hey! i wrote this a while ago but was afried to post it. I'm actually still unsure about it but i need to get it out before some angry muses hurt me. But before i get to the fic: This is a 90% true story based on my own expierence with my best friend Krys. You'll probably be able to figure out who is representing me buy the descriptions. anyways, it involves self-mutilation so if you are uncomfortable with that just dont read it. thanks
^Znma
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the song is "the last kiss" by AFI
yea, it is a song fic but it really does help to read the lyrics because it really works with the emotions in the story. ok thats enough from me.
**....** song lyrics
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**Hung in your room, swaying, hoping only that you'll see. All by myself, I'm alone in such poor company.**

The red drip slid loosely down the smooth white and gathered with the other drops, swelling then dripping to the floor. Another flash and more drips. He stared down at the colour seeping from his skin. It was beautiful.

**The deeper I think, the deeper I seem to sink**

And another flash of the light hitting the silver of the blade, and yet more colour.

**I can't stop the insects that are feeding, pull the needles from beneath my skin.**

Crystalline drops built up in the violet orbs and slowly streamed down his face, falling and mixing with the red.

One final flash and he put the blade down. He walked into the bathroom letting his arms be bathed in his won crimson gift and feeling the warmth engulf his heart. He sighed as he washed the excess blood into the sink.

**I broke myself, shattered, tied a bow around every piece.**

Smiling at the new wounds, he pulled the long black shirt down to cover them. He ran the warm water and splashed it on his face wiping away not only his tears but also the face of pain and sorrow he had been wearing.

**You'll love the eyes. Have they always shown so vacantly?**

He turned around to reveal a bright smiling face of mischief and fun. Bangs, sticking slightly to his damp forehead as his brown braid crept down his back.

**The more I show the less you'll want to know**

Although he was still bleeding he bounced downstairs with his new sense of relief. He could go and interact with the others now, and he was glad to. Duo loved being happy. It was great to cheer up the others and bug them, but being manic had a down side, in more ways than one. Being manic meant that he had to fall. And duo and depression did not go together well.

**I can't stop the insects that are feeding, pull the needles from beneath my skin.**

But he could not let them know he had this other side. He had to keep it to himself and that's when the cutting began. Duo cut for relief of emotional pain. He did not want to kill himself, no; he thought that would be the worst way to die. He could die in the glory of war at any time so why tempt fate. Even self-destructing would be better than slitting his wrists since he actually wanted to live. But this was the only thing he could think of. The others didn't seem to notice and he could pass the cuts off as battle wounds if they did.

**Now I'm on display. I am becoming.**

Duo's smile widened as he walked into the kitchen where the other 4 pilots where. He could feel the drying blood being absorbed into his black garment and that made him want to smile even more. Quatre, Trowa and Wufei continued their conversation, but Heero glanced at Duo with a slight hint of worry in his eye.

**Hurt myself today. It's all for you.**

Heero had noticed that Duo had been loosing weight and didn't seem the same lately. And even though he was still as beautiful and enchanting as always, Heero worried about the boy that he had come to secretly love. He knew that the Duo that everyone saw was not the only side to the boy. He knew there was more but he was unsure how to approach it.

**Do you like what I'm becoming?**

Heero looked away as Duo sat down at the table and began his everlasting chatter of nothing. He could talk for hours without saying anything of relevance. Bu put this to his advantage so he wouldn't slip and tell them something that he did not want them to know. Plus it was easy to bore them and get them to leave so he could be alone without making them think that he wanted to be alone.

**Cut myself today. It's all for you**

Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei exited the kitchen a few minutes later, just as Duo planned, when they realized that Duo wasn't going to stop anytime soon. What Duo didn't expect was Heero sitting motionless across from him, staring him down- almost challenging him with his eyes.

