Title: Who's Fooling Who 3/?
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing. This is solely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue.
Note: TWT, OOC, Changing POVs, Cross-dressing
Who's Fooling Who
I gradually wake up with this feeling of calm and warmth inside me, like I'm at peace. My eyes are still closed. I savor this feeling as long as possible before reality takes it away, once full awareness hits me.
I slowly realize there is a slight pressure on my right side and definite weight on my right arm, on both my shoulders, across my chest, and across my thighs. A slight gust of warm air glides across my bare chest at even intervals, in sync with the breathing rhythm of a sleeping person.
I tighten my hold on a soft silky mass that has somehow gotten into my right hand while I was sleeping.
I pick up the scent of something that reminds me of rain: fresh, airy, with a mixture of plants. A smell belonging only to Duo and nature alone.
I crack open my eyes and gaze down on Duo snuggling me like a human teddy bear.
It has been two days since we took our last final and left the boarding school. We relocated to this new safe house, a small cabin on the outskirts of town. There is only one twin bed barely big enough to fit the two of us comfortably, leaving us having to share a bed for the first time.
Because of this, I was pleasantly surprised to wake up yesterday in a somewhat similar situation as I am now.
I feel so content and weightless right now, like I'm on a cloud and my head is filled with cotton. My internal clock says it's time to wake up, but I'm reluctant to drag myself out of this serene haze.
As my mind starts registering my surroundings, my senses are picking up something that seems out of place. Yet it feels right, like it belongs there and is meant to be there. My eyes shoot open and I look around the small room searching for this phenomenon, until my gaze rests on Duo.
Duo is sleeping, more like snuggling, against me. His right arm is placed across my shoulders, bending at the elbow so that his hand is curled and gently touching my ear and hair. His face is inches from mine and his breath is blowing tantalizingly against my cheek. His body is pressing against my arm and side, and.
I unintentionally groan as I realize Duo's groin is pressing against my arm.
Duo stirs a little from the noise, and to my horror (or is it more like my pleasure?) he snuggles closer to me. His face closes the distance between us. His lips are barely touching, brushing gently against my cheek, sending little shivers down my spine. His body presses even more against me, rubbing his groin into my arm. And now his right leg is wedged between mine.
Need to breathe. Need to stop panting. Need to take calm even breaths. Need to reign in the hormones. Definitely need a cold shower this morning. And thank gods for self-control. I have no idea what I would do if Duo woke up and found me with a hard-on.
Okay, I'm calm now. The initial shock is over. And this does feel wonderful, blissful, like we are meant to be in each other's arms.
Now what to do? Should I wake Duo up? Or should I just bask in this little moment and enjoy it as much as possible?
Thinking for. oh. less than a nanosecond, I went with the latter. I close my eyes and relax and lose myself to the moment, trying to memorize the feeling of being whole and at peace, trying to engrave the feel of Duo cuddling me.
Hn. I always suspected Duo of being a cuddler.
But I've never seriously thought I would wake up with him cuddling me. Oh, I've dreamt and imagined this happening a thousand times already, but I never thought it would actually happen.
I'm surprised I didn't wake up the moment he touched me. I'm usually a light sleeper. But before I could ponder further on this subject, Duo started waking up.
He yawns, and I want to scream in frustration.
Here I am, pretending to be asleep, pretending Duo's close proximity isn't doing a damn thing to my body or my mind, and he has to yawn when he has his lips touching my cheek. Damn, I barely stop myself from shivering as Duo's lips part and close, brushing ghostly across my cheek. Argh.
Duo shifts a little and turns his head towards my hair. He takes a deep breath and his whole body stiffens. He lifts his head up and I could tell he is staring at me. I slowly open my eyes, knowing I would put him further into shock if I just shot them open.
Duo's already blushing face turns even redder as he sees I'm awake. He continues to stare at me for a few more moments. Once he realizes how he is positioned on me, besides just snuggling against me, he quickly moved to his side of the bed, blushing even redder than before.
"Gomen Heero. I didn't mean to do this."
"Hn. Always thought you would be a cuddler."
Then I immediately got out of bed and walk to the bathroom to take my cold shower. It's a good thing that I normally take a shower in the morning.
But more than anything, I needed to get away from Duo.
I know that Duo snuggling against me was just an accident and that it would have happened with anyone Duo was sharing a bed with, but I can't help feeling a little rejected when he moved so fast away from me. I know I'm not thinking logically here, for I would have behaved the same way if I were in Duo's position. But then again, would I ever be put in that kind of position or find myself in that kind of situation with Duo?
Hn, I doubt it.
***end of flashback***
And here I am again, waking up with Duo cuddling me and loving every minute of it.
