Title: Staying Buried
Warnings: serious AU, probable OOC, angsty/depressing, language... lots of language, yaoi!
Pairings: past 1+2; future unknown
Disclaimer: *draws line* this is my half of the fic and that's your half... you stay on your side and we'll get along fine
Feedback: yes... yes!... YES!!
He's already here, waiting in the front room for a table. Omnipresent black. It's turning into my favourite colour just because he wears it.
"Hello." He could freeze hell with that greeting.
The look in his eyes tells me that this will not be as pleasant an evening as I had hoped. The hostess interrupts by directing us towards a table. As soon as we sit down he begins.
"Look, Heero, there are some things I need to know. Like what the hell happened to you." I only stare at him with a shocked statement so he continues.
"You were my best friend. Shit Heero, I was in love with you and you just disappeared after your uncle found us. Do you know how much I hated myself for thinking that you just up and left because of me. Do you know how hard that was on a seventeen year old boy? I never got over it and now you just show up, trying to make up for lost time. But I won't have it. I need answers and I need them now."
My heart is screaming. How could he have not known what happened to me? This cannot be real.
"You you mean, you don't know?"
"No, I don't know. Be so kind as to enlighten me as to what I should be knowing." The cynicism, the anger. This isn't the same person I was torn away from seven years ago.
"My uncle withdrew me from school and put me in boarding school."
"Why didn't you try and contact me?"
"I wasn't allowed to. My uncle was thorough in keeping us apart."
"How long were you there?" His questions are becoming more emotional, the hurt resonating through.
"But why didn't you try and see me when you got out?" He's holding back tears. Oh, Duo. I feel so ashamed.
"Believe me, I wanted to. I wanted to see you, but I had convinced myself that you didn't need me, that I would only hurt you by coming back. I still feel that way."
"I'm here because of my uncle. I came across your building when we were going to the hospital after getting the call that he had died. I saw the sign by the door with your name on it and turned into a bumbling idiot. I had just told my now ex-girlfriend about you the night before and she decided to play match-maker and shove me inside. I can't thank her enough."
I can tell he doesn't know what to make of my story. His disbelief is replaced by anger.
"So, while you were off living somewhere else, fucking your girlfriend, I was here, in hell. If you had bothered with coming back, then maybe you could have learned of what your uncle did to me."
"What do you mean?" I have a horrible sinking feeling that I won't like what he's about to tell me.
"I mean that your uncle paid a little visit to my house, to meet my mother. He convinced her that I had been trying to " He's struggling to continue. "He told my mother that I had tried to rape you."
So this is what it's like to not be able to breath.
"No! Don't you fucking 'Duo' me! Because of what happened, my mother died not trusting me, not believing me, not... loving me. He may have shipped you away and ruined your life, but there is no way that can even compare to what he did to me. He turned my own mother against me. I cannot forgive for that. I know it's not your fault, but... I... I can't see you."
My heart explodes again as he gets up from the table and walks away. He shot right through my chest and doesn't bother with clearing away the bloody corpse. My mind is struggling in vain to process the scene that has just played out. Anger and sadness flare as I recall what my uncle did. Panic takes over when I become aware of the fact that he's gone. Just like seven years ago. And just like back then, I hastily try to find him.
This time around it doesn't take long. He's leaning against a car in the parking lot, sobbing. Oh God, I made him cry, again.
"Duo..." I say gently as I come up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. I never expected such a violent reaction.
"No! Don't fucking touch me!" he screams and backs away from me quickly.
"Duo, wait, please-"
"No!" He seems to calm down a bit, but I don't realize how wrong I am.
"You know what the best part was, Heero?" The anger and cynicism have returned. "Your uncle made it sound as though you were the one who declared it as rape. And I believed him. I thought you left because you wanted to get as far from me as possible. I kept going over and over what happened, thinking that maybe you were trying to get me to stop but I was so fucking lust crazed that I didn't realize it. Do you know how many times I tried to kill myself, thinking of what a disgusting monster I was!?" He's yelling again.
"That was my uncle's doing, not mine. Do you honestly think that I was beaten unconscious and withdrawn from school because he thought you were raping me?"
"I don't care!"
"You don't care that you've been believing a lie for seven years?"
"Stop it! Please, just stop..." he sobs.
"I won't stop until you realize that nothing was your fault. My uncle had a direct hand in fucking us both up." He shakes his head violently, braid whipping behind him.
"Duo, I'm not leaving until I settle this." I shouldn't have said that.
"'Settle this'!? What am I to you!? Some part of your past that you need to deal with before you can feel better about yourself? Well, fuck you! I don't need any of this or you!" He pushes past me, and I grab his arm.
"Let go of me!!" I refuse and he starts lashing out, placing punches wherever he can. I try to grab his other hand to stop him, but a vicious kick to my leg makes me lose my balance and I pull him down with me. The pain in my newly broken ankle screams as I fight for dominance and finally pin him to the ground, with me sitting on his legs and holding his wrists above his head. He looks ready to strangle me if he could, his eyes both dead and deadly.
"I'll give you five seconds to get the fuck off of me before I try and kill you." He's serious, better make this fast.
"Duo, just listen to me, please. I don't expect forgiveness. You have every right to hate me for as long as you want, but just listen. While I was at that school I became my old self again. I had no one. All I felt was pain because I had lost the one person I cared for the most. You. I still feel that pain." He looks away and closes his eyes, arms still trapped. "I don't sleep at night because I have recurring dreams about you. I miss you." The last few words come out whispered. I hang my head and don't notice the tears falling from his still-closed eyes.
"Please get off me," he says quietly. I let go slowly, standing gingerly because of my ankle. He lays prone on the ground for a second before he too stands, refusing to look at me.
"Are you quite done?" His words are completely neutral.
"There's so much more I want to say, but I know it won't change anything." I just admitted to my defeat.
"You're right. Goodbye, Heero." It carries such a note of finality and to prove that he gets into his car, leaving me to stand there, alone. I refuse to say goodbye, not believing that this is the end.