3-26-2001

Computer Diaries Aren't Always Private
By:Vampira

Anime series: Gundam Wing
Romance
Lime...I think
Shounen ai
Spoilers: None
Parts: 1/1
Pairings: Duo/Heero
Rating: R
Story blurb: Heero and Duo share an apartment together, because it's easier to pay for this way. Heero is typing on his laptop and being even more secretive than usual. He won't let Duo within an inch of him or the laptop for at least an hour. If he even thinks Duo is coming his way, he'll almost slam the laptop shut, even if Duo is only trying to get to the bathroom. What's he doing? Duo gets the opportunity to hack into Heero's files and see what he's been doing, but....could he invade Heero's privacy in order to just satisfy his curiosity? Find out!!!

Dedication: This fanfiction is dedicated to my good friend SkyLark.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters. The only characters that are mine are the ones that don't belong to or in Gundam Wing.

Warnings: Shounen ai, possible lime, OOCness.

 

Duo walked into the bedroom he and Heero shared. The apartment wasn't very big. It had one bedroom, a separate kitchen, a living room, bathroom and a few closets. Okay, so it was bigger than a lot of other apartments, but that's what they could afford since they were BOTH renting it. Yeah, Duo had to pay to and he chose to work at a loose meat restaurant while Heero worked at the snack bar in a Wal-Mart. Duo was, amazingly, paid more than he was.

Duo went into the bedroom and began looking under his bed. He wanted to find a certain manga. Sure, he could read books if he wanted to. He didn't want to. He didn't want to read anything serious if he didn't have to. Things that weren't so serious got his mind off of stuff and just let him relax. Though, Heero claimed the real answer to that was that Duo had the IQ of a 2 year old. Duo knew he was joking or being sarcastic or just angry at the time, so he usually just let it pass. It really started to annoy him while he was saying it in front of other people, though.

He heard the door slam shut and loud cursing in a different language. 'Heero?' Duo thought. Heero seldom really cursed. He was more laid back now, but he seldom really cursed. Or cursed out loud, anyway. He'd had his moments, though. This was the loudest he'd heard Heero yell in a long time. The wars had been over for awhile. No one since Mariemaya had resurfaced. They were only to be on call if something like that happened. This way it was easier for them to have a normal life. They earned pay for anything they did associated with the Preventers and since they weren't doing anything, they got no money. So, they had to get other jobs and were perfectly happy that way. Though, both had had their moments when they wished they were back with the Preventers.

Duo walked out, having only just found his manga and having to discard it on his bed, to see what was the matter with Heero.

"Heero what's...." Duo was cut off as he noticed a large burn on Heero's right hand. "Holy shit! What happened?!" Duo asked as he rushed to get the first aid kit...and some ice. "I was cleaning the grill." Heero said. "And you failed to notice it was hot?!" Duo yelled at him.

"No...I knew it was hot...well....it only seemed warm." Heero said. "What had you been doing, before that?" Duo asked. "Working with ice." Heero said. "I knew it! Baka!" Duo yelled. He seldom cried out in Japanese, but he did it automatically when he wanted to make absolutely sure that Heero understood him.

"You're hands were fucking numb, weren't they?!" Duo yelled. "Well, yes..." Heero started. "No. No excuses. Damn it, Heero, you're smarter than that! I know you're smarter than that! You knew better! Were you trying to hurt yourself?! Do you enjoy seeing me come close to having a heart attack?! You know....forget it! Nothing sinks into that head of yours! You're head's too God damned thick!" Duo screamed, half wondering why Heero wasn't screaming back.

Heero was just staring at him. That baka! He probably wasn't even listening! Before Duo knew what he was doing or could even stop himself he was in front of Heero, and for the first time since Heero had ordered him to in A.C.196, he hit Heero. It was a smack. Right across the face. Heero's head whipped to the side as Duo smacked him.

Duo pulled his hand back, unbelieving of what he'd just done. "Oh my God. Heero, I...I didn't mean to. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry." Duo whispered unbelieving.

Heero just stood there for a minute. Then, without a word to Duo, he walked into the kitchen. Heero's face was even bleeding.

Duo didn't even notice Heero was bleeding until he'd noticed that, where his hand was lingering just long enough, his hand had gotten some of Heero's blood on it.

"Shit." Duo whispered to himself.

Suddenly, he shook his head and his eyes and features came back to life. He rushed into the kitchen to find Heero.

Heero was in there, looking out of the window and lightly brushing his new cut with a washcloth in his burned hand.

"Heero, let me..." Duo started. He stopped when Heero flinched away from his touch. The flinch hurt his hand, because he'd had to move it again. He dropped the washcloth. His cut started to drip blood again.

