Title: The Asbury Personals
Author: Sony_Mouse (Sony_Mouse@hotmail.com)
Warnings: Mild Language, AU, Five-Alive (later on), You might think OOC (ahem Solo)
Disclaimers: Not mine, nothing is mine
Notes: I know, I know, it's been awhile. But I've just been to busy and too stressed, finally I can write again. Hope you like, and if you don't, oh well I'll just go cry
Duo gave a loud sigh as he slumped deeper into his bean bag chair, trying desperately to be heard over the noise of computerized gets fighting each other. All he and his friends had done in the last three days was hang out in their small college apartment.
There was a whole world out there just waiting to be tormented, but instead he was stuck here with his roommates to play extremely old video games, it was almost cruel.
Turning to glare over at his supposed `friends', Duo sighed even louder, making sure they all took notice this time.
It was Wufei, probably the most mature of the bunch, who first decided to acknowledge his presence from behind the newspaper he was reading.
"What is it now Maxwell, are you having troubles breathing? Perhaps you're hyperventilating?"
"NO Wufei, I'm fine, just bored, very, very bored. And I can have you to thank for it."
"Ah well, in that case why don't you go ever there and join Captain Video and the Mario Brothers with their conquest of `Evil Island'."
All three of the young men who were currently playing `MEGA-FIGHTERS 4', turned away from their important game for the briefest of seconds to glare angrily at Wufei.
Solo, the most extravagant of the group, joined the conversation just to annoy Wufei. Although they were all gay, he was GAY with a bright pink G. Running around the house in his neon skin tight T-shirts, and leather pants that looked painted on, Solo loved to put on a show, and did so at will, usually at Wufei's expense.
"I resent that comment Wufei, I think of myself more as the gay `Link' as opposed to cartoon character `Captain video'."
"I'm sure you do Solo, but what would Zelda think of that? She'd be heartbroken. Besides, you're supposed to be a history major, and yet you waste 90% of your time playing archaic video games from the 90's. It's the Zero's Solo, time to move on."
"Sorry Wuffie, guess we can't ALL be fashion majors."
Getting interested, the small blond sitting beside Solo suddenly piped up.
"Trowa and I are hardly brothers, Wufei. Unless what we do is legal between siblings."
By now Duo had had enough, throwing a couch pillow at Wufei's head, he growled in annoyance. "I said I was bored, not in need of an incestuous conversation."
Throwing his newspaper at Duo in retaliation from the pillow, Wufei tried to defend his words. "Well sorry for standing up for you, perhaps now we can all sit down in the stuffy room for the next few hours and stare at the wall in glee."
Picking up the distasteful newspaper off the ground, Duo glared at the page it had opened to.
"I hate The Asbury Park Press personal ads, they are an offense to us all present here." 
Laughing, Solo couldn't help but take the bait. "Were the ads being mean to you again Duo, you really should make up with them, they're great to hang out with once you get to know them."
"No, you Atari addicted creature with bad hair, I'm talking about how it's completely catered to the needs of straight people. What if I was desperate enough to advertise for sex? Where could I go? This paper doesn't meet with my needs."
Solo shot a smirk at those around him. "Neither did your last boyfriend from what the gossip column reports this week. OH, and Atari's from the pre-90's era, as if I'd go near that."
"I hate you sometimes, now be quiet and listen. I think we should show these desperate souls a lesson, maybe pay one of these hopeful candidates a visit."
Not believing his ears, Wufei got up and snatched the paper away from Duo's hands before more bad ideas could be brought out into the open. "Yes, that will teach them, they'll be so scared of meeting us again they'll never even leave the house."
"I can't believe you're my friends."
Throwing the video control aside, Solo got up to stand beside Duo in his defense. "You know, I think for once Maxy here may just have a good idea. We wouldn't do anything bad, just maybe have one of us show up for a date. Go in drag, just let em know we're out there." Looking down at Duo in with something evil in his eye, he continued with a grin.
"And I know just the candidate for the job."
All protests were dropped as Wufei smirked at the pale boy siting down. This would be more fun than Duo led to believe.
"OH NO, no way, I'm not doing that. I meant for one of YOU guys to go. There's no way I'm wearing drag, I may like men, but that doesn't mean I'm going to wear a skirt for them."
Quatre jumped to his feet all excited, getting into the scheme along with the others. His innocent look was only a cover for a mind as devious as Solo's. "I know just the dress for you to wear, it'll be perfect."
"I hate you all!"