But this time Duo's sleeping partially on me, rather than against me. His head is resting on my shoulder. His right arm is curled on my chest, with his hand resting in the crook of my neck. His right leg is draped over my thighs.
I just realized my right arm is snaked under him, like I was going to hold him to me, but decided at the last minute to forget about that foolish idea and let it rest beside him instead.
And clutched in my hand is Duo's braid.
This really surprises me.
How did his braid get into my hand?
I don't know, like I don't know the reason I didn't wake up the moment Duo started cuddling again. What does this all mean?
Hn. It can't possibly mean that I'm falling in love with you, Duo. No, it can't mean that. I'm not falling in love with you, Duo. I can't be falling in love with you. I can't be.
Hn. Falling in love?
I barely stop myself from snorting.
No, this cannot possibly mean that I'm falling in love with you, Duo.
I have this urge to laugh bitterly.
No, I'm not falling in love with you, Duo, for I'm already in love with you, and quite possibly have been from the moment I met you. So how can I be falling in love with you when I already am?
I give myself a self-mocking smirk.
No, that's not right either.
I've fallen in love with you, Duo. I'm in love with you. And every time I wake up, every waking hour, I find myself falling in love with you all over again. All over again, everyday, since the moment I met you.
There, I finally admitted it, at least to myself. I'm in love with you Duo, and I always will be.
I gaze down, watching Duo sleep contentedly. Hn, and most likely he isn't even aware that he is snuggling against me.
Not wanting him to wake up yet, hoping to prolong and revel in this moment of bliss as much as possible, I remain as relaxed and still as I can be in this situation.
I feel so whole, so complete, so fulfilled, here, right now, like this. Yet, so doomed as well.
Hn, the drawbacks of unrequited love.
As I gaze down on Duo, I find myself fighting the urge to kiss the top of his head.
I want to run my hand down his arm and entwine my fingers with his. I want to caress his face; have my palm feel the warmth of his cheek in a vain attempt to capture his light. I want to run the back of my fingers over that same cheek softly, delicately, lovingly. I want to rub my thumb along his jaw to his oh so kissable lips. I want to kiss his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his lips. I want to kiss him.
But I won't do any of that.
I'm like a man wandering in a desert, dying from thirst, and Duo is my oasis, my salvation. Waking up with Duo sleeping in my arms is like I've finally stumbled across my lifesaving haven in this barren world. I try to reach it, to touch the pool of water that seems too small to quench my thirst. But my salvation vanishes in front of my eyes like the mirage it is, leaving me kneeling down cupping a handful of sand to my dried, cracked lips, frustrated and disheartened. I don't want to find out this is a mirage. I don't want to break this spell. This moment seems real. It feels real. I'm not sleeping, but this is a dream, a fantasy, and the spell will be broken once Duo wakes up and reality sets in.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts as a slight shiver runs through Duo's body. He must be cold. Our only blanket has been kicked down to our hips while we were sleeping. Before I could pull our blanket up and cover us again, Duo, while still asleep, reaches down with his right hand and starts searching for it blindly.
I softly groan as Duo rests his hand right on top of my groin. Then he grabs the blanket, almost grabbing me. As he pulls the blanket up, he rubs his cheek on my chest, like a cat would rub against its owner, and snuggles closer, hugging me. His hand finally settles on my shoulder, covering both of us with the blanket.
Once Duo stops moving around and finally continues to sleep contentedly, I slowly released the breath I didn't know I was holding. I wonder if Duo has some kind of innate ability to tease the hell out of me, for he had really challenged my self-control and willpower just then.
I tighten my hold on Duo's braid, the only thing I dare to grab onto, the only thing I allow myself to hold onto, as I slowly regain control of myself.
Glancing down on Duo and knowing that this moment of bliss will not last forever (but wishing it would), I just lie there, savoring it as long as possible before it's taken away from me again.
An hour passes before Duo started to stir awake. I release my hold on his braid and this moment, hoping this wouldn't be my last time finding Duo sleeping in my arms.
Duo wakes up yawning and blinking kittenishly. He smiles warmly at me, about to say "Good morning", until it dawns on him that he's cuddling me again.
Duo's cheeks turn a nice shade of red as he says, "Gomen, Hee-chan." He quickly got off me and moved to his side of the bed again. Looking really embarrassed and giving a weak grin he said, "Ah. Maybe we should put some pillows or blankets between us so I won't end up sleeping on you again tonight, ne Hee-chan?"
NO!!! Don't do that. I like it like this. Actually, I love it like this. Don't take this away from me, Duo.
I hope he doesn't see any signs of panic on my face at his suggestion.
Need to think fast and remain calm. Blankets. Pillows. That's it.
"We don't have any extra blankets or pillows." /And if we did, I'll make sure we didn't./ "Besides, there's no need. I don't mind."
