Title: Miss Congeniality
Author: Willow
email: willow1x2@yahoo.com
Archive: um, am I still archived? GWA... anyone else, just ask.
Pairs: surprise!
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: shounen ai, yuri, cross dressing, fusion, other
Disclaimer: I really own none of GW. Please, for the love of the Goddess, don't sue me!
Notes: Based on the movie 'Miss Congeniality.'
" '....' " = heard over ear piece/radio
'....' = thoughts
"...." = spoken


Miss Congeniality, part 0/8
by Willow

"Hey there, pretty boy."

Duo looked up from the book he was reading to find himself face to face with a greasy-faced bully. He gulped as the boy sneered.

"Wanna play, girlie?" Duo shook his head. "Too bad, we're gonna play anyway." Before Duo knew it, he was being lifted off the bench by his collar. He eeped as a balled-up fist slammed into his stomach, all his breath whooshing out as he clutched at his wounded solar plexus. "What was that, sweet-cheeks?" the bully cooed. "You say you want more? Ok."


Duo slowly raised his head from the porcelain bowl. His eyes were red-rimmed and his throat was sore. "Damn them," he hissed, sitting back on his heals. "Damn them all. Never... never again...."


-18 Years Later-

Duo watched his target via the vid feed camera hidden in his 'Russian For Beginners' manual. He fit in well with his surroundings; his long hair hidden beneath his sweatjacket, his black pants and steely grey shirt, as he draped himself over his chair in the back area of the restaurant.

" 'We need visual confirmation, Maxwell,' " the little voice of his boss, Chang Wufei, said in his ear.

"Nothing yet, sir," Duo said quietly, still monitoring his tiny screen. He flashed a glance toward the chattering table of Ruskies, his pupils dilating as he looked over the rim of his black framed glasses. "Suitcase."

" 'We need visual on any disks.' "

"Still closed.... shit," Duo looked up quickly from the book as a waitress placed herself in his line of sight.

" 'This broad's got two asses!' " one of the agents complained as Duo tried to maneuver the camera to see their target. He reached his arms back, 'stretching his stiff muscles.'

"Fuck this," Duo hissed. "Ma'am?"

"Hmm?" the woman said, turning to look at him. "Is it that there is something else you want?" She said, her voice thickly accented.

Duo smiled winningly. "I just wanted to say that this borscht is... wonderful." He stood and hugged the woman, aiming the camera at the group at the other table.

" 'GOT IT!' " Wufei cried and Duo winced as the sound assailed his ear.

"Thank you, really... very much," Duo said, hugging the woman a last time before releasing her and turning back to his table, leaving the woman stunned for a moment.

She smiled feeblely, shrugged and walked off. Duo smirked and placed his foot on the chair, pretending to tie his shoe.

Suddenly, the Feds burst into the small diner, guns aimed. Duo pulled the small hand gun from his ankle and aimed it. "FBI, freeze!" he yelled.

The Russians stood, looking skeptically at the contingent of agents surrounding them.

"Hands up!" Duo yelled in Russian. "Get them up, damn it!"

The large Ruskie began to chuckle. "Hands up, eh?" He popped a peanut into his mouth, then froze. He clutched at his throat, wheezing for breath.

"Sir!" Duo yelled.

"No one moves until I see some hands in the air!" Wufei growled, rifle still trained on the choking Ruskie.

"Sir, he's turning purple!" Duo cried out.

"I said, no one moves, Maxwell!"

Duo grimaced as the man began to sink to his knees. "Sir, that is one really, really purple Russian, sir!"

Wufei spared a glare at him. "DON'T MOVE!" he growled.

Duo looked back and forth between his boss and the target. Making up his mind, Duo holstered his gun and ran to the target. "You are not gonna die like this! You're not good enough! Did your victims get a chance to choke on a peanut? Eh!" He squeezed the man's rubs; in, up, out, in, up, out...

The peanut shot across the room and Duo promptly pinned the fat man to the table. He reached back for his cuffs, intent on cuffing the bastard, but found himself held to the man's chest with a knife to his throat.

'Shit,' he thought as the blade grazed the tender flesh of his neck.

"Put your guns away or she dies," the man said in a thick Russian accent.

Duo's eyes narrowed, his gaze deadly. Before the man knew what hit him, Duo had him on his knees and cuffed. "Bastard!"

The other's of the Ruskie group decided now was a good time to open fire and high tail it. Bullets flew, as did the Ruskies... out the back door.

The 'homeless' agent, Heero Yuy, watched them scamper then determined their escape vector and headed out the front to cut them off. He reached the back door before they could and, with the aid of a trash can, knocked one of them off their feet then, pulling his gun from its hiding place at his back, pinned the other in his sights. "Freeze," he yelled, his voice ice cold.

Two other agents pulled up the rear, surrounding the previously fleeing men.

Back inside, Wufei knelt beside the felled Trowa examining the man's wounds. "It's not bad, just the shoulder... flesh wound," Wufei said. "Don't worry, we'll get you outta here."

Duo watched from where he held the Ruskie leader in check. The man was still fighting and Duo had to maintain focus to keep the rather large man subdued. "Stop it!" Duo hissed, slamming the man into the counter. "Be quiet!"


Duo watched from his place against the wall as they loaded Trowa into the ambulance. He was pissed with himself. His actions had gotten his friend injured. It was all his fault.

"Don't worry about it," Heero said, coming out of the restaurant. "He'll be fine...." The Asian man looked at him sharply. "We all make mistakes."

Duo scowled at him. "Yeah, but my mistake got Trowa shot. If I just hadn't moved...." He banged his head back against the wall, ignoring-- or rather, reveling in the pain.

Heero just looked at him and shrugged. "Hn," he grunted, then a small smirk played across his lips and he reached out to tug lightly on the long chestnut braid that hung down the slim American's back before walking off. "By the way," he looked back over his shoulder, a small smirk playing across his lips. "You look like hell."

Duo closed his eyes and slumped against the brick wall, drained.


End prologue