4-04-2001

Well I finally decided to sit down and write me a songfic (my fist, so be gentle). The song is a Quebecois (French-Canadian) song by a GREAT artist. Don't worry I will translate it, but if you are interested in how it sounds then DO go to Napster or whatever and download it (my name on Napster is Superhembie) . The song is called Loade comme un Gun by Eric LaPointe

It is a VERY emotional song, extremely sad to listen too (even if you don't speak French, or Quebecois) and to me feels like something the GW boys would be thinking. If you do download it, then listen to it first. It will help you get a feel for the story.

Title: Loadé Comme Un Gun
Author: Sony_Mouse
Warnings: language, angst, depressing
Pairings: 1+2/2+1 (what else is there for me)
Disclaimer: GW not mine, Loade comme un Gun written by Eric LaPointe, sung by him too. He is a great singer :)

 

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LOADE COMME UN GUN (LOADED LIKE A GUN)

 

"If we have to break our fists,
on the faces of our enemies."

Duo sat in his Gundam, Deathscythe, sweating from the overexertion of striking his enemies down. To him they couldn't fall down fast enough, or die quickly enough. Anything to forget.

"I'll break mine,
on the face of life."

Duo stood in front of his mirror, as if it were a live sentient being. He was tired of it all, tired of fighting, tired of caring, tired of going on, and tired of living. And nothing was ever going to change that. With a painful scream, Duo slammed his fist into the mirror, breaking it into a million pieces. As the shattered glass fell to the ground, only blood remained where the mirror had once showed Duo's sad face.

"If we have to strike with more force,
Against those who threaten us..."

The battlefield found Duo once again trying to kill everything and everyone in his path. Every time he fought, it seemed like there were more and more soldiers against him. Against his trying to find peace or a new way a life. To Duo, the fight was beginning to be personal. So he hit them harder, faster, and stronger, until only a lone black figure remained on the newly bloodied ground.

"Then I will break the dead into pieces,
And the past as well."

Duo stepped out of his Gundam and surveyed the damage he had alone caused. All dead, every single one of them had not survived his superior training. Duo couldn't help but notice how it was all his fault. He picked up an abandoned sword lying on the ground and starting striking anything he could with force unknown to him. He had killed again, but they weren't dead enough to forgive him for his deeds. His past had been the same way.

"If I have to be crazy,
so that you will love me just a little."

Duo was jumping all around the room with forced glee. Trying to get laughter to ring in the air. The other pilots were starting to bite and joining in the fun. Just being around Duo could brighten your entire day. Everyone was smiling, and happily playing along with the silly games Duo had planned, everyone that is, except for Heero. He sat silently on the couch staring up at Duo with wide questioning blue eyes.

"I worship on my knees,
the church of your eyes."

Duo stared in to the now expressive Prussian Blue eyes before him. He could do nothing but stare back into their unholy depth. If there was one thing in this world that could depress Duo more than he already was, it was looking deep into Heero's eyes. They weren't emotionless like most people believed. They were full of sadness and despair.

Duo quickly excused himself and made his way up to his room. He still had yet to replace the broken mirror.

"With a weapon in my hands,
I am afraid of nothing.
Not of the angels, nor or the men.
No, I am afraid of nothing.
Not of evil, nor of good."

"If only God would forgive me..."

Even though the offending mirror, which showed Duo his true self, was now broken, Duo still could not forget who he was or what he had done. Not being able to take it anymore, he ran out into the dark rainy night, searching for some hidden answer that was not to be found. Fully soaked now, he fell to his knees and tried to cry, but discovered that he couldn't. He held out his arms to the dark sky and begged for forgiveness from a God he had never believed in.

"But I have the courage..."

Seeing as no forgiveness was forthcoming, Duo slowly made his way back to his room. Standing in the doorway was Heero with a towel in his hands, reading to wrap it around the now shivering Duo. Maybe he could find the courage to survive after all…

"Loaded like a Gun,
Not afraid of anyone,
Just like a gun."

"If God would only forgive me..."

Duo sat with the other pilots, looking over the list of the dead. They were dead because he had killed them. Soon after seeing the names, the faces of everyone he had killed flashed though his mind. The pain that came with these images were too much for Duo to handle, and he had to flee.. He pushed the others aside and ran upstairs, to where he kept his gun. Taking the heavy weapon out of its holster, he clicked the safety off and aimed it at his own temple. If only he would have the courage to end it now, to make it all the darkness beautiful once again.

"If it is necessary to destroy the pain,
to leave this world without regrets.
Then I will destroy yours,
And then mine afterwards."

Duo tried to pull the trigger; he tried to end it all, to end the pain that consumed him. He could even feel the tears threatened to overflow, but they did not come, just like his forgiveness from God.

