5-26-2000

Title: Pardon Me (aka Flames)
Author: Willow, [song 'Pardon Me' by Incubus]
Archive: Darkflame's
Category: Dark/Deathfic
Warnings: suicide
Rating: R
Pairings: 1x2
Notes: /// indicates song, *...* bold, <...> action, '...' thought, "..." spoken

 

///Pardon me while I burst
///Pardon me while I burst
///A decade ago, I never thought I would be.
///A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion woe is me

Heero sits on the bed he and Duo share. 'Did share,' he corrected himself. Duo'd left. 'No,' he corrected himself again, 'you made him leave. He was in tears, remember? Baka, you drove away the only person would could keep you from self-destructing!'

'Well, I guess, there is no reason for me to continue then is there?' one part of him thought.

'Nope... unless you can get him back...' the small hope popped into his head.

"No," he said to no one, "He'd never take me back. I was a bastard -- still am. I treated him like shit and there is no reason he'd ever take me back..."

'Soooo,' the Soldier part of him said, 'You've failed the mission... what is left, but to self-destruct? You can do it slowly... or quickly...' the voice seemed to chuckle evily.

///But I guess that it comes with the territory.
///An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
///I need you to hear. I need you to see.
///That I have had all I can take
///And exploding seems like a definite possibility
///To me

"No," he said at length, "No, I'll *try* to get him back..."

-----

Duo looked at his email. Habit that even 6 years of peace couldn't break.

He stopped. There was a message from...

He double clicked on the message and read.

>> Duo,
>> I am sorry, dreadfully so...

'Is this really him talking? Well, you can talk better on the net...'

>> I screwed up... and just to let you know... if I don't get you back...
>> I have nothing and cannot continue... I will have failed my mission
>> and all that will be left for me is self-destruction.
>>
>> Please, Duo. I love you, please. I am sorry. (It is easier to express
>> this in mail... I don't think I would fair so well in person...)
>> Please. Think about it and get back to me.
>>
>> Love, Heero

Duo glared at the screen. Who did Heero think he was? This mail... if Heero wanted him he'd have to come to him and say what he wanted in person.

He opened up a new message and began to type...

-----

Heero was dozing, head resting on his folded arms, when the computer beeped signaling the arrival of a message.

He looked blearily at the screen, caught who the sender was and was istantly awake.

He opened the message, "Duo..."

>> Heero,
>> I cannot believe you had the nerve! You push me out and then when you
>> realize what you lost you send me an email?! You really think that that
>> would get me back? How unromantic... how -- how like you!
>>
>> If you really want me back... you'll have to tell me in person.
>> Otherwise, Heero, you've lost me forever.
>>
>> Duo

Heero stared at the message in front of him. This couldn't be. No, this wasn't happening. Duo -- he didn't want him back...

'Told ya so!' said the black little voice in the back of his mind.

///So Pardon me while I burst into flames.
///I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games
///So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame

///Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.

Heero headed back to the hall closet. He was sure that he still had some explosives left. Hopefully the C4 hadn't gone bad.

'Napalm! Napalm! Napalm!' the black voice chanted.

'No! He said he'd give you another chance, you just have to go to him!' the other, more hopeful voice said.

"I cannot. No, he'd refuse me. He has the right to, but I just couldn't take it. No, this is the only way..." he said holding up the canisters of explosives and other useful items.

'Don't do it. Dammit, Yuy! Who taught you to follow your emotions? Are you gonna betray him? Huh? Do you want to lose everything, when all you have to do is apologize?'

'Of course he does, he's the Perfect Soldier <snicker>. Ninmu Ryokai! Ninmu Kanryou! <snicker>' the black voice was enjoying this a little too much.

Heero decided then and there that he was insane and that just made his self-destruction all the more required.

'BAKA!' the hope yelled, 'Don't you see what you'll do to him? He loves you and you damn well know it! You'll make him sad! Do you wanna bring tears to those lovely violet eyes?'

"No, but..."

'No 'buts', Yuy! You CANNOT do this! He'll die of heartbreak... didn't you see the tears when you kicked him out? This would be the worst thing you could EVER do to him! Think of how happy you both were! Think of how you felt the day you 'rid yourself of the distraction!'

///Not, two days ago I was having a look in a book
///And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
///I said I can relate
///Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from.

~oo0>Memory start<0oo~

Heero sat in the study (or what passed for a study in the dinky little apartment), sulking. He looked through all the books... looking for the pieces of hair that Duo used to mark what books he'd read.

He came across one book that Duo'd read often, the first pages were creased and worn. He flipped through the book trying to salvage every bit of Duo in it, when a picture fell out...

It was a newspaper clipping from...

Heero stopped. It was a clipping from the Maxwell Church Massacar...

The picture beside the artical showed a man on fire, he was chared black from the knees up and his body was flaking off.

'What a horrid thing to do...' Heero thought, 'How painful it must have been... not as painful as this life I've made for myself... with out him.'

///The burdens of the planet earth, like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
///And thinking so much differently.
///Pardon me while I burst into flames.
///I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games

-----

"Relena, I am going to have to leave this job... I can no longer work as one of your guards..."

"Wh-why not?" she sputtered.

"Because I had some things to take care of and I cannot while I am working with you..."

"What's that suposed to mean? You can't just quit. I need you, Heero."

"Relena, I'm not up to playing your games. I'm not up to protecting the Earth anymore. My job should have been done 6 years ago. If I stay, I'm gonna make your life around me a living hell. I promise."

She had no other choice but to let him go. After all, she owned him everything.

~oo0>Memory end<0oo~

///Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame
///Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
///Never be the same...yeah.
///Pardon me while I burst into flames.
///Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
///So pardon me while I burst into flames.

"All the more reason to finish this here and now!"

Heero set about making a spectacular set up of explosives. He designed it so as to do little damage to the surounding area, but destroy his apartment and everything with in.

With that done, he plopped down in front of the computer once more and typed out a message to Duo.

>> Duo,
>> Don't come back. Please. I am sorry, and I don't want to see
>> you hurt.
>>
>> You will never hear from me after this message.
>> My mission was a failure. I am sorry I let you down.
>> I'll love you forever and ever.
>>
>> Ai shiteru.
>>
>> Heero

Heero took the self-destruction button in his hand.

"Duo... Ai shiteru... forgive me..."

<click>

///I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games
///So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame

///Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same.
///Pardon me, never be the same. Yeah

~Owari~