get their hearts desire themselves! Duo and
Trowa nod their heads at each other, then look at the amorous doctor
before replying:

/Oh-oo-oh, you think your special
Oh-oo-oh you think your something else
Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much
So you've got the brain but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much/

They slam the door in the face of the devastated Romeo and walk back
into the living room wondering if they are really in the twilight zone.
Heero and Quatre sigh and cross out Dr. J's approach to romance.

/I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket
And a comb up his sleeve..just in case
And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it
Cause heaven forbid it should fall out of place/

The next day Zechs arrives at the safe house with boxes of chocolates
and asks for Duo and Trowa. Wufei goes to get the two muttering about
how the safe house didn't seem so safe or secret! Duo and Trowa go to
the door never noticing Quatre and Heero again skulking in the hallway
taking notes. Zechs asks the pair out for a date, constantly flipping
his hair. Duo and Trowa look at each other and try not to snicker at
the peacock before replying:

/Oh-oo-oh you think your special
Oh-oo-oh you think you're something else
Ok so your Brad Pitt
That don't impress me much
So you got the looks, but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're all right
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much/

They shut the door with a resounding "NO!" Quatre and Heero make a note
to never flip their hair or use extra hold gel!

/You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me.you must be jokin', right/

Trowa and Duo are in the hanger working on their gundams when suddenly
Ralph shows up in his turbo-charged car, winks at the two boys and asks
if they want to take a ride in his "Love Machine" Quatre and Heero duck
around the corner and begin to take notes. Duo and Trowa saunter over
to the car and flirt a few minutes with Ralph before giving their
standard reply:

/Oh-oo-oh you think your something special
Oh-oo-oh you thing your something else
Okay, so you've got a car
That don't impress me much
So you got the moves but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much/

Trowa and Duo give Ralph and his love machine the one finger salute
before returning to work on their gundams. Quatre and Heero begin to
look grim as yet another approach crashes and burns.

Trieze sees the pair lying out at a lake. He plasters on his most suave
look and waltzes over to the beautiful boys. He delivers his smoothest
line in his smoothest voice and waits for Duo and Trowa to fall at his
feet. Heero and Quatre write like crazy, sure this approach will be
successful. Trowa and Duo smile at each other and then deliver their
favorite reply:

/You think your cool, but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night
That don't impress me much
Okay so what do you think.you're Elvis or something
Whatever
That don't impress me much/

Quatre and Heero compare notes back at the safe house; after much
frustration, they decide they have had enough! It's time to be direct.
Duo and Trowa are watching TV in the living room. Duo suddenly feels a
cold barrel pressed to the back of his head, he slowly turns to face a
gun held on him by one determined Heero Yuy. "Get-up, you're coming
with me!" Duo slowly rises, with his hands in the air. He looks
pleadingly at Trowa, "Help me man!" "Are you crazy, he's got a gun!"
Heero smiles coldly before grabbing the braided boy and dragging him off
to his bedroom. Trowa starts laughing until he hears the crack of a
whip. He jerks around to see Wing-Zero Quatre snapping a whip at him.
"Alright uni-bang boy get moving!" Trowa is herded down the hall to
Quatre's bedroom with whip snapping at his heels. Yells, moans, groans
and occasional snaps of a whip can be heard behind the closed doors.

Wufei returns from a late night date and walks down the hall to his
room. He notes that Heero's door is open and peeks inside:
O.O!!!
Duo is nude, tied spread-eagled to the bed. An equally naked Heero is
feeding him while saying, "Eat well Duo, you'll need the energy, we're
not done yet!" Duo whimpers pathetically as Wufei backs away and
decides he doesn't want to know. Further down the hall he notes
Quatre's door is open. As he passes he looks in:
O.O!!!!!
Quatre is snapping a whip at a nude knelling Trowa, "Roll Over! Play
Dead! Bend over and spread em'!"
Wufei runs to the safety of his room and prays for morning to come soon,
right after he barricades the door!

Morning arrives and a smug Heero and Quatre strut out of the house
shouting "I'll show you the man!" and high-fiving one another. Duo and
Trowa hobble into the kitchen and sit gingerly down to eat some
breakfast and recover from a night of wild sex. Both look at each
other, grin and mouth, "Mission accomplished!"

end