hey there. i read this great book called "The Perks of being a Wallflower:" over the summer and thought it would make a great fusion type thing with Gundam Wing. So i did it. yea.
i think its gonna be an arc type thing. each part of the arc having different name (this first part is called The Group) and different parts under that name. im not sure yet. we'll see.

Title: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Group

author: Znma

archive: anyone???

notes: major OOC, AU, no parings as of yet. eventually 1x2/2x1 (duhh) also becasue of all the plagerism stuff going around i want to state here and now I DID NOT WRITE THE BOOK! i am borrowing the plot line and even some dialogue and discription. I give all the credit to Stephen Chbosky. If anyone has a major problem with this, sorry. but please do not sue me becasue of this. i give credit when it is duo. and i am taking non of it... i will let you know when i go away from the plot line.

oh and i want to thank Fallen Angel for being such an insperation! Keep shining!

Ladies and Gentlemen:
Welcome to the disclaimer, that's right the disclaimer. This American apple pie institution known as parental discretion will cleans and innuendo or sarcasm from this fic which might actually make you think, and will insult you intelligence at the same time. So, protect your family. This fic contains explicit depictions of things which are real. These real things are commonly known as life. So, if it sounds sarcastic, don't take it seriously. If it sounds dangerous, do not try this at home or at all. And if it offends you, just don't read it.

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August 25, AC 195

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you because she said that you understand and didn't try to sleep with her at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who "she" is because then you might figure out who I am, and I don't want that. I am using generic names of people and didn't enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this.

I just like the idea of having someone out there who understands and that doesn't sleep with people even though they can. It is nice to know that people like you exist. At least that is what she said. It is that simple.

So, this is my life. I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and still trying to figure out how that could be.

I think my family has a lot to do with it, especially after my friend Catherine stopped coming to school one day, last spring, and Mr. Khushrenada's voice came over the loud speaker.

"I'm sorry to inform you that one of our students, Catherine Bloom, has passed on this weekend." He went on to talk about the memorial service and what not, but I didn't pay attention. I think I was in the dinning room at the time. I remember staring into my lunch and not thinking anything.

I don't really remember exactly when I found out, but I remember this guy that everyone calls Walker said that Catherine had killed herself. Walker's mom plays bridge with Mrs. Bloom. He said she did it with a knife.

After that I just remember my brother, Wufei, coming into Mr. Khushrenada's office and telling me to stop crying. He told me to stop crying before dad came home. He took me out to eat and tried to make me feel better. He even let me help him work on Nataku, his Camaro. I must have been pretty messy because he's never let me touch his pride and joy before.

We had to see guidance councilors and everyone who was Catherine friend was asked to say a few words. I think they thought we would try to kill ourselves as well. People said weird things, like thinking about suicide during TV commercials. Sylvia said she would never kill herself because it was a sin.

Then it came to me. "What do you think, Heero?" I don't know why this guidance councilor knew my name. That was kinda weird, I wasn't wearing a nametag or anything.

"I think that Catherine was nice but I don't know why she did it and that is confusing to me. As much as I feel sad, not knowing why bothers me much more."

Wow, that doesn't sound like me at all. I was crying the whole time too.

The councilor said that he thought Catherine had "problems at home" and didn't have anyone to talk to. I got really upset then and started lashing out at the councilor. I said she could have come to me. But he said that she probably needed a teacher or councilor to talk to. That didn't help and eventually Wufei had to come pick me up in Nataku.

I think teachers were afraid of me after that. I got better grades but didn't get any smarter. I think I made them nervous.

The funeral was weird. Catherine's dad didn't cry and three months later he left Catherine's mom. I wish I knew what kind of problems Catherine had at home. She didn't leave a note or a reason. Or her mom never showed anyone. I wonder about her family sometimes. What it was like around dinner and stuff. I think it might help me understand more if I knew.

It makes me wonder if I have "problems at home" but it seems like other people have it worse off than I do. My dad always reminds us of that, especially when my sister breaks up with a boy.

