5-24-2001

Ok, i'm not a brave person, so posting this to so many places is taking all the guts i have. So please please be gentle with me... *cringe* On some lists, I'm a newbie... On the rest, I'm a lurker. so if you have no idea how I am, that's no surprise ^^ Also, if I'm out of line, sending this to a place that doesn't accept these kinds of fics... or pairings... then please tell me and I'll stop right away. (email me at raven @ steelsong.com (no spaces) cause i'm on web only on a few MLs and such) I'm really sorry if I'm not alowed to post this somewhere ^^;; And a big gomen for crossposting o_x;; And a big hug to SteelSong, who was wonderful enough to take the time to beta this for me *glomps* she's the greatest!
Title: Soul Trail
Author: raven pyralis (raven @ steelsong.com [no spaces])
Archive: Steel's page --> http://steelsong.com (thank you steel!)
The Touch of a Feather --> http://geocities.com/ChiChi894/
A U R A of the dreamer (my page) --> http://raven.steelsong.com
Category: Angst, OOC, lemon/lime, AU, yaoi/shounen ai, POV, bad plot and bad writing.
Pairing(s): 1x2/2x1 4x3(implied-ed)
Disclaimer: *roots around in her pockets* I've got a soda pop top that my friend gave to me... But you can't have that. Please don't sue me. I have no money. Seriously *cringe*
Rating: Srong R to NC-17
Spoilers: None that I know of... I could be wrong
Notes: Uhhhh... This was the first fic I ever wrote, and of course it ended up being really long (or at least it will be if i get off my ass and write some more). But anyways, Duo is really crude, blunt, bratty and well... Me... In this. For some reason I seem to put alot of myself in to poor Duo. Oh well.
Feedback: Oh GOD yes. Pretty please? I'll be your best friend... reeeeeaally... *chibi eyes*

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Warnings: OK, this is just plain weird, so get over it. This fic, like just about everything i write is an AU, so you will be experiencing OOC, blood, bad things, blood, more bad things and more blood...and did I mention OOC? I did? Ah well.

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Soul Trial
Part 1
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Whoo ... where to start? Well I guess I should start at the beginning. Or the beginning of all the really really odd shit. Well for one thing, I'm a Gundam pilot. Death Scythe, the most loyal buddy a psychotic harbinger of death could ask for, is probably the only one who knows everything about me. I'm sure you think it's silly to care so much about a big giant blood thirsty robot, but if you knew Death Scythe then you would too.

In other words: I got one and *you* don't!

But that's not the weirdest thing ...

I, Duo Maxwell, Shinigami, pilot extrodinaire, the Braided Baka, am in love with Heero Perfect Soldier Yuy. Yes. By the fates decree, I some how ended up gay. Oh well.

But the real kicker is that Heero seems to think that none of us gave a fuck about him back then. God, for a Perfect Soldier he sure is a dumb ass.

It had happened that lovely day when Heero self-destructed. And BOOM! Wave bye-bye to Heero.

Ever watched the one you love blow them self to little bits of bloody goo? Well, if you ever get the chance, CLOSE YOUR EYES.

Well needless to say, i sorta lost it. Not that I ever had 'it', but for arguments sake lets just say that before Heero's magic disappearing act I had *some* sanity to speak of...

I had been sitting in the bathtub, with an army knife that i kept handy. Call me morbid, but blood diffusing in water looks way cool. I think that's what kept me from slitting my left wrist. I was too busy watching my blood float around and mingle with my hair. That and the fact that my fingers felt so fat that I couldn't hold the knife. My skin felt so tight and puffy, and it was hard to move my fingers. I ended up dropping the knife a couple of times.

I was so determined to meet Heero in hell that I didn't hear the door burst open, Quatre's shriek, or Wufei cursing like a sailor. Ah, yes, thwarted again. And it would have worked if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dog.

It's been about a year, give or take a few days, and i still keep my arm wrapped in linens from below my wrist to the middle of my forearm. Ever time i see the scar I want to try it again. So I have to hide it.

You wouldn't believe the strange comments and stares I get sometimes.

Shortly after that we were kicked out of the school. Yes, kicked. Hell, I think I still have the boot marks on my ass. I guess gay suicide attempts don't sit well with the school board. Who knew?

