Title: Staying Buried
Warnings: serious AU, probable OOC, angsty/depressing, language... lots of language, yaoi!
Pairings: past 1+2; future unknown
Disclaimer: *draws line* this is my half of the fic and that's your half... you stay on your side and we'll get along fine
Feedback: yes... yes!... YES!!
He merely returns to the back room he came from, shutting the door loudly
behind him. I stand absolutely still for a few heartbeats, that is until
everything sinks in. My surge of adrenaline makes me want to run over and
hug one of the sculptures but instead I exit through the front door, intending
to hug that genius named Alexis instead.
She waves me into the car as soon as I'm out the door. Giggling school girl time.
"How did it go?" she asks right after I get in. The funny look on her face reflects the funny look on my face.
"Well?" Patience, dear, patience.
"I'm not sure." I have to keep reminding my brain that it's job is to think and that it needs to keep doing it.
"You're not sure what?"
"I'm not sure, but I think I just acted like a dumbass." Alexis hides her face in her hands.
"I should have known you'd do something like this. I knew you couldn't be trusted. Just tell me you weren't a conceited jerk."
"Oh I wasn't a jerk, at least I don't think I was a jerk. Well, that was the problem in the first place, I couldn't think." I'm babbling. For the first time in my life, I'm actually babbling. She's got a stupid grin and I can't bring myself down from the clouds.
"So you clammed up? What happened then?"
"Oh it was worse than clamming up. So much worse. I had about two
seconds of coherent thought. But he agreed to have dinner with me."
"He did? When?"
"Tomorrow." My inner voice shrieks. I only have until tomorrow night to become less of an idiot.
"Want me to come with you and smack you in the head every time you say something stupid?"
"I don't think it would be a good idea for a girlfriend to come along on this date."
"You really are stupid. I'm not your girlfriend anymore. And thank God for that."
"Ouch. You really know how to make a guy's day even shittier."
"I know." I like to believe this friendly throwing of insults keeps us from actually fighting. Reality hits.
"We seem to have forgotten all about my dead uncle."
"Changing the subject, you sly dog you."
"Hey, you were the one who insisted I show up for my aunt's sake." She nods and starts the car, her mood serious once again. This is the point where I finally realize just how close I came to losing Duo for a second time. It hits like a tidal wave. I know I could still lose him. He didn't look joyous at my sudden return. If anything, he looked weary, as though I had only made his life more difficult. I don't want that for him. I want his life to be everything that I never could make it in the short time we were together. I want to make him forget all the shit he's been through and just live happily, with me hopefully. But my hopes are getting squashed by remembering that look on his face.
This hospital looks drearier every time I enter it. Before we get to his room, I pull her aside.
"Alexis." Here goes nothing. "I just wanted to say thank you. I could tell you that every day for the rest of my life and it would never be enough."
"I could be all mushy and say that I want to see you happy, and I suppose that is the case. But the real reason I did what I did is because someone had to do it. You need somebody to keep you sane and jab you in the ribs when you fuck up." I laugh and give her a quick hug before she can stop me.
"My ego could use a boost. Why don't you tell me how great I am?"
"Alexis, you are wonderful."
The appearance of my aunt breaks the playful mood. If I didn't hold such contempt for her, I would feel pity right now. She looks heartbroken. It boggles my mind how she could have ever loved that man, but she did and now mourns whole-heartedly at his passing. As for myself, break out the bubbly, it's time to celebrate.
I pass by Pauline without a word. I hope she can feel the hatred. Heading straight for his room, I stop in the doorway. I have to check, I have to make sure that he really is dead. Only then can I be free.
His skin still has residual warmth, but I can tell it will be cold soon. I check both his wrist and neck for a pulse. Nothing. His eyes are lifeless and I drop his eyelids back to their closed position. Too bad he died naturally. Pulling that plug would have given me such satisfaction.
"Finally." That's all I can think of to say, but that expresses everything that I feel. I want to feel lighter, in addition to the liberation I'm granted by his death, only this would mean that I have to forgive Pauline. Not possible.
They're both standing in the doorway, watching me. This irritates me as much as it did earlier in the cafeteria, only this time, I only hate one of them.
"Pauline, we should take you home," Alexis says kindly. "There's nothing more you can do here, and I know you'll be more comfortable there."
Pauline sniffles and agrees with a shake of her head. Alexis puts an arm around her shoulders and guides her to the exit. I take one last look at my uncle, give him the finger, and follow them to the car.
Now I get to look forward to his funeral. Lucky me.
*kicks this part around some more* Stupid part... grr...