Wufei is the oldest. The only thing he likes more than his Camaro is playing football at Oz Institute of Higher Learning, or Oz for short. My sister Relena is pretty but she's awfully mean to boys. She in the middle. I'm the youngest. I get straight A's now, like my sister, and that's why my parent leave me alone.

My dad, Odin, is an honest hardworking man and my mom, Renzi, cries a lot while watching TV. I don't really know why, it's her thing I guess.

My Uncle Jay was my favorite person in the whole world. He would give me books to read, even though my dad said they were too mature for me. He was my mom's brother and lived with us for the last few years of his life because something very bad happened to her. I always wanted to know but it would make him tense up and look as if he was going to cry. I stopped asking when I was about seven. That's when my dad slapped me and told me I was hurting his feelings.

Uncle Jay told him not to ever hit me again, but my father said it was his house and he could do what he liked. My mom was quiet after he said that. I don't remember much after that. My mom and dad took me into the other room and told me what happened. Some people really do have it worse than I do. Really.

I should sleep now, it is very late. I don't know why I started this tonight. I guess because I am starting high school tomorrow and I really afraid of going...

Sincerely,
Heero

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end notes:
1. Renzi is Heero's mom. I couldn't think of anyone is the series that i wanted to be his mom so i took my friend's name. oh well.

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September 7, AC 195

Dear Friend,

High school = bad. I don't like it so far. There is this one guy in my advanced English class that I went to middle school with. His name is Jarren. Jarren and Catherine were best friends, which is kind of odd for middle school, most people don't have good friends of the opposite sex. But Catherine and Jarren were different.

In middle school Jarren was kind of large and sluggish, but he was a great person. Catherine thought he was the hottest guy around even if was going through and awkward stage. So Jarren asked Catherine to "go with him" and she said yes. I would go to football games with Jarren and meet up with Catherine there. They would hold hands and kiss and stuff. Jarren misses Catherine terribly. I don't blame him, they were best friends.

Anyway, Jarren lost weight over the summer and buffed up. Now he is on the football team and feels he has to act like a dumb jock. He doesn't like to admit that he is in advanced English, and to tell you the truth, he doesn't like to admit that he knows me.

I keep quiet most of the time, but one kid, Dekim, seemed to notice me. He waited for me after gym class and said he was going to give me a "swirlie" and other immature things. I told him he looked unhappy and that made him start hitting me. But my brother taught me to fight. He is a great fighter.

"Go for the knees, throat, and eyes."

And I did. And I hurt Dekim. Bad. Then I started crying and was sent to Mr. Khushrenada's office. I didn't get in trouble because some kid told him it was self-defense. I don't know why Dekim would want to hurt me. I never did anything to him and I am pretty small. But he didn't know I could fight. I could have hurt him a lot worse. Maybe I should have.

I thought the kid who told Mr. Khushrenada the truth was going to be my friend. But it turns out he was just doing the right thing. People now look at me strange because I don't decorate my locker and because I was the kid who beat up Dekim then cried after it.

I've been pretty lonely. My sister is busy being the oldest now, and my brother is busy with football at Oz. My dad wants Wufei to play pro ball. My mom is just happy they don't have to pay to send him to Oz because we don't have enough money to send all three of us.

So I am working on straight A's so that I can get an academic scholarship. And that's what I'm gonna keep doing until I find a friend around here.

High school is very lonely.

Sincerely,
Heero

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September 11, AC 195

Dear Friend,

I saw my brother on TV. I don't normally watch sports but this was special. My mom cried, my dad put his arm around her, and my sister smiled, which is weird because they always fight were they are together.

But Wufei was on television and so far that has been the highlight of my 2 weeks of high school. I miss him a lot, which is strange, because we never really talked when he was here. We still don't talk.

I would tell you his position, but like I said, I want to be anonymous to you.

