Disclamers: Don' own nuthin'.

Warnings: Insanity, death, strange narration, a screwed up moral, I guess yaoi/shonen ai, is supposed tah be funny..., further insanity, etc.

Archive: I severely doubt it...

*Early Shopping*

Ah, Christmas! The season of joy and gluttony! How sweet it is...

It is during this sweet season that we find one Heero Yuy looking less then jubilant. Down right sullen, I’d say. And why, you might ask, would our dear mister Yuy be showing signs of anything other than jovial fair at this most marvelous of season?


He couldn’t find something. Told you it was simple. Yes, Heero Yuy lost something. Something very precious. Something he’d held close to him all the years since it had blown his way. Pretty darn good reason to be sullen, if yah ask me!

What? What did he lose? Why, none other than one Mr. Duo Maxwell. Yes. Duo had gone missing. Vanished without a cause. It’d been months and the rambunciose lover of his had yet to make his reappearance after a much prolonged trip to the lavatory. A bathroom, Heero had decided, was a very dangerous place.

He had run a sort of one-man search party for a short while. Only a short while for at that time it became a two man search party. Wufei had joined in on the worrisome fun. They had thoroughly searched the entire premises and questioned all the likely suspects (as well as a few of the unlikely along with) and continued to come up empty handed. The other two gundam lads had been of little help. Upon questioning Trowa had wisely evaded the whole thing and Quatre had wandered off giggling. Puzzling to say the least.

And now, after four months of koibitto-less life, Heero sat before the Christmas tree engulfed in his utter loneliness. Quatre and Trowa took advantage of this complete state of engulfment and snuck a large box in beside poor Heero. A light tapping at his shoulder stirred him slightly. Slightly being plenty in the way of the desired effect beingaccomplished and all. That desired effect being of course that he notice the large box. Which he did with much annoyance and little pleasure.

It was indeed a large box. On knees to the floor it quite easily reached his brow and the red foil wrapping shown on his face in a brilliant fashion. To further the beautification factor of the whole deal, a large silver bow had been lovingling fastened to the top of the box’s wrapped lid. Placed at the edge of this bow was a simple, white paper tag. Simple of course, for fear of encroaching the realms of gaudiness with such glitter and glam. On this most simple tag was portrayed an equally simple message.“To Heero”

With little else to do but mope and no real regard for the two hours wait till the actual time of gift unwrapping, Heero lifted that red wrapped top to view the package’s carefully crammed contents.

Had Wufei been home he would surely have had a conniption fit. Had Quatre and Trowa been home they would have surely ran for cover. As it was, only the neighbors fretted and only the street dogs ran from the horrid screams of one Heero Yuy.

He seethed. He wept. He babbled. For what is one to do when one has just unwrapped the very cramped and very deceased body of their only beloved? Which, in fact, Mr. Yuy had just done. For at a closer look for our audience we find a most gruesome sight. Poor Duo Maxwell, curled inside that red wrapped box where it was apparent he had been for quite some time. Months perhaps.


/The fic is brought to an abrupt end. A small girl in a peach colored dress marches out from nowhere with the most disturbing look on her face./

“I am the Princess Peace! This fic has been a message to all you pitiful ML readers! The moral of this story: Early X-mas Shopping Is Evil!


*oi* I'm just waitin' tah get smacked for this...I had heard all these people up at arms bout early christmas shopping and saw the posts on Duo being the perfect gift and this just wouldn't leave me be...