The gun that was pressed so hard against his temple was suddenly slowly pulled away by another foreign hand. Duo looked up with miserable eyes, to see Heero now holding the gun that had almost ended his life.

"I am sure that the emptiness,
is full of light.
If one day you decide,
then wait for me to do it."

Seeing the look in Duo's eyes, Heero took a firm grip on the gun and aimed it at Duo's head. Duo leaned back his head and like before reached towards the sky with his hands, awaiting the bullet that would end it all.

"With a weapon in my hands,
I am afraid of nothing.
Not of angles, nor of men.
No, I am afraid of nothing.
Not of evil, nor of good."

"If God would only forgive me..."

But the sound that was heard, was not that of a bullet being shot, but that of a gun being thrown across the room. His release had not been granted as he had hoped. Heero fell to his knees beside Duo and gathered the shaking boy into his arms. The tears, that until now could not flow, began to overwhelm him, and poured freely. He continued to cry as Heero gently rocked him.

"I have the courage..."

It had been a few days since the suicide attempt, and Duo was finding himself feel less and less depressed. He had found something he hadn't had in a long time, someone to lean on. Maybe he could find the courage to survive after all...

"Loaded like a Gun,
not afraid of anyone.
Just like a Gun."

"If only God would forgive me..."

Duo was in fighting high above the ground in his Deathscythe, attacking his enemies, just like he used to. But the pressure was once again starting to build up and he could feel himself about to crack. He couldn't take the death. There was just too much death, by his hand. All Duo could do to hang on, was to think of Heero. It was all he had.

"If we have to leave the earth,
to find happiness.
Then I will bury our prayers,
and the life that can only cry."

The war was over. Duo and Heero were on a shuttle to leave Earth for the last time. They would never come back. There were just too many memories. It was finally time for a fresh start, one that they had long deserved. Looking down at Duo, he noticed him saying one last prayer. The prayer to end all prayers. Heero held Duo even more tightly against himself, not wanting to let go of the boy for a second, afraid that he did, Duo might fall back to the Earth without him.

"I have the courage.
The heart..."

Back on Duo's home colony of L2, Duo and Heero searched for the church, where Duo's life had once been. He never found the remains of a church, but instead an empty lot filled with homeless people. Duo could see the place on the ground where his only family had died. In Duo's eyes, the bloodstains could still be seen after all this time. He held Heero's hand tighter.

"Loaded like a Gun,
Not afraid of anyone.
Just like a Gun..."

"If only God would forgive me..."

Lying in their bed, Duo was wrapped in Heero's tight embrace. It seemed like Heero was always afraid of letting him go, even for a moment. It had been that way since he had tried to kill himself. Duo returned the sign of affection with a small kiss on Heero's cheek. He had finally been forgiven, maybe not by God, but by himself. That was all that mattered now.

"If I have to be crazy,
So that you will love me just a little......"

Duo thought he must be crazy for staying alive all these years. Sticking around, when everything told him not to.

But Heero loved him for it. And it was for Heero that he had decided to stay in the first place...

 

OWARI.....ummm I hope you liked. IT was my first attempt at a song fic or major angst. I have always wanted to make a fic out of that song. Here is the real version in case you were interested, wanted to sing along and/or speak French.

 

SEND COMMENTS>…………….PLEASE

Loadé Comme Un Gun

S'il faut briser ses poings
Sur la face de l'ennemi
Je briserai les miens
Sur la face de la vie

S'il faut frapper plus fort
Que ceux qui nous menacent
Je fracasserai la mort
Et les années qui passent

S'il faut être fou
Que tu m'aimes un peu
Je boirai à genoux
Dans l'église de tes yeux

Une larme à la main
Je n'ai peur de rien
Ni des anges, ni des hommes
Non, je n'ai peur de rien
Ni du mal, ni du bien
Que Dieu me pardonne

J'ai le coeur...

Loadé comme un gun
Peur de personne
Comme un gun

Que Dieu me pardonne

S'il faut trancher sa peine
Pour partir sans regrets
Je trancherai la tienne
Et la mienne après

Je suis sûr que le vide
Est rempli de lumière
Si un jour tu te décides
Attends moi pour le faire

Une larme à la main
Je n'ai peur de rien
Ni des anges, ni des hommes
Non, je n'ai peur de rien
Ni du mal, ni du bien
Que Dieu me pardonne

J'ai le coeur...

Loadé comme un gun
Peur de personne
Comme un gun

Que Dieu me pardonne

S'il faut quitter la Terre
Pour trouver le bonheur
J'enterrai nos prières
Et la vie qui pleure

J'ai le coeur
Le coeur...

Loadé comme un gun
Peur de personne
Comme un gun

Que Dieu me pardonne

Loadé comme un gun
Peur de personne
Comme un gun

Que Dieu me pardonne

S'il faut être fou que tu m'aimes un peu...