My advanced English teacher assigned us to read "To Kill a Mockingbird." I think it is my favorite book, but then again, I say that after every book. My English teacher told me to call him "Zechs" out side of class and he gave me another book to read and had me write an essay about "To Kill a Mockingbird." He says that I understand language a lot.

My mom wondered why I just wasn't moved up into sophomore or junior English, but it is the same thing with more advanced books, at least that's what Zechs said.

I had to do the dishes tonight. I hate that so I usually just eat off napkins. My sister says that is bad and she is part of the Earth Day Club at school. That's where she meets the boys. I don't know why they like her. She is mean to them.

One boy has it bad for her. I won't tell you his name but he's a nice looking guy. He's always making mixed tapes for Relena with themes. One is called "Eves War" and has a hand coloured cover. After he gave it to her she turned to me.

"Heero, do you want this?"

I felt bad because of all the hard work that the guy put into it. But I took it any way. It is actually a really good tape. There is one song on it, "The Stance" that is really good. I told my sister about it, which was lucky because the boy asked her about the tape and she told him what I said about the song. That made the boy happy.

My mom likes this boy, she says he is very nice. My dad thinks he is soft and I think that's why my sister does what she does to him.

One night we were watching this movie in the basement and she was really cutting in on him because he didn't stand up to this bully when he was like fifteen. She just kept nagging at him for like four scenes of the movie and he started to cry. Then she pointed at me.

"See Heero? Even he stood up to a bully."

The guys looked at her, then me, and then back at her. He got really red in the face then hit her across the face and stopped crying. The guy who made the great tape with the hand-coloured cover hit my sister.

But Relena didn't do anything. She just got all nice and asked me to leave, so I did. After the boy left she told me they were "going out" and not to tell mom and dad what happened.

I guess he finally stood up to his bully.

My sister spent a lot of time with him that weekend, and on Saturday night I got tired of reading my book so I went down to the basement to watch TV and I opened the door to find them both naked and the boy was on top of Relena. She just yelled that I was a pervert and to get out. I did.

The next day we were all watching football. The guy and my sister acted like nothing happened. He made small talk to my dad about the game and my dad said that he was going to be a fine young man who could carry himself.

My sister agreed. And I felt bad for them. I could see this boy doing homework and thinking about my sister. I could see them holding hand at games they never really watch. I could see this boy throwing up in the bushes at the next party and my sister putting up with it. And I felt very bad for the both of them.

But, on a lighter note. I am in shop class; did I tell you that? I think it is my favorite class next to Zechs' English class.

Anyways, there is this guy in my shop class named "Nothing" I'm not kidding that is his name. He got his name in middle school when people would tease him about his name. I think he is a senior now. Well his real name is Trowa. But people called him Tro and he couldn't stand it so he said, "Listen, you call me Trowa or you call me nothing."

So people started calling him nothing. Nothing is really funny. He was doing impressions of our shop teacher and even drew on sideburns with a grease pencil. And when the shop teacher turned around and saw him, he just laughed. It wasn't mean, it was just funny. It was the hardest I laughed since my brother left.

Oh, and by the way, My sister asked for the "Eves War" tape back. She listens to it all the time now.

Sincerely,
Heero.

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September 29, AC 195

Dear Friend,

There is a lot I have to tell you about the past 2 weeks. Some good and some bad. I don't know why that always happens.

First off, I got a C on my essay for "To Kill a Mockingbird" from Zechs. He says that I write too much like I talk and I should use the vocabulary words that we learned in class. To tell you the truth I don't know why I should use them. I have never heard anyone, not even a teacher, use the word "corpulent." I would use them here, but it doesn't seem like they are right for this format.

I actually don't know when to use them. I mean, what is the point of using words that nobody knows anyway? I feel the same about movie stars that people don't even really like but are always on the covers of magazines. I can't help but feel sorry for them, nobody respects them at all but they keep interviewing them at all.

I guess that was pretty random. I just started thinking about it because I had to go to the dentist and saw the same star on four different magazine covers there.

