This is the sequel to my earlier songficcie "Sayonara" :::sighs::: And it looks like I"m gonn ahave to write a third part to round out this entire bloody plot. ::mutters:: The song is Winter by Tori Amos and yes, these are all Tori Amos songs, all from her CD "Little Earthquakes" BTW ^-^ I subjected my friend MnM (Mazoku no Miko) to it and she liked Leather ^___^ I'm gonna try and do a ficcie to "Happy Phantom" but I don't know how to do it without making it a deathfic, another of Sheira's Nevers. :::is very proud of herself::: I've yet to kill off a G-boy and that's pretty amazing if anyone's ever read my Slayers fics. Ask 'Chira or MnM-chan they'll tell ya. My standard disc. and warnings inserted her as well as a warning for angst. But then this whole series has been ansgty. Hmmmmm, Yaoi and not really any warning for language. This fic is also an answer to a challange by Puck to include this quote in my ficcie.....
"Get fucked"
"Are you offering?"

:::gryns::: Ahhh the fun I had with that. On with ficcie and try and find where I stuck that...err...did that come out wrong to anyone else?

It Never Changed
by Sheira

A.C. 202

~~ Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose, get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove ~~

Heero smiled at Catherine as he walked into the room. “Heero, I’m glad you could make it.” Catherine said smiling as she walked over to the Japanese man.

“I wouldn’t miss this Catherine, you know that.” Heero said softly as he handed his gift to her. “So where are the happy couple?”

“In the study entertaining the rest of the guests. You’re the last to make it.” Catherine laid Heero’s present on a table as she walked down the hallways.

“We were afraid you’d gotten caught in they storm and were still in Tokyo.”

“No, I made it out before the weather got to rough.” Heero said as he followed Catherine. “So…who all is here?”

“The old gang of course, some of Quatre’s closest business partners and /all/ of his sisters.” Heero blinked.

“And they all fit into one room?” Catherine laughed lightly.

“Well, the study is a big room.” Catherine paused in front of two large double doors and opened it. “Guess who’s here.” Catherine called as she opened the door.

“Heero!” A chorus of people called his name and the Japanese man allowed a fleeting smile to cross his features as he walked into the room.

“Sorry I’m late.” He apologized to Trowa and Quatre.

“Nah, you didn’t miss anything.” Catherine said smirking. “The wedding’s not till tomorrow anyway.”

“Aa.” Heero shook Trowa and Quatre’s hands. “Congradulations.”

“Thank you Heero, I’m just glad we could find you in time.”

“You’re not an easy person /to/ find Heero Yuy.” Trowa noted dryly, an amused glint in his eyes.

“Aa, it’s better that way.” Heero agreed gravely as he scanned the room for familier faces. “Hello Wufei.” Heero said nodding his head at the Chinese man.

“Yuy.” Ever polite, Wufei bowed slightly but genuine warmth shown in his ebony eyes.

“Heero!” the Japanese man turned around and was hugged by Noin and then by Sally.

“So how’s life treating you?” Noin asked smiling.

“Not as good as you it would appear.” Heero said as he looked at Noin who was all much glowing with happiness.

“What can I say, motherhood suits me.” Noin grinned happily.

“Eyeing my wife Heero?” Mirialdo Peacecraft asked drolly as he approuched the small group, a drink in one hand and a toddler in the other. “Okay Noin, choose.” Mirialdo indicated his two burdens and Noin smirked as she plucked her drink from her husband’s hand.

“Hello, Zechs. Or is it Mirialdo?” Heero asked quietly; shaking the hand of the man he knew as Zechs.

“Doesn’t matter, but people mostly call me Zechs.” The blond man said as he rearranged the child in his arms. An indulgent smile curved Zech’s lips as his son curled closer and he winked at his wife. “I got the better of the two.” Zechs informed his wife as he kissed his son’s forehead. Noin smiled and lokked over at Heero.

