3-25-2001

Title: Life
Author: Willow
Archive: GW Addiction; otherwise: yes, please tell me.
Category: songfic w/ vidscene, dark-ish, shounen ai (blink and you'll miss it)
Rating: PG
Pairings: .....
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Warnings: Mean charas, it's weird so.... just read.
()()()()
Spoilers: Episode Zero, ep. 49, Endless Waltz scenes
Disclaimer: Not mine. There.
Feedback: HELL YA! I need it! I live on it!

NOTES: song: 'Life' by Our Lady Peace, lyrics courtesy of Vonceia! ::huggles:: Thankies! This fic is dedicated to my sweet, sweet Lionna-baby. ::huggles:: Big suggestion, makes the fic more vivid.... Listen to the song while reading! ^_^ {....} = video scenes.

 

Life
---------------------------------

Duo sat staring at his reflection in the mirror. His face was pale and his cheeks blood stained, the dried blood flaking off slightly as he breathed. He reached up and gingerly brushed a couple of fingers across the deep gash on his cheek. His face remained blank even as the pain tugged at his mind. He shifted his gaze to stare into the once-vital-now-dull pools of violet that were his eyes, two tears trickled their way down his cheek.

[How many times have you been pushed around
Was anybody there
Does anybody care]

::flashback::

Wide, fearful violet eyes stared up at the snearing, menacing bullies.

"Heya, purty boy. Wha'cha du'in scro'ngin' 'round 'r' bins? Eh, rat?" One of the bigger boys gibed.

"I's jes needin' s'm fud...." the little boy replied.

"Oh, sos yous jes 'cided t'at yous could go 'n' scro'ng 'round 'r' bin 'tout 'r c'sent?" another sneared.

"I's jes 'ungry... I'dn't mean no harm by it... I's jes 'ungry..." the little boy curled in on himself.

The lead bully picked the kid up by the scruff of his collar, pushing the toddler about the circle. Eventually, the boys grew tired of taunting the little boy and decided to get rid of him. "Gyet!" The biggest of them said, leaning down to eye level with the child.

Sniffling once the small child turned tail and fled, his chest heaving, but naught a tear trickled down dirty alabaster cheeks.

-----

"Maxwell House!" someone gibbed as Duo walked down the street as fast as his short legs would take him. "Yo! Coffee boy! Where's yer coffee?"

"Up your ass," Duo muttered under his breath and hurried on to the church.

He obviously hadn't hurried fast enough, nor spoken softly enough, for the boy caught up to him and knocked him down. "I asked ya a question! Too good to answer, Mr. Maxwell House?"

"Hey, I wonder if he's good to the last drop!" another called out.

"Let's find out..."

-----

[And how many times have your friends let you down
Was anybody there
Did anybody stare, oh]

"Man, will ya look at that! They'll let just about anyone in this school nowadays!" someone scoffed as Duo walked down the hallway to his locker. Heero and Trowa were standing by their lockers, which happened to be on either side of his. Duo smiled at his friends, stuffing his books into the locker... ignoring the comments.

Suddenly, Duo felt a hand on his shoulder then he was swiftly turned around and found himself face to face with angry brown eyes. "So you're a faery...."

Duo looked confused and the boy shoved him against the lockers.

"Look, faery, we don't like your kind here 'round, get me?" the guy spat in his face. "So just keep your gay little ass as far away from us as possible and we'll have no reason to kick it, comprendez-vous?"

Duo gulped and nodded. The guy shoved him again, then let go and walked away. Duo sank to the floor he was shaking so hard. He brought his legs up to his chest, embarrased and confussed. He couldn't believe Heero and Trowa'd just stood there the whole time! Duo felt like shit, lower than shit... He lay his forehead on his knees and just shook. He sobbed, his lungs working painfully to get rid of the embarrasment and emotional shock, but no tears came. He could feel the eyes on him, all the eyes, all around him... all on him. The tardy bell rang for class and, without looking up, Duo grabbed his bag and fled the building.

------

[And how many times have your friends let you down
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind]

"Duo!" Wufei yelled into the pick-up. "We need back up!"

"No can do, Wu! I'm swamped! They're comin' at me from all sides!" Duo hollered back. "Shit!" he cursed as half his systems shut down. "Guys!" Duo watched on the screens as the other pilots began pulling back, the base ready to blow any minute. "Guys! Little help here~!" Duo felt his chest begin to ache as no one acknowledged him nor moved to help him. He watched, helplessly, as his Gundam's systems shut down one-by-one as the power drained from the damaged components. "GUYS!"