We had nowhere to go, so we wandered around for a while. Wufei had to go on some solo mission and Quatre had to help the Maguanacs with something. So there I was, little ol' Duo all by himself with no one to talk to except the steering wheel of the truck. And I had Shinigami. No one believes me, but he talks back.

At one point I headed to where Heero had done his disappearing act, you know, the one that he can only do once. And I said my final farewell.

After about a month, we all ended up at the same school. Wufei's pride and sense of justice were still as annoying as ever, Quatre was still bright and perky - and he still had the hots for Trowa - and I was still pretending not to be upset. Everything was back to normal.

Then the most fucked up and wonderful thing happened.

Trowa showed up.

WITH HEERO.

To say the least I was ecstatic. Heero was alive, therefore, so was I.

But nothing had really changed, Heero was still Heero, I was still lust struck. And there wasn't a damn thing that I could do about it.

***

I was pondering weather it would be worth it to go out and get some food. My stomach had been growling for the last ten minutes, and I wasn't one to ignore such a thing.

I stretched out lazily, arching my back against my small hard bed. My back cracked a couple of times in the process.

Heero walked into the room glaring at me for all he was worth. He's so cute when he's all angry for no reason in particular. Oh yes, and we can't forget about the fact that he was wearing his nice tight spandex. And that was it. I couldn't help but grin.

But my wicked smile went unnoticed as Heero sank down in front of his laptop.

There are a few things that I don't like, and then there are things that I hate. That little laptop is at the very top of the list, sharing a spot with Relena.

The fact that I had to share a room with Heero was right below Relena and the computer. I had to listen to him breathe not three feet away from me every night. I had to pretend like i wasn't looking when he got dressed (and undressed). And every time i woke him up with my mid-wet dream moaning I had to act like it was some kind of nightmare, and hide my lap under the covers.

I was starting to depress myself. Food was becoming more and more welcoming. I got up, tossed on some pants and grabbed my jacket. Turning to look at Heero, just because he was so damn gorgeous, I sighed. So beautiful and so very out of my reach. I was pretty positive that he didn't even like boys.

The glow of the screen illuminated Heero's face as his fingers flew over the keys. I had to admit, he looked haunting and alluring in that pale ghostly light.

"Ano ... Heero?"

"Aa?" He didn't look up from the screen.

"I'm hungry. See ya later, kay?" I took the three steps to the door, not taking my eyes off Heero's chiseled beauty and tossed him a grin over my shoulder.

"Ne, Heero?"

"Hn?" He said. Such an expressive person, ain't he?

"Want anything?" I said, nary a waver in my voice, not a twitch in my cheek. Only a slight tightening in my pants and the guttering of my heart. But *he* didn't have to know that. All he had to know that I could be thoughtful if I really wanted to.

"No." He just kept clicking away. One day, I'll snap and kill the computer. Oh yes I will.

Or maybe I should have just killed Heero...

I got up and walked out the door, closing off the wispy light of our dorm room. I walked down the hall past Quatre and Trowa's room. Then past Wu-man's. All three of them were awake. Q and Trowa's door was open and I swear it looked like they were having a pillow fight. All motion ceased when I walked past and waved. Quatre blushed.

Wu's room was right next to Quatre and Trowa's (like their room was right next to mine and Heero's room). A small sliver of yellow light spilled across the hall from under his closed door. I could hear him breathing raggedly from within. He was either jacking off or practicing his Wu Fu. And because he's Wu, I think it was definitely the latter of the two.

I bounded down the hall after knocking sharply on Wufei's door. I could hear him yell "MAXWELL!" from his door as I streaked around the corner laughing. His heavy footfalls followed me for a few paces. But I guess he decided I wasn't worth it, cause he didn't follow me out of the housing building.

The night was dark, and quiet. and everything looked positively beautiful. Everything was bathed in the silvery pale light of the nearly full moon. The grass was a soft silver grey, and the trees shone with a soft light. Everywhere there were whispers of some gossip only the plants could understand. The trees' limbs bent and reached for each other, their leaves whispering to each other. The sounds of nature at night were captivating. Some times I would sit on the bench in the middle of campus just to be a part of it, even if i couldn't understand the speech of the trees.

