7-24-2000

Warnings: A twisted and butchered version of the tale Little Red Riding Hood. Do not read if the thought of Duo in a psychotic mood decapitating bunny rabbits or other various cute animals in the woods bothers you. I don't have anything against said cute animals. In fact, I love them. Unfortunately for them though, Duo cannot stand cutely hopping animals in his path when he is in a psychotic mood and does away with them with his scythe in this story. Yaoi, lemon/lime implications. I'll let you use your own imaginations in here. Attempts at humor and perverted comments galore. ENJOY!

Pairings: 1x2, HEAVILY implied 1x5

Disclaimers: Not mine, am not claiming any characters/story. They all belong to big, rich companies with their fancy lawyers that can sue away my computer and internet server... Hmm… not such a bad idea to lose the internet server… ^_^;;;

Little Red Riding Hood - G-boys style

Note: I've noticed with what my last parody that the G- boys basically do their own thing in these "revisements" so in this one, I'll try adjust the script as we go along to whatever the boys are doing..

Characters:
Little Red Riding Hood a.k.a. LRRH a.k.a. Duo- Duo Maxwell
Wolf- Heero Yuy
Grandma- Wufei Chang
Little Red Riding Hood's mother- Quatre Rabera Winner
Little Red Riding Hood's father- Trowa Barton
Narrator- Me, Alexia ::Waves madly:: Comments will be in parentheses Ex: (…)

(Okay, I'm starting up my parody kick again with the Little Red Riding Hood story. Everyone's got a script and a black marker to mark where they change their lines/actions/story line. I've learned from the last time to let them do their thing so if this story takes strange and lemony turns, believe me when I say it is not my fault. ^_^;;; Let's go check up on… "grandma"…)

Wufei: ::Lying in a bed with a large dress decorated in daisys scattered around on and a little hat that most fairytale grandmothers wear perched on his head and glaring venomously at Alexia whiling holding an ice pack to his forehead:: ONNA! I do not want to play the part of a weak old woman! ::Crosses arms on top of chest pouting and glaring cutely at the same time::

(Oh c'mon Wu-chan… no way am I going to change the script so early! You even signed this contract saying that you'll do this. ::Displays said contract proudly:: See? You have to uphold your honor and duty after signing this contract! ^_^)

Wufei: I did not sign that piece of paper willingly! You, Trieze and Zechs tricked me! They got me drunk and then you forced me! THAT WAS NOT HONORABLE! I still have a hangover AND DON'T CALL ME WU-CHAN!!

(I'll admit to that, but still Wu-chan, you did sign it. It's not our fault that you have such a low tolerance for alcohol! ^_^ Besides, I did give you an ice pack and Trieze and Zechs made up for it after I left you guys.)

Wufei: I STILL REFUSE TO PLAY THE PART OF A WEAK ONNA!

(::Sighs:: But Wu-chan, all you have to do is lie down and act sick until Hee-chan "eats" you. It's not that hard…yet… ^_^)

Wufei: Easy for you to say onna! You're not the one he's going to eat!

(Wu-chan? You can't tell me you don't enjoy Heero eating you up. The last time that happened, you were floating on Cloud Nine for a few days-mphf!)

Wufei: ::Blushes and keeps hand tightly clamped over her mouth:: Ah.. yes, there is that. But after this, I'm not participating in anymore of your sick, twisted parodies!

(::Pries Wufei's hand off and smirks:: I guess this means that you'll be cooperating?)

Wufei: Hn…for now. But Yuy better hurry up and get here!

(Okay! ^_^ Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother is very sick and she sent a letter to Little Red Riding Hood's mother asking for Little Red Riding Hood's help. ::Whew:: I think I'll just call Little Red Riding Hood LRRH for now.)

Quatre (LRRH's mother): ::Sigh:: why do I always have to play the mother? Why can't I play the villain for once? They seem to get the best rewards…

(Onegai Quatre? I promise for the next parody you'll be the evil villain and Trowa'll be the one you have to be evil to… ^_^;;)

Quatre: You're lucky you cast Trowa as the father or else I would have just left you here minus two G-boys.

(Yes, yes, yes, I know. But look at the bright side, in this parody, I'm expecting the limes/lemons! ^_^ Now can we please proceed with the play?)

Quatre: Fine. ::Opens letter and reads:: Little Red Riding Hood! Oh Little Red Riding Hood! Come here please! ::Waits for 10 minutes:: HEY DUO! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!

