Title: Who's Fooling Who 2/?
Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing. This is solely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue.
Note: TWT, OOC, Changing POVs, Cross-dressing
Who's Fooling Who
After a few minutes of stunned silence, I finally pick my jaw back up from the floor. Who would of thought, Duo Maxwell actually stunned speechless. I blink a couple of times, getting over my initial shock and started working my mouth in trying to say something.
"What the..." I look at Heero, then at the laptop, then back again at Heero. "Are they serious?"
"Aa, they always are. They just have a very sick sense of humor."
"No kidding... Chi."
Man, first they want me to cross-dress and pretend to be a girl, now this. Oh I'm not complaining about pretending to be Heero's "girlfriend".
Well, maybe I am. I mean, I don't know if this is a blessing in disguise or a curse.
Kuso. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about this new mission. It's going to be heaven and hell at the same time.
Oh, to do some of the things I've always wanted to do to Heero would be such a great release, but I'll still have to reign my emotions in though, and it's all going to be under the guise of maintaining my role as his "girlfriend".
Oh what the hell, whether a blessing or a curse, it's going to be so nice to be with Heero, even if it's just for pretend.
Argh, what is the purpose of us pretending to be a couple anyway, what are those sadistic bastards thinking? Let's see, need to think this objectively.
"Hm... You know Heero, if we stop and think about it, they do have a point."
"Just image how we normally behave during a mission at a boarding school. Now image how others will see us with me dressed as a girl."
"Hn. I see what you mean."
"Yeah, most people when they see two teenagers, a boy and a supposed girl, hanging around each other almost all the time like we do, would automatically assume they're a couple. Now if it were two boys or two girls then they would think they're just best friends." /Well, most of the time anyway. There are more people open-minded about homosexuality these days./ "But since it's going to be a girl and a boy, most people won't take them just being close friends for face value. And for the few who would believe they're just friends, those people would wonder why they aren't together."
"So since we can't avoid being seen as a couple, we might as well pretend to be one and use it to our full advantage. Now as a couple, we're going to have an excuse to be left alone when we want privacy to discuss the mission. And if we need to whisper anything of importance to one another in the halls or anywhere for the matter, it would be written off as one of us whispering sweet nothings to the other. It would give us an excuse for meeting and moving around at strange hours too. All in all, the Docs are trying to have us exploit this new situation as much as possible.
"But there is one major drawback though."
"Like us actually doing a convincing job of pretending to be a couple."
Heero raises one of his eyebrows.
"I mean the point in pretending to be a couple is to blend in and not attract too much attention to ourselves. So to keep a low profile we need to behave like any normal couples would, which means holding hands, going to outings, going on dates, doing things with other couples, nicknames, things like that and more. My point is Heero, are you willing to do all the couple-related things and pretend like you actually want to be my *boyfriend*?"
I want to laugh. This is beyond hilarious. Oh the irony. Duo wants to know if I can, no that's not right, if I'm *willing* to *pretend* to want to be with him. To pretend to be his boyfriend, and him my "girlfriend". To hold his hand, possibly hold him. To do things that I've been trying so hard for the past few months not to do. Afraid I would scare him away if I did do them. Afraid of his rejection if he found out how I really feel about him.
And now with this new mission, I finally could loosen up my control on my emotions a little. Finally easing the pressures of so many suppress feelings and desires.
It's going to be a dream come true.
I get to enact some innocent fantasies of mine, like caressing his cheeks, brushing his hair out of his eyes, having my arms around his waist, and still keep my friendship with Duo intact with him none the wiser to my true feelings for him.
But right now I must maintain my "Perfect Solider" image awhile longer, can't have Duo wondering why I'm behaving differently, at least not until it can be written off as me fulfilling the mission.
"If the mission requires it, I'll do whatever it takes."
I barely stop myself from rolling my eyes. Why doesn't that response surprise me? Chi... always the mission. Always the "Perfect Solider".
"Okay Heero, since you don't have a problem with this couple idea, we'll worry about the rest of this new mission later."
<gggrroowwll> Geez, I didn't know my stomach could growl that loud.
"Heh. Heh. As you can tell I'm starving. Why don't we grab something to eat at the dining hall before it closes, ne? Come on Heero. We have to hurry. We'll be lucky to get anything decent to eat this late now."
"Hn, you're always hungry." I can hear the smirk on Heero's face as he follows me out of our room. I turn around, and sure enough, Heero's smirking.