"Are you sure, Heero?"
"Aa, I'm sure." Then Heero got out of bed and went into the bathroom to take his morning shower.
I buried my head into the pillow. I'm so embarrassed. Man, I can't believe I was cuddling Heero again. Heero is right. I am a cuddler.
I chuckle bitterly. Well, I always wanted to wake up in Heero's arms, just under different terms though.
Heck, I'm not even really sorry about waking up clinging to Heero like he's my safety blanket. I don't regret it. I'm rather glad in fact. But I feel a bit embarrassed, waking up all awkward like that, not knowing what Heero's thinking.
Thank god he doesn't mind. I don't know what I would say or do if he said yes to my suggestion.
Maybe feel crushed and rejected. Yeah, definitely that, and more.
(one hour later)
I step out of the bathroom after brushing my teeth and washing my face. I undo my braid and pick up my brush. As I comb my hair out, I turn to Heero, who's sitting in front of his beloved laptop, typing who knows what, and wearing his favorite casual outfit, spandex and tank top.
Heero actually stops typing and looks up at me. "Hn."
"We have a little over two weeks before we have to move into Sakura Garden, right?"
My hair is tangle-free now. I start to re-braid it as I continue to speak. "Okay, I have two weeks to practice pretending to be a girl before the real show then. But first I need to go shopping. Can't really begin without actual props, ne Hee-chan?"
As I tie the end of my braid, I notice Heero is still staring at me. I'm kind of surprised he hasn't resume typing in his laptop yet. He must have assumed I wasn't done talking yet, which is true. Either that or he was watching me braid my hair. Yeah right.
I smile sweetly at Heero. "Oh and Hee-chan, you're coming with me."
"Oh. I would like you to come and give me your opinion on some things. And. " I give Heero an evil grin, "as your 'girlfriend', I'm taking the liberty of changing your wardrobe"
"Nani?!" Heero glares at me. "What's wrong with the way I dress?"
Your taste in clothes isn't bad. I'm kind of fond of the white shirt and black pants you have actually. I like your spandex and tank tops too. Actually, I like them a lot. They hardly leave anything to the imagination. And I just love how your spandex clings to your ass when you're exercising in them.
Okay. before my mind drops into the gutter, I need to supply Heero with a non-provoking answer.
"Nothing, for what you normally do in them. But I'm thinking of clothes to go out in."
And besides, this is also my chance to finally get you into some decent winter clothes too. The denim jacket you have is not enough to keep you warm, and the winter jacket you got at Antarctica is too much.
"Geez. Oh come on, Hee-chan. Can you seriously tell me you actually think you won't attract any attention wearing spandex and a tank top during winter or at a place where people normally dress up?"
I scowl at Duo and mentally pout. Duo knows I like wearing my spandex and tank tops; they're comfortable. I wonder if I should tease him back about his priest outfit.
Duo's staring and waiting for an answer to his question. Hn, can I seriously tell him I won't attract any attention?
Hm. Now that I think about it, he asks if I am able to tell him seriously, rather than seriously think it.
Wanting to be playful and since I can't seem to squash the mischievous thought down, I look straight into Duo's eyes, smirk, and say deadpan, "Actually I don't think I would attract any attention."
Duo quirks one of his eyebrows and snorts, "I know I said you've taken things so damn literally before, but. geez." He shakes his head. "Well, no one can say you don't have a sense of humor, ne? But anyway, back to you coming along with me to the mall. You're coming, and I won't take 'no' for an answer, Hee-chan."
"Hn." Wonder what Duo will say or do if I refuse to go. Not that I don't want to go. In fact, I really do.
"Why not just consider this as prepping for the mission, Heero?"
Now it's my turn to quirk an eyebrow.
Duo turns a light shade of pink as he tells me his plan. "Well, since I'm going to be trying and buying a lot of female-related items, there's no way I'm going to the mall as a guy." Duo gives a small cough and continues. "Well I thought I should dress androgynously. You know, white T-shirt and blue jeans." Duo grumbles. "And anyway, I get mistaken for a girl often enough, even while wearing the boys' school uniform, so it shouldn't be too difficult to trick everyone at the mall in thinking I'm a girl." Duo grins. "And I thought we could just practice and get used to me pretending to be a girl, especially out in public and interacting with other people. So, coming along, Hee-chan?"
Hn, it sounds interesting. Might even be fun.
Hm. , Duo, pretending to be a girl, being surrounded by sales reps calling him "Ma'am" and "Miss".
Okay, scratch that, it will definitely be fun.
Should I tease Duo about his threat of screaming and punching the next person that mistakes him for a girl?
Hn, I wonder which he will be more upset with; being able to easily fool everyone into thinking he is a girl, or by some twist of fate, be asked or thought to be a guy by someone while at the mall.