Duo: ::Looks up from where he's playing with his loose hair:: Oh yeah, that's me. ::Saunters over to Quatre:: Yeah? Whadda want?

(::Sees dress and wails:: Duo! What did you DO to it?? I only rented it! ::Takes a closer look and drools:: but you still look good…)

Duo: ::Wink:: I decided since I'm going to crossdress, I might as well be comfortable. I altered it to fit me. Don't you like it? ::Twirls around and shows off his little red hood placed over loose, flowing, chestnut hair and the short, SHORT (Short enough to flash little black panties) red dress with black streaks over it- minus the sleeves:: I decided it was too long after nearly tripping a few times so I trimmed the ends. ::Twirls scythe used to trim said dress:: Don't you like it? ^_^

Quatre: I think it looks just fine.. ::Leers::

Duo: ::Wink:: Of course! Like the panties? ::Twirls around again and flashes the audience:: They were a gift from Hee-chan. I think I'll have fun today… ^_^

(Um, okay, let's continue with the play now…)

Quatre: ::wipes drool:: Okay. Little Red Riding Hood, your grandmother is very hung over and is in need of some assistance for the objects she keeps throwing around. She needs a target and since I want some quality time with your father, I'm sending you. Grab a basket, some food and get going. You outfit gave me some ideas on what I should do with your father… ^_^

Duo: ::Grin:: don't forget the lube and don't go to hard on him.

Quatre: I won't! >:) Oh DE~AR!!

Trowa: ::joins them:: Hn?

Quatre: ::Grabs Trowa's hand and drags him off:: I have an interesting idea on what to do tonight. By any chance, have you seen Duo's outfit?

Trowa: …No…

Quatre: ^o^ Goody, I'm planning to surprise you with another version of it…

Trowa: //.O

(And so LRRH goes off to visit his grandma. While LRRH is walking through the woods decapitating every cute thing that comes into her... err... his path, let's go see what Wolf Heero is doing.)

Heero: Hn. ::Is in cave preparing C4 explosives::

(A- anou Heero? Um, according to the script, you need to be searching for food.)

Heero: Hn. ::Glare and looks pointedly back and forth between the explosives and Alexia::

(Eep.. Demo Heero! The play's already in motion! You seemed very eager to do this when I told you about it!)

Heero: …Fine… ::Puts away explosives, puts on the ears and tail and stalks out into the woods to search for something to eat::

(So Wolf Heero goes out searching for something to eat and chances to come upon Little Red Riding Hood's Grandma's cottage. Seeing smoke from the chimney, he goes in to see if there is anything to eat.)

Heero: Hn *Translation- Who needs a key when you have explosives?* ::Takes out an extra C4 explosive and blasts the door open::

Wufei: NANI?!?!? Who's there! If you are a thief, come taste the point of my sword and my justice! ::Glares at snickering Alexia:: Not that sword hentai!

(I couldn't resist!! ::Dodges Wufei's sword.. err.. not that one, the steel one… oh never mind! ::Dodges thrown flowerpot:: Heh, so Wolf Heero comes in and sees LRRH's weak and hung over 'grandma' in bed with his sword and since he's so very hungry, Wolf Heero decides to eat up Grandma Wufei.)

Heero: Hnn… ::Smirk:: You did say eat up Grandma Wufei right?

(::Sigh:: Yes, and I'm not going to stop you if you decided to eat him up in another way…)

Heero: ::Smirk widens:: Okay. ::Dives under the covers with Grandma Wufei::

Wufei: EEP! HEERO!! Ohhh.. Ooooo.. Ahh… umm… Oh god…

(::Ignores various moanings and groanings in background:: While Wolf Heero is busy eating up Grandma Wufei, let's go see where LRRH is up to.)

Duo: ::Humming happily as he uses Shinigami, his scythe, to decapitate a rabbit in his path:: This is actually quite fun… ::maniac grin::

(~.~;;; I'll take your word for it… Anyways, LRRH hears groaning and moaning while in the woods and curious, she… err.. HE follows the sounds and comes into a clearing in which his grandma's cottage is in.)

Duo: ::Snicker:: sounds like someone's having F~U~N!!!

(As if someone heard him, the sounds cease after a shout that sounded suspiciously like "Heero".)