Well, after the dentist my mom drove me to the cemetery where a lot of my relatives are buried, including Uncle Jay. The cool thing about Uncle Jay was that he would let us stay up late when we were little and we would watch "Saturday Night Live" or something of the sort. But I was little and I would always fall asleep. Relena and Wufei talk about those times and I wish I could have stayed up. I guess its sad because they are memories now and we all loved him, especially me. That was our time with him.

I won't start listing TV memories, except for one. Because I think it is something that everyone can relate to, even if I don't know you.

Well, my family was sitting around watching the last episode of M*A*S*H, and I will never forget it. My mom was crying and so was my sister. Wufei was using every once of strength he had not to cry. And my dad left during the middle to make a sandwich, which was weird because he never left to make a sandwich except during commercial breaks and then he usually just sent my mom. But he did, and I walked into the kitchen and he was crying. And I couldn't believe it! When he saw me he wiped his eyes and said,

"This is out little secret, ok, my little soldier?"

"Okay." I said and we walked back out and I sat on his lap for the rest of the show. You know a lot of kids at school hate their parents. I don't really understand mine, but I still love them.

So I went to the football game at my school. I used to go with Catherine and she would meet up with Jarren and they would hold hands. But I went alone because Catherine is gone, Jarren is on the team now, and Sylvia's mom sent her to a different school.

So I was just kinda watching people and I saw Nothing, remember him? Well he was one of the few people there actually watching the game and yelling.

"C'mon Quatre!" That's the name of our quarterback. (1)

Normally I'm pretty shy but Nothing seemed like the type of guy that you could walk up to at a football game and talk to even if you are three years younger and not popular.

"Hey! You're in my shop class!" He's a very friendly person.

"I'm Heero." I said

"I'm Trowa and this is Duo." He pointed to a very pretty girl with a long braid next to him.

"Hi Heero." And then I discovered that Duo was a guy! But he was still very pretty.

They told me to have a seat and I did. Trowa spent the entire game yelling at the field and it turns out he knows as much about football as my brother.

Trowa and Duo asked me to come to the Big Boy with them and that's when I got a really good look at Duo. His hair is a light brown and he has very very pretty violet eyes, although it is a colour of violet that doesn't make a big deal about itself. And the nice thing about our time there was that Trowa and Duo didn't try to keep me out of the conversation. They asked me questions.

"How old are you, Heero?"

"Fifteen."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I'm not sure, maybe a pilot."

"What's your favorite band?"

"I think maybe Anti-45 because of their song "The Stance" but I'm not really sure because I don't know much of their other stuff too well."

"What's your favorite movie?"

"Don't have one."

They told me their favorites too and we laughed a lot. Trowa and Duo chain-smoked and I ate the pumpkin pie because the lady said it was in season. And I looked at Trowa and Duo and they looked happy together. Even though I would like to ask Duo out on a date sometime because he is very pretty and nice I was happy for them. (Oh by the way, I don't think I ever mentioned to you that I prefer guys to girls. My family doesn't know about it, but I have always felt this way. In hindsight, I think that is why I was so close to Catherine, we had much more in common than anyone else at my middle school.)

"How long have you been 'going out'" I asked.

They started to laugh hard. Really hard.

"What's so funny?"

"We are brothers." Trowa said, still laughing.

"But you don't look anything alike." I said. Which is true. Trowa with his strange hair and emerald eyes and Duo with his long soft hair and violet eyes. Trowa is even much darker than Duo.

Then Duo explained to me that they are stepbrothers, Trowa's dad married Duo's mom. I was happy to know that because I really do like Duo.

But I do feel bad because after the game I had a dream about Duo and I doing the things that Relena and her boyfriend did. When I woke up I felt great at first but then I felt bad for thinking about Duo that way. I think I should tell him. Hopefully he won't get mad because it would be nice to have a friend. Even if I don't get to ask him out, it would still be nice.

Sincerely,
Heero

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(1) quatreback quatre! he'll come into the story later!
(2) heero is really innocent and emotional, i know that is way ooc but oh well, it is au...

