4-14-2003

Title: Typing at My Heart
Author: Tayjena
Pairings: H+2, eventual 1x2
Warning: none that I can think of right now... o.o;
Archived: If you'd like it just send me the addy.
Disclaimer: Let's see I own… everything that I bought and everything that was ever given to me, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I never bought Gundam Wing and it was never give to me so I don't own it or anything related to it.
Feedback: Please?
Note: This is for Helen, she asked for one and I decided to write one for her, I hope you like it Helen!

 

Duo sighed heavily. Things just weren't going his way. And since he'd discovered that he was a homosexual, it had all just gotten worse. All his friends had turned on him. Then he'd lost his job too. They'd said he'd done something wrong and that it could have endangered everyone, well he knew he'd done something, but it wasn't that severe. But he knew that had nothing to do with it, it was because he was gay.

Right now though he really wanted to talk to someone.

His eyes drifted toward the computer. He'd never much liked using it. Only when he had to. Though it seemed like a good idea now. "And it'd be someone to talk to... maybe someone will actually listen to me..."

He pushed himself up off his chair and crossed the room. The computer had actually been a gift from someone for him for school. So he'd gotten it hooked up to the net, but still, then he'd only used it for school. He didn't like the idea of talking to someone he didn't know, especially when that person could just be lying.

But he was desperate.

He dropped down in the desk chair and turned it on. While he waited for everything to boot up he thought about what he would do. He guessed a chat room would be the best way to find someone to talk to, although he really didn't want to do that. They never talked about anything of an importance in them as far as he'd seen in the few times he gone into one.

Now, though he needed to talk to someone, anyone, right now he didn't care.

He logged in, and first checked his email, something he hadn't done in a few weeks. After he'd cleared it of all the junk that had been piling up in there, he clicked on the chat rooms. Quickly scanning the list of chats he finally found one that interested him, and more importantly, would have someone he could talk to.

A bisexual, gays and lesbians chat room.

Duo sat there for a moment before saying `hello' to the group. Then he just read what they were all saying. He didn't really want to talk to an entire group about his problem, so he started looking through the profiles of some of the others in the room.

No one sounded particularly interesting.

Then someone else joined in. Something about the screen name caught Duo's attention. The new chatter said `hi' to the whole room and Duo noticed that several others quickly said `hi' back to him.

//Must be a popular guy…// Duo thought to himself.

Then without realized what he was doing he also typed a `hi' to the guy.

"That is if it is a guy…" Duo mumbled glumly.

Duo looked over the list of people in the room again until he found the screen name of the person who'd just joined. Once he'd read over his profile, and found that it was indeed a guy, he double-clicked on the name and a small window appeared in the corner of his screen.

|nitemaredemon: hey

Duo waited a few moments, staring at it, waiting for a response.

|shadowangel: hey

Duo smiled to himself when he got the response. His fingers moved over the keys with greater ease than ever.

|nitemaredemon: how are you doin?
|shadowangel: pretty good
|shadowangel: how about you?
|nitemaredemon: *sigh* I've been better…..

Duo wasn't sure if this person would want to be bothered with his problem. Still he did need to get it out. If this person didn't listen there had to be someone that would.

|shadowangel: what's wrong?

Staring at the screen, Duo was shocked. His jaw dropped open, the guy actually wondered what was wrong. "That doesn't necessary mean he really wants to know…"

|nitemaredemon: oh well…I wouldn't want to bother you with it…
|shadowangel: hey, it's ok
|shadowangel: you wouldn't be bothering me, I asked what was wrong
|shadowangel: besides sometimes it helps to talk to someone

Duo's fingers twitched over the keyboard. He didn't know how he should start. "At least they'll listen… probably had the same thing happen when they found out they were gay…"

|nitemaredemon: well… I just figured out I was… you know… gay a few weeks ago…
|shadowangel: aaa…. I see. Let me guess, all your friends turned on you.
|nitemaredemon: yeah they did
|shadowangel: we've all been there

Duo was still smiling, at least these people wouldn't turn on him. He decided that that was enough of what had happened to him, he wanted to talk about something else. And he wanted to know a little more about this person he was talking to.

|nitemaredemon: so what do you look like?
|shadowangel: what all would you like to know?

Duo smirked, "Well, this guy doesn't seem to give information out easily."

|nitemaredemon: just ya know, the usual…
|nitemaredemon: for now let's just go for your hair and eye color and maybe how tall ya are.
|shadowangel: and what will you be asking for later?
|nitemaredemon: you'll find out when I ask them now won't you.
|shadowangel: haha
|shadowangel: guess you're right, I will
|shadowangel: dark brown hair, deep blue eyes, about 5'2"
|shadowangel: you? And how about you're a/s/l too?
|nitemaredemon: oh yeah sure….