I make a face and stick my tongue out at Heero. "Well, I'm a growing boy."
Then I give Heero a grin, I know he isn't really trying to insult me.
Actually I like it when Heero teases me, it's like his way of telling me that he really thinks of me as a real friend, that he can relax enough to play around and joke a little with me. I cherish these small moments we have, when Heero acts... I don't know... when he acts "human" is the closes I can describe it. When he let his mask slip and I get a glimpse of the real Heero Yuy for a split second.
Man, that little bit of teasing from Heero just brought my spirits back up. Geez, I have it bad for him.
We arrive at the dining hall. Man the place is pack, but luckily the food line isn't long. We grab our dinner consisting of spaghetti with meatballs, garlic bread, salad, chocolate cake, and soda. We found an unoccupied table and sat down to eat.
Like always, I'm chattering away about everything and nothing.
Unlike the beginning stages of our friendship, Heero isn't ignoring me like he used to when I'm talking. He's actually paying attention to what I'm saying, or at least he seems to since I'm not competing for attention with his laptop.
He still isn't talkative though. But I have to say that "Hn", "Aa", "Iie", and "Baka" are a lot better than complete silence or treated like I wasn't even there.
(30 minutes later)
I'm still hungry. No big surprise there.
I've already finished my bread and salad. I'm almost done with my spaghetti and I'm saving the cake for last.
Heero's just half way through with the spaghetti and salad. He hasn't touched his bread or cake yet.
"Hey Heero, are you going to eat your bread?"
"Hn." Heero hands over the bread with a small smirk on his face, most likely been waiting for me to ask him for it.
After over a year of being partners and friends, Heero and I have a little routine when it comes to meals. Since I tend to be hungrier than Heero, I always ask if he's going to eat or finish something, and Heero would either give it to me or cut it in half then give one-half to me.
I give Heero one of my grins. "Thanks Hee-chan."
Heero scowls. "Hn. Baka. Stop calling me that."
"When you stop calling me 'Baka'."
Heero raises one of his eyebrows.
"I take that as, 'not likely going to happen'. That being the case, you've doomed yourself to being called 'Hee-chan' by me for eternity, ne Hee-chan?"
"You're welcome Hee-chan."
Heero snorts and resumes eating his meal. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that the slight twitch at the corner of Heero's mouth was the beginnings of a smile, but it must have been mine imagination since it's gone now.
I stop myself from staring at Heero's mouth as he chews and turn my gaze to look around the hall and resisted the urge to growl. Man, does Heero realize how gorgeous he is? I sigh inwardly. No, of course he doesn't, that's why he's completely oblivious to the hungry stares he's receiving from the school's female population right now.
Oh well, back to filling my stomach up.
As I put the last bit of my cake in my mouth, someone walks up and stops at our table.
I turn towards the speaker. It's Molly, a pretty redhead who's in some of our classes. "Hey Molly, how are you doing?"
"Fine. I'm just glad we're done with at least one of our finals already."
"Yeah, me too."
I suppress my urge to growl as I watch Duo and Molly interact with each other. Why do I feel so jealous right now? Why do I feel like grabbing Duo's braid, pull him towards me, hold him possessively and say "Mine" while staring her down? Maybe it's because I know, for a fact, Molly has a crush on Duo. Maybe I just want to do it period.
As I continue to watch them, I realize that I'm really afraid. Afraid of Duo returning Molly's feelings. Afraid of losing Duo to someone else. Afraid of losing Duo.
Duo has this ability to attract people to him no matter where he goes. And I'm afraid, afraid someone will grab Duo's attention one of these days and he'll fall for her and leave me forever.
But regardless of whether I'm jealous or afraid, I want Duo to be happy. And if that means Duo getting together with whomever, then I'll help them get together however I can.
I just don't know if I would be able to watch them live happily ever after though.
Argh... I sound like a lovesick puppy, hn... like someone in love.
I did not just say "in love" did I?
Damn. Damn. Damn.
As I curse myself for the idiot that I am, I'm pulled back from my thoughts as I heard Molly mention my name.
"Hey Duo, Susan and I are planning to study for chemistry later on tonight at our room. Do you and Heero want to join us?"
Why oh why do I feel like this is some kind of trap. Maybe it's because Susan is like a mild version of Relena. Chi... that girl has been after Heero the entire time we've been here. And I was so hoping Molly has gotten over her crush on me.
