2-22-2001

Title: Hit and Miss
Author: AstroKender
Pairings: Catherine + 5
Rating: funny.
Warnings: Dragons in drag. Possible nose-cola.
Spoilers: None.
Notes: What WuFei really meant when he told Trowa he was unfit to pilot Nataku...
Feedback: AstroKender@aol.com
Disclaimers: I own nothing... Don't sue.

WuFei crouched low and ran for all he was worth across the field, dragging his companion along by the arm. What injustice...to be forced to run and flee into the night...with an onna.

"Ow! You're hurting me! Let go kid!"

"Silence woman. They could still be after us!" WuFei paused behind a gaudily colored trailer. Seeing no one around, he took off again...or tried to.

"Wait!" Catherine hissed, pulling him back into the shadows of the caravan. "What about Trowa?"

Onyx eyes glared at her. "The clown can take care of himself. Now come on."

"Watch out!" The circus performer shouted before throwing herself into smaller boy. Gunfire slammed into the ground inches away from them.

Still pressing herself against WuFei, Catherine raised up high enough to site her target. Taking careful aim, she launched one of her knifes at the burly man holding the machine gun. The knife arced through the air and pinned the man's sleeve to the trailer behind him. Catherine picked up WuFei they took off running once more.

"Onna! You are supposed to hit the enemy!"

Catherine rolled her eyes as she dragged the dark haired boy into a nearby tent. "Excuse me for being trained to miss!"

WuFei took one look at his surroundings and turned around to leave. Catherine tried frantically to stop him. "Woman! What did you drag me into?"

"It's the harem tent. It's one of our most popular attractions."

The Chinese boy eyes the scantily clad women reclining on numerous pillows and struggled not to have a nose bleed. "No wonder Quatre's Arabic..."

The women giggled and Cathy rolled her eyes. Boys. "They're not really harem women, WuFei. It's an act."

The small man felt his cheeks burning in embarrassment. "I know that woman! Now why did you drag me in here?"

Catherine stepped quickly over to a nearby trunk and began sorting through the abundant brightly colored cloth that WuFei saw within. She pulled out a wad of neon green fabric and threw it at the dark haired boy.

"This should go well with your skin tone..." She giggled.

WuFei unfolded the cloth to gaze with dawning horror at the see-through silk pants and matching sequined top. His caramel skin when ashen with the implication of what the crazy onna was suggesting...

"You want me, Chang WuFei, descendant of the great Dragon clan, to dress in drag!?" His voice seemed to pick up shrillness and intensity towards the end. Catherine quickly covered his mouth with her hand...but it was too late.

"Jake! Did you hear that?" A man's rough voice called out.

"Yeah Joe. It sounded like it came from that tent over there." Another man answered.

"Alright boy's, keep your guns ready. That Chinese kid is dangerous. He already killed John and Jack."

"Right."

Catherine glared daggers at WuFei. "Now look what you've done!" She hissed in his ear.

WuFei glowered back but said nothing. The circus girl quickly shoved him behind an ornately painted screen.

"Get dressed! Hurry!" Swiftly adjusting her purple bodysuit and carefully flouncing her skirt, she turned to face the soldiers as they barged into the tent.

Seeing the guns, a few of the girls screamed. Catherine stepped in front of them protectively.

"Can I help you gentlemen?"

The burly men seemed taken aback for a moment, but quickly rallied themselves. The leader stepped forward and stuck out his chest proudly.

"We are from the Alliance special forces. We heard tales that you were harboring a Gundam pilots at this circus. We are here to search the place."

Another man leered at the cowering women. "I must say, this has to be one of the best assignments I've been on."

Forcing a smile, Cathy gestured to the tent around her. "Well, as you can see, we have nothing to hide from such big strong men like you."

"Oh, really? Then what is the deal with you hiding this little gem from us?"

Catherine held her breath as one of the men stalked over and tore down the silk screen hiding WuFei. Her eyes widened. She couldn't believe the transformation.

Standing in the place of a once proud and majestic warrior was now a delicate flower. Soft strands of ebony hair gently caressed a face that befitted a porcelain doll. Dark eyes peered at the men from under long sooty lashes and soft pink lips were curved into a small pout.

Catherine stammered for an explanation. "Uh...this is our newest addition. Miss...Miss Saigon."

"You found quiet a treasure there Jake!" One of the soldiers called out.

Jake gave a lecherous grin and leaned closer to WuFei. His meaty hand tilted he chin up towards the lamp light. "She certainly is a pearl...But I bet she could use a little 'buffing'."

WuFei growled and grabbed the man's wrist in an iron grip. Giving at slight twist, he watched in satisfaction as the man fell to his knees in agony." Giving a small sneer, he released the man and walked over to stand by Catherine.

"Careful Jake! She's a feisty one." A man laughed.

"A bit flat-chested for my tastes." The man grumbled, cradling his aching wrist.

Their boss laughed and gesture the men out of the tent. "Come on boys. There's no Gundam pilot in here. Ladies." The man gave a sarcastic bow amid the groans of disappointment.

"Of all the unjust, dishonorable, indecent-" WuFei fumed.

Catherine shushed him. "At least your alive. You can worry about your honor later. Although," She said, casting a meaningful look up and down WuFei's scantily clad body. "I don't really see what you have to worry about."

WuFei blushed red to his ears as the tent erupted with feminine laughter. Just when he thought things couldn't get more humiliating, Trowa rushed in.

"Cathy! Are you all right? Where's Wu..." The Latin boy trailed off as his jaw hung slack in the air.

"What are you gawking at, Clown-boy?" WuFei muttered, crossing his arms across his sequined top.

"WuFei?" He sputtered. Then he did something that shocked Catherine to the core. He fell down amidst the soft pillows, clutching his sides and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

"Kisama!" WuFei started towards the other boy, but Cathy stopped him.

"Now WuFei, play nice. You should go get changed while I fix us all some soup. Unless," She pinched his butt and winked. "You want to stay in that outfit. It is a nice color on you..."

"Onna!" The Chinese boy sputtered.

Catherine just laughed and ushered the other women out of the tent, leaving him alone with the still laughing Trowa. WuFei stood there for a moment, glaring at the wheezing boy.

"Barton," WuFei growled warningly. "If you ever breath a word of this..."

Trowa just kept laughing.