The normally silent Trowa joined in on the fun out of curiosity and picked up the fallen newspaper. "Shall we pick Duo's date?"
Jumping down to sit beside Wufei, Solo giggled in excitement. "Yes, let's."
Quatre interrupted the proceedings in confusion. "SWF? What's that?"
Waving impatiently at Quatre, Solo huffed in annoyance. "Oh, Single White Female, now get on with it."
"SWF, works at Starbucks, wants passionate man to `save' her. Will make Lattes for sex."[2']
"Eww, kill it, kill it. We don't need that. Yuck, Starbucks. Only crazy people work there. I should know, I think that was my ex's old job.
"I agree with Solo, how about this one. `SWF, aspiring to be guitar player, has almost mastered first scale. Likes men with knives, kinky sex, and red heads. No posers please."
This time Duo was the first to speak out. "There's no way I'm going out with a guitar player. NEXT! And get some guys here. I'm not going to have fun if I have to stare at breasts all night."
Solo squirmed in his seat at the thought. "I second that, yuck, the guitar, the saddest instrument of them all."
Ignoring the melodramatics, Trowa continued on in his steady voice. "Male, age 25. Looking for time of life, exuberant partner who is willing to bring some excitement into life. Must have steady job."
Duo shot up and grabbed the paper from Trowa's hands. "There! He's perfect, not too much older than me, and who better to bring excitement into his life for one evening than me."
Wufei nodded his head sadly. "Duo's right, he's certainly brought excitement into my life, now I just wish he'd take it back."
"Ha, Ha Wufei, very funny. All right, lets call the right people and make this happen. I've got a date to meet."
Slapping Duo on the back for encouragement, Solo started to run for the door. "Wait, where're you going?"
"To get some film silly, I'm going to get this all on tape." Clapping his hands together, Solo started to get excited. "Oooo, this is more exciting then that time I video taped you and you're second last ex doing the deed and posted it on the net."
"You ass, that was you!"
Snorting, Solo turned to leave. "Who'd you think it was, Trowa?"
"I really hate you."
It wasn't as hard as they thought it would be to get the date arranged. The newspaper allowed them to know the victim's first name, and worked as a middleman to set up the date.
It had all been arranged, Duo and `Heero' would meet at that famous French restaurant, La Pamplemousse , and have a supposedly pleasant evening together, where Duo would be as embarrassing as he could be until the final humiliation was unfolded, Duo turning out to be a guy.
Now neither the newspaper, nor Heero were aware of the last tid bit, but those were just minor details.
The other four roommates had even reserved a table far, but not too far, from Duo's.
It had taken Quatre a full day to find `THE dress', some loose black design that would not give too much away. And it took another day for Solo to approve the right drag makeup, being as he was the only one present experienced in such matters.
They now stood outside the door to La Pamplemousse in the crisp, cool fall air, and said their good lucks to Duo. All in all things had gone pretty good so far, but the night was young and it could only get better.
Walking into the expensive restaurant, Duo tried in vain to get used to the high heels, but no matter what happened tonight, this was no way in hell he'd would ever wear drag again. It just wasn't his style, but this also showed him how far he'd go for a practical joke.
Duo was met half way to the dinning room by the Maitre D., and was led over to his awaiting table. It came as a small surprised when he realized the man was trying very hard to hit on him. The irony of the situation was not lost on Duo.
The table that had been reserved for them was situated in the corner of the room, so as to offer some privacy, but not too much.
Walking up to the booth, Duo could just make out the back of the young man's head, all he could see was that the stranger had dark unruly hair.
`Great', thought Duo, `He didn't even bother to comb it!'
Finally reaching the table, the Maitre D. made his presence known and Heero stood up to welcome his date.
Right away Duo was struck speechless; there was no way his luck was this good, the date was completely hopeless case. There was no wonder this guy couldn't get a date, he just screamed `back off'. He was attractive enough, but completely anti-social, and stood up stiffly to extend his hand in greeting.
For the prank he was perfect, someone who deserved it. It was like a dream come true.
When he opened his mouth to speak, it was obvious he was extremely uncomfortable with talking and would probably rather be anywhere but here right now.
"Hello, I'm Heero Y..., actually just Heero. We're not supposed to give our last names out."
Smiling warmly while he sat down, Duo chanced a look over his date's shoulder and saw his friends who were more or less laughing at the site of the older man. The joke had just gotten all the better for them.
"I'm Tracy, and it's a pleasure to meet you. You're exactly as I expected you would be from reading your ad."