Duo faltered, "A/s/l? What the hell is that?"

|nitemaredemon: I'll give ya my a/s/l…as soon as ya tell me what that means… I don't chat very much…actually this is my first time…| Duo put in the little face to show that he was embarrassed.
|shadowangel: really? Well it just means your age, sex and location
|nitemaredemon: thanks
|nitemaredemon: 19, male
|shadowangel: and location?
|nitemaredemon: my secret
|shadowangel: ok then
|shadowangel: so what do you look like?
|nitemaredemon: a/s/l
|nitemaredemon: long brown hair, bluish eyes, more violet than blue really…
|shadowangel: how long is your hair?
|nitemaredemon: when it's braided it's just past my wait
|shadowangel: you braid it? Nice
|shadowangel: and not braided?
|nitemaredemon: mid-thigh
|shadowangel: wow

Duo smiled happily. "He's impressed by the length of my hair. Wish he'd answer that a/s/l question."

|shadowangel: I like guys with long hair

Duo's smile changed into a smirk. "Now that's what I like to hear." He couldn't believe his luck at this. His first time in a chat room and not only did he find a person he could talk to, the guy also liked guys with long hair.

|nitemaredemon: really? guess I'm just your type then ne?
|shadowangel: yeah
|nitemaredemon: so your a/s/l
|shadowangel: oh right
|shadowangel: 20, m, and location is a secret
|nitemaredemon: hey that's my line!

Duo laughed, he was actually enjoying this. Now he could almost understand why people did this all the time.

|shadowangel: I'm borrowing it
|nitemaredemon: you didn't ask
|shadowangel: *shrug*

A devious grin crept over Duo's face. He was going to have some fun with this guy. And maybe he'd be able to get a picture of him in the process.

"Wonder if he's cute… But he could lie and give me a picture of someone else and say it's him… oh well…"

|nitemaredemon: I'll let you use it on one condition
|shadowangel: what's that?
|nitemaredemon: tell me, are you cute?
|shadowangel: hn. I like to think so
|nitemaredemon: That's not very reassuring
|shadowangel: I've got a pic if you want to see it

Duo thought about it for a moment. He really wanted to see what this guy might look like but that didn't mean it would really be the guy and that kind of worried him a little.

He shrugged, "If he gives me a fake, then at lease I'll have something nice to look at before I go to bed."

|shadowangel: so your email?
|shadowangel: you got a pic? like I said I like guys with long hair

Duo typed in his e-mail address and then tried to think if he had a picture. He thought he remembered his roommate, Hilde, saying something about scanning one and putting it on his computer for him. All he had to do was find it.

|nitemaredemon: yeah I think so… I just gotta find it…

Duo minimized the two windows and then opened his documents, after that he opened another window with which to check his e-mail. As he waited for the picture to come in, he searched for his picture. It didn't really take him that long, first though he checked to see what picture it was. Luckily it was one with him smiling at the camera and his braid slung over his shoulder, so the guy would be able to see that it was long. With all that done, he clicked on the bar to bring the one on one chat window back up.

|nitemaredemon: I found my pic
|shadowangel: may I see?
|nitemaredemon: what's the password?
|shadowangel: I like guys with hair?
|nitemaredemon: that works for me, just need to know where I'm sending it
|shadowangel: oh right | Then an e-mail address came up on the screen. It took Duo a few moments to figure out how to send the picture.

After he figured that out, he opened the guy's picture, and his jaw dropped. This guy was drop-dead gorgeous!

"Wow! God I hope that's really him… damn! He's HOT!"

|nitemaredemon: WOW
|shadowangel: hn
|nitemaredemon: what's that suppose to mean?
|nitemaredemon: I'm giving you a compliant
|shadowangel: I get that a lot…
|nitemaredemon: what? You don't think you're a knockout?

"He's too modest… that can't be what he really looks like… Damn it all… I knew it was too good to be true…" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "At least he's someone to talk to though, his look shouldn't matter."

Duo glanced again at the picture the guy had sent him. As he did he noticed that the man in the picture, if it was whom he was talking to or not, did have deep Prussian blue eyes and dark-brown hair. It *could* very well have been who he was talking to, but it would have been easy to find the picture and then remember what it looked like and tell people that that was him.

|shadowangel: I wouldn't say that…
|nitemaredemon: what's wrong then? That not really you in that pic?
|shadowangel: oh it's me… just I'm not the social type in real life so I don't get told that a lot
|nitemaredemon: well if I knew you in real life, I'd tell you everyday
|shadowangel: *smile* thanks

Duo smiled as well. But he realized he didn't know what to say anymore. In real life he wouldn't have had that problem. On-line though was a little different. That fact that he really didn't know anything about this guy was another factor.

|shadowangel: wow, I think you're the first guy I've talked to with that long of hair
|nitemaredemon: really?
|nitemaredemon: well I like to be different
|shadowangel: so how'd you find out you were gay?

"Guess that takes care of what to talk about." Duo laughed.

|nitemaredemon: Well it's kinda complicated.
|shadowangel: tell me anyway
|nitemaredemon: well my friend told me she was in love with me and I tried to decide how I felt about her…
|shadowangel: what does that have to do with you being gay?
|nitemaredemon: as I was accessing my feelings for her, I found out that I liked her brother a little more than I should…
|shadowangel: oh, I get it now… how'd she take that?
|nitemaredemon: she was pretty upset there for a while but she's ok with it now… she keeps trying to set me up with guys she thinks would be good for me…
|nitemaredemon: personally, I think she just wants me to try `em out for her
|shadowangel: lol
|nitemaredemon: but we're still friends, she's the only friend I've got left, actually, she's my roommate.