"Fine. I'll come with you."
I give Heero a big smile. "Great. We should change and get ready to go to the mall then."
Wow. That went better than I expected. I was pretty sure I would have to pester him for an hour or two before I could get him to agree to go.
I walk over to the bed and reach down for my duffel bag. Pulling it out and placing it on the middle of the bed, I unzip it and pull out a clean white T-shirt and a pair of dark blue denim jeans. Taking off the T-shirt I was sleeping in and tossing it onto the bed, I pick up the jeans and bend over to put them on, one leg in at a time.
As I pick up the white T-shirt and am in the process of putting it on, Heero says, from behind my back, "Hn, Baka. You're blocking me from getting to my bag."
"Oh, gomen Hee-chan."
I move to the side, as I finish putting my T-shirt on.
Heero reaches under the bed and pulls out his duffel bag. He puts it on the bed, opens it, and takes out a pair of blue jeans. He slips the spandex off his hips, slides it down his legs, and tosses it onto the bed, picks up his jeans, and shimmies into them, all while I'm trying my damnedest not to stare.
Okay, one word describing Heero Yuy slipping off or shimming into a pair of pants. Drool.
Diverting my eyesight from Heero's ass and back to my duffel bag, I pull out a black sweater and tie it around my waist. Grabbing a pair of socks from the bag and sitting on the bed, I put them on. Leaning over and picking up my ankle-high black boots, I put those on as well.
Now for the finishing touch, I spread some lip balm across my lips, making them look shiny, like I put lip-gloss or lipstick on instead.
I turn to Heero, who's wearing his green tank top, blue jeans, a blue denim jacket, and ankle-high black boots, and ask, "So Hee-chan, if you were a stranger on the streets, and saw me for the first time, would you think I'm a girl or a guy?"
Heero stares at me for a moment. He looks me up and down, and settles his gaze on my face. He smirks, turns around, and walks toward the door without answering my question.
I glare at Heero's retreating back.
"Well. What do you think, Hee-chan?"
Heero, pausing with one hand on the doorframe, turns slightly and looks over his shoulder. He meets my eyes, and his smirk widens a bit.
Sometimes I swear Heero is a sadistic bastard. Like now, for instance.
"Do you really want to know what I think, Duo?"
Do I really want to know?
Okay, so I'm a masochist when it comes to Heero. So sue me.
"You look like you always do, Duo."
Duo lifts one of his eyebrows. "Oh, and what is that?"
I give Duo a small grin. "You. You look like you."
I step out of the cabin and head towards the car, leaving Duo with a very confused look on his face. I smile slightly. Duo is so kawaii when he pouts.
"Huh.? What the."
What on earth does Heero mean by that? Is he purposely trying to drive me insane?
I run out the cabin, catching up with him as he approaches the car we "acquired" the other day.
Heero pauses in the process of opening the driver's side door and turns to look at me as I come up to him.
"What do you mean by, 'You. You look like you.'?"
There is a long pause before Heero answers. He looks me straight in the eyes and says slowly, as if reciting a poem, "When I look at you, all I see is you. I don't see a boy. I don't see a girl. I just see you. No matter what you wear, or what you disguise yourself to be, you are still you, and that's what, or rather, who I see when I look at you. I simply see you, Duo."
Heero turns abruptly and opens the car door. As he settles himself into the driver's seat, he says, "Get in, Duo. We have Christmas shoppers to contend with once we get to the mall, and I don't want to battle for a parking spot if I don't have to."
Walking numbly to the passenger's side door, I open it and get in the car.
I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. Heero has totally surprised me, and I'm sure he will never stop surprising me for the rest of my life.
His words, his stare, him. He makes the ground beneath me crumple and disappear from under my feet, and all I can do is fall. I guess this is my destiny. To continuously fall. To continuously want to be in his arms. To continuously wish he's with me for each drop, each fall.
I didn't think it was possible for me to fall any deeper or any harder for him. But boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. Of course, leave it to Heero Yuy to do the impossible.
My heart is contracting, as if my chest is doing its best to hug it. I'm weak in the knees. I'm having the hardest time controlling my limbs; it's like my body is made up of water, contained and held all together by my skin, and every drop wants to seep out of it and drench the ground until all that's left of me is a puddle.
I snap out of it and back into reality when Heero brakes at the first stop sign. He looks at me from the corner of his eyes and I can tell he's wondering, possibly worrying, why I'm so quiet. I start to chatter away about the weather and wanting to see a white Christmas, trying to present an image of normalcy among us, trying to convince him nothing has changed, that everything is still the same.
But it isn't. Something has changed.
I can't put my finger on it. But something has changed.
So, what do you think?