Title: Sober (sequel to Crawling)
Author: Willow
Archive: GW Addiction and Fanfiction.net
Otherwise: yes, please tell me.
Category: Songfic, AU, dark, shounen ai, yaoi, lemon (please don't kill me!)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1+2/2+1, 3+4/4+3, OCx2
Warnings: Self depriciation/hatred, referance to rape (3 Libras) *NO RAPE IN THIS PART, EVEN IF IT LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT GET THERE, IT WON'T BE!!!!*, mild cursing, lemon
Spoilers: None. AU Remember?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This is for fun and enjoyment, no money is being made. Please don't sue me, as I am poor.
Feedback: Yes please. All flames received will be used to light the fire under my ass and get me to write more fics that are against your liking, so there.

[1]Sober belongs to Tool, it is off Undertow *hint hint*... and they don't belong to me either... Tool's lead singer is also the lead singer of APC (see a trend?) so this is basically the samy deal, ne? (He's dying of AIDS *sniffles*).

[2] Charas Cody Smith, Eli, Brad, etc, are mine. Based off ppl at my school. Cody's actually a friend of mine and would probably kill me if he ever got ahold of a copy of this fic. So would Eli. Brad is an ambiguous chara for the simple fact that there are just too many of them out there and he's not too important. I have good reason for what I do in this fic. This will lead up to the end fic: Magdelena.



-clip from Crawling-

"Anemia," Trowa said. "You'll be fine, but you must eat and rest." His voice was stern and Duo decided not to argue. Besides, what good would it do him? Trowa was right, so he nodded.

Duo turned his face to the wall, "I'd like to sleep now." 'please leave please leave pleave, oh please leave!!!!' he thought, wrapping his arms around himself to take away the chill that had suddenly fallen upon him.

"Ok, you rest, Duo." Heero said, as he and Trowa left the room. He shut the door quietly and Duo sighed.

[Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real]

He thought over everything since the incident, trying to come to grips with what was reality. As he thought about what his asailants had done to him he felt the icy ball of fear settle in the pt of his stomach, but banished it. He had to get through this, maybe, someday, he could be worthy of Heero, but he must get past this first step. He had to if he ever wanted that chance.

[Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing/Confusing what is real]


-begin Sober-

[There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every breath I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.]

Duo sat on the bed staring at the school unifrom.

"You know, you don't have to go if you don't feel like it," Heero said, standing in the door way.

Duo didn't reply, just continued to stare at the uniform. It wasn't the one he'd been wearing that day, but it was the same design. Steel grey slacks and a crisp white shirt with a black tie. Not something overly sexy. In fact, quite unfashionable and, thus, unappealing. Slowly, Duo rose from the bed and began mechanically dressing in the rough fabriced outfit.

'Even something so commonplace and perfunctory as dressing he makes graceful and sensual!' Heero thought, watching the boy slowly button his shirt.

Under Trowa's motherly supervision, Duo had begun to eat properly and replace the lost weight. He looked much healthier than he had some three weeks ago. He was well on his way to being the boy that had once jovially pranced the halls and campus of Burroughs-Libby High School. The only visible sign that Duo was still not recovered was his eyes. They still lacked that glitter that had made him who he was. Now, when Heero looked into them, they were flat and dull, devoid of the life that had once been the essence of Duo Maxwell.

Duo finished dressing and Heero asked, "Ready to go?"

Duo nodded, grabbing his book bag and trailing Heero out the door.


Heero watched as Duo fidgited in his seat, obviously uncomfortable in his surroundings. The boy kept looking around in a leery manner. Distinctly paranoid.


Duo was upset, irritated. He could feel their disapproving stares on the back of his head. Could immagine what thoughts ran through their minds.

"Why is he here? He's not one of us."

"Stupid little faggot went and got himself raped? Good for the rapists."

"Is it true he likes guys?"

"Little cock sucker got what he deserved!"

"Damn fags. Man, those fuckers are taking over! Shit, man!"

"I hear he wasn't raped. He took time off from school to solicit himself to horny rich guys!"

"No wonder his family left him!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!"

He could just hear them, feel them pressing in on him. Damning him from all sides. Pointing fingers and laughing, "Stupid little faggot!" "C'mon, cock sucker! Bring it on!" "Show me a good time sweety!" "I bet he feels just like a woman! Looks like one!" "Oh baby! Suck it! Suck it!"


Duo had never been so happy for class to end. Collecting his books, he rushed out of the room and down to his next class: Study Hall.


Heero watched sadly as Duo raced out of the room. Sighing, Heero stowed his books and went to his Trig class, never noticing the group of boys headed for the library.


[Waiting like a stalking butler
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called "must we"
just before the son has come.]

Duo found himself pressed up against the bookcase in the back of the library. Six of the jocks had decided to play with the little girly man. Hell, if he looked like a girl, might as well treat him like a girl, were their sentiments. Proving his paranoia to not be just in his head.

