3-27-2001

Title: What Could Have Been
Author: NoirAnge
Part: 1/1
Archive: Duo-Neko's site, if she'll take it
Pairings: none, really..
Rating: um, im not sure. probably PG-13
Warnings: odd. some angst, death. POV, AU although it is set in *a* gundam universe.. youll figure it out.
Spoilers: none.. this isnt enough like the real show for that
Notes: this is from Duo's POV, and ill tell you now that its... a little different from... most fics.. i think. it is fairly short, for those of you lacking on time it shouldnt be a problem. im kinda proud of this in an odd sort of way, so i hope you all like it. like any fic, feedback is very appreciated.
Disclaimers: the boys are most definately *not* mine in any way, shape or form, but i do claim the idea. its mine, all mine, yah hear??

and now, on with the fic...

 

What Could Have Been
by NoirAnge

 

I've always wondered what it would have been like. What would have been different. If there would even be a difference. I try not to think on it too much, but the memories of that day are too vividly etched in my mind. That first day after I landed, searching in the ocean, trying to find whatever it was OZ was looking for. Finding it, the suprise at how similar it was to my own machine. But that was nothing to the shock I would receive later that day.

I never expected to find what I did in the cockpit of that suit. Who would? A boy, my age, head hanging lazily to the side and still restrained by the safety harness, with eyes closed for the last time. When I saw him, I stared mutely, not fully comprehending for a couple of minutes. I never saw him in any position but that, hands on the controls and clad in black spandex shorts and a green tank top. Lifeless.

I was in a daze all the rest of that day, and I remember it like it was a dream, with me looking down upon myself, removed from reality. I left the boy where he was, closing the cockpit with a soft click. I returned the suit to the water later that day, hidden deep in the sea where OZ would never find it even if they thought to look there, so far away from the original search site. It seemed fitting, that the boy should have a burial at sea like that, silent and unknown to the world if I left myself out. That night I sat, leaning against a rock on the beach, wondering why. Wondering just what this whole thing was for, anyway. Wondering what color the boy's eyes had been, and why I had never goten the chance to see them.

I'm not sure exactly why, but I fought on despite the fact that boy had died. I think, though, that my discovery had a real demoralizing effect on me. I didn't fight as well as I knew I could, wasn't as dedicated as I knew I should have been. Even when I found that there were other pilots like myself and that boy, my unenthusiasm didn't change. The odds were against us, anyways, and when Trowa mistakenly shot down the plane with General Noventa in it, things only got worse. OZ was always coming after us, and in the end it was more a game of cat and mouse than anything else. We were supposed to be doing the attacking, but instead we were the ones running from the enemy.

I remember all too well the day Quatre was killed. Somehow, the OZ troops had managed to separate him from his Maguanacs, and OZ just surrounded him until he could barely move, let alone fight. The Maguanacs fought valiantly to reach him, but he was dead before they even came close. His safety harness had finally snapped after one particularly hard blow and he was launched forward in the cockpit, head first, snapping his neck.

It wasn't long after that when I was captured. I don't know why they decided to keep me alive instead of killing me like Quatre, but they did. I sat in my cell, wondering why we had all done this in the first place. Wondering if it was truly worth giving up what we had given just to loose in the end. Wondering why they had spared me and not Quatre, and wondering how long it would be until Trowa or Wufei fell, and which would be first. Wondering, for the life of me, what I was going to do, because there wasn't anybody who could rescue me.

I stayed in that cell a good long time, and by the time I came out it was over. Wufei was dead, he had self destructed before they could take him, opting for that finality instead of an unknown fate at the hands of OZ. Trowa had been captured as well, and what later came to be known as The Gundam Uprising was at an end. Our fifteen minutes of fame had come to a finish and the spotlight had moved on. The world no longer cared.

Trowa and I both served out our years in prison, then went our seperate ways. He joined the circus, and I came here to work with the sweepers. Rule under OZ has been oppressive. I guess the power just went to Treize's head. Personal freedom is very limited for those in the lower social classes-the government is based on wealth. So the aristocrats get to prance around doing as they please while the remaining 95% of the human population gets to work more than its fair share just to keep the higher ups happy.

So each time I come here, to sit on the beach and lean against this rock, I look back sadly and reminisce about the unlife that is my past, the unlife that is my existence. I sigh and gaze at the stars that just don't shine as brightly as they should, listen to the little waves lapping on the shore while they should be crashing. I look out over the resting place of that unknown boy and think that it would have been different if he had been there. That it would have been better, that we would have had a chance. That it could have been, but that it wasn't.

The saddest things in life, I think, are all the things that could have been, all the things that never were.

 

~Owari~

 

so, you guys like?? i hope so. yah, like i said, it was in *a* gundam universe.. and it was odd. i'm not exactly sure where it came from, but.. i liked it. even if some of you may have not.

like i said earlier, feedback is much appreciated, so feel free to send me comments, ne?? well, i must be going, i have more homework than i know what to do with at the moment. ja ne!!