Duo didn't like the idea of Heero being afraid of him. It was the last thing he'd wanted. He hadn't meant to hit Heero. He wasn't even aware his feet had been moving at all.

"I...I'm not gonna hurt ya. You know that. Heero, you have to know that! I didn't....I didn't mean to do that. I don't even remember crossing the room!" Duo said. Heero just nodded his understanding. Duo let it be with that, knowing that Heero wasn't going to say anything more about it. He'd only be having a conversation with a statue if he tried to talk about it anymore.

He took the wet cloth from the counter, where it was dropped, and lightly dabbed at Heero's cut with it. It wouldn't scar and would probably be halfway healed by tomorrow.

Duo grinned. "Do ya want me to kiss it and make it better?" Duo asked. "No." Heero said. Duo rolled his eyes. He'd only been teasing.

Once that was finished, Heero let Duo patch up his hand. The burn wasn't as bad as Duo had made it out to be. Definitely not worth hitting Heero over.

Heero went to the living room, followed closely by Duo, and got something from the couch. "What's that?" Duo asked. "It's a sack. I bought you something. I saw it and thought about you. I don't know why. I just did." Heero said.

"Well, what is it?" Duo asked. Heero shoved the bag to Duo. "Look in it and find out, baka." Heero said. He seemed to be back to normal. He went to their bedroom and shut the door.

Duo opened the sack, reached in...and pulled out a chocolate orange. He'd never had one before, but he loved oranges and he LOVED chocolate. Duo was going to save it. Maybe, share it with Heero. He wasn't all that hungry right now.

He put it back in the sack and walked to their room, where he was going to put it on his desk, so he would know where it was.

He went into the room and started toward his desk, which he shared with Heero, since they didn't see the point in buying two of them and spending more money than they needed to when they could share one.

Heero shut the laptop he was working on with a loud bang. "Heero, you're going to break that." Duo warned.

"It's durable." Heero answered. "What are you typin', anyway?" Duo asked.

Heero didn't answer and waited for Duo to finish whatever it was he was going to do. Duo rolled his eyes. "Are we playing Perfect Soldier again?" Duo asked. Maybe, it was lame and maybe it wasn't. He didn't care. Heero wouldn't say anything about it, most likely.

He was right, Heero just stared at him. He set the chocolate orange on the desk, looked at Heero strangely, because it seemed like he was actually GUARDING the laptop.

"I'm just....gonna go read, now." Duo said, walking to his bed and picking up the manga he'd left there.

"Hn." Heero said. Once Duo was at his bed and in no danger of seeing whatever it was that he was typing, Heero lifted the top of the laptop.

The typing started almost immediately after Duo lied down on the bed to read the manga.

@@@@@@@@@@

After at least an hour and, Duo noticed, a few hundred backspaces from Heero, Heero shut the laptop, not turning it off, and got his coat.

"Where ya goin'?" Duo asked. "Out." Heero answered. "What's with the one word sentences?" Duo asked. "Hn." Heero said, as he left.

Duo rolled his eyes and started reading the manga, again.

Duo heard the front door shut and started to wonder about the laptop. He'd gotten up a lot and went in the direction of Heero and the laptop, Heero almost breaking the laptop shutting it.

'What's in it that Heero can't stand me to see? Was he typin' somethin' about me?' Duo wondered. Heero probably wouldn't be back for awhile, so he could go see what it was that Heero was being so secretive about. Heero would never have to know. Duo wouldn't lie to him, he just wouldn't tell him.

'No, I wouldn't like it if he did somethin' like that to me.' Duo thought to himself. 'But, still....it wouldn't hurt to just take a LITTLE peak.' Duo thought.

His inner battle lasted for about an hour until his curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to the laptop, making sure that Heero wasn't coming home, by looking out of the window.

"Okay, lets see what he wrote..." Duo thought aloud, as he opened the laptop again.

He quickly found that Heero kept his things coded. He'd been a Gundam pilot and had been trained for such things, but it still took him another hour to just break passed the first code, to get into his documented files.

"Finally." Duo said, as he found something that he thought looked like diary or journal entries. He'd had a feeling Heero kept a journal on the computer. He'd just never wanted to look at it.

Duo almost returned the computer to the way it was and left it be. He shouldn't be invading another person's privacy just because he was curious about what they'd been typing. It wasn't right. He wouldn't speak to someone for a long time if they did something like that to him. He wouldn't like to be treated that way. His private thoughts, feelings and actions should be kept private. There was a reason a diary or journal was something no one was supposed to look at. You were supposed to be able to feel safe about putting things there that you didn't want others to see.

'Well, I came this far, I might as well read the first paragraph.' Duo thought. What he read amazed him. He didn't know that Heero had a crush on him. No wonder he'd been acting weird lately.

He couldn't help it. One paragraph led to another paragraph and so forth through the ALL of the journal entries.