“This is our son, Heero.” Noin pushed her son’s dark violet-black hair back from his face. “Mirialdo.” Noin said and the child blinked sleepy aquamarine colored eyes.

“Hi there.” Heero said, his expression softening as he waved at the toddler. “How old is he, Zechs?”

“He’ll be four in three months.” Zechs said as his son yawned. “I think Millie needs to be put down for the night. If you’ll excuse me.” Zechs noded to Heero and smiled at his wife.

~~ I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice "You must learn to stand up for
yourself cause I can't always be around" ~~

“He’s very….domestic.” Heero noted; Noin snickered and hide her smile behind her hand.

“Don’t let him fool you, he just dotes on Millie.” Noin said smiling and Heero nodded as he turned to Sally.

“So how are things with the Preventers?”

“Very..interesting at times.” Sally said dryly.

“Is Une here?”

“Yes, she went to put Mariemaya to bed as well.”

“How are they doing together?”

“Very well, Mariemaya is almost like a totally different child. She and Une are good for each other.” Sally smiled and she saw the door of the study open from the corner of her eye. “That must be her now.” Sally and Heero turned but it wasn’t Une who stepped through the door. In fact, seeing that familier face, frammed by those familier jagged bangs was like a punch in the gut to Heero.

“Duo…” Heero breathed and he took an invonluntary step forward before he regained his composure.

“There you are!” Sally called to Duo. “What took you so long?” Duo looked over at Sally and grinned as he strode over to the group.

“What can I say, it takes /forever/ to do my hair.” Duo winked at Sally and turned to Noin. “Ne, lets go run off while Zechs isn’t looking.”

“Duo, you never change.” Noin laughed.

“Duo!!” The American turned around and Hilde hugged him.

“Hilde!” Duo hugged the short haired woman happily and Heero swallowed.

“Excuse me.” He murmured as he turned around. He noticed Trowa from across the room and walked over to the tall man.

~~ He says when you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind ~~

“You okay Heero?” Trowa asked looking at Heero assesingly.

“Yes.” Heero lied as he snagged a drink from a passing waitor.

“You’re lying.” Trowa stated bluntly and Heero looked at him sharply. “I don’t need to be a mindreader to sense your pain all the way from across the room.

“I thought the entire empathy part was Quatre’s department.” Heeri said dryly as he drained his glass quickly. “You know, I just got the sudden urge to get completely wasted, and that pisses me off.” Heero’s eyes darkened and seemed to burn with an inner flame as he snagged one last drink. “But don’t worry, I wouldn’t make a fool out of myself or you by getting drunk at the party celebrating your wedding.” Heero laid a hand on Trowa’s arm as he drained his glass. “I owe you too much, you helped me through that period in my life when I didn’t care if I lived or died, and I owe you for that.” Heero said looking Trowa dead in the eye. After he’d self-destructed Wing, it had been Trowa who’d pulled his ravaged body from the wreckage of destroyed Gundam. And dispite what he’d wanted, both his body and Trowa’s stubborness had seen to it that Heero had survived his near-brush with death. And in the aftermath of his failure, for in the Perfect Soldier’s eyes he /had/ failed, Trowa had slowly but surely convinced Heero to not throw his life away so casually. And during the final battle with White Fang, when Trowa had heard Heero proclaim that he would not die, the tall pilot had rejoiced. But now, in light of all that had transpired this evening, Trowa was worried once again. He wasn’t worried about Heero self-destructing so much as he was worried about his friend’s fragile heart being shattered once again.

Only this time, beyond repair.

~~ Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear ~~

Heero nodded to Trowa one last time before he made his way to the balcony doors. He checked to see that noone was looking, and he walked out onto the balcony, making sure to close the doors firmly behind him. But one person did notice his exist from across the room and pained blue-violet eyes closed even as a automatic smile curled Duo’s lips.

“So Duo, what have you been up to these last few years?” Hilde asked and Duo grinnned a silly little grin.