"H-hi, guys, um, what's up?" Oh, bad phrasing, Maxwell! He berated himself.

"Oh, nothing, just thought we'd get to know you a little better...." The leader, Brad, said.

"Yeah, just get to know ya...." Eli cooed, fingering a lock of Duo's hair. "You're beautiful, ya know that?"

Duo cringed, fear filling him. His eyes darted about, seeking an exit and finding none. He was trapped.

"Oh c'mon, sweetie. You don't wanna leave us so soon now do ya? We just wanna play.... we'll be gentle," Cody said, blue eyes cool and calming. Cody was a nice guy and he didn't get involved something with people that meant trouble. So why was he here? His prescence calmed Duo a little, if Cody was there it was just a friendly endevor.... he hoped. "Hey, guys, let me talk to him alone for a bit, k?" Cody asked, pulling senior rank.

"Yeah, sure, Smith, don't let him run off now," Brad said. The group turned and left.

Cody turned back to Duo and smiled at him. "They don't mean any harm. We heard what happened and, well, we've delt with it a time or two before. It's a good way to counsel someone. You know, get them used to the feel of people.... None of these guys wants to hurt you or make you do anything, k?" Duo nodded slightly, awed that jocks would do this for anyone, let alone him. But then again, these were top end people, like the ones on the student council. Eli was a known do-gooder. Brad was, well, Brad. Cody was considered a sweetheart by all the girls. And the others would follow anything their buddies decided to do. "Good. Shall we let the others join us? Rehab is a trip." Cody grinned opening the door.

"So, d'ja have a nice chat?" Eli asked, grinning.

"You know the drill guys, be nice!" Cody said, putting an arm around Duo's shoulders. Duo flinched a little, but did not shrug the arm off. Good sign, Cody thought. Good sign indeed. This may be easier than we thought.


Quatre smiled as the six boys filed into the library. He hoped his plan worked, that Duo would be coaxed back into the world with friendly advances. None of his friends could do it, he wouldn't respond at all. But friendly advances from people he bearly knew, nice and slow, was a hope in an otherwise morbid setting. He knew Cody would be good to Duo, he liked the braided boy, but knew Heero had lain his claim first.

"I hope this works!" Quatre whispered.

"Hope what works?"

[Jesus, won't you fucking whistle
something but the past and done?
Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever.
I just want to start things over.]

Quatre jumped and spun around to find Wufei, Trowa, and Heero behind him.

"Hope what works, Quatre?" Heero repeated.

"Just a little plan to get Duo to open up to the world again!" Quatre smiled. "I can't tell you more, cause if you interfere...." he left the threat hanging. He knew they would not, for Duo's sake, if not their own.


".... so you really love him, huh?" Cody asked Duo, who was looking into his empty can with disdain.

Duo nodded, still looking into the beer can. He was enjoying being sloshed, it loosened his tongue and he got to dump his burdens on someone else for a while. Cody had decided that he would be the first to 'take Duo out' and had decided a drink was in order. "Numbs the hurt!" he'd said. Duo agreed.

"I wish I could start it all over again," Duo said quietly. "If I'dve never run off, none of this would have ever happened and Heero and I might've been together and happy.... instead of apart and miserable cause I just can't...." he choked on a sob.

"Hey, we all make mistakes.... you can't change the past.... and whatever doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger, right?" Cody said, trying to comfort the crying boy.

Duo nodded, "I guess."

"You guess, well I know! Been though enough myself, got lots of regrets, but I'm still hear and I'm still kickin'! So look alive, chum! We're gonna rehabilitate you and send you back to Heero wrapped in a big red bow!"

Duo chuckled a little.

"See! There ya go! Let's put the past behind us, ne? Wipe the slate! Clean start! What was has never been, so viola!" Cody knew he was babbling, but he was trying to get to the point. "Not all sexual relationships are bad! Hell, if you'd let me, I'd love to show you how good they can be."

Duo looked up a little startled. He stared at Cody for a minute, his face unreadable, then his featurees softened and he looked pleading. "Show me." He didn't need ot vocalize the 'please' in his voice.

Cody stood up and offered his hand. "Ok." He didn't ask 'are you sure' or any other question of the sorts, the pleading tone was not that of a boozed up pip-squeak, but of someone in desperate need of proof beyond all shadow of a doubt that it could be joyful and not hurtful. And Cody was determined that Duo would have that proof. He could only hope Heero would reinforce it.


[I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.
Trust me.]

Cody led Duo into his small apartment, turning on the light as he entered.

"I'm afraid, Cody," Duo said.

"Then we don't have to...."

"No, I have to let go of this fear, but...."

"All you've known is the hurt, so you are afraid. But since you've experienced Hell, Heaven will be all the more exquisite," Cody said smiling.