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October 14, AC 195

Dear Friend,

Trowa and I were talking about how in movies and television shows they have coffee break. We thought that they should have a masturbation break as well, but then we realized that it would cut down on productivity. (1)

You're probably wondering what that has to do with anything. You see, I told Duo about the dream I had and then I started crying because I felt bad. And do you know what he did? He laughed. Not a mean laugh but a nice comforting laugh. He thought I was being cute. Then he asked if I thought he was good looking and I told him that he was "beautiful." Then Duo looked me right in the eye.

"You know you are too young for me, right Heero?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to waste your time thinking about me that way."

"Don't worry, it was just a dream."

Duo gave me a hung then and after a few moments I could smell his cologne and I stepped back.

"I'm think about you that way."

Duo just looked at me and shook his head. Then he put his arm around me and we walked down the hall to where Trowa was waiting. Duo and Trowa like to skip class and smoke instead.

"Heero has an Heero-esque crush on me, Trowa."

"I'm trying not to." I offered. That made them laugh.

Then Trowa asked to speak to me alone so that I would know how to act around other people and not think about Duo so much.

"I mean its not like the movies where girls, or guys for that matter, go for assholes or anything but they are looking for a challenge. Something that gives them a purpose."

"A purpose?"

"Right. You see, they want to try to change something and fuss over you. Take a mom for example. They are always telling you to clean your room. What would you do if she didn't make you do it? Everyone needs a mom. Moms know this. It gives them a purpose. Get it?" (2)

I said yes even though I didn't really. He told me not to worry about it too much. But I guess I did, 'cause I'm still worrying about it.

I was watching people in the hall when Zechs came up to me and asked what I was thinking about. I told him I was watching the couples and wondering if anyone is really happy.

"Do you always think this much, Heero?"

"Is that bad?" I wanted to know the truth.

"Not really, but if you just think and don't participate, then it is."

"I think I participate. Don't you think I am?"

"Do you go to dances?"

"I don't dance well."

"Are you going on dates?"

"Well I don't have a car and even if I did I can't drive it yet because I don't have my license. Plus I haven't met anyone I like except for Duo but I'm too young for him." Then is stopped myself when I realized that I had just told Zechs my sexual preference. He just smiled and nodded, like he understood.

He kept asking me questions and finally got to problems at home. And I told him about my sister and the boy who made her the mixed tape hitting her. I figure I could tell Zechs because he wasn't mom or dad. He got a very serious look on his face and said something I don't think I will ever forget.

"Heero, we accept the love we think we deserve." Then he patted me on the shoulder and said everything will be fine and gave me a new book to read.

I decided to walk to home from school because it was such a nice day. However, it usually takes me about an hour as opposed to the 15-minute bus ride. When I got there my sister was sitting on a chair and my mom and dad were in front of her.

Relena was crying and my mom was really quiet. I felt bad because I knew Zechs called and told them. Dad said she was not aloud to see him anymore and was going to talk to his parents. My sister insisted it was her fault and that she was provoking him. Dad said it was no excuse.

"But I love him!" I had never seen her cry so much

"No you don't."

"I hate you!"

"No, you don't." It was said calmly.

"He's my whole world!"

"Don't you ever say that about anyone! Even me." That was my mom. She chooses her battles carefully and when she gets involved, you know its bad. Relena stopped crying.

Then my dad gave her a rare kiss on the forehead and drove away to talk to the boy's parents. I felt sorry for the parents. My dad doesn't lose fights. He just doesn't.

When my mom walked away Relena looked at me. "I hate you." It was said differently then to my dad. She meant it with me

"I love you." I said (3)

"You are a freak, you know that? You have always been a freak. Everyone says so. They always have."

"I'm trying not to be."

Then I went into my room and lay on my bed and let the quiet but things back the way they are supposed to be.