“Nothing much, working here and there. Hoping from colony to colony.” Duo shrugged. “The usual I guess. What about you?” A teasing note filled Duo’s voice.

“How’s that fiance of yours?”

“He’s doing good, Jordan was sorry he couldn’t make it. But you know how work is.”

“Yeah I do. Have you two set a date yet?” Sally asked.

“Yes, we’ve decided to have a summer wedding.”

“Oh, those are the best.” Noin commented. “Especially when you have it in very early summer, or late spring.”

“I kind of prefer Fall weddings myself.” Sally murmured as she took a sip of her drink. “When the leaves are falling and there’s a hint of winter in the air.” Duo shook his head.

“I cannot believe I’m in this conversation.” Duo muttered, much to his chagrin when three females pined him with mischievous looks.

“And what about you Duo?” Hilde asked smirking. “You find anyone special?”

“You know me Hilde.” Duo said, not liking where the conversation was heading. “I’m not the relationship kind of guy.”

“Hmm, you know. Now that think about it, I don’t think I’ve even seen you with anyone since…” Sally trailed off. “Hmm no, you two were just friends…Okay Duo who /have/ you dated?”

“No one.” Duo said. “I told you, I don’t like being tied down by such things.” He /definitely/ didn’t like where this conversation was headed. Noin smiled, no, grinned ferally.

“Oh? Then what about one-night stands?” Duo chocked on his drink and coughed.

“Noin!” Sally laughed as Duo blushed brightly.

“Oh…nice one Noin.” Duo looked to Hilde for support but she was hiding her smile behind her hand. “So, tell us about them then Duo.” Sally said, a mischievous grin on her face.

“Absolutely not.” Duo said firmly. “You women may like to talk about your conquests, but I have more control.” Duo said with a superiour look that was ruined by the wide grin on his face. All three woman were looking at him in exasperation and Duo decided to take his leave before they /really/ statrted to tease him about his love life, or worse, started to try and hook him up with people. “Ja.” Duo said with a cheery smile as he turned around and walked across the room. He glanced out the balcony windows and saw Heero leaning his elbows against the banister as he stared up at the night sky. As if sensing Duo’s scutiny, the Japanese man turned around and his dark eyes caught Duo’s through the glass. Duo swallowed and reached for the handle of the door and walked out onto the balcony with his former lover.

~~ Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was ~~

“Hey.” Duo said hessitantly as he walked over to Heero. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it Heero?” Heero looked at Duo in silence, his eyes blazing like twin stars, almost as brilliant as the stars overhead.

“Aa,” Heero said as he turned back to the rail.

“You know you abandoned me in there.” Duo said with forced cheer as he walked over to Heero.

“I abandoned /you/?” Heero asked racking his eyes over Duo’s face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that.” If it were possible, sarcasim would have dripped from that cold slightly nasal monotone. “I just didn’t want to distract you from Hilde, she seemed very excited to see you.” Duo’s eyes tightened slightly but his otherwise gave away no emotion.

“Yeah, but I came over there to see you, and then you ran out and I was stuck with the three terrors.” Duo shuddered dramtically and Heero raised an eyebrow. “I swear, they want me happily wedded and bedded before I turn twenty-four.”

“Eh?” Confusion finally registered on Heero’s face.

“Yeah, they’ve even gone so far as to set me up on blind dates. And they wonder /why/ I keep moving around.” Duo said with a smirk.

“Setting you up…wait a minute, what about you and Hilde?”

“Me and Hilde; what about us? We’re friends, nothing more.” Duo looked over at Heero.

“I heard you and Relena broke up, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I wasn’t interested in playing the perfect mate, or settling for a substitue.”

“Substitute?” Duo looked at Heero sharply.

“Aa, we weren’t compatable, we both saw that after we got together. We tried to make things work, but neither of us were willing to bend that much. Besides, I could never marry somone I wasn’t in love with.”

“You’re kidding right?” Duo said shocked. “I used to see you two on the news and you looked perfect together. The ideal couple ya know.” Heero looked over at Duo, an unreadable look in his eyes.