Well, I could be completely wrong. They could seriously just want to study for an exam that doesn't take place until four days from now.
Hm... well, it's better to be safe than sorry.
"I'm sorry Molly. It sounds like a good idea, but I'm beat. All I want to do after dinner is go back to my room and sleep until next week if I could get away with it."
Which is true. I'm still tired from yesterday's mission. I may run and hide, but I never lie. And two and a half hours of sleep before an exam would leave any normal student feeling like a zombie. Now add to that 72 hours of sleep deprivation, a mission, and one near heart attack, I'm surprise I'm still up and about. Ah... the little wonder called caffeine. It's amazing what 20 cups of coffee with plenty of sugar drank throughout the day can do to a person.
Molly seems rather disappointed with my answer. "Oh... it's okay... I know what you mean... I'm usually drained after taking a test myself. Well, how 'bout you Heero, are you interested in a little studying tonight?"
Oh, I didn't expect that. I wonder what Heero's response would be.
Heero turn his gaze towards Molly and says, "I'm sorry, but I'm planning to do the same as Duo."
Hm... have to say that that is a major improvement from his "Omae o Korosu" responses or his death glares.
Molly gives a weak smile as she turns to leave. "Well, that's okay. I have to go now. Hope to see you two later. Bye Heero. Bye Duo."
Hm... I think Heero's actually trying to be polite. Ne Heero, are you willing to admit your human yet? I know you're human. I know *you* know you're human. But when will you allow yourself to be human?
Watch out Heero, sooner or later, I'll get you to admit, at least to yourself, that it's okay to feel, that it's okay to care, that it's okay and you have every right to be human.
I give Heero a grin. You know the kind. It's the one that says "I know something that you don't".
"Nani? Why are you grinning like that?"
I shrug. "I feel like it."
"Hn," is all that Heero says as he picks up and places his cake in front of him.
I was going to ask for some of his cake, until I notice he has picked up his knife and is cutting the cake in half. Then he places one piece on my plate.
I give Heero another grin. "Thanks Hee-chan."
"Hn, baka. At least I know why you're grinning this time."
If only you know the half of it, Heero. If only you know the half of it.
Then again, if you did know, Heero, I'll be so screwed.
(Back at their dorm room and two hours later)
Oh, I love taking long showers. I release a small sigh of contentment as I step out of the bathroom, towel drying my hair. I'm wearing my usual pajamas consisting of a white T-shirt and a pair of black silk boxers. I feel so refresh and relax now.
Damn. I spoke too soon.
There sleeping on his bed with the moonlight caressing his face and bare chest is Heero "I don't know I'm a sex god" Yuy.
My eyes wonder over Heero's body and face a moment longer, then I moved across the room, picked up my brush located on top of my dresser and sat down on my bed facing Heero to continue watching him without worry, since he's a very light sleeper. I bet he could sleep with one eye open if he wanted to. And I definitely don't want to have to explain myself if he wakes up and catches me right above him, staring at him. Better and safer to admire from across the room, on my bed.
As I started brushing my hair, Heero stirred a little, shifted around in bed and ended up sleeping on his side facing me, which gives me a chance to admire his face better.
A lock of Heero's hair falls over his eyes. My fingers twitch with the urge to brush it aside.
A small smile is spread across my lips as I remember last night, right after Heero went to bed.
Kuso. I can't believe Heero is already asleep. I want to grab my pillow and throw it at his face.
Heero, you can be so aggravating and frustrating at times, do you know that? You almost died tonight. You're suppose to be awake, damnit. And listening to me giving you a piece of my mind. You are so not playing fair by being asleep right now.
<sigh> I feel so drained. I took off my clothes and changed into my pajamas.
I turn my gaze towards Heero and watched him sleep.
I don't know how long I was standing by my bed staring at him, it could have been a few seconds, it could have been a few minutes, even hours, but all of a sudden I'm standing right above him. Somehow I've walked across the room without realizing it.
Heero looks so innocent right now. Maybe it's the moonlight. Maybe it's because he doesn't have a scowl on his face. Maybe a little of both. Or maybe it's because I know that in many ways, Heero is innocent.
A lock of his hair falls over his eyes. My fingers were touching his forehead, gently gliding across, moving the lock out of the way before I even realized what I was doing.
I held my breath, praying Heero hadn't woken up by my touch.
I slowly released my breath. Heero is still asleep.
You really must have been exhausted if you haven't woken up by now, ne Heero?
