It's angsty, just so you know...real ansgty. Can't decide which one I feel sorry for more, it /is/ Yaoi. That means Duo and Heero are screwing like minks.
Sagara: Such language.
Yeah well, what can I say? It's the truth though, but this ain't lemon. Sheira does many things but she doesn't writhe lemons.
Duo: She loves reading them though ^_~
Urusai! :::blushes::: We're getting massively off subject here :::taps foot::: I don't own the g-boys or Leather. It's owned by Tori Amos and isn't it such a....playful song? ::::gryns::: No truly, if you've never heard it you should, it amuses me to no end to listen to it. Don't let the lyrics scare you away ^_~ Have fun with the ficcie and I'll be sending the sequel out soon. Jaaa


by Sheira

~~ Look I’m standing naked before you
Don’t you want more then my sex ~~

Duo smiled tauntingly at Heero as he leaned againt the Japanese boy’s desk; he was rewarded with the flash of desire in Heero’s eyes a moment before he was pulled into a rough kiss. Yes this was what he wanted; he wanted to forget. Forget about the war, forget about the people he’d killed; he wanted to forget about smiling boy with the dead eyes he saw each time he looked in the mirror. Heero’s hands tightened possesively around Duo braid as he pulled the American closer.

‘Mine’ His mind growled as he kissed the frustrating boy with an almost bruising force. He dimly felt guilty for mistreating Duo but he was angry dammit! He was angry at himself for giving into his more base desires once again and he was angry at Duo for taunting him non-stop. Every thing he seemed to do get to Heero. The merest tilt of his head had the Japanese boy reaching out to touch him, longing to caress that soft skin…touch that silky hair. Heero growled as he trailed a line of nipping kisses down Duo’s jaw. ‘Damn him, damn me.’ Heero cried silently as he dragged Duo onto the bed and pulled them both father into the dark and twisted pool of lust that represented their lovemaking

~~ I can scream as loud as your last one
But I can’t claim innocence ~~

Heero stared up at the ceiling in silence. He felt tired and oddly used, dirtied even. This was exactly how he’d felt every other time Duo had managed to tease him into a frenzy of angry animal lust. The Japanese boy looked over at Duo as if seeking answers to questions he didn’t understand. The braided boy had his eyes closed and his chattering mouth was silent and unsmiling for once. The he shifted and looked over at Heero with old and cynical eyes as he smiled self-depricatingly. Duo sat up and brushed a kiss across Heero’s cheek a moment before he left the bed. He pulled his clothes on in silence and utterly ignored the Japanese boy sitting up in the bed he’d so recently occupied. Then, without a word, the self-proclaimed Shinigami left the room, leaving only confusion and half-understood hurt in his wake.

~~ Oh God could it be the weather
Oh God why am I here ~~

The boy known as Duo Maxwell sat against the leg of his ‘mate’ Deathscythe. The chestnut haired boy sighed and leaned his head against the cold metal leg of Shinigami as he stared up at the cold stars in the sky.

“What I do?” Duo asked Shinigami, but the Gundam was silent. Duo sighed and shook his head as the aching loneliness he felt begain to swell up inside him again; threatening to swallow him whole.

‘I should go back to Heero and apologize.’ Duo thought silently. ‘I have no right to use him like this.’

‘Why?’ a Voice in the back of Duo’s head asked. ‘Why do you care if he’s hurt? He doesn’t care if you are.’

‘That’s not true.’ Duo thought furiously.

‘Isn’t it? You’re both just two, angry, lost boys seeking angry shelter with each other. You’re love is perverted with lust and no real emotion on his part. If only for the simple fact that he can’t /feel/ any real emotion, just emulate it.’

“You’re wrong.” Duo whispered outloud. His hands clenching into fists.

~~ If love isn’t forever
And it’s not the weather
Hand me my leather ~~

‘Am I?’ The insidious Voice asked. ‘I don’t think so, you’re just clinging to the hope that he cares. But you and I both know you could die tomorrow and he wouldn’t shed a tear or give your death a moments thought.’

‘Shut up!’ Duo cried mentally as he clutched his head. ‘Just shut up! You don’t know Heero!’

“And neither do you!’ The Voice retorted. ‘You have no idea what goes on within the head of the /Pefect Soldier/. And that’s what he is, a pefect soldier, a machine in the shape of a human.’

‘You’re wrong, Heero is human, I know it.’

‘Why are you even bothering to defend him? What is he to you but a way to escape? You use him to forget. You use him to run.’ Duo winced as the Voice’s words struck true. ‘He runs, he’s hides, he does everything….’

‘But he doesn’t lie.’ Duo finished the sentence.

“Exactly, and one day you’re going to have to stop running. What are you going to do then Death Boy?’ The Voice asked sardonically.

“I don’t, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.’ Duo sighed and closed his eyes. Overhead, stars fell to the Earth but Shinigami didn’t notice nor care. What would he wish for even if he had? There was nothing left to wish for in this world gone mad.

~~ I could just pretend that you love me
The night would lose all sense of fear ~~

Heero looked down at the sheets expressionless as he gathered them up and dumped them in the washer. After he started the washing-machine, the Japanese pilot walked back to the room he shared with Duo and sat at his laptop. He checked to see if there were no missions, but there were none so he decided to try and read over his lastest mission report. But as Heero tried to read, his found his mind wandering back to what had happened earlier. Heero didn’t know why his current relationship with Duo left him feeling used and unsatisfied. He wanted things at the no emotional attachment level right? That was all he could handle considering he had no emotions, right? Heero sighed and booted his computer. He knew he was lying to himself, if he had no emotions then he wouldn’t be feeling this….hurt? Betrayal…pain…lonliness….? All of these emotions kept surfacing along with a wistful longing. But Heero didn’t know /what/ he /wanted/.