“Really? I never felt like that.” Heero shook his head and smiled cynically. “I wasted three years on a relationship that was doomed from the beginning.”

“I’m sorry man.” Duo laid a hand on Heero’s shoulder.

“Heh, that’s why I /never/ settle down. No thank you, I prefer the no-strings attached relationship. That way, when it’s over, no one’s hurt.”

“I used to think like that too.” Heero said softly.

“But you always fall when you least expect it and when the relationship is over, you die inside.” Heero stared up at the stars overhead and Duo shuffled his feet uncomfortably. “Have you ever been in love Duo?” Anger mingled with a sad longing lingered in Heero’s voice.

“Yeah.” Duo admited. “You?”

“Aa, once, long ago.” Heero’s face was expressionless as he stared up at the burning stars overhead.

“What…what happened?” Heero glanced at him and Duo’s breath caught in his throat at the intense emotions he saw burning in Heero’s eyes.

“You walked out on me.” Heero said as he pushed himself away from the rail and left the balcony. Duo stood where he was, transfixed with shock and an odd pain as he watched Heero walk away. ‘You walked out on me.’ Heero’s voice drifted through his head coldly.

“Oh, God.” Duo breathed as he leaned against the rail and buried his head in his hands. “What have I done.”

~~ Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
but I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
but I know, Dad, the ice is getting thin ~~

Heero stared out the window, brooding. At his elbow, a half-drunk glass of brandy sat. The Japanese man leafed through some paperwork he’d brought with him and signed his name. There, with this month’s business taken care of, Heero was free to relax and enjoy his vacation. Heero idly filed the papers to be sent in the morning and he shut down his computer. With a heavy sigh, the Japanese man pushed himself away from his desk and walked to the window seat with his glass in hand. Racking a wide, long fingered hand through his hair, Heero drank the remainder of his glass and reached for the bottle, intending to finish what was left in it. Thirty minutes, and half a quart later, someone knocked loudly on his door and Heero stood up, not bothering to button his his shirt or set down his glass.

“What?” he snapped, iritable that his plans to get severly buzzed had been interupted.

“Oi, Heero! Open up.” Duo called leaning on the door. “I wanna talk to you.” Duo’s voice was slightly slurred and Heero sighed as he opened the door. Duo, who’d suddenly lost his only method of support fell forward and would have collasped on the ground if Heero hadn’t leapt forward and caught him. But the additional weight combined with the amount of alcohol Heero had consumed had them both sprawling on the floor. Duo looked up from where he was sprawled on top of Heero and he looked down at the surprised face of Heero.

“Get off of me, Duo.” Heero said, his look of surprise turning into a black scowl. But Duo was immune to Heero’s glares and he crawled off the other man and unsteadily climed to his feet. “You’re drunk.” Heero said as he shut the door, displeasure evidant on his face.

“I’m not drunk, I’m working my way there though.” Duo corrected, happily grinning. “You’re looking kind of buzzed yourself. Wanna drink together?” Heero shrugged.

“Whatever.” Heero walked back to the window seat and sat down. Duo collasped on the floor and leaned against the wall. Heero handed him the bottle and Duo looked around for a glass. With a sigh, Heero handed him his and Duo accepted it with a goofy grin. The American gulped down his drink and set the glass aside.

“I think this calls for drinking strait out of the bottle.” Duo muttered and Heero nodded, taking a pull of the bottle. Fifeteen minuetes, and the rest of the bottle later, Heero chuckled suddenly and Duo looked at him blearily. “Whaaa?”

“Nothing.” Duo pouted and proped himself up on his elbows so he could glare at Heero.

“Liar, so what’s so funny?”

“Nothing, just thinking of the irony of this situation is all.” Heero said smiling mirthlessly. “You’re the entire reason I wanted to get drunk, so I could forget for a little while and then /you/ show up and somehow I end up getting drunk with /you/.” Duo’s eyes narrowed in pain and he sat down on the window-seat.

