SERIES: Gundam Wing
TITLE: On Silent Wings
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Ain't gettin' paid.
WARNINGS: Rape, death, angst
Heero had never regretted a death-threat more than he did now. As he held Duo's limp form in his arms, watching helplessly as the blood trickled down his thighs, he wished he could take it back.
"I'm sorry," he told Duo. "I should've known he'd do that if I..."
His mind returned to the beginning of the ordeal, to the moment that he had felt the man groping him, the man's erection pressed against his opening.
"Omae o korosu," he had uttered his usual threat. He had no intention of letting anyone touch him... well, anyone but Duo.
Heero had felt a momentary sense of relief when the guard had pulled the threatening erection away from his still-virginal entrance. But that relief had been replaced by horror, hate, and self-loathing at the guard's next words.
"Then, I'll just have to use him instead."
"Keep your filthy hands off of him, you bastard!" Heero growled, receiving a slap across the face hard enough to throw him to the ground. He landed on his side, facing Duo.
"Excellent," the man smiled at Heero, "now you can watch."
Heero looked into Duo's eyes, imploring forgiveness and offering strength as Duo bore the pain and humiliation that should have been his. He despised the guard and loathed himself.
"It should've been me," he told Duo now as he held the boy and rocked him gently. "If I hadn't made that threat, he would've taken me instead of you."
"It's okay," Duo whispered, softly. "I'm glad it was me instead of you. I'm glad you weren't hurt."
"But, I was hurt, Duo." Heero whispered. "My heart was hurt because I let you suffer. You lost your virginity because of me."
"No, I didn't." Duo told him. "Not yet."
"You were..." Heero began.
"Hush," Duo knew all too well what had happened. He wanted to break down in Heero's arms. He wanted to curl up there and let the tears fly. He didn't give a damn about whether boys cried or not. But he couldn't do that. Heero was blaming himself for what Duo had endured, so Duo couldn't break down. Heero would only feel worse.
"Hee-chan, listen to me. I was raped," Duo choked on the word, but there was no point in not saying it. Heero had seen it, had done all he could to offer Duo strength and encouragement through the pain. "I didn't have sexual intercourse. Intercourse means both parties are involved. So, you see. I'm still a virgin. And please don't berate yourself anymore. I still love you. I will always love you, Hee-chan. From now until the end of all time."
"Duo," Heero began, but Duo silenced him.
"You do deserve my love," Duo said, guessing what Heero's words would've been had they been allowed to come from his mouth. "You had no idea the guard would've done that. And you earned my love long before we came here. The acts of some bastard you don't even know would never.... Heero, I loved you from the moment I first saw you. I spent a whole afternoon talking to Howard about you. I told him about waht an incredible soldier you were and all that. He laughed and smiled. I guess he knew how I felt even before I did. And you know something. I never stopped feeling that way. Not ever. Even when I was mad at you, I still loved you. I guess that's why you always got to me."
"I didn't know," Heero whispered. "Why didn't you tell me you felt that way?"
"I was afraid I'd drive you away." Duo admitted.
"Never, koi." Heero promised. "You captured my heart on that first day, too. I couldn't admit to myself that I could be so easily enamored, but there I was, the Perfect Soldier, head-over-heels for some braided baka ...."
"Yeah," Duo laughed, relieved at Heero's pleasantly remniscent tone, then he realized what Heero had said... "Hey!" But he kept laughing.
Heero found himself laughing, too. "I mean that affectionately of course."
"I know," Duo said, softly. "Heero, koibito. I love you in every way that's possible for me to love you."
"Some day, then, I'd like to be your first." Heero whispered, kissing Duo's forehead.
"I'm afraid that day will never come," Duo whispered. "There's something I've been keeping from you."
"Koibito?" Heero asked, worriedly. Was Duo being transferred?
Duo reached up and caressed Heero's cheek, his hand devoid ofany real strength.
Heero clutched that hand and kissed it, softly. "Duo, what's the matter?" he asked.
Duo held Heero's hand. "I made you forget, didn't I?" he smiled. "Where we are... What happened to me...."
Heero blinked, then reality came crashing down around him. He had forgetten. All that reminiscing over their first meeting, the realization that they had loved each other since then. It had made him forget the cell, his own guilt, and every bad thing he had been feeling since the assault on Duo had begun.
"Duo," he looked down and saw for the first time how pale Duo was, the blood pooling at the floor, still running out of him. "Oh God, no..." he kissed Duo and the slack, unbreathing lips gave no reply.
As Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei stood by the grave, saying their final goodbyes, Heero walked over to the cliff and looked down at the rushing waters as they broke upon the rocks.
"Those rocks could break me just as easily." he told himself. "All I have to do is jump, then I could be with him."
"No, you couldn't."
Heero spun and gaped at what he was seeing. It was Duo! There was no mistaking those beautiful violet eyes, or that silly smile. He hugged the other boy, tears running down his eyes.
"I thought you were dead."
"I am," Duo reached a black wing forward and caressed Heero's face with it's tip. "Heero, there is a Heaven. And it is more wondrous and more beautiful than words could ever describe. I'm waiting there for you. But if you kill yourself, you'll go to Hell. Then we'll never be together, and it will break my heart. Please, Heero. Please live your life, so that we can be together again when the time comes."
"I will." Heero promised. "Just promise you'll visit me."
"I'll always be with you," Duo kissed Heero, softly. "You won't always see me, but I'll always be there. I promise. Now go back to the others. As much as you need me, they need you."
Heero returned to the others who were getting ready to leave the grave and return to the safehouse. Each offered the others a hug, and he joined in, needing comfort from them as much they needed it from him. He wondered if Quatre knew, as he did, that somewhere above them Heaven's most beautiful angel watched protectively...
...on silent wings.