8-29-2001

Title: "The Spam to Sperm Series: The Spam Sketch"
Author: Anthy & Sony_Mouse
Category: parody, fusion
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: silliness
Standard Disclaimer: We don't own Gundam Wing and its characters. Same goes for Monthy Python, don't own it either. We're just having fun with 'em.

Introduction: We, Anthy and Sony_Mouse, are proud to present our contribution to the Monty Python legecy, "The Spam to Sperm Series". It will include ANY MP works that we write or that ANY other writers out there write that involve GW and Monty Python.

No matter what the pairing, no matter how silly, you can post your MP/GW fic in "The Spam to Sperm Series" by emailing your MP/GW fics, fanart pics, and Djs, to Anthy, who is in the process of making a "Spam to Sperm Bank" *giggle*. Currently in the "bank" we have "Bicycle Repairman", "The Lumberjack Song" . . ., and "a drawing inspired by the Bicycle Repairman". More hopefully will be on it's way!

Then you can have the proud privilige of saying that you are a member of "The Spam To Sperm Club". Heck, you can start saying you are right now!!

The first story in the vault is, "The Spam Sketch!"

Spam = Spiced Pork And Ham, a sort of cheap luncheon meat

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. The men happen to be Quarte, Trowa, Zechs, and Treize. The four men are all decked out in brown fur vests to go with their attire (except for Quatre's, his is still purple). A man and his , ahem, wife enter.

Man (Duo): You sit here, dear.

Wife (Heero in drag): All right.

Heero (to Waitress): Morning!

Duo: (to Waitress, holding back laughter) Morning. . . Miss

Waitress (a very irate Wufei, in drag as well): Morning!

Heero: (glaring at husband, looks at the menu) Well, what've you got?

Wufei: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;

Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...

Wufei: (still listing the menu from memory, practically half asleep)...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...

Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Wufei: (suddenly brightening up) ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top . . . (grins evilly) and spam.

Heero: (in monotone) Have you got anything without spam?

Wufei: (annoyed) Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Heero: (orders Wufei) I. Don't. Want. ANY. Spam!

Duo: (ignores all this and points to the menu) Why can't he have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Heero: (growls) THAT'S got spam in it!

Duo: (cheerfully) Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (gets louder as the scene continues)

Heero: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Wufei: No.

Heero: What do you mean 'No'? (reaches for gun, ) I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Wufei: (to the Vikings) Shut up!

Vikings: (still chanting) Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Wufei: (louder this time) Shut up! (Vikings stop, not because Wufei yelled but Heero found his gun in the rat bag he carried in with him)

Wufei: (turning back to the table) Bloody Vikings! (to Heero) You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Heero (points gun at Wufei's head): I don't like spam!

Duo: (snatches gun away) Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I LOVE it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!

Vikings (singing, standing as they do so): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Wufei: Shut up!! Baked beans are off. (they don't listen, the gun is in safe hands, the Vikings continue to sing)

Duo: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Wufei: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (gets drowned out by the Vikings)

Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

(There is a loud explosion from the kitchen, and spam goes flying everywhere.)

Narrator's voice: While Wufei and Duo were distracted by the musical Viking number, Heero had snuck into the kitchen and blew up the pantry containing the Spam.

(Duo walks over to Heero, who is covered head to toe in partially burnt spam)

Duo: (wiping spam from Heero's face) You know. . .there's other things spam is good for . . .

BLACKOUT

Quatre: Owwie! Trowa, watch where you stick those horns!
Trowa: Sorry.

 

OWARI

 

Well I have to say I'm glad I'm back (this is my first co-writting experience, it was ALOT of fun). But no one welcomed me back *sniffle*. I even made it to the Quebec City newpaper for being in the International Military Music Festival (well *I* thought it was kewl). ANyways, more stories out soon before i start work again at Starbucks *sudders*

animegurl_1@yahoo.com
Sony_Mouse@hotmail.com (can you guess which one is mine and which one is Anthy's?? hee hee)

Now all you MP fans go joing the Span to Sperm club, we have a website being built to post all mp/gw fics, and that means you old mp/gw fic writters too, I know you're out there, I've READ you're fics.