“Look, Heero about that…..”

“Drop it.” Heero said sharply, his eyes flashing. “It’s in the past right?” Heero looked at Duo with overbirght eyes and the American found he couldn’t meet Heero’s gaze for long. The two lapsed into silence, each perching on one end of the windowseat. Heero continued to stare at the stars in silence. “You really hurt me, you know that?” Heero asked, finally looking away from the stars.

~~ When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind ~~

Duo’s breath caught in his throat as the moonlight shown through the window and played across Heero’s face. Those brilliant Prussian blue eyes, glinted with pain and longing.

“Aa, I know now.” Duo whispered. “But before, I had no idea Heero. I didn’t think you even liked me. And….well the thought of being in love with someone who hated me was too much, so I ran.” Duo looked down at his hands.

“You loved me?” Heero asked softly and Duo nodded. Suddenly, the Japanese man laughed, a harsh barking laugh devoid of mirth and a hint of maddness. “What idiots we are.” Heero said without smiling. “We really screwed things up, didn’t we, Duo.” Heero sighed and stood up unsteadily. “Idiots, both of us.” Heero muttered as he stumbled to his bed. “We had it all, Duo. And we didn’t even realize it.” Heero collasped half on, half off his bed. “Che, oyasumi.” Heero said as he closed his eyes.

“Oi, you can’t sleep like that Yuy.” Duo said walking semi-steadily over at Heero. He nudged Heero’s legs. “Come on Heero, get up.” Duo reached down and grasped Heero’s shoulder and shook it. “Whoa…” Duo muttered as he wavered slightly and sat on the edge of Heero’s bed. Heero cracked open his eyes and glared at Duo.

“Get off my bed.” Heero said sitting up and his shirt slipped off his shoulder.

“Don’t wanna, don’t think I could if I tried.” Duo muttered as lay back and stared up at the ceiling overhead. Heero growled and curled up on his bed, clutching a pillow. “Heh, you still do that.” Duo noted smiling slightly.

"Get fucked."

"Are you offering?” Duo asked with a grin and Heero’s eyes widened.

~~ Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear ~~

Heero swallowed and curled closer to his pillow. Was he offering?! Hell yes he was, Heero sighed and closed his eyes. But he couldn’t let Duo know that, nor could he let that baka American know that despite all the years, all the pain he’d gone through, he still loved him. Duo stretched out his hand and curled it around Heero’s. The Japanese man’s eyes poped open and he stared at the grave looking American warily.

“You were my biggest mistake.” Duo whispered, his eyes dark with sadness, regret and a wistful longing. “I want to fix that mistake.”

“You’re drunk.” Heero pointed out.

“So are you. And alchohol lowers your inhibitions, it’s making me saying this a hell of a lot easier then if I was sober, I’ll tell you.” Duo said with a lopsided grin as he moved closer to the tensing Heero. Duo pulled the pillow from Heero’s limp arms and he bent over the Japanese man. He lowered his head and brushed his lips gently across Heero’s. When he got no response, Duo kissed Heero again, only this time with greater passion.

“Stop.” Heero said, a desperate plea in his voice. “Don’t do this to me, please don’t.” Heero’s eyes were squeezed shut and his entire body was tense as if awaiting a blow. Duo drew back and looked at Heero confused.

“I don’t understand.”

“Dammit Duo, I don’t want to feel like I did before.” Heero hissed, his eyes now open and narrowed to slits. “I don’t want to live in that torrid, angry relationship that’s filled with hate and lust. I can’t survive like that, not anymore.”

“It wouldn’t be like that Heero.” Duo said, his mouth unsmiling for once. “We’re not the same people we were seven years ago.”

“But I’m still feeling the same things.” Heero protested. “I’m angry and hurt and I still want you.” Heero scowled. “Damn you, I should hate you for what you did to me. But not again Duo, I’m not going through that again.” Duo sighed and laid his head against his arm.