When he finally got to the last entry, he couldn't breathe. The last entry had something in it that he never imagined Heero would feel for him. Maybe for someone else, but he only dared dream that it would be felt for him, not expecting it to become reality.

Duo read some of it out loud, "I didn't think that I could love anyone, but I think I love Duo. I know, I know, he's another guy. I wonder if it's natural for a guy to feel so strongly for another guy? I don't think so. I mean, none of the others do...at least to my knowledge they don't. And, guys that I see all the time at work are always bragging about their girlfriends or wives or fiancés. God, that's annoying. I don't expect him to love me in return, because, aside that he's a guy and probably doesn't swing that way, no one has ever loved me. Why start now? No. He just thinks of me as a friend at the most. I wish I could get the guts to tell him how I feel, though. It's funny. I was once known as The Perfect Soldier, but...suddenly I don't feel so perfect anymore. I mean, I could jump off of buildings and cliffs and ride on missiles and blow my own damn Gundam up while I was still in it, but I can't get the balls to tell Duo that I love him. It's the outcome, that I think I'm afraid of. There's a chance, which probably wouldn't happen, he might love me in return. If that happened...I don't know...I might even faint. Then, he could also just say that he didn't like me that way and leave it be. Or, he could kick me out the door and say good riddance to bad trash and throw my stuff out the window. That last one is what scares me. Yeah, I can be scared and this is one of the only things that scares me. I don't want to lose him. Even if it means that I can't tell him that I love him. I, at least, have his friendship, right now, and that's something I refuse to lose. I know I act like an asshole toward him a lot, but that's just to cover up how I really feel. I'm afraid that if I let go the way he's been trying to get me to, that I'll mess up and let something slip and then I wont even have his friendship, anymore. I just don't know what I'd do if I couldn't be with him at all. I'd probably kill myself. I know, that might seem melodramatic, but I don't care, I really would. I mean, everyone has always told me that no one could love me. Hell, even Quatre said it at one time! And something like that coming out of his mouth is very shocking. He didn't say it to me, oh no. He wouldn't do that. He'd feel guilty just because he hurt my feelings. No, I heard him talking to Rashid. I know, it could have all been a misunderstanding and he was talking about someone else, but no. It would be nice if that were true, but I heard my name when he was saying that. Mine. Heero. So, why should I risk losing Duo forever by telling him how I feel? I could be with him and just stare at him all day. He doesn't know it, but that's what I do when he's in the room. And why in the world and colonies does he think that I follow him into the kitchen and then say I wanted to get something to eat? I'm surprised I haven't gained weight because of that. I did it just so I could be in the same room with him."

Duo read on and on and found out a few interesting tidbits about a few fantasy dreams that Heero had about him. None of which made Duo blush, because he'd had similar, maybe even more explicit, dreams about Heero. Not that he willed them up, they just invaded his sleep. He ended up waking up in the morning and hoping that Heero wasn't awake so he could go clean up. That happened a lot.

Once Duo had finished the very long entry, he saved it and shut the laptop down, closing the top. That was when he saw Heero in the doorway.

"Heero..." Duo started. He wanted to tell Heero that he felt the same and...that he was sorry for snooping in his laptop. Among a few.....other things.

Heero had obviously taken off his coat before coming into the room and was now just holding it and looking at Duo. Looking at him, like he was afraid.

Heero dropped the coat on the floor and ran out of the room.

"Heero, wait!!!" Duo yelled, getting up and running after him.

Damn all the twists and turns in the apartment...including the crap on the floor that Duo WAS going to get Heero to help him pick up later. Now, that might not happen.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Duo yelled, as he dodged an open door. He should have known better than to pause like that. He wasn't a stupid person, so why hadn't he used his common sense?!

"Heero, stop! I wanna talk to ya!!" Duo yelled. He was almost whacked in the head with the front door to their apartment. He followed Heero out the door, down the halls, down stairs and still he couldn't catch up with him. He had to wait until he was almost smacked with the front glass door of the apartment building, before he could do anything about all the twists and turns of things. They were, now, out in the open, though. Now Heero was gaining much more speed.

It was dark out, too, so it was just a little harder to see Heero. Though, the moving shadow type thing sorta tipped Duo off as to where Heero was.

Duo finally noticed exactly where they were heading. The park. He started running faster. He'd lost track of Heero, but he thought he knew where he'd find him. There was a huge tree that Heero liked to sit under, when he came, in the center of the park.

Running as fast as he could to the large tree he stopped just under it. He could hear Heero. He'd climbed the tree.

Duo heaved a heavy sigh, wishing he could catch his breath first, and started climbing the huge tree. It was a good thing there were low, large, thick, healthy branches or he wouldn't be able to do this. Of course....Heero probably wouldn't either.