~~ But why do I need you to love me
When you can’t hold what I hold dear ~~

Why couldn’t he be satisfied with his relationship right now? Why did he have to go and tangle things up with emotions? Heero sighed and lay down on the bare bed. Why couldn’t he just be content with Duo’s body? Why did he want Duo’s lo—No! Heero flinched. He wouldn’t even /think/ about that word. If he admited it in his mind, he might as well admit it out loud. Love…suki da….ai shiteru…. To admit to that, to break down and say such things out loud would be the greatest betrayal of his soldier’s training. It would be a betrayal of all he knew, had even known and Heero didn’t think he could do that. He was too afraid.

~~Oh God could it be the weather
Oh God why am I here~~

Duo sighed as he looked up at the stars. He really should start back soon. Although he doubted Heero would be waiting up for him. Duo chuckled at the image his mind conjured as he walked slowly back to the safehouse Heero and he were staying at temporarily. Duo vaguely wondered why he was even bothering to return at all? All he would do was re-start the twisted cycle all over again. The longings, the lust, the pain, then the guilt and self-recriminations. The self-hate, and the terrible longing to do it all over again. Like a moth, he wanted to burn himself up in the fire called Heero Yuy. But he was no phoenix; Duo knew this. He’d never rise from the ashes, reborn anew; he’d still remain the tainted little boy who darkened everything around him. Duo frowned at his analogy as he let himself in the door of the tiny house. He’d taint Heero if he remained with him. Despite his cold exterior, as far as darkness of the soul went, Heero was an innocent and Duo found he didn’t want to taint the one pure thing in his life. But was it too late? Had he already tainted Heero with his own selfish desires? Was he too late?

~~ If love isn’t forever
And it’s not the weather
Hand me my leather ~~

Duo peeked his head into the room and he saw Heero spread out on their bed asleep. He looked so innocent, almost boy-like when he was asleep. All the barriers seemed to melt away and Heero’s face lost it’s customary hardness and it was replaced by the innocent vulnerability of a child. Duo looked down at the sleeping pilot and his heart ached at the heart-retching sight of what Heero should have been allowed to be. Not a weapon in a war; not some pawn trained to fight. Just an ordinary boy with hopes of a bright future instead of the dismal one that faced all soldiers once their function was served. The old tired look appeared in Duo’s eyes when he realized he no longer even considered himself a child. A bittersweet grief wealed up inside Duo’s chest as he briefly wondered what /he/ would do once he’d served his purpose. Duo shook his head; he didn’t matter. All that mattered right now was freeing Heero before he was darkend anymore by his presence. He had to free Heero before he was too late, before he became Duo himself.

~~ I almost ran over an angel
He had a nice big fat cigar ~~

Duo sat down on the edge of the bed and Heero was awake instantly. His opened his cobalt colored eyes until only slits of blue could been seen from beneath his lashes. Heero peered into the half-gloom and he noticed that it was only Duo who had disturbed his sleep.

“Heero, we need to talk.” Duo said, his face and eyes unsmiling, almost grim. Heero swallowed as an unfamiliar panic and disorientation flooded him.

“Oh?” Heero asked, his voice not betraying anything as he sat up.

~~ “In a sense” he said “You’re alone here
So if you jump you best jump far” ~~

“Look, let’s not beat around the bush here.” Duo started out. “This….relationship or whatever you want to call it is not right.” Heero remained silent but he cocked an eyebrow. “It’s not even based off of true affection, it’s some dark and perverted form of lust. I know you don’t care for me. And I know you don’t like being with me. I’d even venture so far as to say you hate me. Which is understanable considering all I’ve done is use you.” Duo’s closed his eyes and willed his voice to be steady. “Well I don’t want that kind of relationship anymore. I want something more, something less tainted.” Heero looked at Duo and his face betrayed none of the sickening panic and nausea that rolled in his stomach at Duo’s words.

“So you want to break it off.” Heero asked, his voice the same nasal monotone.

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Duo stood up and walked over to the dresser. He quickly packed his things and he turned back to Heero. “Sayonara, Heero.”

~~ Oh God could it be the weather
Oh God why am I here ~~

Heero vaguely registered the words, as Duo finished packing his things. “Sayonara Heero.” The Japanese boy didn’t even look up as Duo left the room without a backward glance. Why did it feel like his heart was breaking? Heero opened his mouth and tried to force the words out. Anything to keep Duo from leaving! But nothing came and Heero just sat there in the middle of his now lonely bed and he clutched at his chest as his throat constricted. Heero’s eyesight seemed to waver and his eyes suddenly started to burn. When he blinked them, a weird droplet of liquid splashed down his cheek, followed by another. The liquid fell onto Heero’s hand and he stared at it not understanding what it was. He licked the droplet from his hand and it tasted…salty…. Were these tears? Heeros’ eyes narrowed even as more of the salty moisture leaked from them. He throat began to ache from the restrictiveness and Heero culed into a tight ball as he soaked the newly washed sheets with tears he never knew he could shed.

~~ If love isn’t forever
And it’s not the weather
Hand me my leather ~~