“Heero, that’s normal.” Duo said softly. “Of course you’re hurt and angry at me, that’s perfectly normal. And I’m not gonna say I’m unhappy that you still want me, hell I’m /real/ happy about that.” Duo looked at Heero bluntly. “Heero, look at me,” Duo waited until those burning Prussian blue eyes were trained on his face. “I promise you that things would be different this time. And I never lie.” A corner of Duo’s mouth turned up a bit. “All I’m asking for is another chance, a chance to make up for all the hurt I caused you.”


“Let me finish, please.” Duo said seriously. “I told you why I left, and I’ll be honest with you, I never realized that I’d hurt you. I thought it was just sex for you, and I didn’t want that. I wanted more, and now I know that it was more. We just screwed up, a miscommunication or something. And I’ve spent the last seven years regretting that, I couldn’t come back though Heero. I thought you didn’t care. And then you and Relena started going out and I convinced myself it was true, after that I didn’t even hope for a chance.” Duo sighed and closed his eyes. “It’s like you said, we’re both idiots. But I want us to be two idiots together. Not just sex, I mean a relationship built on love and caring. That’s what you want too right?”

“Duo, I don’t know if I /can/ do that, I don’t think I’m capable of that.” Heero said looking down.

“That’s bullshit.” Duo snarled.

~~ Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself ~~

Heero looked at Duo in surprise.

“You have to believe in yourself Heero, you have to believe in /us/!” Duo said leaning forward. “I believe in us…”

“There is no ‘us’.” Heero said, deadly soft.

“Stop lying to yourself.” Duo murmured as he grabbed Heero’s face and kissed him. Heero’s lips were firm and unyielding beneath Duo’s and the American wondered if perhaps he had made a mistake by kissing him. Duo backed away and his eyes met Heero’s. He saw a war of desire and fear in those cobalt depths. “Don’t fight what you feel Heero. You also said you followed your own feelings. What do they tell you?” Heero looked at Duo, a vulnerable look in his eyes.

“Duo, I don’t want to be like that anymore.”

“Heero, does this feel wrong?” Duo asked as he brushed a kiss across Heero’s lips. “Does it?”

“No….” A tortured whisper as Heero closed his eyes.

“Then kiss me back.” Duo commanded as he leaned forward, until mere milimeters seperated their lips. With a shuddering breath, Heero closed the distance between he and Duo and their lips met in a tender, shy kiss. Prussian blue eyes met blue-violet as the two broke away once again. Duo smiled an odd smile as he slid his arms around the Japanese man’s neck.

“What now?” Heero asked, unable to break gazes with Duo.

“Whatever you want.” Duo promised, his eyes alight with hope and promises.

“Sou ka.” Heero said as he leaned back and pulled Duo down next to him. “Then show me how it’s supposed to be.”

“Ryoukai.” Duo said grinning happily.

~~When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind ~~

Heero snuggled Duo closer and he tucked Duo’s head under his chin.

“You okay?” Duo asked nuzzling Heero’s chin.

“Aa.” Heero said shifting slightly as he pulled the covers over he and his former?….lover. Duo sighed and tossed his arm over Heero’s chest and toyed with the Japanese man’s tousled locks. “You were right.” Heero said softly, his voice rumbling beneath Duo’s ear.


“Yes, it wasn’t like all the times before.”

“That’s because we made love Heero, not just screwed each other.” Duo laid a few lazy kisses on Heero’s neck. “It’s amazing what a difference true emotion can make.”

“Aa.” Heero agreed, closing his eyes as he fingers trailed up and down Duo’s back. The two fell into silence and simply let the world catch up with them.

“This is going to change everything, you know that right?” Duo nodded, his hazy blue-violet eyes drifting shut.

“Aa, we’ll talk about it in the morning.” Duo said sleepily as he nuzzled Heero’s neck and finally allowed sleep to overcome him. Heero listened silently as Duo’s breathing evened out and became deeper.

“Aa, tomorrow.” Heero whispered as he too joined Duo in the land of Nod.