Just then the door to the dorm burst open and in walked Hilde. She looked around the room and was surprised to find Duo sitting at the computer, usually he was either gone, or sitting on his bed absorbed in a manga, with all his computer needs done by the time she came back.

"Wow, what's keeping you on the computer for so long?" she asked, closing the door and crossing the room to him. "Oh my god! Duo, you're in a chat room??"

"Yeah… talking to some guy…"

"Really is he cute?"

|nitemaredemon: she just walked in, wants to know if you're cute

"Duo!" Hilde exclaimed.

Duo snickered, "He's gay Hild. And the best part is he likes guys with long hair."

|shadowangel: did ya tell her I'm not interested in women?

"Oh Duo, I could have guessed that, but I want to see what he looks like to see if he's right for you.

"He said he's kinda quiet in person."

Hilde shook her head. "Definitely not for you then. You'd drive the poor guy crazy with your nonsense babbling. So have you seen a picture of him?"

Chuckling, Duo put the picture the guy had sent him back on the screen and then remembered to save it to his documents this time, so he could look at it later.

"Wow. Too bad he's gay."

|nitemaredemon: she wanted to check you out to see if you'd be any good for me
|shadowangel: oh?
|nitemaredemon: but she said that since you're a quiet guy you wouldn't be.. I guess she's trying to say I'm loud or something
|shadowangel: are you?

Hilde read over Duo's shoulder "Well you are Duo!"

Duo shook his head and turned to face her. "you should talk. You're the one screaming in my ear."

|shadowangel: hey sorry, I've got to get going, got to get up early tomorrow

"Aww," Hilde nodded toward the screen. "Duo, he's got to go."

"What!?" Duo whirled around and read what the guy had written. "Already? That's not fair, I was having fun talking to him."

|nitemaredemon: so soon?
|shadowangel: sorry
|nitemaredemon: talk to you tomorrow then?
|shadowangel: sure, I'd like that
|nitemaredemon: k, bye
|shadowangel: bye

Then he was gone. Duo sighed a little disappointed, he'd actually liked talking to that guy. Standing up he pushed away from the desk. He signed out of everything, then closed all the windows. With everything finished he went over to his bed, flopping down on it.

"You ok, Duo?" Hilde asked, eyeing her roommate with concern.

Duo looked up at her, not really seeing her. "Yeah I'm fine."

"You're not acting like you're fine. What's up? You usually don't stay on the computer that long and you never go into chat rooms. Duo, if something's wrong you can tell me about it."

"You wouldn't understand it Hilde…"

"Why because I'm not gay?" Hilde spat. "I'm still a person Duo, I still feel things."

"Not like this you don't. It's nothing you have to worry about! No one's turned on you, you still have friends."

Hilde looked shocked. She walked over to Duo's bed. "Hey, you haven't lost all your friends. You still have me."

"That's cause you don't want me dating your brother so you're trying to keep me away from him."

"Duo," Hilde sighed, "He's not interested in you in that way."

"I know, I know… Now just let me get some sleep."

Rolling her eyes, Hilde stood up and went to the bathroom to change. "Yeah, yeah, sure. It is past your bedtime isn't it?" she giggled.

"Whatever." Duo snorted, before sitting up. He quickly undressed himself, throwing his clothes in a heap on the floor. Then he slipped under the warmth of his blankets, and curled up. He couldn't sleep with his clothes on; it wasn't comfortable to him. He liked the feel of the soft sheets against his skin.

As he closed his eyes, the last thing he thought about was the man in the picture he'd been sent. He drifted to sleep with a smile on his face.

The next morning when Duo awoke, he still had a smile on his face. His eyes went to the computer. Part of him still couldn't believe he had actually sat at it, talked to some guy, given out his picture and not only that, but had in fact enjoyed it all.

Reaching over he picked his boxers up off the floor. He carefully slipped them on under the blanket and then kicked it off. For some reason facing the day didn't seem so hard today.

//Amazing what talking to someone with the same problem can do… Guess he was right… It is good to talk about things.//

Duo bounced out of bed and headed into the bathroom. He took a quick shower, he didn't have the time to wash his hair today. Hurrying to finish, he nearly tripped when he jumped out of the shower. Duo quickly got dressed then, grabbing his books, dashed off for his first class of the day.

Duo sat in his literature class, away from everyone else. But nothing the professor said reached him. He was too busy daydreaming about that guy. Imagining all the things he would do to him, or vise versa, it really didn't matter as long as it was with that guy. He found it ironic, before he had always made fun of those who had said that they'd found a lover over the net, to him that just sounded stupid, how could you know you loved someone you never met?

And yet now, here *he* was doing that exact thing!

Class ended and Duo was still sitting there, still daydreaming. Someone finally came over and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up startled, then gathered his things and stood up. As he was leaving he looked at the notebook he'd had open during class, and all over the page was little drawings of that guy.

//Damn… I've got it bad…. // Duo thought to himself.

 

TBC...