Duo got to a branch, not too far from the bottom, but still far enough to fall and hurt yourself if you landed wrong, which Heero was sitting on. The branch was actually big enough for Heero to sit on and bring his knees to his chest and rock himself. (people, this is a big branch, use your imagination)

Duo sat on the branch, too, hoping he wouldn't fall off and that he could finally catch his breath.

Duo heard Heero making noises. It sounded like he was trying to catch his breath and cry at the same time. Heavy sobs under his breath.

Duo scooted over and reached out to touch Heero. Heero sort of shrugged away. Duo could tell that Heero needed comforting, whether or not he wanted it or wanted to admit it.

Duo scooted even closer and took Heero into his arms. At first Heero struggled, though, obviously not with the intent to hurt Duo, and yelled as well, not caring if someone sleeping on a park bench heard or if some police officers were out on foot patrol and also heard.

"Shhh, Heero, stop! You'll hurt yourself!" Duo whispered into his ear. One hand positioned around Heero's back and the other at the back of Heero's head, pulling him closer and rocking him.

"So? What does it matter?" Heero sobbed out, loudly, voice thick with tears.

"It matters, Heero, because I love you, too." Duo said. Heero stopped for a moment, sitting very still in Duo's arms, as Duo continued to rub one hand over his back and the other in his hair.

"You...you're teasing me..." Heero said. "No, Heero, I don't lie and I wouldn't tease you about something like this." Duo said.

"You....you really love me?" Heero asked. "Yes, I really love you, Heero." Duo said.

Heero seemed to cry even harder now. "Was it somethin' I said?" Duo asked. "I'm...just so happy....I...I'm afraid that...this is all a dream...God...if it's a dream I hope I'm in a fucking coma!" Heero said. Duo laughed.

"Please, stop crying." Duo pleaded. Heero sniffled and his crying started to subside.

Duo pulled back a little and lifted Heero's head so he could look him in the eyes. Heero had fear in his eyes. He was afraid that Duo had changed his mind, Duo could see.

Duo lifted a hand to Heero and Heero flinched back as if he thought he would be hit. "I'm not going to hit you, Heero. I love you too much to hit you without cause and it hurt me SO much when I hit you earlier. I could never do that again. Never ever. I would never change my mind about loving you, either. I'm in too deep to change my mind." Duo said, letting his hand rest gently on Heero's cheek, rubbing the backs of his fingers against it. Heero leaned into the caress.

Duo leaned over and pressed his lips to Heero's. Heero gasped shortly, before responding to the kiss. He melted against Duo, wrapping his arms around Duo's neck. Duo ran his tongue along Heero's bottom lip and Heero opened his mouth, granting him access.

Heero surprised Duo by being so submissive. He was so strong, he could easily overpower Duo and become the dominant of the two, but he didn't. He just seemed to invite Duo to do whatever he wanted to his body. Duo wouldn't abuse this gift.

He slipped his tongue into Heero's mouth and probed around, making sure to explore everything his tongue could reach. He teased Heero's tongue with his own. Heero responded, but soon let Duo dominate him again.

Heero moaned into the kiss, which only spurred Duo on. He ran one hand through Heero's hair and the other he slipped under Heero's shirt to caress his back. Heero stiffened when he felt this, so Duo took it as a hint and slipped his hand back out. He kissed up Heero's jaw to his ear and whispered, "I'm sorry." He nibbled at Heero's earlobe, as Heero's mouth found it's way to Duo's neck.

Suddenly, a light was shining up to them from under the tree. Duo and Heero stopped what they were doing and didn't really move. Just stayed in that position, a little startled and wondering what they were going to do.

"What do you two think you're doing up there?" A man's voice asked. Duo moved to look down and saw a police officer. 'Busted!' Duo's mind registered.

"Um...nothing, officer?" Duo asked. "Yeah, right. You two go home and do that. This is a public place and no one needs to see you two have sex in a tree. Get down from there and head on home or I'll have to run ya in." The officer said.

"Yes, sir." Duo said, as he gave Heero a look. Heero smiled, a real smile. Duo answered his smile with one of his own.

"Come on, now, I can't stand here and wait for you two to stop admiring each others' beauty. Get down from there and stare at each other at your home." The officer said, impatiently.

Duo went down first, closely followed by Heero.

"Alright, go on home. I don't have all day. You may like to stare at each other, but I sure don't have time to stare at you." The officer said.

"Okay, officer, okay, we're goin'." Duo said, walking in the direction of their apartment. Heero followed and came up beside him, laying his head on Duo's shoulder as they walked, Duo putting one arm around Heero's waist.

 

End

Author's notes: So, how was it? I hope ya liked it! It's just somethin' that popped into my head. *shrugs* ^_^_^_^ REVIEW!!!!!^_^_^