**I part the night, flashing, approaching as I watch you flee**

Duo chose to ignore the odd, un-Heero look that he was getting and busy himself with food. After all, it was hard enough to function with Heero around, but with him looking like he, what? Cared? Well it was too much for Duo. Too much for his mind so he turned to his stomach.

**Pushed through your panes**

Heero observed the boy sitting in front of him. Something was off with Duo today. His braid was the same, his clothes were the same- no wait, they weren't. He sleeves were usually rolled up, right? It wasn't hot but it wasn't cold enough for him to wear long-sleeved, unless you were Quatre or Trowa but they always did.

Heero really didn't want to think about why he would have his sleeves down, but being the perfect solider, his mind automatically went through a list of possibilities- none of which he particularly liked.

All this time Duo was still talking away and making himself a sandwich. He casually reached across the table to grab the mayo and Heero's hand shout out and grabbed the American's forearm. Duo shuddered at both the physical contact with Heero and the feeling of fingers pressing into his open wounds. For a send it felt good, but just for a second.

**Seems I've landed quite uncomfortably**

Duo violently pulled away from his partner and turned to leave before any questions could be asked. He was half way out the door when he heard Heero speak, "Don't leave, you can trust me."

Duo turned and made eye contact with the boy as if looking deep into him. Then he slowly turned and paused, waiting for Heero to follow him.

**But as I pass through souls of broken glass I can't stop the insects that are feeding**

Duo sat down on his bed and faced Heero who sat on his own bed across the room. He said nothing but slowly rolled up his sleeves to their normal position and held his arms out for Heero's examination.

Heero stared at the fresh, self-inflicted cuts and newly dried blood on the perfect arms. He had seen so much blood and killing in the war, he had even suspected that this was Duo's secret, but nothing could have prepared him for actually seeing it.

**Pull the needles from beneath my skin.**

He looked into the sad heart-shaped face streaked with tears and moved closer to Duo kneeling on the floor in front of him. He took Duo's shaking hands in his own and held them firmly. He could only think of one thing to say: "Why?" Why, Duo? Why do that to your perfectly beautiful body?

**Please don't ask me what I think, trust me, you don't want to know**

Duo raised his eyes from where they had been anchored on the floor and looked into Heero's eyes again. "I couldn't think of any other way to ease the pain," He said quietly, his voice quivering and catching in his throat. He thought of all the reasons in his head that seemed so rational at the time. Each time he held the blade they were clear and he did not doubt them. But now, here with Heero asking, they seemed pathetic and inadequate.

**Please don't ask me to open up, trust me, trust me, 'cause I can't.**

Heero understood though. He, himself, could feel the burden of their lives and he was not as in touch with is emotions as Duo was. Or so he thought, but if that were true it wouldn't hurt him so much to see Duo in pain.

**I can't stop the insects that are feeding, pull the needles from beneath my skin**

"Duo, look at me," Heero spoke kinder than Duo had ever heard before. "I do not want to see you this way. It hurts me to see you like this. I know enough to know that you aren't trying to kill yourself but with every swipe I lose part of what makes you, Duo. And I don't want to lose something that I actually cat about." With that Heero bowed his head and planted feather-light kisses on each one of Duo's cuts.

Duo cried soundlessly and Heero moved up his arms to just below his elbows where the cuts stopped. Heero looked up at Duo and placed a soft kiss on his lips and then hugged the crying boy close.

** Now I'm on display. I am becoming **

Duo let Heero take him in his arms as he cried into his shoulder. Heero stroked his hair and silently rocked the braided one back and forth.

**Hurt myself today. It's all for you**

After a few minutes Duo sat up and looked at Heero. "Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?" Heero asked continuing to hold his hands.

"For caring about me." Duo kissed Heero lightly before resuming his hugging position.

**Do you like what I'm becoming?**

Heero nodded and smiled. Duo was going to be ok. He was going to get through this. They were, Heero promised, because from this moment on he would not leaved Duo alone again. Ever.

**Cut myself today. It's all for you**

-END-