-----

[And how many times has your faith slipped away
Well is anybody safe
Does anybody pray]

Duo, aged six or seven, stood in front of the pile of smoking rubble that had been the Maxwell Church. He turned his ashen face, streaked with soot, grime, and blood, up to look at the only remaining portion of the old church. The large image of a crucified Christ stood tall out of the ashes, the finish only dashed with smoke stains and in otherwise perfect condition.

Looking down, Duo scuffed his feet on the ground, sniffing. Suddenly, anger boils in him. He let loose a scream at the top of his lungs, denouncing God and his 'fake benevolence.' He continued to scream until his voice was raw and his head pounding. Exhausted, emotionally and physically, Duo plopped down on the ground, among the debris and bodies. Shaking with exertion and pent-up emotions, he curled into a ball and sank into a troubled sleep.

-----

[Oh life, is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we're alive]

Duo gazed across the open field, his jaw dropped in awe. The wind leaned against the grasses, ruffling them in it's caress. Birds soared in the sky, perched on trees and hopped along the ground insearch of food. Flowers released their seeds, which the wind caught and carried away with a gust. It was amazing. He turned to the boy standing beside him, the same awe gracing his normally stoic features.

In the midst of war, two boys stood in awe of the beauty around them, forgetting, if only for a moment, that the world and space were at war and that they were soldiers that had to fight and kill. No, they just stood there, living life.... a life that, if they survived, was waiting for them.

-----

[Oh life, is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we'll survive]

"The war is over!" he heard Relena squeal as the descending piece of Libra exploded into a million pieces.

"I see now... Heero's the heart of outer space!" Quatre said quietly. Duo watched the others on the moniters, Quatre was pale from blood loss and Trowa was looking worriedly at that screen on his monitor.

"Ya did it, Heero.... ya saved Earth...." Duo whispered, a smile spreading across his heart-shaped face. His statement took on an appearance of astonishment. "And I survived...... we... survived the war...." Duo's eyes were wide and his face white.

::end flashback::

[do do do-do do do do-do do-do-do
do do do-do do do do-do do-do-do]

{Scene: the world, brief flashes of what could be... what is waiting...

Duo, in a large public garden, twirls around watching the brilliant colors pass in a whirlwind. He drops to the ground, lying on his back, and smiles broadly.

Duo, walking beneath large trees in fall, leans his head on the shoulder next to him, smiling at the leaves drifting to the ground. He looks up at smiling cobalt eyes, then lays his head back down.

The scenes continue to appear on the screen, happy futures, simple beauty... all of what life could hold instore for him...}

[How many days have you just slept away
Is everybody high
Is everyone afraid]

::flashback::

The sunlight filtered into the room through the slats of blind. Duo wrinkled his nose as the light lit on his face. With a grimace, he turned over and pulled the covers over his head. He didn't feel like facing anything or anyone.

"Duo!" Quatre yelled from the bottom of the stairs. "Breakfast!"

After recieving no answer, which was answer enough, and no braided boy bouncing down the stairs, he turned and walked back into the kitchen with a shake of his head.

-----

[And how many times have you wished you were strong
Have they ever seen your heart
Have they ever seen your pain]

"You failed the mission," Heero stated calmly.

"Yeah," Duo sighed, "Sorry 'bout that...." Heero was about to berate him further, but Duo just turned and walked away. He could take it... he wanted to be strong, for them to be able to rely on him, but....

"Sorry... I'm sorry," he lamented over and over as he stuffed himself into a corner in his room. His shoulders shook with sobs as he gave into the pain he would not show to anyone else. His only consolation was that no tears came and thus no evidence of his pain would be seen.

-----

[Oh life, is waiting for you
It's all messed but we're alive]

Duo sat on the battered hull of Deathscythe. The last battle had been an ambush, they'd been found out and were overwhelmed. Ninmu shippai. They'd pulled out and retreated, scattering to prevent further detection.

He thought about his friends, wondering how they managed and if they'd been injured in the battle. His only comfort was the knowledge that he was alive and would live on.... for now.

-----

[Oh life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we'll survive]

War. A nasty three letter word, but a necessary one. He was going to fight in a war. He looked at G, his violet eyes curious. "You want me to steal Deathscythe and go to Earth? Be a terrorist?"

"Yes, that is what I'm telling you to do, Duo," the mushroom haired scientist replied. "But, go as Shingami."

Duo watched as the old man walked away, tossing Duo's gun back to him. "Hmmm, Shinigami? We'll it's better than being hero of a massacre..."

