11-29-2000

"Come Together"
AstroKender@aol.com
Notes: I've been writing a lot of dark stuff lately, so i've decided to lighten the mood a little. I don't often write comedy so I'm not sure how well this turned out, so give me feedback! I'd like to thank Opal for helping me with this! "Come Together" is by the Beatles.

 

Duo is walking hurriedly through a small town in Northern America. He is sweating slightly under his customary priest's outfit and his eyes dart around nervously from under his black cap. He darts out of a local drugstore, and is now protectively clutching the small paper bag containing his Equate Lubricating Gel TM. As he's walking down the street he passes a familiar ambulance. Heero leers at him from the driver's seat. His eyes widen as the Japanese boy begins to sing.

"Here come old flat top, he come groovin' up slowly
He got Joo Joo eyeballs, He one Holy Roller
He got hair down to his knee
Got to be a joker, he just do what he please!"

Duo smirks and ignores Heero, hailing a cab. He sticks his tongue out at the Japanese boy as a beat up yellow taxi screeches to a stop beside him. He steps in it and tells the driver to head for the park. The turbaned driver jabbers something in Arabic and turns around, smiling. Duo's jaw hits the floor as Quatre sings.

"He wear no shoeshine, he got toe jam football
He got monkey finger, he shoot Coca Cola
He say I know you, you know me
One thing I can tell you is you've got to be free"

Duo sweatdrops and frantically tries to open the car door, but it seems to be stuck. He rolls down the window and slips out, falling to the ground (still holding his precious lube). The trunk opens and no less than forty Maguanacs pop out, and begin to sing back up.

"Come together right now, over me"

Duo runs away, taking refuge in a nearby sushi restaurant called Joho's. Flopping into a nearby chair, he sighs in relief. The waiter comes out with the menu but Duo can't read Chinese, so he just asks for a fortune cookie and some water. Hearing the waiter growl, he glanced up and saw the noticeably irritated face of WuFei. The Chinese pilot grins and hoists the braided boy's chair, with Duo still in it, over his head. He clung frantically to his chair as the apron-wearing boy began to recite obscure haikus.

"He Bag Production, he got walrus gumboot
He got Ono sideboard, he one spinal cracker
He got feet down below his knee
Hold you in his armchair, you can feel his disease"

Duo scrambles out of his chair and down WuFei. The Chinese pilot bows and hands him a fortune cookie. Laughing nervously, Duo slowly backs away. Seeing the Chinese boy is making no move to stop him, he takes off at warp speed, reading his fortune as he runs.

It says: "Come together right now, over me"

Duo is hiding out in the jungle with DeathScythe (and his bag of lube). He is sitting by a small fire, roasting marshmallows. He hears a loud growl and whirls around, brandishing his marshmallow stick. Something large and fuzzy hits him in the chest. Noticing he has been knocked flat by a very large lion, he begins to scream. A strange thought whapped him upside the head. Remembering that lions don't normally hang out in jungles, he stopped screaming and glared up at the impassive face of Trowa, resplendent in his lion costume.

He sang: "He roller coaster, he got early warning
He got muddy water, he one Mojo filter
He say one and one and one is three
Got to be good lookin' cause he so hard to see"

Duo struggled out from under the furry Latin boy and runs toward DeathScythe. The other pilots (plus 40 Maguanacs) pop out of the dense jungle and tackle the braided boy. They all go down in a flurry of arms, legs, and torn clothing. The local wildlife averts its eyes.

"Come together right now, over me"

 

"Hey Duo! Wake up!"

Duo opened his eyes, trying to focus on the Japanese boy sitting beside him. He was in his bed, with empty boxes of Chinese food scattered around him.

"Wha-hat?" He muttered sleepily.

"You were dreaming." Heero stated. "You're lucky you didn't wake the whole school."

Duo stared at his partner. "Sorry..." He mumbled.

"Hn."

Duo ran a hand through his tangled hair. "Man, what a weird dream! That's the last time I eat at Joho's." His eyes caught a slightly crumpled bag on the floor. Opening it, his eyes widened.

Shaking hands pulled out a tube (now empty) of Equate Lubricating Gel TM. Dropping the tube, his eyes rolled up in his head. At his laptop, a few feet away from the fainting boy, Heero smirked and sang to himself.

"Come together..."