My hand is still on his face. I'm reluctant to remove it from there. I want to drink in the feel of him as much as I can. This is the first time and possible the only time I'll ever get to touch Heero this way.
A tiny but real smile touches Heero's lips as he leans towards my hand. He looks so serene and beautiful right now, like an angel.
"Heero... " That whisper left my lips before I could stop myself.
Oh gods, I love you Heero.
I almost lost you back there.
Did you know my heart almost stop when I saw Wing and the Leo crash into the base?
Did you know that I thought my world was crumbling before my eyes until I saw Wing flying out of the base right as it exploded?
Damn you, Heero. Damn you. And damn me for loving you, knowing you'll never return my feelings back.
I could feel the tears building behind my eyes. I will not cry. Boys don't cry.
I removed my hand away from Heero, already missing the feel of his skin under my hands. I silently walked back to my bed and got in.
I'm exhausted and drained. I need to get some sleep. I looked at the clock. Huh... only 30 minutes has passed since we got back? Humph... it felt more like an eternity has gone by.
I took one last look at Heero as I closed my eyes and drifted immediately asleep.
***end of flashback***
As I comb my hair, I continued to watch Heero.
Oh how I envy the moonlight's ability to caress Heero without worry. I still remember the feel of Heero's hair and skin under my hand. Both soft and silky.
I finished combing my hair. I don't feel like braiding it tonight.
I climbed under the sheets and took one last look at Heero and closed my eyes, dreaming of him holding me in his arms.
I'm trying to sleep, or is it pretending to, I'm not sure which right now. I'm lying on my bed in the dark, trying to sort out my feelings and thoughts. Or is it more like denying them?
I heard the bathroom door open; Duo must be done with his shower. I could feel his eyes on me before he started walking across the room. I heard him sit down on his bed.
Okay, I know I'm definitely pretending to sleep now.
I move to my side, facing Duo, and peek through the tiny slits of my eyes to watch him comb his long beautiful chestnut hair.
Whenever Duo has his hair down, no matter what I'm doing at the time, I've always switched my focus and attention into secretly watching him, either from the corner of my eyes, above my laptop, or from the reflections off surfaces.
I don't know when I stopped thinking of his hair as a liability, or when I started wanting to run my hands through it either.
In fact, I don't remember when I started thinking of Duo as a friend, or more than one.
These revelations always come out of the blue. But if I stop and think about it, it's like I've always felt and thought of him, and things relating to him, that way, it's just that I never realized it until then.
A lock of my hair fell over my eyes, veiling but not concealing my view of Duo combing his hair contentedly by the moonlight.
For some reason, I don't know why, Duo's smiling. And it's not one of his maniacal grins either, it's a genuine, real smile.
I almost stop breathing.
Duo is such a vision when he smiles. He is so radiant and beautiful in the moonlight. He simply glows like a candle, enchanting me with his light. He reminds me of those paintings done by those Pre-Raphaelite artists: a mermaid, a nymph, a fairy, something from legends and myths, something seen only in dreams.
Someone of my dreams.
Need to breathe. Need to breathe in slowly and evenly. Can't have Duo finding out I'm not asleep.
Hn... he seems to be reliving a fond memory, probably thinking of someone special.
Oh, how I wish it's me that he is thinking of. But that would be too much to hope for.
Duo deserves someone special for he is special.
And what am I? Nothing but a solider.
Damn. I don't want to fall in love with you, Duo.
I can handle being friends.
I can handle being attracted and having a crush on you.
But I can't handle... I can't handle being in love with you... being in love and never tell or show you without losing you in the process.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
That's the problem.
I've been damned since the moment I met you, Duo.
With a start, I realize Duo's staring at me right now.
Is he wondering if I'm awake? He's looking at me very intently, like he's looking for something different with my facial features.
I close my eyes. Just in case he might notices the whites and blues of them under his scrutiny.
I hear his bed squeak as he moves around. Five minutes later, I hear his breathing even into one of sleep.
Taking a final peek before I go to sleep myself, my breath is caught in my throat as I take in the sight of Duo.
Duo is sleeping with his hair down. He has never done that before. With his hair surrounding him like that, he looks like Aphrodite, the goddess of love.
I gaze upon Duo's lovely face.
I take that back.
With the moonlight shining just right on his head and body, Duo looks like an angel.
As I drift off to sleep, I've one final thought before I'm sweep into unconsciousness and into my dreams.
Duo, you are an angel. My angel, at least.