Oi! Hello all.. Well I’m not dead, not yet anyway… and this is my first death fic with a pome that I wrote.. I named the fic after the poem, which I wrote back in July. I hope you like.

Tittle: If I
By: Shadow Angel (me)
Declaimers: The G-boys are not mine.. I’m not getting paid so don’t waist you time on me. The poem “If I” is mine, I wrote it, it was my idea so its mine. ;)
Arcive: If you want it you can… just e-mial to let me know where.
Warnings: Death, dark, and AU? (not sure on that)
Parings: 1x2/2x1
Feed Back: Kami-sama yes!
Notes: this is wrote in another persons POV … see if you can guess who.. and if not then I’ll tell after about a week or so. And the poem is what the little voice in the back of your mind is saying to the person, then they awnsers them-self. And most of this is thoughts… but anything that is said will be in “...”
~...~ is the poem.




Being alone has always been a friend of mine, but that does not mean that I have to like it. I’m watching you and you “love”. I’m jealous of you and him, mostly him. He has the most kindest, beautiful, and sweetest person in the world that I could ever met besides Quatre. I’ll bet you never knew that I had a crush on you, did you? That’s right I did, and still do. But you and him are so right together, you make him smile. You’re the only one that’s been able to do that. I know you two really love each other, it shows when you are together or separated, the way you worry so much about each other.

~If I die tomorrow, will you miss me?~
~If I killed myself tonight, would you still love me?~

Probably not, you never knew that I loved you, He beat me to the punch on telling you. That’s one thing that I’ll always regret is not telling you the first time I saw you. You where and still are such a loudmouth, but Kami-sama do I ever love you voice, I love all of you.

~If I told you, you are my world’s only love, would
you reject me?~

I know you would, because you can’t have two loves in your life. And you love him more then anything, You’ve told me, when it was just you and I, and we where on that colony together. I loved those times, and they are the best memories that I have of you.

~If I told you, that I hold you closer to my heart,
more than anything or anyone else in this world, what
would you do?~

You would call me a fool, like you have so many times before.

~If I told you, that I think of you every minute of
every day, would you think me obsessed?~

Obsessed like Relena, because she stalks Heero and dose not get it that it’s her he dose not like, and it’s not you that cause him to be silent? I think I am that obsessed because I’ve been watching you for months now, you don’t know that I’m here, nor dose he.

~If I told you, that I cry myself to sleep every
night, knowing that I can never have the one person
that I hold closest to me, would you think me weak?~

I know you would. But it’s not like anyone knows or cares to know. I don’t have any family or anyone to love. But I love you. That’s why I’m doing this now. I was gonna move on but I found that I could not. I just want one last look at you and him, together, to see the love that will never be, between you and me.

~If I told you, you are my dream’s center, would you
think me crazy?~

Yeah you would, but I’m no more crazy then you. You said it your self, ‘The things you do for true love’ (1) Well this is what I’m doing for you, because I truly love you.

~If I told you, that all these things are true, what
would you say, what would you do, what would you

I’m not sure what you would do, slap me maybe? Call me a stupid fool? And think me obsessed? You would ask why? Well, when you told me that you loved him truly, my entire world shattered. You’re not the only ones that can hide you emotions. I see you and him walk off towards your home. You shiver slightly, and he puts his coat on your shoulders, and wraps his arm around you. I smile to myself sadly.

~If I died tonight would you miss me?~

That’s the question I ask myself as I slip from the tree and watch you two walk all the out of view, I then turn and walk myself home. Answering my question.

I don’t think you will, but I don’t want you to miss me. You should be happy, live and love him, make him happy. And I wont be seeing you because in taking my life I damn my self to hell, and you will go to heaven you and him and live together for all of time. Two angels.

I don’t want to make a mess, so I go to the bathroom and find the pills that the doctor gave me a few weeks ago, for the bad headaches. I’ll overdose, fall into an endless sleep.

I down the pills, all of them, and lie on the floor; it feels cool under my hot skin. I close my eyes and slip off in to sleep.

“Good bye my love.”


Well there you have it, let me know what you think, onegai?

(1) Duo says that in Endless Waltz.