By the way, I figure you are probably curios about whether or not my dad ever hit us when we were kids or now even. Zechs was after I told him about Relena, so I figured you might be too. Well, he didn't. He never touched my brother or sister and the only time he slapped me was when I really hurt Uncle Jay's feelings. After that he got on his knees and told me that his step dad used to hit him a lot and he made a decision in college when my mom got pregnant with Wufei that he would never hit any of us. And he felt terrible for doing it. And he was so sorry. And he would never do it again. And he hasn't.

Sincerely,
Heero

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(1) just thinking about trowa and heero having that conversation is funny.... like the way they are in the show...
(2) trowa and his ever confusing advice... don;t think too hard about it... believe me it'll hurt your head
(3) don;t worry, its not like that. They are brother and sister remember?!?

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October 15, AC 195

Dear Friend,

I realized that I forgot to mention to you in my last letter how the topic of masturbation came up. When Trowa and I were talking about how I should act around other people he asked me if I masturbate. I told him I did and he said it was great and not to feel bad about doing it. When I do I never think about Duo because I respect him too much and I felt really good when he said "Heero-esque," like we had an inside joke.

One night I felt guilty about doing it and I told God that I would never do it again. But that lasted about a day. I'm not very religious or anything and I don't really believe in God, just that there is something out there. I have never given him a name. I was talking to Duo about that and he said that he doesn't believe in any god except for Shinigami, the god of death. I asked him why and he said he would tell me someday.

Incidentally, my dad did go talk to the boy's parents and the mother got very angry and screamed at the boy. The boy's father kept quiet. My dad didn't say they did a bay job raising their son or anything, he just wanted to make sure that he stayed away from Relena.

I did ask my dad if he thought they had family problems and if he thought the boy's parents hit him. Dad told me mind my own business and that it wasn't important.

"Not everyone has a sob story, Heero."

That's all he said then went to watch TV. Relena is still mad at me, but dad said I did the right thing. I hope so, but sometimes I'm not sure.

Sincerely,
Heero

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October 28, AC 195

Dear Friend,

Sorry, I haven't written to you in a couple of weeks. I have been trying to participate like Zechs said. It is hard sometimes because when I read I book I get trapped inside the story and I feel like I am participating, just not in real life. I don't think that is what Zechs had in mind because he gave me "Peter Pan" to read. I know you are thinking about the cartoon but the book is much better than that. It is basically about a boy named Peter who refuses to grow up and eventually Wendy does and he feels betrayed by her. I think he is trying to teach me a lesson of some kind.

As far as participating goes, I have been trying to go to things that the school sets up for us. It is too late to join any clubs but I am going to go to the Homecoming game and dance.

So I met up with Trowa and Duo at the game. Trowa was busy watching the game and screaming at Quatre, the quarterback. Duo said they were going to a party after and wanted to know if I wanted to come. I said yes because I had never been to a real party before. I had seen one at my house before, though.

My parents when to Ohio to see a very distant cousin get buried or married, I don't remember which. They left the house in charge of Wufei who was 16 at the time. He threw a huge party with beer and everything. I was supposed to stay in my room but I didn't mind because it was dubbed the 'coat room' and I had fun looking through the jacket pockets. Every so often a guy and girl would stumble in to see if they could make-out in the room. They would see me and leave, except for one couple.

They asked if they could use the room and I told them my brother and sister told me I had to stay here. They asked if they could use it with me still in it and I didn't see why not, so they came in and closed the door. They started kissing.

Things seemed to get out of control when the girl kept crying and telling Dave to stop. I got scared and hid in the closet. I don't know how long she kept crying and screaming but I couldn't move out of my hiding place.

Eventually Relena came in with chips and when she found the boy and girl they stopped. The girl ran away crying and the boy just smirked. My sister found me in the closet.

"Did they know you were in here?"

"Yes. They asked if they could use the room."

"Why didn't you stop them?"

" I didn't know what they were doing."

"You pervert," was the last thing she said before she left. I didn't know though. I was only like 11.