Nodding grimly, Heero tried to convey interest. "Yes...I suppose so."
"But what would a strong, confident man, like yourself, be doing advertising like that. I can't believe you're not already taken."
Looking at Duo oddly, Heero replied without really knowing what to say. Al the while trying hard to put some statement into his emotionless face, but failing miserably at the same time. "Yes ... I don't do much dating."
"Nonsense, you're like a pro."
"Hn, yes well..." Raking his brain for something `Tracy' would like to hear, Heero noticed the light catching Duo's long chestnut colored hair that was done up in a French Role. "You look lovely tonight."
Smiling seductively, Duo leaned onto his elbows to get closer. "Oh, so I guess I'm you're type then, gotta love a bad girl in a dress."
Backing up into his chair, Heero's tried to keep Duo at a good distance. "Actually, I could see you more in a pair of pants."
Shooting back into his seat, Duo stared at his `wonderful date' in surprise; there was a long moment of silence before Duo was able to reply.
"You just seem like someone who'd be more comfortable in pants. And maybe less makeup, and your hair down. It would like very nice down."
"Are you TRYING to insult me?" Confusion was now evident on Duo's face.
"NO, No! Excuse me, I'm not used to dating, I'm too blunt for my own good."
Looking at the other man with some curiosity, Duo realized that Heero was generally sorry for offending him. But Duo didn't know what to think at this point.
So taking momentary pity on the man, Duo just gave him a warm smile. "Well, if it makes you feel better, I really am actually more of a pants person, I usually wear my hair in a braid, and I hate this makeup." Relieved, Heero actually relaxed a bit. There was just something about `Tracy's' smile that made him feel at ease.
"So Heero, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a computer analyst." Seeing that Heero wasn't going to volunteer anymore information he decided to lighten the conversation up a little.
"Oh, well that's sounds like a... great job... almost. Though I'm going to have to confess, I'm only a college student. Hope you're not mad!"
"No, not at all. It's good that you're going to College. What are you studying?"
"Oh, nothing important, anyways enough about me, let's hear some more about you. I mean you must do something... anything else, besides computers?"
As soon as he'd said it, he wished he could take it back. Immediately Heero's face fell, well as much as it could, and he turned to look away from Duo's gaze.
"Computers is what I do, my life isn't very interesting, I'm sure yours is much more interesting."
"Well, it is kinda flamboyant I guess, but "
"Then it must be worth listening to. I may not be a good speaker, but I can be a great listener." Against his will, Duo smiled at that and noticed that Heero was slowly becoming more casual with him.
He was actually quite nice, and mysterious. Maybe they were both mysterious in their own ways, but Duo bet he had the bigger secret, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to share it with Heero anymore.
Before Duo could continue his train of though, he was interrupted by a loud ruckus from the other side of the room. Solo was being dragged away from the room kicking and screaming, yelling that his rights to video this establishment were being abused, and that La Pamplemousse MUST be hiding something.
Duo could only cover his eyes in embarrassment.
"Hey Heero, do you... maybe want to get out of here? Go for a walk?"
Duo didn't know what he was doing, but the plan was not working and he really didn't really want to see this guy get hurt anymore.
Besides, against the laws of universe, he was actually having an interesting evening. He wasn't bored, and Heero was kind of a nice change, someone different to talk to.
Sneaking around the booth to lean close into Heero, Duo whispered into his ear. "Do you want to do something really fun for a change, to make you're life more interesting?"
"Ok good, on the count of three, run like hell. 1... 2... 3 "
"I don't think..."
Heero's protest came to nothing as Duo pulled him out of the restaurant, the Maitre D. trailing wildly behind them. But both Duo and Heero were younger and faster, and made a quick get away.
They eventually stopped running when they came up to a small residential area with a park, and sat down on a bench to catch their breaths.
"Oh Heero did you see the looks on their faces. I think I did pretty good for running my first time in high heels."
"You're first time in High heels?"
"First time RUNNING in them, of course I've worn them before... I'm a girl, naturally we wear High heels at a young age." Thinking about what they'd just done, Duo let out a burst of laughter.
Trailing off Duo's cobalt eyes came to rest on the suited man sitting next to him. "Truth Heero, why'd you put out an add, I mean, you're actually really good looking, you're not in bad shape, and once you get to know you, you have a interesting personality. so why?
Avoiding the question, Heero countered with his own. "Why were you looking at an add in the first place?"
"Honestly, something to do, I was bored. So you tell me now."