Sometimes I would take my hair out of it's braid while I sat, just to watch it shimmer. And went the wind blew my hair seemed to be able to speak the gossip language of the trees.

Oh ho! I see you never thought a clown like me could be that deep. So sorry to disappoint you, really.

And yet... after writing that I realize how terribly insane I really am.

Two things I really love: Heero, night and my hair... Three...

*Three* things I love. I sound like a Monty Python movie. Never expect a Spanish inquisition, ne?

I walked in the direction of the trees near the end of the campus. There was this cute little all night place that had bagels and coffee and stuff. They made really good pizza bagels. I think it was called 'Joe's Bagels' or something. Who knows.

Visions of happy little bagel people danced around my head as I walked. I was so hungry and frustrated that I was even more insane than usual... Then something moved through the trees. But it was too dark to tell there under the shelter of the large pines.

A girl stepped out from behind a towering trunk. "Duo? Is that you?" She said, sounding as if she already knew the answer.

"That depends on who you are." I said, grinning like a fool.

"It's me Ami. What are you doing out here?" She asked, her voice unnervingly calm. I was caught way off guard, why on earth would Ami - on of the most popular girls in school - be out in the middle of the night without a gang of people following her.

//She might be from OZ or something// It was an ugly thought, but a possible one.

She slinked closer to me, a wicked looking smile curling her lips up. Something was burning against my skin. I could feel bloodrunning from my chest, but I couldn't move my eyes away from Ami. I was riveted to her every venomously graceful movement. I tried to ignore the tense feeling in my gut. Oh why didn't I bring some kind of nasty weapon?

"Duo, your shaking. Are you afraid of me?" Asked the way too innocent sounding Ami. She wasn't more than four inches away from me, but in my sudden terror I hadn't noticed. Her eyes sparkled in the dim light, her skin silvered in the moonshine. One slim finger traced the contour of my cheek, and I was falling.

***

//What? What the hell is going on?// I thought frantically. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't move at all.

//Where the hell am I? What's going on? What the hell am I supposed to do?// My mind raced in unhappy little circles as I struggled to move ANYTHING.

After what seemed like hours of futile struggle, I finally moved. But once I did I wished I hadn't. My limbs burned and protested when I moved, and when I lay motionless they still hurt. It was the burning of thousands of little cuts seeping blood all over my body. Not a pleasant feeling to say the least.

Then I felt like I was being lifted up, as if I were weightless, into some one's arms. My body still burned horribly, but the presence of some one else made me feel better. The next thing i knew i was being set down on my hard school issue bed.

//Who?// I opened my eyes to take a look, not knowing if I really wanted to.

Blonde hair, soft blue-green eyes, and very pale. Quatre.

He was yelling something, and we were in my room. Heero was inspecting the cuts all over my arms. Neither of them noticed that I was awake, so when I yelped at Heero's none too gentle fingers, they both looked startled. Yes even Heero, only less so than Quatre.

"Duo, you're awake?" Quatre made it sound like a question.

"I wish I wasn't." Came my pathetic reply.

"Do you remember what happened?" Heero straightened from his observation of my arm and looked at me. There was something in his hand, a once upon a time bandage. I looked down at my wrist, suddenly very afraid I might be making everything worse. My linen bandage was in Heero's hand. He had seen the scar, he must have.

"Erm... well, I remember being hungry, and how pretty it was outside. And being hungry. Oh, and *PAIN*!" I said suddenly angry with myself.

Heero removed the blanket that was covering me and started inspecting the cuts all over my chest and stomach, they were all over my legs and even my feet. My crucifix was crusted with blood, and there was a large blistering and bloody burn mark where it had seared the skin. Why it had burned like that I had no idea. But my most immediate concern was that I was clad only in my black silk boxers.

Suddenly Wufei burst through the door. He took one look at me and his eyes grew completely cold. It was the look he got when he was going to kill some one.

"What the hell happened?" He growled, his fists clenched.

"Do you think *I* know?" I said defensively. I was afraid he might have been mad at *me*.

Trowa came in quietly and walked over to where Quatre stooped. Almost as if it were where he belonged.

