Title: The 12 Pains of Christmas
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just play with them.
Warnings: PWP, AU, Songfic, Silliness, humor, AUTHOR INSERTS!!!
Pairings: pairings? What pairings??? NONE OF THAT HERE!!
Note: Please enjoy and I that you download/find or play (if you already have the song) the 12 Pains of Christmas from Weird Al, who wrote this song.
Literary note: I decided to do this ala chat style .hehehe
Lark: *clears throat and sings* The first thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me
Duo: *pulls up to a forest and pulls out an axe with an evil grin, then sings* Is finding a Christmas tree!
Larks: *sings* The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Wufei: *lowers a box of lights outside of Quatre's mansion, looks at the estate with a frustrated glare already and sings* Rigging up the lights
Duo: *pulls out a chainsaw from his car, sees that we are watching him and hides it behind his back with an innocent smile as he sings* And finding a Christmas tree! *teeth sparkle as he smiles brighter*
Lark: *sings* The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me .
Treize: *walks in holding his head and an empty wineglass* Hangovers
Wufei: *trying to untangle a long string of lights, singing* Rigging up the lights
Duo: *playing with grenades in the forest, meeps when he sees he is caught again and tosses a live grenade over his shoulder as it explodes, chuckles nervously and continues to smile innocently as he pulls out a fire extinguisher for the unfortunate trees as he sings* And finding a Christmas tree! *beams*
Heero: *waiting in the background, passes out at the sight*
Lark: *sings after waking a nervous Heero with smelling salts* The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me .
Quatre: *waves with a handful of Christmas cards* Sending Christmas cards!!
Treize: *groans as he puts an ice pack over his eyes* Hangovers .
Wufei: *shouts as he is shocked after plugging in one too many plugs to an outlet as his hair stands on end, sings* Rigging up the lights!
Duo: *dodges spotlights from police helicopters searching for the cause of the sudden fire, singing* And finding a Christmas tree! *smiles brightly before running off*
Lark: *rolls over laughing at Wufei* *sings after catching her breath* The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Relena: *filing out a check in her office, smiling as she sings* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!
Lark: *blinks in wonder* You'll never hear me get that excited over bills, let me tell you!
Relena: *smiles innocently and shrugs* It's good to be the queen.
Quatre: *sweatdrops as looks at list of card recipients* Sending Christmas
Treize: *pops some aspirin* Hangovers
Wufei: *lying on the ground, tangled tightly in cords as he struggles to get loose, singing* Rigging up the lights
Duo: *leaning over a police car as handcuffs are put on him by an officer, still smiling brightly as he sings* And finding a Christmas tree! *winks*
Lark: *sings* The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Noin: *cringes as looks at family pictures* Facing my in-laws
Relena: *smiles as another bill is handed to her* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!
Quatre: *looks at several different types of cards* Oh I hate those Christmas cards!
Treize: *gives chibi eyes to SkyLark for a massage* Hangovers .
Lark: *rolls eyes*
Wufei: *dangling upside down from the roof by a string of extension cords, glaring as he sings* Rigging up these lights!
Duo: *leaning against a tree back in the forest after the cops pull out, smiling in triumph as he reveals the handcuffs he broke loose from, singing* And finding a Christmas tree!
Lark: *sings* The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Heero: *rolls eyes as glares at bell ringers* Salvation Army
Noin: *cringes as wraps presents* Facing my in-laws
Relena: *spins and twirls ala Broadway musical type, singing* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!
Quatre: *sits thinking of what to write* Sending Christmas cards
Treize: *hides eyes* oh jeez .
Wufei: *glares up to the heavens threateningly as it begins to snow hard, shouting* I'm trying to rig up these lights!!!
Duo: *falls onto his knees with a look of wonder as he looks at a tree standing in the center of a clearing with moonlight falling on it in a heavenly way, singing* And finding a Christmas tree!
Lark: *sings* the eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain for me .
Mariemaia: *tugging on Lady Une's arm, pleading* I want a red Virgo for Christmas!
Heero: *glares at bell ringer, then sings snidely* Charities and what do you mean your in-laws?? *glares at Noin*
Noin: *looks flustered and points at a picture that she only lets Heero see, a grim look on her face*
Relena: *dives gracefully from balcony to be caught easily by a sea of uniformed soldiers below, singing* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!!
Quatre: *waves around Christmas cards* Oh making up these cards!
Treize: *tugs on Lark's arm* eh, give me a beer, huh?
Lark: *smiles and hands Treize a Rootbeer*
Wufei: *kicks open the front door to the mansion with a very peeved look on his face as he screams, startling Rashid and a few others* WHAT WE HAVE NO EXTENSION CORD!?!
