Title: The Yuri - Syndrome Or: Relena in a bottle

Disclaimer (sorta): series- Gundam Wing (I don't own the acting characters- just borrowed them to mess up their fragile little minds! *hg*)

Author: Zillah, 04.01.00

Additional nonsense: This is just some silly idea that popped into my
head some time ago while watching Wishmaster… (GREAT movie, btw!!) All these evil Dshinns… mmmhh… *hearts sparkle* I just wrote it down in a script-type of thing; maybe I'll rewrite it into a fiction some time, maybe not *shrugs* Anyway read it, it's fun ^^


All Wing boys are sitting in a room, looking rather bored.

Duo: "Sooooo damn boring!!" *yawns*

Suddenly a funny looking lamp appears out of -well, let's just call it 'Dimension Zero'-. Curious staring everywhere. Quatre lifts the lamp and reads the additional note.

"This is a magic lamp. It'll fulfil you five wishes. For risks & side-effects ask the Dshinn in the lamp.


Heero: "Who's M.P.??"

Duo: *grabs the lamp* "That's not important! Did ya hear? Five wishes! That makes one wish for each of us!!"

Wufei: "There goes my peaceful evening..."

Duo: *turns the lamp around* "Ehhh.... how does it open?"

-PING- Note appears, reading: "Rub the lamp, baka! Never seen Aladdin?!"

All: *sweatdrop*

Quatre: "Give me the lamp." *rubs the lamp* *Dshinn appears - No, wait! Dshinn who looks like Relena appears*

Heero & Duo: *heart attack*

Relena: "What's your wish, Hee-- eh, Quatre?"

Quatre: "Ano... I... I'd like to have... *brightens up* I want to have the Taj-Mahal!!"

Everybody else: *sweatdrop*

Relena: "So might it be." *waves a peace-sign*

Small Taj-Mahal made of Lego appears in front of Quatre-sama.

Duo: *topples over laughing*

Quatre: That's not funny! *eyes water up* Ano, that's not really what I wanted to have...

Relena: *ignores him* "Next one! What's your wish- Heero?"

Trowa: *grabs the lamp* "My turn. Lion. A *real* one."

Relena: "Yeah, yeah... *waves peace-sign* It's in the kitchen."

Trowa walks into the kitchen, just to find a huge baked lion with an apple in its mouth lying on the table. Trowa faints.

Relena: *smirks & turns around* "Heero? What's your wish, honey?"

Heero shoves the lamp to Wufei.

Relena: *grumble* Well, Wufei? Just tell me."

Wufei: "JUSTICE!!! I wanna have justice!!"

Duo: "Surprise."

Relena: *grins* "I'll give you justice then! Get reeeaaaady!!" *waves peace-sign*

Wufei is suddenly surrounded by loads of half-naked women.

Relena: "Girls make sure, he'll never ever insult a woman again! *That's* Justice!!"

Girls: "Haaaii, Relena-samaaaa!"


Relena takes the lamp & shoves it to Heero.

Relena: "Just take it, dammit! WHAT'S YOUR WISH?!?!"

Heero: "And you'll really fulfil me every wish, Relena?

Relena: "Suuuure, darling! ^_~"

Heero: "Every single?"

Relena: "Haaaai!" ^__^

Heero: "Good! Then, I wish that you'll get lost after your work is done here and NEVER EVER bother me again!! I wish for you to be faaaar away!"

Relena: "WHAAAAT?!?!?"

Duo: "Hehe! Good job, koi!"

Relena: *fumes* "Okay…  what's your wish, Death boy?"

Duo. "I wanna have fun! It's so boring here! I don't wanna be bored!!"

[Author's note: Obviously, Duo never saw Wishmaster… After what happened to pilot 03, 04 and 05, he'd better NOT wish anything,but hey! It's Duo!]

Relena: *smug grin* "Well, well! I'll make sure that you'll never be bored again, dear Duo! You're going to be occupied for the rest of your life! Plus, you'll be with the other boys forever! Isn't that great?"

Duo: *suspicious* "What you're up to?"

Relena: "Oh nothing, nothing!" *shows peace sign*

…Nothing happens…

Duo: "Eh, Relena-sama? What--?"

Relena: "Oh, godess! Look at the time! I gotta go now! Bye, bye!"

*ping* And off she went!

Relena: *sitting on a far away planet (yep, that's the far away Heero meant) looking a lot like the `little prince' on his planet (but far more scary of course)* "Oh, stupid Duo! You'll be with the other four forever and you'll never be bored again but I sure as hell made sure, you'll also *never* have fun with MY Heero again!!! NEVER EVER!!!!!"

*insane laughter would fill space now, but (un)fortunately, you can't hear sounds in space. What a pity*

Meanwhile, we leave that bad Wishmaster- Little Prince crossover and skip to something more shoujo!

Duo: "Damn bitch! Nothing fuckin' happened!!" (yeah right, very shoujo…)

Heero: C'm on, Duo! Let's go to bed, `m tired."

Duo: "No! This damn bitch tricked me!! I'm going to—"

Don Wufei de Marco: *looking VERY worn out* "MAXWELL!! Shut up and be happy that nothing happened!!!"

Duo: *pouts* "You guys are no fun at all!"

Heero: *grabs Duo from behind* "Sure about that?" ^_~

Duo: "Well, not *all* of the time…"


-the next wonderful, sunny, bright day-


Heero: "Don't you dare to touch him, *ONNA*"

Duo: "You're late, Wu-wo-man…"

Quatre: *sipping tea* "Yeah, what kept you so long?"

Wufei: "THIS!!!" *pulls his shirt up to reveal a pair of breasts* "And this!!" *makes an attempt to drop his boxers*

Duo: "Hell no! We know, Wu! Don't show us!!"