I told Duo and Trowa about it and they got really quiet. They had heard about the party and I wasn't surprised, it had become sort of a legend. At least that's what kids have told me when I tell them who my brother is.

When the police came to the house to break up the party they found my brother asleep on the roof. No one knows how he got there. (1) My sister, who was a freshman at the time, was making out with some senior in the laundry room. My brother got in a lot of trouble and my sister got a serious talk about "bad influences."

Dave is on the football team now; he's a wide receiver. He caught a throw from Quatre and won the game.

"He raped her didn't he?"

Duo just nodded. I asked if we should tell someone. He said no because it was too hard to prove and they are still 'in love'. I saw Dave at the homecoming dance the next night dancing with the girl. I thought about beating him up the way I should have beat up Dekim. Duo saw the look in my eye, the look he called a "death-glare" and told me not to hurt him.

We decided to let the air out of his tires. Duo knew what car was his. That made me feel better.

There was this feeling that I had on Friday night after the homecoming game that I can't really describe except that it was warm. Duo and Trowa drove me to the party that night and I sat in the middle of Duo's pickup truck. Duo loves his truck, I think because it reminds him of his dad. The feeling I got was when Duo told Trowa to find a song on the radio and he kept getting commercials. And more commercials. Then a really bad song. And more commercials. And finally he found this really amazing song about a boy, and we all got quiet.

Duo tapped his hands on the steering wheel. Trowa held his had outside the car and made airwaves. And I just sat between them. After the song was over I said something.

"I feel infinite."

Duo and Trowa looked at me like I had said the greatest thing in the world. Because the song was great and because we all really paid attention to it. Five minutes of a lifetime were truly spent, and we felt young in a good way. I have sense bought the record, and I would tell you what it was, but truthfully it is not the same unless you are driving to your first real party, in the middle seat of a pickup with two nice people when it starts to rain.

When we got to the house where the party was Trowa this weird secret knock thing and the door opened a bit and showed a big guy with funny hair.

"Trowa known as Tro known as Nothing?"

"Rashad."

The door opened and the old friends hugged, then Duo and Rashad hugged.

"Rashad, this is my friend, Heero."

And then Rashad hugged me! Duo told me as we were hanging up our coats that Rashad was "baked as a fucking cake."

The party was in the basement of Rashad's house and it was really smoky down there and the kids were much older. Two girls were showing each other tattoos and bellybutton rings. They were seniors I think.

This guy Fritz was eating a lot of twinkies and his girlfriend was talking to him about women's rights and he kept saying, "I know, baby."

The doorbell rang again and then Rashad came back with beer for everyone and two new guests. Maggie, who had to use the bathroom. And there was Quatre! I don't know why that amazed me, but I guess it is nice to know that they are a real person.

Everyone was really friendly to me and asked me a lot of questions. I guess they didn't want me to feel out of place because I was younger and didn't take a beer. I had a sip when I was like 12 and didn't like it. It was that simple for me.

I looked around and Duo and Trowa had left with Quatre. Rashad started passing food around. He asked if I wanted a brownie. I said yes because I was hungry. We usually go to the Big Boy after games. I ate the brownie and it tasted kinda weird, but it was a brownie so I still liked it. But this was no ordinary brownie. (2)

After a few minutes the room started to slip away from me. I was talking to the girl with the bellybutton ring and it seemed like she was in a movie. Duo came down and saw me and then turned to Rashad.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Come on, Duo. He likes it. Ask him."

"How do you feel, Heero?"

"Light."

"See?" Rashad actually looked nervous which I found out later was paranoia.

Duo sat down next to me and held my hand, which felt cold.

"Are you seeing anything, Heero?"

"Light."

"Does it feel good?"

"Uh-huh."

"What would you like to drink?"

"A milkshake."

And everyone but Duo started laughing.

"He's stoned."

"Are you hungry, Heero?"

"Uh-huh."

"What would you like to eat?"

"A milkshake."