Duo: ::Pout:: They must be done already. That was fast. Oh well, I'll go see if I can join them. ^_^

(Duo heads up to the cottage and--)

Duo: Whoa! ::Peers at blackened entryway and twisted remains of a door:: Someone must be having FUN here.. Musta been pretty rough too… ^_^

(Anyway, Duo enters the cottage and goes to see if his grandmother is okay.)

Duo: ::Comes into a room and sees Heero in the bed:: O.O My, grandma! What revealing clothes you have on! ::Pokes at tanktop clad chest::

Heero: ::Now dressed in the hat and his usual tanktop and spandex:: The better to complete a mission in.

Duo: Oh okay. ::Takes a closer look:: Why grandma, what a flat chest you have…

Heero: The better to attract you with my koi- dear…

Duo: Oh.. Umm.. okay.. I'll get you some food then. ::Leans over to the floor where his basket is to get something and, quite ACCIDENTLY, flashing Heero and the readers::

Heero: ::Drool:: I see you're wearing the panties I gave you.. ::Reaches over to feel the panties… and what was underneath them::

Duo: ::Wiggles his ass at Heero's soft touch, still taking out food, seemingly oblivious to the touch:: My, grandma, do you feel a draft in here? ^_^

Heero: Hm, now that you mention it… ::Slams shut window next to the bed:: Do be a… dear and close the room door?

Duo: Okay! ::Goes over to close door and comes back to sit next to his 'grandma':: Here grandma, have some soup. It's good for you. Made with a special ingredient I made myself! ^_^

Heero: ::Grabs Duo's hand with the spoon and slowly puts the spoon in his mouth and drinks the soup and then lets his tongue s~l~o~w~l~y lick away any and all excess soup left on the spoon, coming very close to Duo's hand::

Duo: ::Swallows drool:: Oh my, grandma. What strong hands you have…

Heero: ::Smirk:: the better to hold you down with my dear.

Duo: ::Blush:: Ahem, yes, I see grandma. Would you like me to get you something?

Heero: As a matter of fact, no, not right now. But you can come and sit closer to me… for instance, over here. ::Pats a spot almost on his lap::

Duo: ::Blushes harder, then gets a mischievous gleam in the eye:: Alright grandma. Over here? ::Bats eyelashes coyly as he sits close to Heero's legs, but not close enough for Heero to grab.::

Heero: Hn, closer…

Duo: ::Moves slightly closer:: Here?

Heero: Closer my dear… ::Licks lips as Duo oh so slowly slides closer::

Duo: ::Huskily:: Here?

Heero: No… just a bit closer…

Duo: ::Sits right next to Heero's legs:: Here?

Heero: Not close enough, let me show you where…. ::Grabs Duo and pulls him directly over his groin::

Duo: ::Dress flares out and leaves Duo sitting directly over Heero's groin with only the panties between them:: O.O Why grandma! What hard legs you have! ^_^

Heero: ::Smirk:: that's not the only thing that's hard…

(::Nosebleeds and rushes off to get tissues:: )

Duo: ::Innocently:: Do you by any chance have a hot rod with you down there grandma? ::Leans closer to Heero to whisper his words directly in Heero's ear:: It's poking me.. right.. in.. the.. ass…

Heero: ::Growls and pounces on Duo, burying themselves under the covers::

Duo: Oh MY, GRANDMA!!! What a BIG, HARD, THROBBING - mphf! Mm… Ohhh.. Ahhh.. Oh SHINIGAMI!!! YOU'RE NOT GRANDMA!!! ::Giggles:: Ohh.. but you certainly *are* bigger and harder…

Heero: ::Smirk:: The better to take you with my KOI…

Duo: I can feel that.. Mmmmm… Ohhhh....

(::Blushes madly and appears with Kleenexes stuck up her nose:: And so, Wolf Heero and Little Red Riding Hood were distracted from the rest of the woods for a very long time, much to the joy of Duo's parents who were also enjoying their time off…)

Quatre: ::Smirk:: I love Duo's idea of adjusting these dresses…

Five days later…

Duo: I'm certainly one busy red RIDING hood… ^_^ Meep! ::Is dragged back under the covers::

Heero: ::Smirks as he distracts Duo in bed and keeps him occupied for a very, very long time::

OWARI!!!

::Smirk:: See? This time, I knew better then to try and stop them from the implied lemons.. ^_^;;; Comments appreciated, flames, not quite so appreciated but will be taken and laughed at. Hope you appreciated minna! ^_^