Wufei: *glares*

Quatre: "Well, looks as if Relena really kept her promise.  We're going to be really busy for the next time…"

Wufei: *eyes twitching* "What do you mean?"

Quatre. "Oh, we'll have to go shopping Wufei. We're going to need bras, panties, tights, shirts, make-up, tampons… *gets lost in his own world*

Wufei: *nosebleed* "TAMPONS????"

Duo: "Tights? Man, I'm not Robin Hood! What'S that all about, Q?"

Quatre: "I have 29 sisters! I know, how to behave like a good girl!!"

Quatre earns himself The Look

Duo: *mumbles* "Yeah, right…"

Wufei: "But I'm not a girl!! I'M A GUY, DAMMIT!!!"

Trowa: "No. Not anymore."

Wufei: *hits the chibi mode and hops around like a maniac* "Where's that Relena bitch? I'll kill her, I'll kill her!!!"

Heero: "Shut up, Wufei. As long as we can pilot, I don't see a problem in that sex change."

Trowa: *nods*

Wufei: "But… but… A WOMAN!! I could handle a… a duck or a dog! Hell, even a hippo ina pink tutu! But noooo, I have to become a woman! How dishonorable!!" *wails*

Everybody else think of hippos in pink tutus and sweatdrop.

Duo: *sighs* "Let's go shopping, `kay?"


-place of the next horrible act: the town-

Duo: "I'll get meself a nuns uniform [ed. Note: whassat called??] Can't wear this outfit anymore!" *pulls at the fabric around his breasts* "Geez, too tight! Come shopping with me, Hee-chan?"

Heero: *shrugs* "Whatever…"

…and into the shopping center they disappeared…

Wufei: "What now?"

Quatre: "Come on, Wufei! Let's buy you a bra. It's dishonorable for a girl to wear a tank-top without a bra." *smiles brightly*

Wufei: *does a good imitation of Heero's Death Glare*

…some time later…

Quatre is dressed in a decent white blouse, a knee-long skirt and a blazer, Trowa wears a green tight longsleeve and tight blue jeans. (the great big difference, huh?) Duo and Heero of course didn't find the nuns uniform, so they just went into a Goth shop to buy a pair of tight satin bondage trousers and a satin Dracula top. Everybody is waiting for Wufei and Heero.

Wufei: *comes out of the cabin in a white skirt and a dark blue bra with little golden dragons printed on it* "I can't believe I'm wearing this!"

Duo: *cow eyes* "I can't believe I'm seeing this!!"

Wufei: *just pulls over his tank top* "Anyone laughs and I'll kill you all!"

Heero: *comes out of the cabin, wearing a sports bra, a green short tank top and a black spandex skirt*

Duo: *nosebleed* *hits the floor*

Trowa & Quatre: *sweatdrop*

Quatre : « How are we gonna explain *this* to Dr. J?"


Dr. J: "Who the hell are you?!"

Heero: "It's us, your pilots. We had sex change."

Dr. J: *eyes twitching* "You… you…!!" *faints*

Duo: "Heero, you were supposed to be subtle!"

Heero: *shrugs* "Hn."

Wufei: "Well he could have pulled up his tank after all…"

Duo: "No, that'd be your style." *grins*

Dr. J: *gladly re-awakens* "I'm sorry, but you cant pilot the Gundams anymore."

Everybody: "WHAAAAT?!?!?"

Dr. J: "Just look at you! You're girls! With D- cups!!! How am I going to stick you into your uniforms?! And above that, you're distracting the men!"

Duo: "But… but Hilde also—"

Dr. J: *pretends to be deaf* "but don't worry! I have something else for you… indeed!"

Trowa: "Uh-oh!"

Dr: J: *grins* "I've created a new set of Suits. And you'll even be able to use your old weapons- just in a little bit smaller size that is! Plus: it's very, very good that you're all women now!"

Heero: "Great. Where are they?"

Dr. J: "Just follow me."

-Group shot of all the G-girls wearing Sailor Moon Suits-


*panty shot of Wufei*


~~ fin ~~

Short tasteless side story #1:

Duo: *knocks on Wufeis door* "Wufei! Heero!"

Heero: "…"

Heavy cursing emerges

Duo: "Wufei?"

Wufei: "Get away!"

Duo: "You need help?"

Wufei: "Hell no!! Just get him away, Yuy!"

Heero opens the door and Duo slips into the room.

Duo: "Wufei, where are you?"

Wufei: "Thanx a fucking lot, Yuy!"

Obviously, Wufei is in the bathroom!

Duo: *looks at the floor* "What's that blood about, Wufei?"

Wufei: "Kisama, Duo shut up! I'm trying to concentrate here!!"

The door opens and a hand snags the little box, Heero is holding away. Duo stares at all the wrinkled tampons lying on the bathroom floor.

Duo: *sqeaks* "Heero… what…?"

Wufei: *howls* "Dammit, it's my time of the month, OKAY?! Now Yuy, get that baka out of my room and leave me alone! Both of you!!"

Heero: *picks up the poor, dissheveled tampon that made its way out of the bathroom* "That's his fourth packet."

Duo: *sweatdrop*

~~ fin ~~

Short tasteless side story #2:

Duo and Heero sweating and panting in bed

Duo: "I love you, Hee-chan!"

Heero: *kisses Duo*

Duo: *rolls over and draws his knees close to his belly* "C'mon, do it already!"

Heero: *sits behind Duo and looks helplessly* "C..can't…"

Duo: *looks back at Heero* "Huh?"

Both look down at Heero's body. Something's missing…

A loud, keening wail shakes the walls of the safehouse.

Relena: *snickers*

~~ fin (finally!) ~~

Zillah's Castle: