6-12-2001

Disclaimers: I own nothing but my imagination!
Warning: Shounen-ai

HOLD ME
by: chibicharm

Songfic Lyrics: "Hold Me" is performed by Savage Garden ã1999

(part 1)
// - indicates flashback

 

Hey
If we can't find a way out of these problems
Then maybe we don't need this

 

Duo was sulking, in the most undignified manner for a Gundam Pilot. Chestnut hair surrounding his body, sunlight bringing out honey-colored highlights. It was almost noon. He insisted on bunking in a single bedroom this time after that last mission. All he ever wanted to do now was to avoid that pilot of Wing to whom he had secretly lost his heart to. Which he thought, wasn't a dark secret after an incident that happened two nights ago.

"Kuso! It ain't my fault if I was a li'l tipsy the other night and I never had the chance to *concentrate enough* to hear him enter the room. Talk about privacy! Can't he at least knock? I mean, what if I was naked or something?" Duo mused loudly, too frustrated to blame himself anyway. Really, Duo's daily monologue was more than a hobby. Either Heero be in or not. He figured he wouldn't be able to get any sort of reaction from the stoic pilot anyhow.

 

Standing face to face
Enemies at war we build defenses
And secret hiding places

 

//"Why hello there brush, hairblower, mousse and my goody 'ol pal, hair tie! How are you guys this evening?" Duo continued his "conversation" with his "pals". It was rather late in the evening but he was the first to return to their current safehouse. They've been invited to one of Relena's parties. With no one else to confide his frustration to, Duo proceeded to one of his monologues.

"Damn him! You know? Everything was turning out great! There I was, standing beside the punch bowl, staring at his gorgeous glaring face the whole evening! It was such a breeze you know, looking at him so freely until Relena-ojousan asked him to dance with her! Of course he said yes, you dimwits! It's obvious that he liked her in return! That obsessive Queen could be such an attention grabber, how else could he not notice her?" Duo clenched his teeth. "Notice her! Notice HER! It has always been her! What about ME?!" Duo wailed with his finger pointed to himself. He was in front of a mirror, glassy eyes bulging out, burning with fury. "I've been rooming with him for how long? Still, I couldn't get anything from him. Eager to take care of him when he gets hurt from those fucking missions. Scared that I'd lose him each time! But he never held my hand! Never looked at me in the eye! Never danced with me and so I'd picture the moon and the heavens above us! Damn him! Why am I this angry? I'm being too jealous, thinking he'd even *think* about *me*! Why do I love HIM so much?!"

At that, he heard the door shut behind him… and saw Heero's glaring reflection in the mirror.//

 

(part 2)
Hey
More than angry words
I hate this silence
It's getting so loud

 

Staggering back to his own room, Heero removed his jacket and placed his clothing at the edge of the bed. Another mission for the Perfect Soldier was completed that night. Mechanically, he fished the disk inside his jacket pocket and ran a thorough study on OZ's schematic facilities and data. Through the clicking of his keyboard, he found the sound deafening to the ears. There was no rustling of sheets from the other side of the room. There was no sound of turning pages of a manga, no loud rock and roll music from an earphone. No… Duo.

Keyboard-typing fingers paused at the thought and Heero's mind began to wander at what happened two nights ago. The moment he lost sight of Duo at Relena's party, he immediately went looking for the boy. He just… had to. Two eyebrows met as he pondered on how he felt for the pilot of Deathscythe. Felt… Years of training gave no room to allow the act to squeeze into his life as a perfect tool in the war. No attachments, no emotions needed to serve as hindrances to the missions he was ordered and obliged to do. Failure was never an option.

He found the missing boy alas, and he seemed to be having a conversation with -_someone else_ in the room. An enemy? Heero stiffened for a second as he grabbed for gun while listening through the open door. 'That baka! If he's plotting at being caught like this, he'll never be able to clutch at that damn braid again.' Heero thought while peeping through the crack.

Then it hit him.

He wanted to pull that braided baka and make him look at him and tell him why. But as he absorbed every word the boy had said, he wanted to come closer, pull him in, hug him to his chest to clear him off of the absurdity he was dwelling in.

"Why do I love HIM so much?!"

Heero froze. He lost grip on the heavy doorknob and a very frightened Duo met his eyes on the mirror. Not knowing what to say, Heero kept his facial expression to mask the mixed feelings that was starting to bubble up in his chest. Duo took the message from the expression of Heero's face, which obviously reflected the hurt on his own face. Dropping his eyes, Duo dashed out of the room, leaving Heero confused with what he just heard and with Duo leaving him behind without a word unlike the usual warm welcome he received from the boy when he returned.

Heero let out a breath he never thought he was holding. Why did Duo say matter so much? Heero settled his elbows on the desk and massaged his temples. This was getting more confusing as each day passes by.

//Before leaving for his mission yesterday morning, Duo got back from wherever he came from the night before. The night he accidentally heard Duo talking on his own. He found Duo packing as well.

"You did not receive any mission, did you?" Heero shot Duo a question that made the other pilot jump at his voice.

"Uh, no. Yeah, um, I didn't." Duo tried to answer Heero by looking at him but fails. He picked up one of his manga but drops it, tearing a page and curses for his stupidity. Heero watched every movement, memorizing each sway, each curve of Duo's body, the constant movement of his braid… why is he packing? Stay… must stay…

"Then why are you packing?"

"There's another room at the end of the hall. I figured, well, um… ano…" Duo tried to reach one of his hair ties underneath the bed. As he bounced on his feet, dark circles were revealed under his eyes. "I know it's hard for you to keep up with your usual perfect routine so I might as well move out. Oi, look at the room! It's a pigsty when I'm here."

'It's alive when you're here!' Heero mentally shouted.

"Damn you."

Duo whirled around to face Heero. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Heero's burning cobalt eyes met Duo's tired, soft violet eyes and muttered, "Damn you."

There was a flash of hurt that crossed Duo's eyes, then he dropped them and resumed his packing. Heero continued to watch his comrade as he finished packing and tried to aim him a silent goodbye.

 

(to be continued…)