"I can't thank you enough for trying to help me.... I'm really not worth all the trouble though--"

Cody put a finger to Duo's lips. "That is where you're wrong, koi. You are worth it, cause you are you. You are lovely and deserve love. And because everyone misses you, the real you. The you who would greet everyone in sight with a smile and a wave. The you who could charm that old biddy in Ag into letting us out early so we could eat lunch off campus. The you who stole the hearts of everyone who saw him. That is why you are worth anything I can give to have that you back, Duo Maxwell." And with that, Cody kissed him soundly on the lips, wrapping his arms around the boy who began to sob quietly in his arms. "Let it out, just let it all out."

"I'm so sorry, I screw everything up and get everyone else involved in my messes. You're just so wonderful for helping me, and I - I'm sorry!" Duo cried, holding tight while he continued to apoligize for himself.

"It wasn't you, koi. Never you. It was those bastards who wronged you and whom we can never repay. Never you. Shhh, shhh, it'll be alright." Cody maneuvered them to the bed, pulling the boy down with him.

[Mother Mary won't you whisper
something but what's past and done.
Trust me.]

Slowly, Cody explored Duo's body, kissing, teasing, loving. Piece by piece their clothes landed on the floor until they both wore nothing but their flesh to cover their bones.

"You know how it works?" Cody asked, teasing one of Duo's nipples, the dark nub pebbling under his assault. Duo nodded slightly. "Then you know what I'm going to do?" Duo gulped. "No, koi.... not like that...." Cody reached for his bedside table and pulled out a tube of gel. Thoroughly he coated his fingers before rubbing one around Duo's entrance. Despite the atrocities done to him, Duo was still tight as a virgin, which was something Cody was sure Heero would enjoy once he got a chance to have the boy. Carefully, he slid the finger in, stretching and soothing Duo as he prepared him. He cooed soft words as he readied Duo for what was to come. "Like this, nice and slow, ok? I'll go only as fast as you want me to." Duo nodded and Cody continued to stroke and stretch Duo's tight hole adding a second finger. With his other hand, Cody teased Duo's member erect and into dripping need, grinning at the lust that burned in the brunette's violet eyes. Soon he added a third finger and while stretching drove for that pleasure center just.... there!

Duo threw his head back as pleasure shot along his nerves. He'd never felt anything like it before, it nearly knocked him out with its intensity. He moaned as Cody continued to strech him and to stroke that glowing spot.

When Cody was sure Duo was stretched to where there would be minimum pain and maximum pleasure, he removed his fingers, pleased when Duo whimpered at the loss. "Shh, it gets better." He lubed his neglected member and placed himself at Duo's entrance. "Ok, this will hurt a teeny bit, ok? Just a bit." Slowly, ever so slowly, he slid himself into Duo's channel. The tightness of the boy almost drove him over then and there, but he reminded himself that this was for Duo to experiance pleasure, not just him. The benefit of being the teacher, Cody thought with a grin. Once he was fully seated, Cody waited for Duo to adjust. "You ok?"

Duo nodded. "Please." Duo begged, but for what, he really hadn't the faintest clue. He whimpered slightly and tried to buck his hips so that Cody moved inside him. That was it, that was what he wanted. "Please move....!"

Cody understood. Slowly, carefully, he pulled back the careful as he could slammed into Duo, hitting the prostate. Duo's moans of pleasure drove him to continue and he thrust harder and deeper, still trying to be careful. As he thrust, Cody reached around to grasp Duo's turgid member, pumping in time with his thrusts. Soon, though, the tight heat and friction driving him on, Cody began to loose rhythm and, thus, control. He slammed into Duo over and over, faster and faster until climax was inevitable and unstoppable. He pumped Duo faster and harder until the boy came with a throaty, strangled cry. The muscles in Duo's channel clamped down around him and Cody went over the edge. He thrust one final time before he came, crying out Duo's name. After the tremors passed, he carefully slid out of the beautiful boy and lay beside him.

"You ok?" Cody asked, making sure he hadn't hurt Duo. The boy nodded sleepily and Cody kissed him on the forehead.

"Thank you," Duo mumbled before he fell asleep.

"Anytime, koi. But I think you have someone waiting for you. Someone who loves you very much."


Quatre stopped by Cody's house when Duo didn't come home that night. "How'd it go?" he asked, aqua eyes hopeful.

Cody smiled. "Well, he's tighter than a virgin and I think he'll be just fine. Though, if he didn't already have someone he loved I'd willingly keep him for my own."

Quatre grinned. "Yeah, we know. Look thanks a lot. I'll tell Heero and Trowa that he's staying at a friends house. Thanks again, Cody."

"Welcome, Quatre. Glad to be of service. Besides, I got something priceless outta the deal."

"And that was?"

"I got the be the first to love him."

[I want what I want.]