Duo: *hugging the trunk of the tree he found, smiling sweetly* And finding a Christmas tree! *kisses the trunk softly before sneering wickedly and lifting his chainsaw*
Lark: *sings* The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me .
Trowa: *rolls eyes as looks around the mall parking lot* Finding parking spaces
Mariemaia: *shouts annoyingly up at her parents* Daddy, I want some candy!
Heero: *glares at tugging bell ringer* Donations!!
Noin: *gets dragged up to the doorway by Zechs* Facing my in-laws
Relena: *prances through the castle along with Dorothy as they throw confetti, smiling and singing* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!
Quatre: *glares at the pile of cards he has to reply to* uh, Writing up these Christmas cards
Treize: *buries himself under his covers* Hangovers .
Wufei: *looks up at the mansion as its lights blink with his eyes wide, mouth hung open and his hands extended before him with a look of disbelief as he shakes his head and shouts* NOW WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING!?!
Duo: *looks in shock at the bent chainsaw that didn't even dent the tree trunk as he sings* And finding a Christmas tree! *blows a few bangs from his eyes*
Larks: *sing* The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me .
Catherine: *looks with wide eyes at all the gifts she bought after reading the backs of them and singing* Batteries not included!?!
Trowa: *considers slamming into a disabled spot* Finding parking spaces .
Mariemaia: *bouncing as she shouts* BUY ME SOMETHING!!
Heero: *pushes the bell ringer off of him* Get a job, ya bum!!
Noin: *tries to guzzle more brandy* Facing my in-laws
Relena: *being lifted onto a soldier's shoulder and extending her arms over her head with great flare* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!
Quatre: *flings some cards around* Yo HO sending Christmas cards!!
Treize: *points inside toilet ring concerned* oh jeez look at this!
Wufei: *examining every light on a mile-long string of lights as he glares and pants in frustration* One light goes out, THEY ALL GO OUT!!!
Duo: *looks even more impressed with the tree he found as he looks at the pile of bent and damaged cutting tools beside him as the tree remains unscathed, scratching his head* And finding a Christmas tree!
Lark: O.o;; *sings* The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me .
Sally: *flips through the TV channels with a sigh* Stale TV specials
Catherine: *lugging a large basket filled with only battery cases as she rolls her eyes* Batteries not included
Trowa: *glares at person who took the spot he wanted and flips them the bird* Finding parking spaces
Mariemaia: *bouncing even more with wide eyes focused on Une* Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom!
Heero: *sneers at the enraged bell ringer* Charities..
Noin: *wide eyes as she tries to smile nicely at her mother-in-law* She's a witch I hate her!
Relena: *glittering from head-to-toe in a sequined, silver evening gown as she has her turn dancing with every, smiling soldier as she sings and smiles from ear-to-ear* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!
Quatre: *tosses the cards in the air* Oh I don't even KNOW half these people!!
Treize: *looks around as holds up his pants* Oh, who has the toilet paper?
Wufei: *lying on his stomach at the bottom of the tall stairway he fell down in the pitch black mansion as Rashid bends to help him up, looking up at his, he hisses* Get a flashlight! I blew a fuse!
Duo: *smiles from ear-to-ear as he patches on the last string of duct tape to a large explosive on the tree trunk of his tree as he sings* And finding a Christmas tree! *runs for cover as he grabs the detonator*
Lark: O.o;; *sings* The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me .*ducks and screeches as a huge explosion is heard in the background*
G-bois: O.o;;;*sing* Singing Christmas carols!
Sally: *glares at TV Guide* Stale TV specials!
Catherine: *glares at the long line of people waiting to get checked out with her heavy basket of batteries as she sings* Batteries not included
Trowa: *glares as slams car into another car that had just taken his spot* No parking!!
Mariemaia: *holds onto the door of the toy store, wailing as Une glares
at the child as she tries to pry her off*
Heero: *rolls eyes and pulls out a gun on the bell ringer* Charities
Noin: *glares at Zechs* Gonna make `em dinner!?
Relena: *shoots to the top of a large fountain just outside of her castle in her sequined gown with all of the soldiers as fireworks fill the sky with bright multi colors as in the glorious end to a musical as they all sing with elated smiles* FIVE MONTHS OF BILLS!!!
Quatre: *throws cards down and shoots them* I'm not sending them this year that's it!!
Treize: *whaps laughing akyLark* Shut up you!
Wufei: *slams another large box of lights at Rashid's feet as he glares up at him and shouts as he pounds the box* FINE, IF YOU'RE SO SMART, *pounds the box again* YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
Duo: *runs from the thick cloud of dark smoke that circles the forest as he jumps onto the tip of his car, raising his prized tree over his head with dirt covering him and his hair a mess as he cheers* AND FINDING A CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!! *collapses from exhaustion*
Lark: *fall over laughing*
GW cast: O.o;;;;