~~ Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear ~~

Heero woke up with a start. He sat up and looked around disoriented and confussed. Sweat gleamed on his brow as he looked around his room half hoping, half afraid that the night before had been a dream. He vaguely noted the lack of warmth where Duo should have been, just as he noted that his set of rooms were silent, seemingly bereft of life even in the early morning light. With a huff, Heero lay back down and messaged his temples.

“Kuso.” The Japanese man growled as he glared at the room and world in general. He had a pounding headache and an upset stomach. ‘Heero no baka.’ Heero cursed silently, his eyes clentching shut as he hands pounded into the bed. ‘Baka na. So stupid to think that last night was going to change anything. Baka, baka baka!’ The Japanese man’s fingers dug into the matress as he chatised himself.

‘Like you deserve him?’ The voice of his sub-concious asked.

‘No, I don’t, but that doesn’t change how I feel. Or how I want him.’

‘Ah yes, the human facination with wanting the things you can never have. Not matter how much pain it causes you, you still lo-‘

“Shut up!” Heero growled as he stalked to his bathroom. He racked a hand through his hair and glared at his reflection in to mirror.

‘Touch a nerve, did I?’ The Voice asked sardonically.

‘Why don’t you admit it?’

‘Admit what?’ Heero retorted as he brushed his teeth.

‘That you are totally and hopelessly in love with Duo.’ Heero’s toothbrush clattered into the sink.

‘I don’t love him.’ Heero scowled. ‘I don’t.’

‘Why? Because he made a mistake? Because he couldn’t see past you Perfect Solider façade and see that you trully did care for him? That was seven years ago, baka. When are you going to let it go?’

‘Damare!’ Heero shouted mentally. ‘How can you understand what it’s like to love someone so much that you were willing to betray everything you’d even been taught. And then to have that person throw that love right back into your face?’

“I know exactly how that feels, because I am /you/!’

~~Never change ~~

Heero swallowed and closed his eyes.

“I am not having this conversation.” Heero muttered as he walked back into his bedroom. “I am not aruging with myself, I am not mad.”

‘Heh, you never change.’ The Voice sneered. ‘Always a coward, always afraid of living.’ The Japanese man closed his eyes and stood in the middle of his room trembling. ‘What are you afraid of Heero? What’s the worst he could do to you?’

‘He could reject me again.’ Heero retorted silently as he sat down on the windowseat. ‘He could shatter my heart once again and I don’t think I can handle that. I’m not that strong.’

‘So because you’re afraid of the /chance/ of being hurt, you’re going to pass up on whatever chance at happiness you have?’ The Voice asked, if possible, it’s tone increadulous.

“He’s not my only chance at happiness.” Heero growled as he looked outside at the beautiful gardens.

‘Don’t even try to lie to me Soldier Boy. You know as well as I do that no matter where you go, or who you go with, unless you have the long haired baka with you, you’re going to be completely miserable. Wasn’t that fiasco with Relena proof enough that you’ll never be happy with anyone but him?’

‘I never /loved/ Relena!’ Heero protested.

“Precisly! You haven’t fallen in love since Duo. No one else has been able to touch your heart like he.’

‘That just means I haven’t met the right person yet.’ Heero pointed out.

‘You have, you’re just too stubborn to see it.’ Heero sighed and leaned his head against the glass.

“So what?” He whispered. “All of this means nothing.”

‘What do you mean?’

‘What I mean is, what I want doesn’t change the fact that when I woke up this morning he was gone. He obviously regrets last night, he’s rejecting me again. So I might as well save myself further heartache and just give up on him.’


‘It’s the truth.’ Heero pointed out. ‘So I’ll do what’s right and I’ll leave right after the wedding and I’ll step out of Duo’s life forever. That way neither of us will be hurt anymore.’

‘No, you’re just running away.’ The Voice predicted darkly and Heero nodded even as he got ready for the wedding with a leaden heart.

~~ All the white horses ~~