'Wars kill those who fight them.... wars kill those who get in the way.... all around, wars kill....' Duo thought to himself. 'I wonder if I'll survive....'

::end flashback::

[She gets mad
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day
Every week
And all her life]

Duo hurled a fist into the mirror, shattering the thin glass into a million shards. Blood oozed out of the cuts in his hand, but he didn't feel the pain. He stood up and began throwing things around in the tiny, tattered appartement. Chairs crashed through the window, the phone found its way into the wall.... Duo reached for the lamp, smashing the lightbulb in his hand, the heated glass burning him and the shards slicing deep into his flesh.

He threw his head back and yelled before dropping to the floor and sobbing. He choked on the sobs, his stomach retching and dry heaving (having no food or liquids in it). Eventually, he fell into an exhausted sleep.

-----

[She gets sad
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day
Every week
And all her life]

Heero walked into the small apartement where his friend had been staying, gathered a few items and left. He walked down the street to the hospital where Duo had been admitted. He sighed as he reached the room where his friend slept. The boy was pale and very fragile looking laying on the large white hospital bed. The gash on his cheek was close to being healed, but still looked gruesome. The thin hands were bandaged and IVs fed the the gaunt frame, trying to feed life back into the boy.

Heero sighed as he looked at the mess Duo'd made of himself. He wondered why Duo's not taken care of himself....

[Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we're alive
Oh life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we'll survive]

Sunken violet eyes cracked open, blinking at the white tiled ceiling. Slowly, Duo turned his head to the side, blinking once again as his eyes lit on the boy at his bedside. He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was lost to a dry cough that wracked his frame and shook him to the core.

Heero was immediately beside him with a glass of water, which he pressed to parched lips. Duo gratefully gulped the liquid down, sagging back against the bed.

"Why, Duo?" Heero asked him, concern softening the lines of his sculptured face.

"Why what?" Duo asked, not sure of Heero's meaning.

"Why'd you let yourself go so bad?"

"I don't know.... 'Cause it's all messed up and I'm sick and tired of it all," Duo said, turning away. "'Sides, ya'll don't care... Never have..."

"We do care, Duo.... we always have. We're a team, remember?"

"A team?" Duo chuckeled cynically. "Some teamwork..."

Heero looked at the boy, irritated. Duo was refusing to remember clearly, he was still dwelling in his little world of self-pity.... and Heero was fed up with it.

Crack! The sound of Heero's hand against Duo's uninjured cheek echoed in the small room. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop dwelling on the bad things in life. Yeah, it's all messed up, but, hell, at least you're alive!"

"Heero...?" Duo breathed, shocked by Heero's outburst.

"Stop shunning us because you can't accept that we accept life and move on! You need to grow up, Duo. Grow up and fgure out that you have to live for now and the good moments and just let the bad ones pass.... we all have fucked up moments, but they're part of living."

A single tear rolled down Duo's cheek before he began to sob, more tears flowing down the ashen cheeks. Heero paused, fearing he'd gone too far. Then he heard the quiet litany...

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

Heero sighed and wrapped his arms around Duo's shaking shoulders. "Shh, it's ok, Duo...." He whispered, letting the boy sob against him, rubbing the shaking back.

After the tears had run their course, face puffy and red, Duo looked up at Heero and spoke. "I'm sorry, Heero..."

"It's ok... I shouldn't have yelled at you like that--"

"No, I deserved it... I'm a baka, I don't know why I dwell on the bad stuff, but...."

Heero just pulled him close. "Let me show you life.... let me show you what's waiting for you...."

"Please...?"

 

[Life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we're alive
Oh life is waiting for you
It's all messed up but we're alive
It's all messed up but we'll survive
It's all messed up but we're alive
It's all messed up but we'll
I will survive!]

 

Owari.

 

Ok, I'm not very good at endings.... And no, Lionna, that is not how I feel towards you... that's what my muses wrote about Duo. ::huggles:: Dun worry, baby. All will work out... but Hee-chan's right. ^_^ I had no other way of ending that... it just kinda went effed-up and well.... C&C is deperately craved. I mean DESPERATELY!!! ^_^ I'll accept anything from compliments (only if it really is what you say, don't lie to me) to death threats... Tell me how good/bad it was. Maybe I can revise it eventually! ^_^ A big thank you goes out to Barb for HTMLing my stuff ::huggles:: and Tyr and the rest of the crew for archiving me and putting up with my loads of fics! ^_^