Title: Seams of a Doll
Author: Solo Noraneko
Notes: Only that which can be spoken from the heart. Based on a true story, and dedicated to one I hope that I can still call a friend. The ending may seem kinna unfinished, yes I know, I did that on purpose. Lets just say that the true story has still yet to have a true ending.
As the days wore on, and consequently the silence that followed, Duo began to forget the reasons the fight had started between himself and Heero. All he could recall at the moment, staring between glossy, tear-filled eyes, was the hurt, yes the hurt, and the shouting that followed. Meaningless shouting, and flavored with a passion only anger and sorrow could produce. Buy the time those hurtful, accusing words had fallen from his lips, Heero was gone. And soon after the raging fire subsided to a low hiss, and the pain followed, a deep pain. A feeling of loss at the casualty of this battle of emotions.
And thusly Duo Maxwell was alone now, with the broken ruins of their bond scattered about him like the playthings of an irate two-year old. He sat quietly by the window of the now small, lonesome apartment, staring out at the grey curtain of rain that continued to pour outside. The dull throb still exhisted deep within him and over and over he regretted those scathing, accusing words, despite how he had been badly slighted though unconsciously by the one he cared about and loved. Words. Such hurtful, damaging things. More hurtful even than the weapons he had weilded during wartime. By far he still agreed that words where the best, or rather, worst of the weapons mankind has created in his seemingly tumultuous exhistence on Earth.
The rain still fell outside, still danced in the blueviolet-rimmed pupils of those eyes. Sad eyes, searching eyes. Doubtless Heero was out there somewhere, enshrouded in that grey curtain, but those eyes could not pierce that curtain, could not tear it asunder to reveal the one he had lost in a war of words. Heero was gone. Out of reach. All that remained where the ruins.
Unconsciously his fingers closed tighter around the soft, plush body of the hand-sewn teddy bear sitting in his lap. He looked down at the face, a cute, round and plump brown face, and at those little black button eyes that seemed to stare up at him with that hand- stitched smile. Glinting, laughing eyes and warm smile. To him it seemed a contradiction, a mockery. Carefully, so as not to squish or dishevel the violet bow about its neck, he gripped it and held it close, recalling the events of that day.
His birthday. A beautiful package dressed in laughing colors. Heero almost seemed to smile, there was a twinkle in his eyes that Duo was the most proficient at reading. He grinned from ear to ear, and soon the wrapping flew aside in a frenzied motion of fingers and hands. It was at that moment that those black button eyes stared up at him for the first time. He pounced the stern-faced boy then with a squeal of delight, and he could almost feel Heero's soft smile against his ear. The bear was handmade, down to the very last stitch, and it surprised Duo that one seemingly so cold and scarred by war could be so gentle, so loving.
And it was that very gentleness that he so craved at the moment, a feeling that he feared would be lost forever, and deep inside his heart lamented. He gripped the bear tighter, but soon the memories of the fight drifted back at him, like some terrible creature from a horror film, and with a gasp he held it away from him suddently, as if it had come alive and bit him. He stared at it for a long time, and thoughtfully ran his fingers around and across it, feeling every stitch and seam, a creation of long hours of love and thoughtfullness. A panic gripped him briefly, but it was enough for the stuffed animal to drift from his grasp and fall softly to the ground. He stared down at it but did not pick it up. He almost felt afraid, as if it would sear him like a hot coal if he reached for it.
A soft mewling could be heard, and soon he could see and feel a sleek, lithe and velvety form leap onto his lap. The cat mewed again, softly, staring at him with large yellow eyes that glowed with a live fire, not like the dull button eyes of the stuffed bear. Absently he took the cat in his arms and held the feline tightly. Running his hands across the sleek-muscled body, he noticed that unlike the bear the cat was seamless, and warm with that fiery inner glow. He did not notice that his hug had tightened on the feline, and soon he was rewarded by a hiss and a quick and fiery pain on his lower left arm. He cried out in alarm and the cat jumped free of his grasp. Duo gripped the area where the bloody welt from the cat scratch had begun to rise, and he was soon shocked by his own tears. Of course he had suffered injuries far worse than a simple and petty cat scratch, but it seemed all too familiar. The piercing, fiery pain of heated and hasty words. He could still see fresh in his mind Heero's back as he turned to walk away, footsteps thudding in rythm with the throbbing of the wound.
The crystalline tears rolled silently down heart-shaped cheeks. He wiped them away, but not until one fell free and landed on the round face of the stuffed bear lying on the floor, looking lost and discarded. Much like he felt. Or rather, much like a lost friendship. Discarded by hasty words and careless actions.
Slowly he got up and, almost mechanically, reached down to pick up the lost labor of love. He held it close to him and it absorbed his tears, it remained still and silent, unlike the cat. In a way it felt more comforting, quiet and soothing like a sympathetic friend, still alive with the aura of it's creator.
His teary eyes wandered from the soft plush of the stuffed animal to the lonely computer in the corner of the room, casting a soft, eerie glow. He felt a pang in his stomach, a combination of both fear as well as apprehension. But still he moved closer to that soft glow, the teddy bear tucked neatly and lovingly under his arm. He was propelled by a certain longing, something that is felt only after a great loss. Before he knew it he was sitting in front of the monitor, his fingers gliding fluidly over the keys, the soft clicking of the keys being the only noise within the lonesome room. And soon the fruits of his labor began to appear on the screen as he typed.
I know some words where said that should not have been said. They where accusing words, and said in haste. I was upset at what had happened. We had both erred in our own ways, and instead of talking things out rationally I exploded. Now look at what has happened.
Heero...I am sorry. I do not want this doll to be the last shred of our relationship I have to hold onto.
With a shakey hand he moved the mouse and clicked 'Send' and watched as the message disappeared from the screen, no doubt speeding towards its intended destination. He moved from his spot and sat back down in the chair by the window. He held the bear softly, tenderly, and thought loving thoughts of the one he cared about even still. Memories of laughter and nighttime walks and ghost stories flooded his mind. He looked down at that doll, possibly the last remnant of something precious and golden that had been hastilly cast aside with harsh, accusing words.
The anger simmered low in his heart, but even the anger could not overpower the good times, and deep inside he hoped and waited, waited and hoped. Perhaps, for a message, or some sort of miracle. There was little else to do now, but hope, and pray that the anger will be sated, that the wounds ripped deep in his heart can be soothed away and healed.
He sighed and hugged the teddy bear doll closer to his chest and listened to the soft pattering of rain on the windowpane. He hugged the bear tightly, hanging onto that tiny shred of friendship, of hope.