None of us had any time to discus my lack of memory though, because half the school came tumbling through the door. They must have been trampling each other in the hall way to try and get in our room. I guess being brought in looking like a rag doll the dog had been hording was something that interested the students.

One of the upper class men pushed his way to the front, mindless of the people he shoved out of his way. I think his name was Makoto. Or something close.

"We heard some one yelling, and that Maxwell-kun was seriously injured. I thought that it was my duty as an upper class man to come and see if there was any way I could assist you." He said in a curt, superior voice.

All the girls, who had been pushing their ways to the front, started cooing and fussing over 'poor little Duo-chan'. They started in with their chatter, asking 'Does it hurt?' or 'What happened Duo-chan?' and 'Poor little Duo! Will you be all right? Can we get anything for you?'. The coos and questions started to run together as the girls seemed to get more and more urgent. Some of them started asking about the others, asking if they were hurt either. We all had our own respective fan clubs.

I suddenly remembered that all I had on was my boxers.

Makoto held up his hand signaling for silence. But when no one complied, he cleared his throat loudly. Everyone stopped talking and looked at him, but when he turned back to me and the guys, they started whispering all at once. It was all blurred together so I didn't catch any, but I had the feeling that they were gonna stick around until they were tossed out, or we gave them something to do. Oh boy.

Makoto began talking again in that annoyingly superior sounding tone. "Maxwell-kun, is there anything we can help with?"

In the background I heard several sets of knuckles pop loudly. Some of them weren't there to make me feel better.

Most of the big jock guys at the school hated me. They said that I looked like a girl but the *real* girls still loved me. They thought that if this kept up then the girls would start liking each other, so pounding me to a bloody pulp would - of course - fix everything. Is it just me, or were the people at this school exceptionally stupid?

The bloody bastards never thought that such a 'pretty boy' could fight back. Well I would have been able to if I wasn't so slashed up.

But Heero was in perfect shape, and so was Wufei, so *they* could do the ass kicking and I could cheer from the sidelines. Ra! Ra! Ra! Heero my hero.

Quatre was the first one to reply to Makoto's question. "The best way you could help would be for you all to go back to bed and let family take care of Duo."

"Family?" Makoto ground out through his teeth.

//Family?// I echoed in my head. Quatre had talked about family before, but he had never used the word to refer to the freak show the five of us had become.

"You heard what I said." Quatre replied in uncharacteristic annoyance.

Wufei and Heero stepped forward and they both fixed their glares on the crowd. The girls in the front shrunk back visibly.

"Family?!" Makoto almost yelled. "How the hell can you call yourselves FAMILY!?" Manners and snobbishness thrown to the wind, Makoto took a step forward. Uncaring that Wufei and Heero now had their cold eyes fixed on him. Even Trowa looked mildly ticked off.

Makoto took a few more steps until he was right beside my bed. He pointed an accusing finger in my direction. "You started all this Maxwell. But you won't be causing any more problems for the rest of us soon." He said in what he thought was a threatening whisper.

I couldn't help myself, I laughed at him. It made my ribs hurt, and I ended up coughing up blood, but it still infuriated him. "Wu's the only one who's allowed to call me Maxwell like that." I said after my coughing had subsided.

He said in a louder indignant voice "You won't be laughing for long Maxwell!" and he stormed out, pushing the other on-lookers out of our room and down the hall.

Heero was about to follow him, but Wufei caught his arm and shook his head.

Heero suddenly remembered about me, and went back to looking at the cuts. My head suddenly hurt like hell, and when I reached up I encountered something damp and sticky.

The back of my head was bleeding. Shit.

Wufei must have noticed immediately because he ran into the bath-room. There were some shuffling sounds, and Wufei emerged with more than two rolls of gauze.

//I'm gonna look like a mummy when they get done. Just peachy.// I thought unhappily. I'm vain, so sue me.

Once they were done wrapping up my head they started dressing the worst of the cuts on my body. I had some pretty bad gashes on my chest, and some really bad ones on my arms and shoulders. Plus a cracked rib, and some lung damage. Just another normal night in the life of Duo Maxwell: God's punching bag.

After they were all done fixing me up they made me take some serious painkillers.

I'm *always* the one who gets the shit beaten out of them.