"I guess because my friends forced me too. They were the ones to write the article. They said they were sick and tired of seeing me end one relationship after the other and thought this way someone could pick me instead."
"Pretty flawed logic."
"I suppose, but maybe I agreed because I was just a little lonely." Lettting the smallest hints of a smile creep up his face, Heero added almost too quiet for Duo to hear. "And I met you didn't I?"
Letting out another peel of laughter Duo leaned over to start stripping Heero of his coat jacket.
"What are you doing?"
"It's fall out and I'm freezing, since I'm such a wonderful person to meet, you should at least let me have you're coat."
"But then I'll be cold."
"Oh well, that's a risk I'm willing to take. Now hand it over." Smirking, Heero wrapped the jacket around his date's cold shoulders but didn't move his arm afterwards, instead letting it fall behind Duo's head.
"You look so carefree when you laugh."
"Oh, well you look so different when you smile, or at least smirk. I could get used to that."
"You're whole face lights up. Especially you eyes. I never seen anything like them."
"You like my eyes?"
"I like YOU, and that's the first time I think I've ever been able to say that. You make me feel good."
Pulling Duo in closer, Heero stared directly into his date's eyes. It was unnerving and exciting all at one, and despite knowing this was setting up for a disappointment, he was getting a fluttering feeling in his stomach from hearing Heero's oddly spoken words.
There was just something in the air, the whole atmosphere was affecting Duo greatly, especially that Heero was turning out to be everything he thought he wasn't.
So Duo said nothing, could say nothing as the older man's warm hands softly made contact with his cold cheek. Something about Heero was just so completely different than what he was used to. A small voice in the back of his mind screamed that it was because Heero was straight, but he ignored it and still said nothing as the dark haired man slowly inched forward.
Foreheads touching, Duo closed his eyes as their breaths mingled in the cool air.
"Do you think we could meet again?"
That was all the encouragement Duo needed before closing the small gap and softly kissing Heero's surprisingly warm lips. The small kiss sent chills down his spine; maybe because this was like tasting forbidden fruit, the straight man, the untouchable. But whatever it was, it made Duo feel great, lightheaded even.
Duo was so lost in the kiss that he practically jumped out of Heero's arms when he heard Solo calling for him in the distance.
"Hey DUO! DUO! Where are you Maxy? Did you dump the square yet? Come on, they took my video camera, jokes over. "
"Keep it down Solo, there are people sleeping around here."
"Why should I Wufei, I didn't even get to tape Duo revealing that `Tracy's' really Duo. Probably more M.A.N. than that stiff he was with. Man, I'd PAY to see that."
At that the same time Solo was wishing to see it, Duo was seeing it. He was seeing the disbelief, the hurt, the denial, and finally, the anger as Heero slowly backed away.
Duo frantically got up and tried to do something, anything to keep Heero from hitting him or worse, leaving him.
"I- I can explain Heero, it's not what you think. It was just a joke, but we left, they never saw us k "
But Heero wasn't even listening. As quick as his face had revealed all that emotion, it turned to steel, revealing nothing but a cold exterior.
"Just stay back and leave me alone! I don't want to ever see you again."
And with that, Heero turned around and walked out of Duo's life, in almost a cruel a fashion as Duo had walked into his. Leaving the young college student with nothing but a stunned statement on his face, and the jacket that was not helping him escape from the cold he saw in those eyes.
 The Asbury Park Press is from Clerks and the other Jersey Series movies by Kevin Smith. BIG Brownie points if you got that.
 Yes, that's me .I'm so pathetic lol and the one after is my sister (Lady Shinimegami to those who know her)
 A joke on a famous French Restaurant called "La Papillion" (The Butterfly). La Pamplemousse means The Grapefruit, but it's just a fun word to say. Pamplemousse, Pamplemousse, Pamplemousse ect.
Notes: well this isn't my best fic, but I like it. It was fun to write, but VERY different I think, I mean I don't think I've EVER written anyone like Solo before, I just went to my gay club last week and realized that I have A LOT of flamer friends who never get into my fics. So although I wasn't PLANNING at all to have Solo like that, when I wrote him, he just slowly became a flamer, and I think he's cute like that.
I hope you liked it. And before you ask, YES more "It's A Wonderful War" is coming out VERY soon, and so is "A Spaceman Came Travelling" and so is my other stuff. I've finally started writing again. Plus part two of this will be out tomorrow if maybe even tonight I'm a get busy.
Now for the love of Shinigamie PLEASE comment!!!!!!!!!!!!