I got this idea from a religious lecture by a priest to our entire. And when fics are religion-inspired, that's a bad thing. Not that this fic has ANYTHING religious in nature. Just a bunch of angst crap--why am I even bothering putting this up?

Heero: Easy. You want C&C.

Niki: Of course! Why, Heero, even you have your moments.

Heero: Hey!

Duo: You know, Niki, it's most obvious that Heero had excelled a lot more than you in his academics and intelluct.

Niki: Quiet you. Nobody talks to the Ruler of the Universe like that.


Title: Sleeping in Death
Author: Niki-chan/AoD dark00angel@asianavenue.com
Archive: Ask and ye shall receive.
Category: Shounen ai, ANGST, AU... sorta
Pairings: 1+2
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't claim to, don't sue me.
Rating: G-PG Good for all you kiddies out there!
Warning: ANGST! ANGST ANGST ANGST!! Would you like me to repeat that again? ANGST!!!! Good. I hope you get the hint now. Oh, and DEA~ATH. Yes, yes, it's a deathfic, and it's evil. OOC, too.
Feedback: Feed... me...




Duo, you are so beautiful when you're asleep.

I wonder if anyone had told you that--most likely not, though. I believe I am the only graced to see you in this tranquil state, and I never admitted that to anyone except myself. During the day, you and your emotions could never stay put. You are entirely too restless, and it seems that even at nights, demons plague you in nightmares.

Tonight, you are encountering no nightmarish demons. Rarely do I ever see this, but you are at peace.

Before the first time I roomed with you in some boarding school for a joint mission, I regarded you as a silly, loud-mouthed idiot and a commendable Gundam pilot. I did not acknowledge my growing attraction for you then, though I enjoyed your presence more so than Relena's. I felt nothing more for you than a partner... at the time. On the first night in our dormitory, however, I confronted an entirely different Duo--a stranger, in fact. Though you claimed to be a night person, you always fell asleep before I did. I was barely awake when I heard a rustle of bed sheets, thrashing, and soft moaning. I was instantly awake and observing the writhing body in the other bed across our dorm. You whimpered pitifully, fighting your own personal demons, and the only word I could comprehend that was streaming out your mouth was 'sorry'. You repeated the word 'sorry' ceaselessly, and I knew you were battling a struggle with past guilt... like I am. With a loud scream, you abruptly shot up, finally awake after what seemed an eternity. Your eyes were wide open, and I noticed that there was one crystalline tear that slid down your smooth cheek. The sight of the one tear and your rare, vulnerable state tugged at my heart and I found myself trying to say something reassuring.

"You had a nightmare," I had stated, a pathetic attempt to say something with compassion. Hearing my own voice, I only succeeded in sounding cold and hostile, and it was further confirmed when I saw your bitter eyes and sullen face snap up at me. You replied satirically in a mocking voice, "Yeah. A nightmare. Glad you noticed." Your eyes averted downwards suddenly in shame. Only for a second I felt anger overcame me, but it was instantly swept away when I saw your sudden change from bitter to remorse. You would not meet my eyes, but when I grabbed your chin and forced you to look at me in the eye I had only seen a mirror of my guilt and pain, exposed to me, and only me.

In a rush, I felt my hard and stoic mask break apart in spite of all the conditioning Dr. J had put me into in order to become a 'Perfect Soldier'. I still had a hold of your chin and tilted it upwards. I bent down to capture your lips only to discover that they were soft and sweet. I caught you off guard and in no time, you tugged at my shirt and pulled me on top of you on your bed, our limbs intertwined with each other. And that night, while not in our own respective beds, I saw to it that you fell asleep. No demonic nightmares had followed, and ever since that night, you had not encountered any hellish dreams when I slept with you.

Soon enough, a relationship had blossomed and you were even more concerned of my well being. You fussed over me, you bandaged me, you embraced me, you accepted me, and you... cared for me. Last time I self-destructed, you were more than upset--you were downright pissed off. You wouldn't even talk to me while you tended my wounds. And when I finally broke the silence and asked you what the HELL was wrong with you, you broke down crying. YOU broke down CRYING. You railed at me, telling me that I was suicidal, that if I killed myself, I would kill you too, that... you loved me.

YOU loved ME.

An angel loved me.

When you told me that when I felt pain, you shared the same pain, I vowed to myself to never let my angel harmed by me or anyone else. At the risk of the mission, I vowed to never self-destruct again if that would destruct you as well.

You were a danger to the mission--to the 'Perfect Soldier'. You were the light that led me away from the cold, dark cavern I've hidden in, with your smiles, soft violet eyes, and love.

That light was extinguished when you were too.

You said that if I self-destructed, I would kill your soul and hope. Did you even consider that if you self-destructed, you would kill me too?

You've killed me, Duo... you've killed my hope for my future. You were the only hope I had for the future if I was to survive this God-forsaken war.

Fitting... A lonely end to my life for a lonely beginning.

It's all your fault, Duo.. This is all your fault.

I loved you... I still love you.

Every time you told me you loved me after our love-making, I would see the glimmer of hope within your eyes, expecting me to reply. When I cowardly failed to, pain stabbed at my heart when the glimmer of hope was crushed and only dark, despondent pools of violet.

I glance upon your still body... you seem so serene and peaceful, Duo... perhaps you're still alive... perhaps you're just sleeping. Yes, you're probably just asleep. I told you I love you, Duo. Can't you hear me? I love you.

Wake up, Duo.

I told you I love you.

Wake up...


~OWARI/END~ *hears sighs of relief*


Yes, I'm evil... Yes, totally OOC. Please, don't kill me~! I NEED C&C! You just don't know HOW much they are appreciated... if I don't reply to yours, then that must mean I stupidly deleted by accident.

You know, the part of the religious lecture was talking about death and how people deny it when people die, such as using the terms "passed away" and such... pretty sad, isn't it. :( Us young'ns don't think much about death. Anyway, I just found out there are 5 steps out this *depression* from a... *hesitates* 4x1 fic I accidently stumbled upon. Yeah, I'm narrow-minded, but a girl gotta have her preferences, ne? (1x2 and 4x3 people!)

Oh, by the way, I WILL GET BACK TO ALL THOSE WONDERFUL FICS (and other stuff)! I will give feedback... it's just.. you guys write too fast, and-and.. I can't check my mail that often and long. I just wanted to get this thing out! (Patience can only last so long... well for me, that is.)

I wrote a deathfic when I can't read deathfics. I'm a hyprocrite. There. I admit my wrong-doings, you can execute me now! *blinks* Wa-wait, don't take that literally!

*runs away singing/screeching 'Original Prankster' by Offspring*

Finished: 11-10-00