I don't think they could have laughed any harder. Then Duo took my hand and helped me up. He turned to Rashad. "I still think you are an asshole."

Rashad laughed and duo smiled. Everything was ok.

Duo took me into the kitchen to make me a milkshake and turned on the light. Wow! Was it bright! He took out the stuff to make the shake and I asked him where the bathroom was. He pointed around the corner like it was his house. I think he and Trowa used to spend a lot of time here when Rashad was still in high school.

When I came out of the bathroom I heard noise in the room where we left of coats so I opened the door. And I saw Trowa kissing Quatre. It wasn't a stolen kiss or anything; in fact Quatre was kissing back very enthusiastically. When they heard the door they stopped and Trowa spun around.

"Is that you Heero?"

"Duo's making a milkshake."

"Who is this kid?" Quatre looked real nervous.

"Relax, he's a friend of mine." Trowa took me out of the room and closed the door. "Quatre doesn't want anyone to know."

"Why?"

"Because he is scared."

"Why?"

"Because he is... wait... are you stoned?"

"Duo is making me a milkshake." Trowa was trying really hard not to laugh.

"Listen Heero. Quatre doesn't want anyone to know. I need you to promise you won't tell anyone, ok?"

"Okay."

"Thanks." And Trowa went back into the room. Quatre sounded upset but I was hungry so I left. Let me tell you that it was the best milkshake I have ever had!

Before we left Duo played me two of his favorite songs. One called "Perfect Day" and the other called "Despair Factor". I mention the titles because they are as great when I listen to them sober. (3)

Another thing that happened before we left was that Trowa came downstairs, I guess Quatre left, and Rashad started making fun of him for liking the quarterback. Trowa just smiled. I don't think I have ever seen him smile so much. Then Trowa pointed at me.

"He's something isn't he?"

Rashad nodded and Trowa said something that I don't think I'll ever forget.

"He's a wallflower."

And Rashad really nodded his head. The whole room did. Trowa sat down next to me.

"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand. I didn't know other people thought things about me. I was sitting on the floor in the basement of my first real party between Trowa and Duo. I remembered that Duo had introduced me to Rashad as his friend. And Trowa had done the same from Quatre. And I started to cry. No one looked at me weird for doing it and then I started to cry harder.

Rashad raised his glass, "To Heero!"

And the whole groups said, "To Heero."

I don't know why they did that but it was special to me that they did. Especially Duo. Especially him.

I would tell you about the Homecoming dance, but looking back the best part was when I let the air out of Dave's tires. I tried to dance but I mostly liked songs that you couldn't really dance to so I didn't do it much. Duo looked great in his tux but I tried not to notice because I am trying not to think of him that way.

I did notice that Trowa and Quatre never talked once during the dance. Quatre was dancing with a cheerleader named Dorothy, who is his girlfriend. (4) And I noticed that my sister was with that boy she was not supposed to be with even thought a different guy picked her up.

After the dance, we left in Duo's pickup. Trowa was driving this time and as we were approaching the Romafeller Tunnel, Duo asked Trowa to pull over. I didn't know what was going on. Duo climbed in the back of the truck and let his hair out of the braid. He told Trowa to drive and he got a huge smile on his face. I guess they have done this before.

Anyway, Trowa started driving really fast, and just before we got to the tunnel, Duo stood up, and the wind turned his hair into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a vacuum, and was replaced by a song. A great song called "Dig Up Her Bones" with this wonderful line, "Point me to the sky above, I can't get there on my own!" (5) When we got out of the tunnel, Duo screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Duo sat down and started laughing. Trowa started laughing. I started laughing.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

Sincerely,
Heero

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(1) i like the idea of Wufei asleep on the roof....
(2) poor heero has no idea what he was doing...
(3) "Perfect Day" is by Lou Reed and "Despair Factor" is by AFI
(4) sorry about the Quatre + Dorothy thing... he needed a girlfriend tho
(5) "Dig Up Her Bones" is by The Misfits

comments? feedback??? anything, please????